V-TALK 1
Saturday Night Fever
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V-TALK doesn’t mean vulgar talk, its like (we-talk). This page is for us to talk casually, write jokes, comment on them, write funny poetry or if you have any suggestion to add a new picture please let us know with the link and we will add it here. The purpose is to relax and chill out especially if you get stressed out from heavy discussions like politics and religion. You can come here and blab. Your suggestions are important and we value them. So, go ahead and write something cool, may be a joke or a poem. Thanks.
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he’s drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, “Did you see what your monkey just did?” The guy says, “No, what?” “He just ate the cue ball off my pool table – whole!” says the bartender. “Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me,” replies the patron. “He eats everything in sight, the little twerp. I’ll pay for the cue ball and stuff.” He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he’s in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.
While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. “Did you see what your monkey did now?” “Now what?” asks the patron. “Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!” says the barkeeper.
“Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me,” replies the patron. “He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!”
This one is for Varun Suri, since he knows a lot of songs and poetry I would like to dedicate this one to him. And for those who don’t know the song, need to listen to the original song by clicking on the you tube link below and then read the text.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wFY3mk_DGUI&feature=related
The above song is from an old Indian movie called Pyaasa and filmed on Guru Dutt, its one of Mohd. Rafi’s best. Some computer geek with a taste for songs created this version:
yeh document, yeh meetings, yeh features ki duniya,
yeh insaan ke dushman, cursors ki duniya
yeh deadlines ke bhooke, management ki duniya;
yeh Product agar ban bhi jaaye to kya hai?
Yahaan ek khilona hai programmer ki hasti
ye basti hai murda bug-fixers ki basti
yahaan par to raises hai, inflation se sasti
yeh Review agar ho bhi jaaye to kya hai?
har ek keyboard ghayal, har ek login pyaasi
excel mein uljhan, winword mein udaasi
yeh office hai ya aalame microsoft ki
yeh Release agar ho bhi jaaye to kya hai?
jalaa do ise, phoonk daalo yeh monitor
mere saamne se hataa daalo yeh modem
tumhaara hai tumhi sambhaalo yeh computer
yeh Product agar chal bhi jaaye to kya hai?
And this one is for theossa
Yeh Degree bhi lelo, Yeh Naukri bhi lelo,
Yeh Degree bhi lelo, Yeh Naukri bhi lelo,
Bhale mujhse lelo woh US ka Visa,
Magar mujhko lauta do college ka canteen,
Woh TeeKha Samosaa, Woh thanda saaa paani,
Woh College ki sabse – purani nishaanee,
Woh chai vaalaa jisko – saare kehte the… jaani,
Woh jaani ke hathon – ki ‘cutting’ chai meethi,
Woh chup-kese journal – mein jo bheji thi chitthi,
Woh padhte hi chitthi – tha uska bhadakna,
Woh chehre ki laali, woh aankhon kaa gussaa …
Woh teekha samosa, woh thanda saaa paani………..
Kadi dhoop mein – apni room se nikalnaa,
Woh project ki Khatir – tha dar dar bhataknaa ,
Woh lecture mein doston – ki proxy lagaanaa,
Woh sir ko chidana, aeroplane udaanaa,
Woh submission ki raton – ko jagna jagaanaa,
Woh viva ! s ke kisse, woh pracs ki kahani….
Woh teekha samosa, woh thanda saaa paani……….
Woh dena Bimaari – ka har time bahana,
Woh doosron ka assignment – ko apnaa banana,
Woh seminar ke din – pairon ka chat-patanaa,
Woh workshop mein din bhar – pasinaa bahanaa,
Woh slogans banana – aur Gym me rakhadna,
Phir Exam ke din ko – tha bechain hona,
Woh teekha samosa, woh thanda saaa paani……..
College ki thi – woh lambi si raatein,
Woh doston se tapre pe – pyaari si Baatein;
Woh gathering ke din ka – jo ladnaa Jhagadnaa;
Woh kudiyon ka yuhin – hamesha akadnaa;
Bhulaaye nahin bhool sakta hai koi ——-
Woh college, woh baatein, woh guzara zamana…
Woh Teekha Samosa, Woh thanda saaa paani…
Haha Javed, it’s amazing that your piece of poetry accurately describes most of the stuff I did at the university in Pak! You missed my all night POT smoking and the resulting all night dry cough though, LOL. Oh, I heard that monkey joke before but a different version, it’s a good one.
I’ll write something for Khansahab, incase he decides to get married in Karachi.
Electric Load Shading during Marriage
Bijli derasal Karachi mien injaam-e-hijr hai
Yani Suhaag Raat mien peghaam-e-hijr hai
Shaadi hoi kisi ke jo mere kareeb mien
“Kaali Suhaag Raat” likkhi thee naseeb mien
Jis roshni mien shaadi hote thee chali gaye
Utha niqab-e-husn to bijli chali gaye
Doolha ubbhi tha muntazir munzar-e-jamal
Aaya na WAPDA ko kunware ka kuch khayal
Donon ke durmian jafakaar bun gaya
Yeh WAPDA samaaj ke dewaar bun gaya
Mushal na thee chiragh na tha aor diya na tha
Pehle se Khansahab ne maachis liya na tha
Jaise keh Tar Coal chamukta ho dhoop mien
Gori dekhai dete thee kaali ke roop mien
Punkha bhe tha sakoon mien “AC” bhe bund tha
Gudda bhe Molti Foam ka gurmi pasand tha
Ek haath dooje haath ko aata na tha nazar
Doolha dulhan ko dhoondh raha tha idhar udhar
Doolha mian to hijr ke tunhaion mien the
Muchchar dulhan ke khaas shanasaion mien the
Moqa jahan jahan bhe laga kaat-te rahe
Majoon-e-husn jitni mili chaat-te rahe
Doolha se muchcharon ka shadeed inteqaam tha
Muchchar woh ker rahe the jo doolha ka “kaam” tha
Es kushmakush mien subha ka aghaaz hogaya
Doolha gharib hijr ke chokhat pe sogaya
Jub aasman pe subha ke tunveer chah gayee
Suraj howa taloo to bijli bhe aagaye
Ha ha ha ……..lapaita bhee tou becharay khansahab ko
On your smoking pot and “sirgit” peena, there is a verse which I don’t remember correctly but its something like this:
“Petrol pump pay kharay Natalie ki yaad may
Apni cigarette jo bujhaya baad may
Meri duniya hee badal gayee ek dhamakay may!”
Thats why she says to you:
Itna na mujh say tu pyaar barhaaa kay mai ek paagal awaara
Theossa
I’m going to get married in UK and if not in UK, then in Punjab (most likely, Lahore)
But no where else
This must be a real DILL JULLA who wrote this:
Tum meri aankh kay taywur na bhula pao gee
Jab koi ghussay say day-khay ga tou yaad aaongaa
Is judayee par abhee tou khush ho lay-kin
Birthday par gift na milay ga tou yaad aaonga
Kisi aur kay jootaon ko utaar tay waqt
Moozaon ki boo aye gee tou yaad aaonga
Siyah raat kay gambhir sannataon may
Ullu koi bolay gaa tou yaad aaonga
Pehlay kitni aaraam day thee teri zindagi
Hath may jharoo jab thamo gee tou yaad aaonga
Ubb tou Maasi bhee rukh lee hai tum nay laikin
Sunday ko khud jab burttan dho gee tou yaad aaonga
Punkhaa kon jhaalay ga garmi may tumhay
June kay paseenay may bheego gee tou yaad aaonga
Pehlay tou mujh say hee dhulvaya kertee theen
Ubb apnay kapray khud nichoro gee tou yaad aaonga
Isi andaaz may daanta kertee theen mujhay tum
Jab tum ko koi dantay ga tou yaad aaonga.
Varun might remember a Mohd. Rafi song:
Meray dushman tou meri dosti ko turrpay!! Thats more sophisticated shayeri this is genetically altered tutt poonjiya shayeri.
Theossa
Thanks for writing this poetry for me, I wish I could understand what it is……I hope you don’t feel offended if I can’t respond properly because I don’t understand it
LOL, ROTFL for the Monkey Joke, Maybe that’s what Symonds is doing back home!!
Thanks Javed for dedicating this song/poetry. I am glad i am not a Software Engineer or else i would be feeling exactly the same way…
I know this Rafi song but at the moment unable to re-collect the actual name…
On the topic of of Cigarette/Chillum I have the following Sher to contribute..
“Aye Zalim, tujhhse to yeh kambhakt Cigarette hi achi hai…
“Dil jalati hai, magar kam-se-kam Muuh se to lagti hai!!
and another ghessa-peeta one …this is 100% Original!!
” Hum chahte hai jisse, wo chahte hai kisi aur ko,
Khuda kare wo chahte hai jisse , wo chahene lage kissi aur ko”
Anyways, On this serious issue of presenting humour, i would like to club the 2nd part of my Re-discovery of India series with this post here and give you an comical account of the remaining part of India…so here it goes..
FROM KASHMIR TO KANYAKUMARI
Tamils are always proud to be ‘Tamizhs’;Pretty courteous they. in the bus (‘Busss’) they always say ‘yexuse me, saaar’- even if they ave ya yem.yay deheree. They speak yenglish but sorry, no indi(Hindi),poda! And Madras has a lot of ‘Lates’(ladies) and christeens’ (Christians). For tamil dames(called ‘figures’) em.g.yaar(MGR) and ‘kamallakkaasan’ are ‘Romba jollu,pa’! The more common Madarasi is an ardent fan of kireeket matches.
Their counterparts in Bombay think they live in America but speak Hinglish like ‘are you sure ki Sujata aa raha hai ya I’ll go akela!’. And they take great pride in making stupid mistakes in Hindi Grammar. The best hypocrites in the world.
Back to the ‘thamizhs’, they are verrry lecky to haeve simble neighbours in the keralites who are a comblex race of peoblle(they migrated around 2000 B.C. from the middle east, I guess; and even now do when the Sheik feels wary of them). but they have excellent GK and do well in kiss contests, eat a lot of chooclyte and own 99% of tea shops in the world. (Somebody said “Even if one go to the peak of Mount Everest/Moon one can find a Keralyte selling tea).
Not far begind the Kerals is the Telugu desam( Andhra Pradesh), who are totally againesht flaunting their wealthu to the woruldu, though they occasionally come out withu brick red shirtsu and parrot green pantsu with pleetsu(‘fant’ with ‘fleet’ in Madras). Worustu,no?! But they are greatu in CICSu, Microsu and COBOLu ! Generally nice peoplesu !!!
The Canadians, excuse me, the Kannadigas are the coolest lot down south but if there is political unrest in Hersogovnia or an ebola virus outbreak in Zaire, they bash up the Tamils in Karnataka. Cau very very bad!If you go uf, you land uf in Udissa- the land of irron(‘r’ unsilent)where sombalpuroa and Bhubaneshbara are big owns. The people are bery cordial and if you are Vikram they bill soorly ask you ‘B’ or ‘Bhe’.They do not sout, sam or soot but occasnally bawsh their phace at the wasbashin. James Bond Mohapotra in our colleze had a roll nomber jero,jero,sebhen.
Bengalees are bery similor, but are bery proud oph Subas Chondro Bosh and Shoatyojit Roy(I used to know a director by name Satyajit Ray who was also pretty good) and everybody is ‘X’da. Wonder…never mind. Bot I most confess, Roshgollas are bery goooood, tho!
Kashmir also called ‘Cashmir’ by many, maybe cos of the amount of cash spent to keep it in India ?!?
Cheers….
Khansahab it’s the other way, if you respond properly to the poetry I wrote for you, I’ll be offended. LOL. I’m glad you can’t understand it, makes it more fun and provides more fuel to your curiosity.
Javed
Natalie to theossa, “Coz I love the way you say Good Morning and the way you puff your cigarette all over me, you sexy dog!”
LOL theossa, you are absolutely right, khansahab has not understood 90% of the words in your poetry because of his “walking Urdu” I mean paidal Urdu. \
Regarding Natalie:
She may say Good Morning to you, but when I see her I say “Good Moaning” honey ! Howz that?
