Shocking ignorance, controversy and the Heimlich manoeuvre

This was a couple of days before the T20 WC final.

The World Twenty20 is now down to the final game – either Pakistan or Sri Lanka will be crowned champions later today.

Pakistan captain Younis Khan apparently has not realised that his team is in the final. He started off the press conference after their semi by saying, “We apologise to our fans for the disappointing performance. We promise we will bounce back and do better next time.” When confused reporters pointed out to him that his team was still in the tournament, he looked surprised and then grinned “Oh? We’re in the finals? That’s great then. Sorry – force of habit, all that apologising for a crummy show.”

When faced with the question of how he could possibly not know that his own team had reached the finals of the tournament, he said, “You see, I’ve been really busy playing for Pakistan, so I have no time to watch cricket. I don’t even have time to catch the newspapers or browse the internet. So how do you expect me to know?”

Former Pakistan captains, however, were not amused. “It’s not correct for Younis to say such things even before the final. At least he could have waited until after he had lost the final,” said Imran Khan.

“Lost the final? What did Imran mean by that? It’s not correct of Imran to suggest that we’re going to lose the final. Who does he think we are? South Africa?” said Javed Miandad.

“South Africa? Why drag them into this? Everyone knows that all the matches are fixed. Cricket is boring. The world sucks,” jabbered a predictably dramatic Sarfraz Nawaz, dwelling on his favourite topics.

When last heard, Wasim Akram was taking potshots at Saeed Anwar, who was upset with Inthikab Alam, who was refusing to comment on comments made about him by Shoaib Mohammed, who was annoyed because nobody remembers him.

The Sri Lankan team has been hit by a fresh controversy in the hours before the final. Allrounder Angelo Mathews is apparently upset with the “3M” moniker that has been given to the deadly bowling trio of Lasith Malinga, Muttiah Muralitharan and Ajantha Mendis. “It’s not fair. What about me? My name also starts with M. They are creating a senior-junior divide,” said a visibly upset Mathews at a press conference.

“All this fuss over initials is completely unnecessary. Everything starts with an E, but we can’t be renaming the ICC as the EEE, can we?” ICC chairman David Morgan pointed out sensibly.

Teams that have fallen by the wayside have been forced to introspect on the reasons for their failures. Pre-tournament favourites India had a nightmare tournament, losing all three matches in the Super Eights. Team coach Gary Kirsten blamed the IPL for the team’s poor show “Thanks to playing the IPL [which was scheduled too close to the World Twenty20], we were exhausted compared to payers from Sri Lanka, South Africa and New Zealand [which also had several players in the IPL] – the chief reason for our downfall,” he said, pulling off the amazing feat of using parentheses and hyphens in spoken conversation. When someone pointed out that finalist Sri Lanka also had many key players in the IPL, he retorted “Yes. Thanks to the IPL, their players were able to hone their Twenty20 skills better than countries such as India, South Africa and New Zealand, who also had many players in the IPL.”

West Indies captain Chris Gayle refused to single out any player for his team’s loss in the semi-finals, for the simple reason that he couldn’t. “Everybody contributed – youngsters and senior pros. Totalteameffortmon,” he grinned.

South Africa, who were accused of choking once again in a big tournament, had no choice but to accept reality. “We’ve got to admit that we choked,” said coach Mickey Arthur. “In fact, we choke so often, we’re considerating hiring a Heimlich manoeuvre specialist to travel with the team,” he signed off.

Dr. Salman Khan

Thanks for the support and the felicitations on Pakistan winning the World Cup. And, also thank you for agreeing with me that giving the Player of the Tournament award to Dilshan is a very political move. His 319 runs does not equate the brilliance of Afridi in batting, bowling and fielding and what matters most is he delivered when it was needed whereas, Dilshan failed when he was supposed to deliver. That is the difference between success and failure.

No one deserved this victory more than the Pakistani team and fans after the events of the last year.

Agree with Javed that Afridi is the real player of the tournament, Dilshan’s delightful batting notwithstanding.

I reckon Nasser Hussain’s comment during the first two overs of Pak’s semi-final innings “I think we know which Pakistan has turned up today , the one to be afraid of. . . . ” says it all.

Sorry i didnt participate earlier as i was in Southall (west london) famous asian populated area. We all were gone mad there we had Bhangra and dil dil pakistan song sung, abosultely cheerful moments. first time i saw and later on we dance on the roof of London red buses. absolutely mad. everyones wearing Pakistan Cricket shirts and flags and guess what happened from no where a drunk man came in the middle of crowd on his cycle and he was wearing Indian Cricket team (Dhoni’s) shirt. People held him up with his bicycle, it was funny and he was holding a banner says boom boom afridi, good laugh what a cheerful indian guy. he danced with us in the end.

Khansahab, Javed Khan, Awas and Munir and all of them Congratulations!! from Shoaib

take care all

Pakistan’s star all-rounder Shahid Afridi wants to lead his country in international cricket before retiring from the game.

Afridi, the chief architect of Pakistan’s impressive World Twenty20 campaign here in England on Sunday said it is his greatest wish to captain Pakistan before saying goodbye to international cricket.

The flamboyant Afridi is one of the senior players in the Pakistan team but is not considered as a future captain amidst the presence of current skipper Younis Khan and vice-captain Misbah-ul-Haq.

“It would be great if I get a chance to lead Pakistan before retiring,” said Afridi, who has impressed both with the bat and ball in the World Twenty20.

However, Afridi made it clear that he has no problems with Younis. “Younis is a great captain and a good leader,” he said. “He has given me and other players a lot of confidence.”

Afridi, 29, according to some experts could be a good choice to captain Pakistan in Twenty20 internationals.

“We know that in these times we needed a win like this, in a World Cup… It’s a gift for our whole nation,” Younis

“Yeh sab Allah ki dua hai… Allah hi jaanta hai meri khushi kitni hai… I’m too overwhelmed to say anything else…” Kamran Akmal

“Of course, I’m very happy for the country and the players… Actually, this is my third World Cup win, as I’d been the coach when the U-19s won in 2004,” Aaquib Javed

“It’s a success well deserved… As in 1992, the team was slow to start in this tournament… One Khan did it then, another did it this evening…” Sunil Gavaskar

As reported by Geo, Shahid Afridi has been tested for dope by the ICC shortly after the T20 Cup victory.

Brilliant batsman, humble human being, and the Mr Nice Guy of the team.

He is not an angel, but his attitude and patriotism puts him miles above other players. It was an emotional match for him. Even though I get annoyed by his obsession with Woolmer, he paid a good tribute to the dead man.

It has been a hero’s journey for Younis. He came from a poor family from Mardan. In Karachi he found himself living in poor localities of Quaidabad with poor Pathans and Muhajirs. He travelled in buses, and at one time he could not afford a cricket kit. He was helped a lot by people like Rashid Latif, who helped groom him. He then could not get to play at high level in Karachi because of the competition and moved back to Mardan, to play for NWFP. Playing for a weak NWFP side was good for his career as he emerged as a daring, aggressive youngster and was finally picked for the Pakistan side.

He spends his time between living in Karachi and Mardan. Whenever he visits Karachi he visits the unglamourous and modest neighbourhood where he grew up. He is still good friends with his poor neighbours in Karachi, and he still visits them and remembers them. Unlike some other cricketers he has not forgotten his humble beginnings in Mardan initially, and then his humble upbringing in Karachi.

For all Afridi’s straightforwardness and no-nonsense approach, fame did change him. I knew people who were his neighbours and friends and they told me that when he became famous, he stopped meeting them. Malik also transformed and became an image obsessed freak. Apparently Malik has only studied till class 8 but after his debut for Pakistan his behaviour changed and he only started wearing branded clothes and socialising with “high society”.