To, tell you the truth, we definitely need this V-talk page here, because prior to reading your and Varun’s comments, I was in a bad mood, now I feel easy and I smiled. Because, at work I had to deal with some nut cases and also do some paperwork related to that. But, now I am back to my usual self and I will respond to Varun separately. Because, I am sure not everyone has understood every single bit of what he wrote under that Kashmir to Kaniyakumari sub-heading.
Varun
That Mohd. Rafi song:
Mere dushman tu meri dosti ko turpay
Mujhay ghum denay walay tu khushi ko turpay
I don’t know which film, but an old one in black and white (on my cricket TV channel CBN we get either cricket or old and new Indian songs 24/7) and I saw that recently it is Dharmendera singing seriously with his blown up nose. Never mind.
I have thoroughly enjoyed those accents and understood all the words because, I have lived in Dubai for a long time and came across so many Keralites where they call them Malabaris or Mallu for short and Mullan for female dames. Also, Biharis, Bengalis, Telugu Desams etc.
Moin Akhtar the Pakistani comedian said, you can judge the temperature of Dubai by watching a Malabari’s lungi, as the temperature rises, the lungi also starts going up and up!
He even made jokes on Memons (The Gujrati speaking community of Karachi) he said, in Dubai there are so many Memons that if you shop for 2000 dirhams you get a free Memon.
OK about the “Sout Yindian Yakcent,” one of my friend’s dad was from Bangalore and whenever we used to see him we used to ask him, “Uncle, how do you spell minimum?” Every time we asked, he used to spell it out without thinking why we ask him. He used to say: ” yum, eye, yen eye, yum you yum = minimum.” and we used to run away far from him and laugh out loudly.
Chemistry teacher in school spelling: “Yellow” like this,
Yae EEE, dubul yell, WO dub-lew = “Ello.”
Based on this we made a joke, and used to ask people, how did the Malabari spell moon? You won’t believe this:
Yum Wo, Yet Yanader Wo, Yennnnu = moon.
Like you said, if you go to the moon you will find a Malabari ka Dhaba or a Khoka. Its true, in the UAE even during the times when Dubai was not well known as it is today and if you go in the interior and in the most remote places you will find a Mallu Khoka or a Mullu Restaurant.
Most Mallu names are very long that is because of adding the Mohalla name, street name, district name and then his name. Like, M.K.V. Raju, you wonder whats MKV stands for? It is Mallapurram, Kottayam Varnapuram Raju. (whatever its just an example, because I cannot remember the real version)
And, in Dubai every second Mullu is a Kutty. Kutty in Malayalam is “Chota” and the Arab Baddus find it easy to call him Kutty instead of his real name. So, I made this riddle and asked, what is the name of Kutty’s great, great, great grandfather? “Antiquity”. Like, Dimple Kapadia and Simple Kapadia’s grand ma is Wrinkle Kapadia, right?
In the bank where I used to work, the office boy’s name was something, something, something Thelakan and the Ponzobi Manager couldn’t even call him Thelakan and said, I will call you George, is that OK, he said, “Wokay” with a head shake. Just like MuruGun used to say: ” V. R. like this Won-Lee.” i.e., after ordering Rendu Masala Dosa and firing his pistol twice. Talking about this I enjoy RajniKant’s acting. Especially the way he lights up his cigarette with a pistol.
The South Indian head shake is so confusing for many people because when they say yes they shake their head and when they say no the shake their head, there is a very fine and very slight difference between the two shakes and you ought to know the difference otherwise you will be confused. The Hyderabadis and the Telugu Desam people also do the same.
In Dubai and over here too, I have encountered a few Hyderabadis and one of our neighbours is from Hyderabad and Oh my God the way they shake their heads with a “Hao” for every yes sounds like “Bhao” to me. The aunty used to say to the kids before they go to bed, “Bachay logaan apnay apnay bistaron may chalo magar sonay say pehlay sob logan pishaabaan ker kay so.” i.e., go and piss before you sleep. LOL.
When I was in Karachi during my teenage days, I remember going to a mosque for my Friday prayers and there was a Bengali rather, Bongali Mulla and he was giving a sermon and it was like this:
” Ek zangool (jungle) hoye, zongool kay bheetoor (in the middle of it) ek wara fattoor (big stone) hoye, fattoor kay neesay (under) ek wara Maizooq (maindak – frog) hoye, wo boat khoraab maizooq (bad frob) hoye. Alla Tala Zibreel (Jibreel or St. Gabriel) ko bulati hoye, Zibreel ko bolti hoye, zangool kay bheetoor zo fattoor hoye, aur fattoor kay neesay zo maizooq hoye, tum zao (go) aur za ker wo maizooq ko kuss kay baandh kay lao (tie it well and bring it to me). ”
Even today I keep wonder what the EFF, why would God ask his Angel to go and arrest a poor frog which is sitting harmlessly under that rock? May be only that Mulla knows.
This is a good one from Moin Akhtar, he is all dressed up like a Bongali and no one can say this is Moin and he talks in Urdu with Anwar Maqsood (its a show called “Loose Talk”)
Anwar Maqsood asks Moin:
Aap Bengali hain?
Nai, Homara Baap Fransisi thaa, Homara Maa Italvi thaa aur Hom Roosi hoye!
Yeh aap kaisi baat ker rehay hain?
Tome kaisa baat kerta hoye?
Array, hom Bongali hoye, hom Bongali logta hoye tom poosta hai ‘aap bongali hoye?
Accha, accha aap naraaz na hoin ……
Hom kion nai hoye ga naraaz? Tom khode saval galat poosta…
Array aap bad-tameezi kion ker rehay hain?
Tome ko Bongali aata hoye?
Jee Nahee Mujhay Bengali nahee aati …. magar…..
Tou Fir tome ko hamaara “Boat Tameeji” Bore-dast kerna paray ga!
More laters………
LOL @ some of the comments posted here on V-Talk.
Munir sahab would find this quite amusing…..btw where is Mohammad Munir anyway?
Is this from strictly come dancing beacause I personally prefer x factor. But cricketers have had remarkable success in TV reality show competetion with the likes of Darren Gough and Mark Ramprakash.
Abdul, no this page is not “from strictly come dancing” as you say. I am not aware of the X factor and in Pakistan “Butt cricketers” are also making remarkable success in all shows.
Dear All,
Been a bit lately and so missed LS for some time.
My apologies to those who ‘missed’ me
Anyway, coming back straight to the point then.
V-TALK should have been named as V-ROCK.
I mean, seriously, this is just fantastic idea and I guess we badly needed it after what have been lately going on in our “Politics” pages, there you go again, I have to put another
here.
Javed Khan …
That Mohd Rafi song you mentioned @ 12, (Mere dushman tu meri dosti ko turpay / Mujhay ghum denay walay tu khushi ko turpay).
It is one of the great old songs and a personal favourite. Oh yes, it is ‘Tarsey’ and NOT ‘Tarpay’ as you mentioned, although, one ‘Tarsey’ or ‘Tarpay’, the effect is same
Hope you will like it:
Read the Urdu and English separately to enjoy it. I know Khan Sahab will enjoy the English wording more
Film: Aaye Din Bahaar Ke (1966)
Singer: Mohammad Rafi
Music: Laxmikant-Pyarelal
Lyrics: Anand Bakshi
The Song Lyrics:
Mere Dil Se Sitamgar, Tune Achhi Dillagi Ki Hai
My Heart, O Cruel One, You Toyed With So Casually
Ke Banke Dost, Apane Doston Se Dushamani Ki Hai
Under The Guise Of Friendship You Were An Enemy To Your Friends
Mere Dushman Tu Meri Dosti Ko Tarse
You Who Are My Enemy, May You Long For My Friendship
Mujhe Gam Denewale Tu Khushi Ko Tarse
You Who Gave Me Grief, May You Long For Happiness
Mere Dushman
My Enemy
Tu Phool Bane Patjarh Ka, Tujhape Bahaar Na Aaye Kabhi
May You Be A Bloom In Autumn, May The Spring Never Touches You
Meri Hi Tarah Tu Tadape, Tujhko Karaar Na Aaye Kabhi
May You Be In Agony Like Me, May You Never Find Peace
Tujhko Karaar Na Aaye Kabhi
May You Never Find Peace
Jeiye Tu Iss Tarah Keh Zindagi Ko Tarse
May You Live In Such A Manner, That You Long For Life
Mere Dushman Tu Meri Dosti Ko Tarse
My Enemy, May You Long For My Friendship
Mere Dushman
My Enemy
Itna Toh Asar Kar Jaayen, Meri Wafaayen O Bewafa
Let There This Much Effect Of My Fidelity, O Fickle One
Ek Roz Tujhe Yaad Aayen, Apani Jafayen O Bewafa
One Day You May Remember Your Cruelties, O Fickle One
Apani Jafaye O Bewafa
Your Cruelties, O Fickle One
Pashemaan Ho Ke Roye, Tu Hasi Ko Tarse
May You Cry Tears Of Regret, May You Long For Laughter
Mere Dushman Tu Meri Dosti Ko Tarse
My Enemy, May You Long For My Friendship
Mere Dushman
My Enemy
Tere Gulshan Se Zyada, Viraan Koi Viraana Na Ho
May There Be No Desert More Barren Than Your Orchard
Iss Duniya Mein Koi Tera, Apan Toh Kya Begana Na Ho
Let Alone Friends, In This World, May You Not Even Know Strangers
Apan Toh Kya Begana Na Ho
Not Friends, Not Even Strangers
Kisi Ka Pyar Kya Tu, Berukhi Ko Tarse
What Of Some One’s Love, May You Long For Their Rejection
Mere Dushman Tu Meri Dosti Ko Tarse
My Enemy, May You Long For My Friendship
Mere Dushman
My Enemy
I guess old songs are really popular with all but a minority of people, such as me.
Although in oldies I like Saira Banu when she was a young woman- she was one of the rare ones who came in the movies industry as a “larki” and not as an “aurat”. Her face and figure was a sight for sore eyes.
I also liked this Jaya Prada, who was quite pretty at her peak.
And the only other one I liked what Neetu Singh, who was overweight but stunning.
I started talking about the ladies since songs are not my cup of tea
Well about the ‘larkis’ and ‘aurats’, we also have to say a lot, because, this still is our cup of tea
I remember a nice ‘non-veg’ joke about this ‘larki’/ ‘aurat’ issue.
So those who do not want to feel offended should not read, and those who read it, should not feel offended
Here it goes:
Q: What is the difference between a ‘larki’ and an ‘aurat’ ?
A: 25 Kilogram.
Q: Ok, then what is the difference between a ‘larka’ and a ‘mard’ ?
A: 25 minutes
LOL Munir at your distinction between Ladki/Aurat and Ladka/Murd. I would like to add that for bachelors like “Khansahab” and “Abdul” the transition from Ladka to Murd might be more like 5 minutes rather than 25 minutes -:)
And come on Javed and Munir, what the hell is this song? This guy is a freaking cry baby! The girl didn’t want him so this desperate individual is cursing his love, what a whiner!
Khansahab, you know how the true lovers deal with shit from chics, a true lover like theossa for example, when Natalie kissed Scarlett Johansson he gave it an affirmative nod instead of getting pissed and depressed. He knows that by doing so at the end of the day he’ll get both.
Now, that’s how a true lover describes his feelings in poetry:
Kis kis ko yaad kejiye kis kis ko royye
Aaraam bade cheez hai monh dhuk ke soyye
theossa
Thats not one my fav songs, I heard it a while ago and it reminded me on that poetry of “yaad aaonga” because thats the way he was reminding her like the way Dharmendra was cursing the heroine for dumping him and getting married to someone else.
When Natalie will dump you one day and run away with Scarlet Johannson you would be singing that song and you’ll forget about your Dubbay may Dubba songs.
In fact you would be singing another serious song of Mohd. Rafi: Titled, Kaarwan Guzar Gaya Ghubaar Dekhtay Rahey.
Sapnay jharay phool say, meet chubhay shool say
Lut gaye singhar sabhi baagh kay babhool say
Aur hum khaday khaday, bahaar dekhtay rahey
Kaarwan gujar gaya, gubar dekhte rahey
Neend bhi khulee na thee, ki haye dhoop dhal gayee
Paaon jab talak uthein, ki zindagi phisal gayee
Paat paat jhar gaye, ki shaakh shaakh jal gayee
Chaah toe nikal sakee na par umar nikal gayee
Natalie nikal gayee, usay Scarlet lay gayee
Geet ashk ban gaye, chhand ho dafan gaye
Saath kay sabhie diye dhuaan pahan pahan gaye
Aur ham jhukay, jhukay, moad par rukey rukey
Haath may “Dundaa” liyeh
Umra kay chadhaw ka utaar dekhte rahey
Karwan gujar gaya, gubar dekhte rahey
Kya shabaab tha kay phool, phool pyar kar uthaa
Kya shringar tha kay dekh, aaina sahar uthaa
Iss taraf zameen aur aasman udhar uthaa
Thaam kar jigar uthaa kay jo milaa nazar uthaa
Aik din maghar yahan, aisee kuchh hawaa chalee
Lut gayee kalee, kalee, kay ghut gayee galee, galee
Aur ham lutay, lutay, waqt se pitay, pitay
Saans ki sharaab ka khumaar dekhtey rahey
Karwan gujar gaya, gubar dekhte rahey
Haath thay milay kay Zulf chaand ki sanwaar doon
Hoant thay milay kay har bahaar ko pukaar doon
Durd thaa diya gaya kay har dukhee ko pyaar doon
Aur saans tak swarg ki bhoomi par utaar doon
Kuchh na ho saka maghar, shaam ban gayee sahar
Woh uthee lahar kay day gayee ki ley bikhar bikhar
Aur ham darey darey, neer nayan mein bharey
Oadh kar kafan parey mazaar dekhtey rahey
Karwan gujar gaya, gubar dekhte rahey
Maang bhar chalee kay aik, ik nayee nayee kiran
Dholkein dhumuk utheen, thumuk uthey charan charan
Gaon sab umand padaa, bahek uthey nayan, nayan
Shor mach gaya kay lo chalee dulhan, chalee dulhan
Par tabhie zahar bharee, gaaz ek tab giri
Puchh gaya sindhoor, taar taar huee chunree
Aur ham azaan say, duur ke makaan say
Palaki liye huey kahaar dekhtay rahey
Karwan guzar gaya, gubar dekhte rahey
*****
Dubbay May Dubba, Dubbay may Palki
Palki may Natalie, Natalie ki scarlet say shadi
Hoi theossa ki finally bur-baadi
Phir na koi Dubba Reha na koi Dubba Nawaz
I don’t know about the 5 minute or 25 minute difference. But I know the difference between a woman and a computer.
LOL Javed at your attempt to ruin my good mood, what a depressing poetry again! Man, this Rafi guy must be suffering from serious depression and anxiety issues. I would give him some Prozac, Valium, and some POT to feel better.
You are making fun of my World Class, Ghalib and Mir Taqi Mir caliber poetry “Dubbe mien dubba” but understand this; even “Khansahab” understood and appreciated it, who normally don’t understand jack about Urdu poetry. I should be getting “Poet of The Year” award for some good shit I created!
About Natalie:
Eik yahi baat hai uchchi mere Natalie ke
Jahan kahin bhe gaya loat ker mere paas aaya
I have to return the favor to your post:
Javed ke Preity Zinta mujh se buch ker kahan jaige
IPL participation ke baad theossa ke ho jaige
What is the difference between a computer and a woman? Please tell me. My guess is computers have superior processors than most women. Women, however, have a better Random Access Memory; they delete all the good deeds you did but won’t forget your wrong doings.
theossa
you have completely ignored the departure of Natalie in a Palki with Scarlett………. anyways lemme tell you the difference.
In a computer: The software goes into the Hardware.
In case of woman: Its vice versa.
LOL theossa @ “he’ll get both” ( Natalie & Scarlett ).
Now this really sounds a ‘mouthful’ … isn’t it ?
I am getting a bit curious over here, theossa, just in case your wish becomes true and you really got hold of both Natalie & Scarlett , what will be your modus operandi ?
These terms have been updated to fit current financial crises :
CEO – chief embezzlement officer.
CFO – corporate fraud officer.
BULL MARKET – A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET – A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING – The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO – The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market
keeps crashing.
BROKER – What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR – Our life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST – Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT – When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
MARKET CORRECTION – The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW – The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR – Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.
MOMENTUM INVESTING – The fine art of buying high and selling low.
‘BUY, BUY’ – A flight attendant making market recommendations as you step off the plane.
FINANCIAL PLANNER – A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes.
CALL OPTION – Something people used to do with a telephone in ancient times before e-mail.
YAHOO – What you yell after selling all you owned to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS – What you jump out of when you’re the sucker that bought Yahoo for $240 per share.
PROFIT – Religious guy who talks to God.
BILL GATES – Where God goes for a loan.
ALAN GREENSPAN – God (past tense).
A young, beautiful blonde was traveling in the aircraft sitting next to her was a young, high profile lawyer. The blonde was very tired and was sitting near the window and wanted to catch up some sleep. The lawyer wanted to talk to her.
Realizing that she is not interested in talking, he offered her some incentives, he said, how about:
I ask you a question and you answer, I give you $10
You ask me a question, I answer you give you me $10
She replied, sorry I am not interested and closed her eyes.
The lawyer got cheesed off, he said, OK NOW… HOW about this?
You ask me a question, I don’t answer, I give you $500
I ask you a question, you don’t answer, just give me $5
Her eyes glittered and eye lashes fluttered and she said, O my my…. thats some offer, I accept.
He said, OK go ahead and shoot.
She looked up, rolled her eyes and asked him:
“What is that, that goes up with two legs and comes down with three legs?”
The lawyer started to think and then, he took out his laptop plugged it in and started to do some research, called some of his friends to help him in answering the question.
In the meantime the blonde took a pillow, closed her eyes and started to sleep……..
One hour passed by, then two and he still couldn’t get an answer, so very reluctantly he took out his wallet and pulled out $500 and gave it to her.
She took it and kept it in her bag and the lawyer was so frustrated, finally he asked her:
What was that?
She took out $5 from her bag gave it to him and went back to sleep again.
Marc Faber on the US Economy:
Dr. Marc Faber (aka Dr. Doom), who is an Investment Analyst and an Entrepreneur, concluded his monthly bulletin (June 2008) with the Following:
” The Federal Government is sending each of us a $600 rebate. If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, the money goes to China. If we spend it on gasoline it goes to the Arabs. If we buy a computer / software it will go to India. If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala. If we purchase a good car it will go to Germany. If we purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan/ Korea and none of it will help the American economy. The only way to keep that money here at home is to spend it on prostitutes and beer, since these are the only products still produced in US . I’ve been doing my part.”
If the “Windows” program was in Punjabi Language, then we would be using the following commands on your computers:
- Send = Sutto
- Insert = Wich Paao
- Attachment = Naal Laao
- Edit = Sidda Karo
- View = Waikhee Jaao
- Forward = Aggay Sutto
- Inbox = Undar-la Daak Khaana
- Outbox = Baar-la Daak Khana
- Trash = Mitti Paao
- Sent Items = Bheji Gayee Dak
- Address Book = Patay Wali Kaapy
- Reply = Bejhan Walay Nu Jawab do
- Reply All = Saareyaan Nu Jawab do
- Delete = Daffa Karo
- Download = Thallay Laao
- Download All = Saary Cheezan Noon Thallay Laao
- Properties = Jaidaadaan
- Connect = Naal Milaao
- Fonts = Likhaai
- Accounts = Galla
- Drafts = Chitheeyaan
- Find = Labbo
- Paste = Thook Naal Chipkaao
- From = Bhejhan Walaa Banda
- To = Door Betha Hoya Banda
- Subject = Khaas Gall
- Carbon Copy = Koelay Walee Naqal
- Blind Carbon Copy = Anni Koelay Walee Naqal
- Stationery = Pensal, Rubburd, Shaapnar
- Folders = Thailay
- High Priority = Waddee Takleef
and finally
Ctrl + Alt + Delete == Sara Syapa Mukaao
Current Financial Crisis – Nice Quote:
“What worries me the most about this credit crunch is that if one of my cheques is returned unpaid stamped as “Insufficient Funds”,
I won’t know whether that refers to mine ….or the Bank’s Funds”
Hello. Mr. J A K and khansahab, i tried opening a video link and I am unable to do so may be you guys have removed the video.
Sweetie
which video link are you talking about?
Has anyone read or heard about the Pakistani entrepreneur James Khan.He has a formidbale story and also features in the business show Dragons Den.
Meanwhile Hum Tum is on tomorrow on Sony TV asia and on Bhejafry.net heroes is also now available.
Ref 32
khansahab and Jk
your blog is getting choclatey (if i spelt that correct )is it because it is James bond season?
So tell me about bitchiness of women bosses?One of my female colleague was told to take off her necklace and remove her bold lipstick because it was so not businesslike.
We felt female executive boss was just jealous of her beauty and the attention she was getting.
Thanks. I figured it out.
36.
Sorry ,I did not understand.Did I offend you .the remark was not intended towards you but to my appearence on V talk as well:)
Sweetie
So you will write a comment during the week-end, think about posting it on the blog, next week?
Farrah you know more and better about female bosses, I never had this experience in my life, I wish I had to see how I may have been treated? If wishes were horses, everyone would have been riding on them, right?
chocolaty is the correct spelling
If you want to say this in desi accent; you can say chaak-latey. Like, chin-gum for chewing gum. Paper mate for peppermint. Biskut for biscuit and what else? Vaaskit for waistcoat and???? The list goes on.
Its “Jame Bands” btw, and imo, no one, not a single James been better or more handsome than Sean Connery. The worst was Roger Moore, looked such a khoosat for that role and he used to “Mutkao” his eyes like a Champa-Kalee. That Indian actor Feroze Khan, copied that ankhain mutkana from Roger Moore and I noticed that recently when I saw Nazia Hassan’s famous song, “Aap Jaisa Koi Meri Zindagi may aye tou baat bun jaaye, haan haan baat bun jaye.” That ullu was looking so silly.
Farrah # 37
Sweetie 36 is probably referring to the pages, that she has now figured it out where the POLITICS Page is? Thats because its not in the top menu bar, khansahab is the culprit for messing this up, initially it was up there but somehow its deleted from that menu bar and cannot be added again.
>>So tell me about bitchiness of women bosses?One of my female colleague was told to take off her necklace and remove her bold lipstick because it was so not businesslike.
Was she asian? I often find them far more beehitchy than non-asians
How can i start a post / thread on here man? I’m dying to slag someone or something off and have a good whinge.
Also, can we have a hot man section please? (hehehehe).
No the executive was English and the other one was Italian.
I think women moan too much .Why the fax machine is making so much noise ,why you have done this mistake?Why you are late?
They do get jealous of other smart male or female colleagues.They are more insecure in themselves.
They work in a group like choose a target and than isolate the other person,be it a male or female.
They do not stay independent and often do not judge the worker on the quality of work but see how good is other person in putting up with them?
Sana
“Also, can we have a hot man section please? (hehehehe).”
Payal ki jhankaar Rustay Rustay
Kerti hai Fariyaad laikin Hustay Hustay
Which of the hunk you like most? theossa the guy with a cigarette? Awas the man full of wisdom with his salt and pepper beard? khansahab the Godfather? Aur, tum tou mujhay jaanti hee ho, so I am out of that room or section whatever.
Farrah
which woman doesn’t moan or groan? I wish to work in that environment
Baat kerni mujhay muskhil kabhee aisee tou na thee!
Mr.JK
you forgot to put you name in punjabi which is jewaid:)
you never had a woman boss ,well get married !! you will come to know.
First thing you will do will be to ripp of hot gal page.
Well I watch all bond films but never like the bond actually.
it should be instead
mushkilain itne parein kai asaan hou gayeen.
JK(comment on cricket regarding distance)
dont be so sensitive I thought you have a skin of a croc.
keep smiling you look better and younger than me:)
the joke is one fauji was living on a fourth storey in a block of flats.
the guy use to come very late and than after getting into his flat he will take off his boot,and throw it in one corner
and than he would throw the other one in another corner and go to sleep.
People living in flats were extremely pissed off so one day some one approached him and explained that he disturbs them in the middle of night and can he take off his shoes and put them away decently.
next day the fauji came tookoff one shoe and threw it in one corner while taking off the second one he remembered the request so he put it down gently.
next morning 8 o’clock,angry people knocked at the door and said,
take off the other boot so that we can go back to sleep.
This is the story of your V talk page waite for moderator to approve comment ,while Mr.moderator sleeps.
Well sweet dreams
It will be Ju-waiddd or Jedi for short.
and Jedi of starwars is not like Punjabi jedi pra.
Khair.
*****
The correct misra is:
Mushkilain mujh par pareen itni kay aasaan ho gayeen
This is one verse which I’ve often used in comparing Mir’s poetry with Ghalib’s or vice versa.
In Mir’s poetry you will find Ranj-o-gham, Dard-o-Alam, Rona Dhona (aur Naak Surakna) in short Mir bahot hee Shikasta pa nazar atay hain. Whereas, Ghalib despite showing signs of ranjish like, mushkilon say tang aa ker unho nay kaha:
Ho chukeen Ghalib Balayain Sab Tamam
Ek Marg-e-na-Gahani Aur hai
But, then he wrote this:
Ranj say khoo gar ho Insaan tou mitt jata hai ranj
Mushkilain mujh par pareen itni kay aasaan ho gayeen
Waisay:
Shayeri …. Zindagi ki Tafseer hai, aur iss tafseer ya tarjumani may … sheriyat uss waqt paida hoti hai jab …. JuzzBaat aur Taqqaiyul dono mao jood hoon.
Yahan tou JuzzBaat kay totay urr gaye
Aur Taqqaiyul kay Khaleel Khan faqtay uratay hain
Phir
Jayen tou Jayen kahan
Samjhay ga kon yahan
Dard Bharay dil ki Zubaan
Farrah
Beshak Moderator sotay hain magar —————–
Raat ko sirf ULLU hee jaag tay hain.
What is the time in London now?
And, btw its not Beshak gadhay hee aam nahee khatay. Ghalib never used the word Beshak. So, don’t add luqmay or put words in his mouth.
I have Mussawir-e-Ghalib in Deluxe Edition – a complete collection of his Urdu, Farsi poetry and Nasr (prose) aur Behsak ka istemal unho nay nahee kiya!
Uf-Allah………Javed kai houtai saas aur ustaad dounou ki zaroorat nahein.
UK it is 1 o’clock.Want a break from the politics ,cannot go to sleep when I have the fit of creativity and politics…….
Farrah 46
I was not acting sensitive but I was being Sentimental of the Continental.
Haven’t you heard that if you sleep a lot your skin becomes very smooth and nice thats why Crocodiles sleep a lot:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/sunburntcountry/2759855612/
Now, better NOT go near to inspect the smooth skin – Keep your distance, in your case he won’t even burp.
theek hai janab aap Urdu daan hain aur Ghalib aur mir donou ko sharah kai sath parhtai hain……….
aab tou aap ka ahtraam karna hi parai ga……….
lihazza ullo bhi bardasht hai.
Warna hum Lahore walai kisi ko khatir main nahein latai
51.thank you for the concern.dont worry croc will throw out I am too bitter to swallow
Saas Bahoo ki tu tu mai mai per, there is a joke that I wrote on this blog, I dunno if it is on this page or some other page. But, its a good one. It is something like this:
Saas: Hai Raam, Shaadi kay 10 saal baad buccha howa, aur wo bhee Larkee?
Bahu: Chupp ker burhiya, agar mai teray betay kay bharosay rehti – tou yae bhee na hoti.
54.no comments
54.Mr.JK
Massi museebtai aur Ghalib , Meer main kafi faraaq hai merai khiyaal main
Na hua, par na hua
Mir ka Andaaz Naseeb
Zouq Yaron nay bahot zore Ghazal may mara!
yae tou thay Mirza Zouq, reportedly he was very dark and ugly. So, once when he went to a Mujra, the Domnee who used to imagine Zouq as a very good looking person as she used to sing her poetry but never met him in person was very shocked to see his ugliness and when she started dancing, she said:
Jisay Zouq kehtay hain Dosto
Jisay Zouq kehtay hain Dosto
Jisay Zouq kehtay hain Dosto
Jisay Zouq kehtay hain Dosto
Issi Rooh Siyah ka hee naam hai.
I dunno if this subtle sarcasm was understood by the La’hore walay?
On Mir’s poetry, even Ghalib said:
Raikhta (Urdu) kay tum hee Ustaad Nahee ho Ghalib
Kehtay hain Aglay Zamanay may koi Mir bhee thaa
And Hasrat Mohani says:
Sher meray bhee purr dard-wa-laikin Hasrat
Meeer Ka Shaywa-e-Guftaar kahan say laaon?
Mir Himself was so sure of his poetry that he wrote:
Jaanay ka nahee meray sher-o-suqan ka harr giz
Taa Hashr Jehan meray Diwaan Rehay ga.
This one is very much like Robert Southey’s verse:
And leaving here a name I trust
That will not perish in Dust.
But, Ghalib was so proud of his poetry that he said:
Ganjeena-e-Maanay ka Tilism usko samajhiyeh
Jo Lafz kay Ghalib meray Ashaar may aye
Ganjeena -e- Maanay = Treasure of meanings
Tilism = magic ; Tilismati Duniya = Jadoo nagree
Jadoo Nagreee say ayaa hai koi Jado garrrrrrrrrrrr CID.
Masee Musibatain – Bee Jamalo ki cousin hai right?
Tou unka aap say kya taaluq?
48.humain kiya bura tha murna jo aik baar houta….
I prefer Ghalib.I feel close to his expression of life and the hard ships.
Ahou Zari mughai koi itne pasaandh nahein hai
57.Excuse me!khabardar jo mughai farsi ka tarjuma batanai ki koshish ki…..
Yeah merai ilm ki tuheen hai aur aab farsi lughat main sai ilfaaz nikal ker unka tarjuma na pouchna ,mughai nahei ata.
regarding rusiah
Kalai hain to kiya huwa Lahore walai hain KOI MAZAAQ HAI
by the way where are you from Kiranchi aur Islamabad
humain kiya bura tha murna jo aik baar houta……. is not right.
Kahoon kis say mai kay kya hai! shab-e-gham buri bala hai
Mujhay kya bura tha marna agar aik bar hota
It is MUJHAY … humain is like aap BaadShah Salamat???
I like this whole poem:
Yeh na thi hamari qismet kay wisaal-e-yar hota
Agar aur jeetay rehtay yehi intezaar hota
Teray wa’aday per jiyeh hum toh yeh jaan jhoot jana
Kay khooshi say mar na jaatay agar aitabar hota
Koi meray dil say poochay teray teer-e-neemkeesh ko
Yeh khalish kahan say hoti jo jigar kay par hota
Rag-e-sang say tapakta woh lahoo kay phir na thamta
Jisay gham samajh rehay ho yeh agar sharar hota
Kahoon kis say mai kay kya hai! shab-e-gham buri bala hai
Mujhay kya bura tha marna agar aik bar hota
woh kiya sher tha ghalib ka
koi batlou kai hum batlain kiya
63.I do not care if my poetry is out of wazan ( i am sorry Ghalib)
for I have not read poetry fo past ten years.it is my amazing memory
You mean this one?
Har aik baat pay tum yeh kehtay ho kay too kya hai?
Tumhee kaho kay yeh andaaz-e-guftagoo kya hai ?
Jala hai jism jahan dil bhi jal gaya hoga !
Kuraid tay ho jo ab raakh jostajoo kya hai?
Oh this one:
Poochtay hain woh kay Ghalib kon hai,
Koi batlai kay hum batlain kiya?
waisai are you not cutting and pasting from some web page
65 and 66 excellent janab …
and in the honour of your passion and taste for poetry I take my comment no 67 back
Yes, this webpage is called “My Brain” and the tools that I am using are my fingers and my keyboard and why are you so suspicious ? Don’t you think there are people who can remember poetry? And which webpage would have such translation? Come on La’hore walay aisi baatain na kiya kero. Btw, I have lived in KeyRanchi and Islamabad both places but most of the time in Dubai and KaNayDa.
Anyways, my favourite is:
Baazicha-e-atfaal hai duniya meray aagay
hota hai tamasha shab-o-roze meray aagay
Emaan mujhay rokay hai jo khainchay hai mujhay kufr
Kaaba’a meray peechay hai kalesa meray aagay
Mat pooch kay, kya haal hai mera teray peechay
Too dekh kay, kya rang hai tera meray aagay
Ashiq hoon, pa mashooq faraibi hai mera kaam
Majnoo ko bura kehti hai, Laila meray aagay
If you want to hear the genetically altered verses, here is one:
Mat bhaag, kay jungle hai teray aagay
Oye Jedi, julie teray peechay aur suzie teray aagay
thank you for witing 62 reading it over and again.
it is along time since I had conversation regarding Ghalib
You cant take your words back bakaoz they are not yours anymore and did I not tell you that I type@ the speed of light and my hand-eye-akhorat brain works well? So, you need badaam to remember that well.
Huvay murr kay hum jo rusvaa, hovay kewn na garq dariya?
Na kabhee janaaza uth taa, na kaheen mazaar hota
so Mr.Jk
I have brought excellent literature revival and culture to your blog
you should be thankful.
although you are typing all the poetry
but poetry is nothing without appreciation.aapkai zouq ki dad deni parai gi.
zouq ka naam phir say na lo varna sana cheeq uthay gee!
You are taking all the credit of this blog for provoking me and getting the best outta me?
Let me quote the best of the best of Ghalib:
Iss saadgi pay kon na murr jai aye Khuda!
Lartay hain aur hath may talvaar bhee nahee!
haiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii kya baat hai.
Lartay hain aur hath may talvaar bhee nahee??? wah, wah.
69.beautiful keep it comming
shukar hai alteration main mera naam nahein hai
71 wanted to write this one but than I thought it is extremely cruel to make you read my bholai besrai ashaar
btw, when I am quoting the verses of Ghalib, Mir or Kareem Daad its typing bakaoz this is not my Shayeri janab. Poetry tou shayer kertay hain mai sirf qadardaan hoon unko.
Poetry is a spontaneous outflow of emotions recollected in tranquility. And a poet – like a Gold smith is a Rhyme Smith, shaping his verses on the anvil of emotions.
Mai shayer tou nahee!
73.janab mushaira lout liya hai aap nai,kiya baat hai.
mana jhansi ki nahein houn magar rajpout houn
Aap kay bhoolay bisray Ashaar tou aisay hongay Jaisay:
Aaloo muttar aur gobiyaan
Yae kaali kaali Kukkriyaan
Yae peeli peeli Mooliyaan
O sabzi walay sabzi day
Kahan chala tu idher ko aa
This is the parody of Abhee tou mai jawaan hoon Tahira Syed.
75. poetry is ………………was it arstoo
aab tou mughai aapniai angraizee adab ki degree pai shermindha houna paraiga.
Laxmi Bai The Rani of Jhansi tou Jhaansa day gayee issi lieyeh aap peechay say Rajput hain aur aagay say? La’horee?
77.you must host a Tv show it will be quite tasteful
Jee jee Sharmatay sharmatay aap kaheen Sharmila Tagore na ho jain. Wo Nawab Sahab ki ek aankh btw Chinese Eye thee yani kay Patthar ki aankh thee, issi liyeh unho nay usay pasand ker liya. Kehtay hain kay sab ko ek hee aankh say dekha kertay hain Nawab of Pataudi.
no my journey is from Lahore to London
Lahore is first love London is second.
Rajput,Urdu,Kashmir ,Muslim i smy heriatge I am proud of.
The best part of being British is you can carry your heritage and culture and can still be a British.
Jee Jee jis terha LOOSE TALK ussi terha V-TALK Show bhee hoga. In real life ek bari yahan kay local French TV channel per meri cooking ka show hoa and they showed it for almost 20 minutes, seetam zareefi yae kay I did not get to see that. Although they made a full one hour recording, edit kiya aur kaha bhee kay it will be about 15-20 minutes but never told me the date, and a lot of people told me kay OH, we saw you bloody blah and daady daah.
LS Productions Inc. kay tahet Inshallah one day, why not?
Meray tou sirf raat kay 9.00 bajay hain aur apkay raat kay 2.00 bajay hain aap jain ab 9-2- 11 Nao Do Gyaarah ho jain, I wonder if you have ever heard of this phrase 9-2-11 hona? Never mind.
no 79.I am quite F….luent in F…….rench
Mr.JK,itnai aandai maroun gi kai saree french nikle jai gi
May be you are not aware that Quebec is like a province of France (LOL) Federal Canadians will kill me for this statement but its a fact that ……… ici tout la monde parlez Francais and why are you getting so upset if I told you the truth?
no 79,85 and 86
Actually I do not know French,I was using English expression to replace all abnoxious word.
(word) power is not how we use it,
real power is how we do not use it.
Not only from Lahore but tumheain Dehli ,Lucknow aur aagraa waloun sai bhi jotai pernai chahiyaan .
Saree adbee tehzeeb ka janaza nikal diya hai
87
Kehna kya chah rehi hain aap? The no existence of no existence is existence?
89difference between housefly and butterfly is aesthetic
you can find both in Sachi and Sachi art gallery but I have a choice even after buying the ticket to walk out………
>>Has anyone read or heard about the Pakistani entrepreneur James Khan.He has a formidbale story and also features in the business show Dragons Den.
Aye, it’s James Caan (after the movie actor from The Godfather). I think he was formerly Nazam Khan but liked to breakaway with tradition, though i am sure he’ll deny that as he does in his autobiography.
Nice guy. Not bad looking either
Farrah
The difference between a housefly and a butterfly is aesthetics. YES thats one aspect, the other is in the English language they have certain limitations. The only way they can distinguish a fly is by adding a word before fly like, housefly, butterfly, bee fly, drone fly, flesh fly, horse fly, bottle fly etc.
Whereas in Urdu language we have not only appreciated its aesthetics and its beauty but we gave it a proper name called,”TitLi” and thats because of its beauty and don’t call it just another MukKhee.
That is because all the other flies even the bee fly (Shahed ki Mukkhee) bites whereas the Butterfly doesn’t. If you look at the root of the word fly, it comes from a Greek word called, “Diptera” which means two wings. All these flies from house fly to mosquitoes and gnats, have two wings and they all bite, some even spread diseases like, the mosquito bites create malaria and the deadly West Nile Virus.
And, the humble Butterfly helps in pollinating flowers and fruits. And we even have songs like:
Titli Udee Udh Jo Chali
Phool Nay Kaha
Aaja Mere Paas
Titli Kahe Main Chali Aakash……….
aik Makra aur mukhee nazam yaadh hougi Iqbal ki
I have forgotten the verse but remember the moral of the story
Farrah
Iqbal is not my favourite poet so other than a few well known poems of his, I don’t know besides me not an Urdu Medium Baataameez
Apnay bhee khafa mujh say hain Bay Ganay bhee na khush
Mai Zahr-e-hila-hill ko kabhee keh na saka qand. (iqbal)
Rahee baat Mukree ki tou I remember my nursery rhymes like,
Incy Wincy spider climbing up the spout
Down came the rain and washed the spider out
Out came the sun and dried up all the rain
Now Incy Wincy spider went up the spout again!
Wo kya hai……….
Tundi-e-baad-e-Mokhalif say na ghabra aye Oqaab
Yae tou chalti hai tujhay ooncha urra nay kay liyeh.
Sometime back we were having a debate on why there is so much emphasis on the Punjaban to dance?
Like, Nach Punjaban Nach and,
Nuch lay, Nuch lay…..
Then the Punjaban gets into her groove and says
Mai nuchaan saari raat.
So, I wrote this Iqbal’s first verse and added my own:
Tundi-e-baad-e-Mokhalif say na ghabra aye Oqaab
Menoo Khota Kali kara day mai Nuchaan Saree Raat.
So, what is that Iqbal’s version of Mukree and Mukraa?
After seeing the Mukree falling a few times she succeeded on the 7th attempt that he wrote this verse?
Girtay hain Shah Sawar Maidaan-e-Jang may
Vo tifl kya girayngay jo PAMPERS may raing tay?
Oh ,only Theosa can put up with this!!!!!!!!!!!!
it is raining,leaves are falling and I am going out for a walk to be surprised by the colour and splendor of autumn and the folliage.
Javed, I see ure love for butterflies. As u mentioned above the word ‘Fly’ is derived from a greek word Diptera, which means two wings. Two wings i understand, but what about the first part Butter? Why do we call it a butterfly? lol
Jk
good you have recovered from transplants.
Sweetie
The butterflies in your stomach must have prompted you to ask this question, am I right?
Anyways, its a good question and we are not alone on this planet earth to raise this question there are many who have been asking the same question and here is some info that I am quoting below and also the languages in which they refer butterflies in their language.
The Elusive Butterfly
William O. Beeman
Department of Anthropology
Brown University, Providence, RI 02912
One of the bedrock principles of linguistic analysis since the nineteenth century has been the principle of the regularity of cognate borrowing. It forms the basis of the comparative method not only in linguistics, but in all of social science. Within the same linguistic family it is expected that a large proportion of linguistic material will be recognizably related due to the derivation of that material from a common linguistic ancestor.
Historical linguists endeavor to show how the patterns of language exhibit regular change as they evolve from mother to daughter languages. The most ambitious theoreticians, such as Morris Swadesh, have claimed to be able to date the divergence of populations from each other “glottochronologically” by correlating presumed migratory movements with rates of linguistic change.
Others have used cognate similarities between languages to speculate on the earliest forms of human language. Stanford linguist, Joseph Greenberg, for example, notes that many languages have a form dik, dig, or tik that refers either to the number “one” or to the index finger, suggesting a bodily origin for words for numbers (the English term being “digit”). Paul Friedrich uses a compilation of common tree names in Indo-European languages to trace a purported geographical origin of the Indo-European people.
However, there is a limited, but powerful countervailing tendency in language behaviorwords that absolutely resist borrowing even from their closest linguistic relatives. These words seem to be coined anew by each population group. Because we expect cognate borrowing as a norm, it is surprising when we encounter these fascinating examples. It makes us wonder about the cultural processes that govern the development of communication systems, and the functional differences between segments of vocabulary.
This little discussion started with an inquiry by a group of mathematician friends at Santa Clara University. They noted the curious fact that the word for “butterfly” was different for every European language, including those most closely related such as Spanish and Portuguese. I later found that the “butterfly problem” is one of those linguistic curiosities that has lurked at the edges of scholarship for some time without much in the way of a full research effort the linguistic equivalent of the study of yawning by biomedical researchers. The first well-known linguist to note this phenomenon was Emmon Bach, but it has occupied the interest of a surprising number of people.
In modern mode, I went to LinguistList.org and posted a query asking for the word for butterfly in different languages. I got fifty replies in two days, and they are still coming in. A large number of people have been collecting their own lists for years. Patricia Black, a Philosopher at Ohio University wrote:
I started out being intrigued by the variety of ways the European languages do the word “German” . . . But then the Spanish turned out to be almost the same as the French. Phooey. But I knew the English, French, Spanish, Italian, and German for butterfly. I met a Portuguese speaker and thought their word would be the same as the French or Spanish, but it was markedly different and I was off and running. Now no one is safe from me, once I learn he or she is from a country of which I do not have the word.
One of the nicest of the compendia I received was a short list from an unpublished paper compiled by linguist Haj Ross, formerly at MIT, and now teaching at North Texas University. Starting with Ross’ list, I have added many additional terms contributed by email correspondents. This list has not been regularized. Some of these terms are phonetic transcriptions (Cantonese, Mandarin), others are transliterated, and still others reflect the orthography of their original language.
Afrikaans: skoenlapper
Albanian flutur
Amharic: burabiro
Arabic: farasha
Arabic, Algerian bu frtutu
Baagandji: bilyululijga
(New South Wales, Australia)
Bambura: dimago
Basque: txipilota, pinpilinpauxa
Bengali: prajapathi
Bulgarian peperuda
Buli (Gur language in N. Ghana): kpalo?
Byelorussian matylok
Cantonese: woo deep
Cape Verdean Criolu: gorgoleta
Cheyenne: hevavahkema
Czech: mot�l
Dagon: peplim (pee plim�)
Danish sommerfugl,
(N. Jutland) sommerflue,
(S. Jutland) skurvefugl
Djingli: marlimarlirni
(Australian N.T.)
Danish: sommerfugl [ = summer + bird ]
Dutch: vlinder
Estonian liblikas
Finnish: perhonen
French: papillon
Fulani: lilldeh
Gaelic: dear badan-de, seillean-de
German: Schmetterling
Greek: petalou’da
Gujarati: popti
Hausa: bude-littafi
Hawaiian: pulelehua
Hebrew: parpar
Hindi: titli
Hungarian: lepke (fig.), pillango (insect)
Icelandic: fithrildi
Indonesian kupu kupu
Irish: feileacan
Italian: farfalla
Japanese: choochoo
Javanese kupu
Kitaita: kifurute
Konni (Gur language in N. Ghana): kpanjabi?
Korean: navi
Lao: maingkabula
Latin: papilio
Latvian: tauri��
Lithuanian: peteli�k�
Luo oguyo
Lingala (Congo) mpornboli
Majang (Nilo-Saharan): bimbilo
Malay: kupukupu/ramarama
Mandarin: huudye
Maori pulelehua
Masai osampurumpuri
Mayi-Kulan (Queensland, Austr.) pardirr
Mekeo: fefe, fefe-fefe
(an Austronesian language of South East Papua)
Mekeo (West) pepeo
Motu (Papua): kau-bebe,
Nahuatl papalotl, huitzil
Navaho ho’o neno
Ngaju Dayak (Indonesia): kakupo
Norwegian: sommerfugl [ = summer + bird ]
Paiwan (native to Taiwan) kalidungudungul
Patois of St. Thomas zanimo
Persian: parvaneh
Polish: motyl
Portuguese: borboleta
Rumanian: fluturi
Russian: b�bochka
Senegalese lupe lupe
Serbo-Croatian: leptir
Setswana (Gabarone) serurubele
Shona: shavishavi
Sinhala samanalaya
Slovenian metulj
Sotho serurubele
Spanish: mariposa
Swahili: kipepeo
Swazi luvivane
Swedish: fj�ril
Tagalog: paruparo
Thai: pi sugnya
Tok Pisin (New Guinea) bataplai, bembe
Tiwi: kwarikwaringa
(Melville & Bathurst Islands, Australia)
Trukese: nipwisipwis
Tshiluba (Zaire): bulubulu
Turkish: kelebek
Vietnamese: bayboum
Welsh: pili pala/bili bala, glowyn byw,
Yoruba: labalaba
Zulu: uvevane
After reading all of the above the question remains unanswered WHY BUTTER? Perhaps the Englishman one day discovered a cocoon in his butter and later saw a fly flew off after it came out of its cocoon?
Farrah
I am not Nawaz Sharif, I would prefer to remain bald, if I get bald, but knowing my genes I don’t think I will be a ganja ever. Errmmm which other transplants have you discovered?
JK….
I thought you were trying to discover secret weapons of mass destruction of beautiful women.
leave the V talk to you,I am not a very social person anyway.
politics and religion is enough for me.And yes I will bore you to death with my poetry.When ever I felt like posting it here.
Gosh! I could’ve googled it myself. But then, i wouldnt’ve been able to bug u. hehe
Lol@ ure englishman’s butter/cocoon theory. Iam gonna spend sometime reading the details u’ve provided. ;P
A pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered in another race and it won again.
The local paper read: PASTOR’S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in any more races.
The next day the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES THE PASTOR’S ASS.
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline: NUN HAS THE BEST ASS IN TOWN .
The Bishop fainted.
He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the headlines read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the high plains where it could run free.
The next day the headlines read : NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
Alas… The Bishop was buried the next day.
MORAL OF THE STORY???
Being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery and even shorten your life. So, be yourself and enjoy life. Stop worrying about everyone else’s ass and you’ll live longer.
Good one Sweetie
You can take out more gems from your bag and keep the blog rolling by sharing them with us. I am sure if theossa and Awas were here they would have appreciated your jokes and your sense of humour.
In my opinion the moral of the story is very sober and sending a very serious message. Whereas, people like me never worry about anyone’s ass, in fact I appreciate if it is a good one. Like I always appreciate J’Lo’s. Haven’t you seen the hot gals page? If not see the first picture and you’ll know what I mean by that. I don’t need to put a smiley face here, because I mean it.
.
.
.
..
…
LOL
Ewww@ J Lo’s a**. It’s what i call wide LOAD!!! Lol
What hot gals page? I didn’t know there was one. How come i never saw it?? Besides what would i be doing there to begin with? hehehe
Btw who are theossa & Awas? Where have they gone?
Sweetie
Theossa is our friend who is very modest about his movie-star looks. He is the Salman Khan of this blog.
Awas is another modest gentleman who looks like Al Pacino (I realised this yesterday when I met him)
Girls, if you want good looking guys, this is the blog to be. You have one guy who looks European and resembles Dilip Kumar in his youth, one Al Pacino lookalike, one hunk called Theossa who could also pass for a European, we got all sorts here, trust me……
Thank you KhanSahab for the update ,when are you showing us your face.
I didnot know it can be a blog for SPEED Dating.
Theosa is gorgeous,but he has not learnt to smoke yet,see his cigarette is not lit.Poor child is afraid he might choke.
any ways I am the auntie on blog ,so I am so much out of it.How sad is that?
>>Girls, if you want good looking guys, this is the blog to be. You have one guy who looks European and resembles Dilip Kumar in his youth, one Al Pacino lookalike, one hunk called Theossa who could also pass for a European, we got all sorts here, trust me……
Yes but which posters resembles who? Dont tell me Javed is the Dilip equivalent….!
Hmmm. In other words u’re tellin me all these guys are full of themselves. haha
I do not like Salman Khan. He just can’t seem to keep his shirt on. lol (tats not the reason why i do not like him, hes a JERK)
Ms Shah
I will show my face to the world when it is good enough to be seen
I’m not THAT bad, and I do suffer from inferiority complex
khansahab
It means we have to wait until you are fifty for men do not look graceful until 50.I do not know what happened to Brando in this picture he needs glucose or red bul perhaps.
Khuda kai liyae start addressing me as Raja
orshall I post Name change certificate with validation stamp
Farrah – i agree, most men dont look graceful until they’re at least over 40. Always preferred the older male…
Sana & Farrah, do u guys realize how many hearts( of the bhuddas) here u must’ve broken? or perhaps caused excitement? LOL
sana
by then most men are already taken
unless one believes in polygamy and like to get attention as the second wife, then its another matter, and then there is also a possibility that there are some who think men look gorgeous after 50 and he takes the 3rd one and then after 60 the 4th one and then he is seen on the Edgware Road…….. 
Sweetie
Salman Khan is a JERK. I can’t agree more with you on this, he is always drunk like a skunk and I wonder why he gets so much attention? Probably its the fame that gives that status and mind you all those dialogues in movies are from the script in real life he is a nut case. Wanna be Macho, who used to wear Vests and got the title of Sleeveless Khan and then he threw his vest in the trash and got the title of Topless Khan. It also means his upper chamber is empty. Btw, if you have that Shahrukh Khan’s picture taken on Oxford street, please give us so that we can open a new page called HOT GUYS for sana and she will puke after seeing that picture of Shahrukh Khan.
120.sweetie
you gave me a reason to lol:)so genuine
121. JK for all single woman taken men are the only hope for only they prove they are ready to commit
>>by then most men are already taken unless one believes in polygamy and like to get attention as the second wife, then its another matter, and then there is also a possibility that there are some who think men look gorgeous after 50 and he takes the 3rd one and then after 60 the 4th one and then he is seen on the Edgware Road……..
In the UK, amongst the asian groups, the muslims have the highest divorce rate. Sad really, esp given the fact that Hindus overall in the UK have the highest staying together rate. Cant remember where i read that (think it was islamonline.net), but there must be something good about matching partners up on the basis of astrology
And stop knocking Edgware Road mon.
this is like
Khansahab and Javed Khan
v.s
farrah, k.raja and sweetie and sana
whoz gonna win??
halla bol!
Sana
Any London office is heaven for these men
full of gorgeous women from all over the world ,speed dating websites to garba ,diwali dance festivities ,still single
We the women have concluded London is full of wierd men.
Lacking mannerism and decency.
First thing Monday morning I have to pull my sweet staff out of lonely sunday syndrome.
123.I am not joking men are taking the piss really,nobody wants responsibility
126.Responsibility of marriage and commitment
123. Sana highest divorce rate in muslims because only muslims get married rest live as partners.
>>Sana
Any London office is heaven for these men
full of gorgeous women from all over the world ,speed dating websites to garba ,diwali dance festivities ,still single
Sadly none of the London offices i’ve worked in were full of gorgeous men or women. I struggled to find eye candy anywhere…except one muslim guy who was senior to me and talked down to me at one point…then that was it (sniffs)
128 – no the statistics were amongst asians. Hindus and Sikhs are just as marriage driven as Muslim asians, yet out of the 3 groups we have the highest divorce rates. Sad man, sad.
Look at the bright side,muslims can get married after divorce feel sorry for many others.
I think we have become too choosy.without getting into details one girl in 27 told me a week ago the date was perfect but he did not put away the dishes after dinner so she thought he is extremly messy and dropped him .
I mean ho wcan we reject human beings like that.
but than its her life.
another one changes the dating place at least four times like,liverpoolstreet station,no piccadilly ,no liestersquare and than if the person is late by any chance she thinks he was a total b***** becasue first he chose the station closer to his stop ,and than he was late.
She says what can she expect to spend a life with him….no.
this is a whole new breed.
Hi dear men
this is your chat room
We do not like the people we work with.We know them too well.
The question I am repeatedly asked and I hate this question:so men can marry four times in Islam are you allowed to marry four men?
I sometimes put on my scholarly cap and try to answer the question with Shariat reasoning at other times,
I just bark back ,
I am fed up of the one I have can I get rid of him?
Sana, i can tell u the reason why the divorce rate is high in muslims. Two words, DESI MEN!!! HAHAHA
V-talk
First of all, this is not MEN ONLY chat room, this V-talk page is for everyone, and V does not stand for vulgar but V like WE. Just a buzz word, to keep the word short due to space shortage on the menu bar.
Secondly, since you three stooges sana, sweetie & Farrah have arrived you guys have taken over this page from men folk, count the number of posts in this short period of time and you will know who talks more?
Like they say, the biggest lie in the world is:
Two women sitting in a room and………….
sitting quiet !!!! Kim Possible.
Women talk so loudly that when a ladies tourist group went to Niagara Falls, and right at the Falls the guide said, the noise of the Falls could be heard from a mile. The women got shocked and asked him REALLY????????????
He said, if you keep quiet you can hear it from here!
The Japanese word for woman is “onna” the way they write in their script ‘onna’ and, if they write “onna onna” it means very noisy.
Sweetie then why marry a Desi Man in the first instance? Why not a gora or a kala or a chitt-kubra? (Dalmatian)
Jokes apni jaga…….. nire serious talk….
If the divorce rate among Muslims is high, why blame the guys only? Taali ek hath say nahee bujtee. Secondly, isn’t it more easy for them to get a divorce here than in India and Pakistan?
The problem is there is ZERO TOLERANCE among people, whereas marriage is based on compromise. Extreme cases are different. Its easy for a woman to get divorced if she has no children, the children makes her feel more committed and I am not saying men are Angels. No, they aren’t.
Last night I was attending a fund raising dinner for women’s shelter and it was an eye opener to hear the problems they face in handling family affairs, conjugal relationships are broken in minutes, zero tolerance from both sides. The younger they are, the more emotional and furious they are in breaking the bonds asap. There are other aspects too, the cultural shock and the financial difficulties also play a vital role. Too much expectations and dependence on each other and when it doesn’t work out. There are verbal abuses followed by physical.
To sort out these problems the Muslim women have opened a women’s center here for such women who need immediate help and counseling because the Muslim women when they are provided with counselors from different background, they don’t understand the problems whereas, the Muslim women do. There are women who are working on volunteer basis and its not enough, they need paid full time social workers and for that they need money.
Last night’s dinner was able to collect only 40,000 dollars whereas the target was for 50K, so not bad. Because, they do it twice a year and they are allowed to allocate a certain amount of their donations into a separate account to open the Muslim women’s shelter in future. Now, some broad minded folks like Farrah might ask why only Muslim? Its not just Muslim, but any woman can come for help. There are hundreds of other women shelters in the city and the country but, not a single one for Muslim women where they need certain basic things like, private baths and not just communal baths, female staff and NO male staff. Halal food, prayer room etc. All this is being provided by the community contributions. Each year they collect about 100K and spend about 80K and appropriate 20K for the shelter.
The community is growing and they need more volunteers and more donations and in Ramadan they distribute Food Baskets which has basic food items. They also collect good condition used furniture from people and distribute among the poor who do not have proper basic furniture. So, basically its a good work. More than Imams and scholars we need social workers and counselors in the community and that too educated and broad minded counselors.
J k, do u know if i am married or not? lol & it’s three women not 2 !! ;P
It does take two to tango , but what if the bigger partner shoves the other in the corner? ‘Helpless’ is the word.
Sweetie,
I dunno if you are married or not and, where did I say two women? I said, 3 stooges and named them.
I dunno who is the bigger partner?
In Nawaz Sharif’s house Kulsum Pehalwan is the bigger partner BAKAOZ she is the great grand poe-tee of Gama Pehalwan, so who is helpless here? And, now you know why he became Ganja so soon?
My comments were generalized and you ignored the complete BHAASHAN that I gave after attending the fund raising dinner last night. Never mind
No i didn’t ignore ure bhashaan. I was just kiddin man. Who is Gama Pehalwan? Him being Gunja, it’s called hereditary !
Well said Jk;
breaking up of marriages is not easy to answer there are as many reasons as many as humans.
I think it is wrong to say it takes two to tango?Does it mean one person should be a door matt constantly in order to keep the marriage going?
Marriage is a hell load of hard work.It is a bliss though.If we look at marriage in terms of this is the person I have to spend rest of my life with ,the prospective becomes very clear.
Can I put up with this or not?
>>Sana, i can tell u the reason why the divorce rate is high in muslims. Two words, DESI MEN!!! HAHAHA
lol nice one
Oh Javed – women like to talk and are more expressive, hence our increasing conversations on this thread. Afterall, im sure you invited us on here so would do you expect except nattering from us, hehe.
The core issue to make any marriage successful is communication ,and taking care of each other.Life is long and tiresome and yes marriage is a name of emotional bank .When you recieve care,love,empathy ,you should repay it .This is the only formula any partnership can work.
love and care are the most pure emotion and value of human being ,give it to the one who deserves it and respect it.
Only mother Treasa could say ,give love until it hurts.
Umm. Two to tango refers to compromise. No relationship is take & not give, be it ure parents , siblings or spouse. When someone treats u like a doormat , tat just means ure being MADE to jump thru hoops, which isn’t like tango cuz tango is fun!
Give love until it hurts could also mean, no matter how bad ure spouse treats u, u still are in love with the person, cuz u dont know ne better. That treatment could also be getting abused. So really should one give love until it hurts (or atleast u start feeling the hurt) ?? lol
It is humanly impossible to just love love & love. At some point we all give up.
Sweetie
I need to hear more from you,I like the directness of your views and you have a clearity of thought.
Nice to meet you and I like your name,it puts smile on my face,it is a bit cheeky…………..
>>Sweetie then why marry a Desi Man in the first instance? Why not a gora or a kala or a chitt-kubra? (Dalmatian)
It annoys me when asian folk use the term Gora / Kaala as both are descriptive terms for colour of ones skin, which doesnt figure in Islam.
>>we need social workers and counselors in the community and that too educated and broad minded counselors.
We need everyone in every profession esp women
>>The younger they are, the more emotional and furious they are in breaking the bonds asap.
Cooooooooooool! That means getting married when you’re older is a good thing nah?
JK
genetically ganjay hounai kai chance nahein hain magar khawateen kai hatoun hain
tou maat bhaad payarai JK
Sana terai aagai to farrah terai peechai
aur Theosa ki seetii gum hai
>>We do not like the people we work with.We know them too well.
Oh i like almost all of my colleagues in my new office. Had a good laugh today at work
I have laughed so much that I have tears in my eyes.
poor JK shall I send some ice dressing for you after all friends are to look after each other.
Aww thanks Farrah =) Pleasure’s all mine
Haall kaisa hai janab ka?
147.yes Sanna ,I like my colleagues too but rather leave them at work instead of carrying home.
9 to 5 is enough.
148 and 150 is for JK
especially for you JK
Ref:
politics Lahore protest and 143 by sana
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=ti-5ADcV_xc&feature=related
145:Sana
My grandmother used to say :”marriage meant to her pretty clothes,loads of fun and marry go round”
I got married at 34,thinking I know myself and the other person,
well marriage is a hard work like any relationship,with your mother,father and your own child and your bosses ,
tolerance and patiance and giving…………….as long as the both tracks of train are moving in the same direction ;
The goal is family and the children and their well being and you have to take the back seat so whenever one is ready to do that……………
like any ride ,it starts steady ,goes high and comes down ,soem people choke and vomit and have heart failures others give it all thumbs up,
no age limit ,hope yu will have smooth one…….best of luck
Farraha – Cant access youtube at the moment – no speakers on laptop (not working), and my iPod is at work
I think all jobs should be 9-5. How come the brits commute the longest to work in Europe and work the longest hours…!
153 – awww i like what you have written! Yep marriage is hard work, but i think single life also becomes hard work as you are constantly filling your diary with meeting friends/events/dinners etc to keep active. I’m not saying married life means you give up on all these things, but there is a sense of complacency about it which is also nice
I’ve seen some wonderful marriages, so there is hope inshaAllah
Oh marriage is beautiful ,with right person you do not need friends and social activities.
Have your candles and a bread on table that is all you need as long as two people get along with eachother.
I said hard work because in life there are good times and bad times,in which you have to stick together with the other person.
Walking out of marriage is the most difficult thing,the thing is sometimes despite all our efforts it fails but if it does,never be afraid to walk away.
World is full of beautiful people and in marriage I believe in Karma and destiny.
Know the person,try his anger,his patiance and his capability to support a family and compassion for your personal self.
Money ,job status good looks are important but nothing ,no point marrying a rich person who never have time to appreciate you,or a pretty face who always find faults in you
these little things hurt one most.
FOCUS ONLY HOW MUCH THE OTHER PERSON IS FOCUSSING ON YOU……….and if you get the right one never let it go.
Yeah someone passed onto one of my sisters that “marry someone who loves you more than you love them”, lol.
154:Sana
travel to work especially after 7/7 is a nightmare in London.
only few days back comming out of underground station,the person infront of me was a huge woman in long Saudi sort of Shirtupto her ankles and her oyster did not work ,she raised her both hands up in the air and said Allah Hu Akbar .
I thought this is the end.
Not that i am afraid to die but there are so many things I want to do before I die.
finally she put her hands down and the card worked and we all had a sigh of relief.
at such moments I laugh a lot
Sana
I hope you have seen the film or read the book ,”THE SECRET”
if not watch that.Always stay positive and hope for positive things and free yourself of fears.
I do not believe in anything bad until it happens.
Always stay positive and attract positive things in life this is called law of attraction.
Do not buy things or make friends on impulse.Give people time you are a wise person anyway best of luck and my best wishes with you for all the happiness and success.
xxx
God bless you
Farrah #156
I disagree with this notion that marriage is beautiful if it is only with the right person.
There is no Mr. Right or Miss Right that one can pick up from a showcase or a mantel piece and live happily every after. Marriage is the name of a compromise, a commitment, in sickness and in health, in riches and in poor, in “hunger and gluttony”
and, in every situation. There never shall be chiding in that house, where the man is blind, and the wife deaf or vice versa. Forbearance and tolerance is the name of the game called marriage.
Some people say, I got divorced because I was married very young and at that time I had no “aqal” just emotions. When some people get married at a very matured age, they also find it very difficult in adapting and accepting each other. Leave aside changing or altering their views, attitudes and their approach, they can’t stand each other face to face.
Relationship is all a matter of tolerance and acceptance. I love spring and summer and, I don’t like winter. But, I have to accept it as a reality of life. To be interested in the changing seasons is a happier state of mind than to be hopelessly in love with spring.
Sadaa na baagi bul bul bolay
Sadaa na baag baharaan
Sadaa na maa pay Usan Jwani
Sadaa na sohbat yaaraan.
And, beauty is only skin deep and lasts like a spring.
Mai nay poocha kya hoa Wo aapka husno Shabaab?
Huss kay bolay wo sanam, shaan-e-Khuda thee mai na tha.
Hi JK
Ranjish hi sahee dil hi dukhanai kai liyae aa!
So that you can sing another one of Ahmad Faraz’s
Ab kay hum bichray tou kabhee Sarkaon pay milain
Jis terha cigarette kay bujhay howay totay footpath pay milain
160.agree with you JK
it is beautiful with the right person means a person one feels pleasure to do things for.
This is my personal notion I mean in todays world we can get everything form market.
My mum visite dme last year and I felt extreme pleasure doing her pedicure and menicure.
Cooking for her ,these are the things which are quality and priceless in life.
If I work in a spa and have to do pedicure of course my care ,love and feelings ould not be the same.
that is what I meant.
ref 162:of course not I will meet you outside your doorstep I make friends rarely once I do ,I do not let them go,
So I will meet you at your doorstep begum ko explanation tum daina!!!
JK
My bible of woman is very clear:
From birth to age 18 ,a girl needs good parents.
From 18 to 35 she needs good looks
From 35 to 55 she needs a good personality
from 55 on she needs good cash
Age does not protect you from love .But Love ,to some extent ,protects you from age.
Notice how the guys have become ‘Masoom tamashaies’ hahaha
ok let me tell you a joke regarding proposals of a girl:
when she is 21 ,a proposal comes she asks ,
how he looks?
at the age of 25 she asks
what he does for living?
at the age of 35 she says;
where is he?
Farrah
The answer is: SAUTAN day KOLE.
Sweetie
I can tell you where they are?
theossa has gone on vacation to Pakistan leaving Natalie Portman alone in the hot gals room errrrr page.
Munir, told us he will be away, actually he is trying his best to sneak into that room in theossa’s absence trying to convince her that he too is a Gemini – so “same difference” but she is smart enough and not opening the door for him.
Awas has his own problems @ work and très, très occupé il ne pas disponible maintenant.
khansahab is shunting between office and home and consuming his energy by spending max time underground.
Most of our Indian bloggers are not interested in Pakistani politics, not even on V-talk, only write on cricket, lay day ker mai reh gaya!
Aur, mai khud hee tamashaa hoon aur mai khudd he tamashayee!
Sowwie, i meant Khamoosh tamashaies.
You know Farrah – you are the second person in the past few weeks who has told me to read “the Secret”, or watch it in fact. Wierd huh?
I’ve just finished one book in someone i am very keen on meeting
I got that one imported off Amazon but i dont want to now go and buy another one. Do you have the book or movie? Infact, i wonder if i could download the movie online from somewhere…for free of course, lol.
Thing is, if i keep buying books, and no one else wants to read them…it becomes a bit of a waste.
Javed – i personally thinking marrying younger should be encouraged as it’s better for a female body wise when it comes to children. Of course i am one to talk as i am no longer in my 20′s but i can understand why many asian females put it off.
Awww, ure the only one left eh? Don’t feel so lonely, hum hein na!! LOL
>>And, beauty is only skin deep and lasts like a spring.
Haven’t you seen beautiful ladies in their 40′s/50′s/60′s? I have – ones who havent been plasticated.
No Farrah, at the age of 32, she asks “Does he exist?” lol
168:jee nahee
Kitna suhaana manzar houga tum agay aur begum pechai with a frying pan I will get my web cam to post it here,
Dil Kai tukrai Tukrai ker kai muskura kai chal diya
So Sweetie
Where do you disappear?tell me how did you tumble on to this blog?
Sweetie
Since you were feeling deprived because of the absence of guys in this room. I said, I had to give account for those who are not here and where have gone? And by saying I am the only one left here doesn’t mean I feel deprived. Besides, its a man’s dialogue “Mai hoon na” and yours “Hum Hain Na” shows that women are not equal to men! Ha ha.
sana
tou haath kangan ko aarsi kya? thaam lo baanhain, its a figure of speech, I mean don’t waste your time then
Lol.. Farrah I just opened tat link u had posted. God, that IS an old song.
Farrah
I guess she was singing
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pale of water
Jack fell down and broke his crown and she came tumbling after
170:The Secret :I borrowed the film from friend.You would not be able to download it from internet .
I tried to copy it but was not able to.
Best bet is library.I would not recomend to buy.it is watch once and move on thing.
>>sana
tou haath kangan ko aarsi kya? thaam lo baanhain, its a figure of speech, I mean don’t waste your time then
I didnt get any of that. Dont waste my time on what?
Sweetie
By now you must have realized that I am neither “Miskeen” nor I am “Khamosh” aur yae zaroor hai kay, mai tamashaa bhee hoon aur tamashaiyee bhee.
Sana
Jo na samjhay wo Anari hai
I told you b4 I am not going to translate ne thing 4 U.
177.I love old Indian songs ,they are classic and time less
and I have loads of memories of my childhood attached to these songs.
Like my ister was crazy for Chitrahaar ,so the servant boy will be on the third storey of the house with antena attached to water tank he is trying to get the wave length from Door darshan,my sister is asking me from second storey is th epicture comming.And I without watching would say yes.
of course rest of the scene doesnot need explanation.
those were the days.
178:Jk main dostoun ko dhakka nahein daitie
Jk
like a bus first the woman did not come to the websight
now 3 come together
Upper walla jab bhe daita hai chappar phar kai daita hai
Sweetie and Sana
if you are not used to read Urdu written in English kindly let me know.
182 – Didnt realise i was told that. Toodles.
Maat bhag Jk Theosa kai peechai
Sana teria agai sweetie terai peechai
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=jTRea5c32bI
Farrah, I accidentally stumbled upon this site. haha someone pushed me here & lo & behold here i am!! =)
JK, when did i ever use the word deprived?? I said lonely. There’s nothing wrong wit one to feel lonely. & by tat i simply meant u the ONLY guy here(for now atleast). As far as i am concerned, the only deprivation i suffer from is ….!
I happen to also suffer from another condition, which u can call Guyophobia! LOL
160 JK
to have rainbow we have to put up with rain.
Good night everyone !!
this video is especially for my friend JK ,
“Aur, mai khud hee tamashaa hoon aur mai khudd he tamashayee!”
poor soul………….
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=IzQt2RtXWnw&feature=related
hahaha @ Saar jo tera chakaraey…
Ladies & Gentlemen, this worth listening, please click on the link below: Sana, you have to get speakers and listen to this, no excuses.
http://pkpolitics.com/2008/11/06/capital-talk-6-november-2008/
I watched this show on the History channel, called ‘ The dark ages’. It was about how the ppl in those times were barbaric. Honestly, i don’t see ne diff between those ppl & the screwed up so called culture(vulture), or society..
I often wonder if these ppl ever stop n think for a moment that they too are gonna die. Nuthing lasts forever… I am just shocked & in a state of disbelief, how they bury someone alive!! How can one human do this to another?
This is amazing, Samar Minallah a fragile woman stood up against an armed army of feudal lords, Sardars, Wadheras and Chaudharys and exposed them. She was demanding them to stop the barbaric acts and eliminate the social evils from the society such as, “Sawra or Vani. A custom popular in rural Pakistan where young girls and women are given as compensation to end disputes. In this custom, the criminal goes free and an innocent girl pays the price.”
It is amazing because, a single Pashtun woman stood up against them and confronted them in open on a TV talk show. In the past also she has been advocating for the rights of rural women in Pakistan, first as a freelance journalist and then as an activist documentary filmmaker.
This latest talk show on Geo TV “The Capital Talk” on November 06, 2008 while sitting in front of Mir Hazar Khan Bijarani. the Federal Minister for Education and, Dr Pervaiz Hoodbhoy, a notable Educationists – She exposed Bijarani and stunned him. Then Hoodbhoy did the same to the Baluchistan Minister Mir Israr ullah Zehri by bringing up the subject of 3 innocent girls and 2 women were shot first in honour killing and were buried while they were alive and Israr Ullah defended it by saying it is our tradition and we need to respect it? This bastard has been made the minister in this government?
The debate is worth watching by clicking on the link above in comment # 192.
I saw the video of Samar Minallah, and I was really surprised and impressed that a woman is standing up for human rights and standing against feudalism.
Way to go Samar, I hope you achieve success in all your ambitions and I hope you get more recognition for your views.
hello anybody home!!!!
link for Art work.Kate Moss in gold
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/arts_and_culture/7647947.stm
Hmm The site wasn’t working.
Lol Farrah. I wouldn’t wanna be her in tat state or position , heck not even in gold!!! haha
Sweetie
The site is working may be from your computer the server was not accessible, sometimes you need to turn off your browser and try again and it works.
Seems like all the action took place on politics page today. Because of the Indian invasion
from Varun.
J K, what ever made u think i am retarded? hehe I tried that many times but didn’t work. Who’s Varun?
Sweetie
Varun is a blogger here. His full name is Varun Suri.
If you want to know the meaning of his name, let me try:
Varun = Rain God
Suri = From Suriya or Sun
And, Sun according to Hindu mythology is also God.
So, he is the God of Rain and Sunshine
No he’s not! lol It’s a MYTH hehehe
199.It is a hell ,only a person prctising yoga for years can do it.
Actually I have seen this and after a long time I appreciated some work in the name of art.Her face is amazing in gold,one cannot differnciate which natonality she is,this statue can be any woman from any part of the world.
I like the wildness of her hair and the posture is so bold yet it is not seductive .That is what I call art?
Genius and time less.
hi everyone, let me introduce myself here again…Javed you are absolutely spot on the etymological significance of my name, though i am not sure about the Surname SURI as it has led to many interpretations..ranging from Sher Shah Suri to Surya Devta and SO on..
SO “I am agree” with the Rain-God part, It’s omnipresent in Hindu Mythology.Maybe because of this reason i have been condemned to live in the most rainy or watery places on this planet earth…first Scotland now Netherlands!!!
Just like to mention a word on Hoodbhoy v/s Zehri, If you see the Video again and Listen to the kind of PassioN/Zeal/Vigour he spoke about the Daku Minister Zehri. It is the greatness of this man that in expressing his disgust and dejection about Zehri he maintned his calm and did not utter anything which was unwanted or pure abuse or any false allegations.
I am really impressed by people who can write or speak with such Eloquence and Elan, HoodBhoy is the Latest addition to it(of course after Javed and khansahab!) and i will not hang my head in shame if i say that i admire Adolf Hitler also just and only JUST for this reason alone!!
I am impressed by the fact that there is this person who had this kind of Power in his Speeches and Propaganda that a Nation of Millions of People can be so systematically fooled into believing something of a Theory which was all a Crap Load of Bullshit! Of-Course the whole world is aware of his Evil side and i won’t harp on it un-neccesarily!
Errrr Farrah, i’d just call that VERYYY old! lol
Varun, The name Suri means Red rose in persian.
Adolf Hitler was a wise head gone totally whack! That guy was a sadist. Such cruelty can only come from a heartless, ruthless ( i can go on n on) being.
Suri
I noticed Hoodbhoy too and I was surprised and impressed the way he put the whole prospective into conclusion.
Varun
You’ve got another meaning to your name – read Sweetie’s comment #206, you must have wished getting one from her, don’t you?
Btw, how come my email bounced back when I wrote you that one liner? The guy wrote back saying I am not the same red rose rain god! Or, is that you pretending to be someone else? Don’t write your email address over here, just use the correct one in that Leave a Reply box.
Adolfa is a Persian baby girl name like Anoosheh is also for a baby girl. One sounds German the other sounds Indian but, both are Persian names. As regards names, there is nothing like Philippine names. Many many years ago, I read an article on Philippine names and laughed out loudly. If I can find it, I will post it here to share it with you guys, it is indeed very interesting and hilarious.
hi JK
Any comments on the statue!
Javed and Sweety,
Well, I would have loved to receive or send Roses or for that matter Tulips which are available in abundance here in April-May! But my Nikaah is round the corner so I should blurt like Govinda, the actor, “Control, Yaar” or like the essence of Buddhism (The Celebrity Religion!!) says,
“Moh-Maya ke jaal mai na Faso,
balki usko apne Vash mai Karo,
aur is Duniya ke saare paapo se bacho, te Nirvana aur Moksha prapt karo”.
I am sorry, all this while i had put up wrong E-mail Id of mine, and it’s only now when you pointed out i noticed it!!I have corrected my E-mail now.
I think i am going to give a call to my father or grand-father and get a clear cut answer for the meaning of my name!! Tanik hamein bhi to pata chale hum kaunse Suri hai bhai?
Talking about Filipino names, I was working with some collegues from the Manila Office last year and some of them had really funny names..mixture of Spanish/Chinese/English and Tagalog! What i noticed that a lot of names have tendencies to repeat 1 or 2 syllables few examples:–
Chuchu de Madrid
Bongbong Buenaventura
Lolito Chincuanco
Dildo Cheng
PokBok Yapchulay
Tintin Cordoba
Putayputay Hernandez
Indian Invasion Contd..!!!
Varun
Since you have given a “Dhakka Start” to the Philippine names, I feel more compelled to quote that article I read a few years ago in Observer:
THE OBSERVER
“A Rhose, by Any Other Name”
By Matthew Sutherland
Editor’s Note: Matthew Sutherland’s essay on the phenomenon called Manila traffic got rave reviews among readers. Through this column, he hopes to give us glimpses into our own culture by writing about all things Pinoy from an expat’s point of view.)
“A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches” – (Proverbs 22:1)
When I arrived in the Philippines from the UK six years ago, one of the first cultural differences to strike me was names.
The subject has provided a continuing source of amazement and amusement ever since. The first unusual thing, from an English perspective, is that everyone here has a nickname. In the staid and boring United Kingdom, we have nicknames in kindergarten, but when we move into adulthood we tend, I am glad to say, to lose them.
The second thing that struck me is that Philippine names for both girls and boys tend to be what we in the UK would regard as overbearingly curtsey for anyone over about five. “Fifty-five-year-olds with names that sound like five-year-olds”, as one colleague put it.
Where I come from, a boy with a nickname like Boy Blue or Honey Boy would be beaten to death at school by pre-adolescent bullies, and never make it to adulthood. So, probably, would girls with names like Babes, Lovely, Precious, Peachy or Apples. Yuk, echech. Here, however, no one bats an eyelid. Then I noticed how many people have what I have come to call “door-bell names”.
These are nicknames that sound like – well, door-bells. There are millions of them. Bing, Bong, Ding, and Dong are some of the more common. They can be, and frequently are, used in even more door-bell-like combinations such as Bing-Bong, Ding-Dong, Ting-Ting, and so on. Even our newly-appointed chief of police has a doorbell name – Ping.
None of these door-bell names exist where I come from, and hence sound unusually amusing to my untutored foreign ear. Someone once told me that one of the Bings, when asked why he was called Bing, replied “because my brother is called Bong”. Faultless logic. Dong, of course, is a particularly funny one for me, as where I come from “dong” is a slang word for… well, perhaps “talong” is the best Tagalog equivalent.
Repeating names was another novelty to me, having never before encountered people with names like Len-Len, Let-Let, Mai-Mai, or Ning-Ning. The secretary I inherited on my arrival had an unusual one: Leck-Leck. Such names are then frequently further refined by using the “squared” symbol, as in Len2 or Mai2. This had me very confused for a while. Then there is the trend for parents to stick to a theme when naming their children. This can be as simple as making them all begin with the same letter, as in Jun, Jimmy, Janice, and Joy.
More imaginative parents shoot for more sophisticated forms of assonance or rhyme, as in Biboy, Boboy, Buboy, Baboy (notice the names get worse the more kids there are — best to be born early or you could end up being a Baboy). Even better, parents can create whole families of say, desserts (Apple Pie, Cherry Pie, Honey Pie) or flowers (Rose, Daffodil, Tulip). The main advantage of such combinations is that they look great painted across your trunk if you’re a cab driver. That’s another thing I’d never seen before coming to Manila – taxis with the driver’s kids’ names on the trunk.
Another whole eye-opening field for the foreign visitor is the phenomenon of the “composite” name. This includes names like Jejomar (for Jesus, Joseph and Mary), and the remarkable Luzviminda (for Luzon, Visayas and Mindanao, believe it or not). That’s a bit like me being called something like “Engscowani” (for England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland). Between you and me, I’m glad I’m not.
And how could I forget to mention the fabulous concept of the randomly-inserted letter ‘h’. Quite what this device is supposed to achieve, I have not yet figured out, but I think it is designed to give a touch of class to an otherwise only averagely weird name. It results in creations like Jhun, Lhenn, Ghemma, and Jhimmy.
Or how about Jhun-Jhun (Jhun2)? There is also a whole separate field of name games – those where the parents have exhibited a creative sense of humor on purpose. I once had my house in London painted by a Czechoslovakian decorator by the name of Peter-Peter. I could never figure out if his parents had a fantastic sense of humor or no imagination at all — it had to be one or the other.
In the former case, I reckon it should have been Peter-Peter Pumpkin-Eater! But, here in the Philippines, wonderful imagination and humor is often applied to the naming process, particularly, it seems, in the Chinese community. My favourites include Bach Johann Sebastian; Edgar Allan Pe; Jonathan Livingston Sy; Magic Chiongson, Chica Go, and my girlfriend’s very own sister, Van Go. I am assured these are real people, although I’ve only met two of them.
I hope they don’t mind being mentioned here. How boring to come from a country like the UK full of people with names like John Smith. How wonderful to come from a country where imagination and exoticism rule the world of names.
Even the towns here have weird names; my favorite is the unbelievably- named town of Sexmoan (ironically close to Olongapo and Angeles). Where else in the world could that really be true? Where else in the world could the head of the Church really be called Cardinal Sin?
Where else in the world could Angel, Gigi and Mandy be grown-up men? Where else could you go through adult life unembarrassed and un-assailed with a name like Mosquito, or Pepper, or Honey Boy? Where else but the Philippines!
These are real life :
But listen to this one One of my friend is an artist with the sir name Butt.
She lives in USA so she is called Miss.Butt.
Listen to this classic one.One of my colleague brought a name written on a piece of paper and asked me ,Farrah how do you pronounce this?Is this an Asian Name?
I said,Oh yeah this is Dixit.
She asked is it a muslim name?
I said no it is more of an Indian name .We have a film star ,Madhuri Dixit with this name ?so what is the problem.
She looked at me helplessly and said you cannot register it let me write it for you ,when you say ,Dixit
It sounds to us like dick-shit
A lady walks into Tiffany’s. She browses around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely she inadvertently breaks wind.
Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn’t pop up right now.
As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her. Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the
salesman greets the lady with, ‘Good day, Madam How may we help you today?’
Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may not have been there at the time of her little ‘accident! ‘, she asks, ‘Sir, what is the
price of this lovely bracelet?’
He answers, ‘Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you’re going to shit when I tell you the price.
Ha, ha, ha ha !
BRACELET AT TIFFANY OR BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY?
And, was it before Breakfast at Tiffany or, after?
Apparently after the breakfast lolll
jk 211
I had a Chinese colleague Cambridge graduate recently she was working in a top bank job,once she put the phone down after speaking to the client and cried we were all shocked and like British people just looked at her to tell us when ever she is comfertable.
After five minutes she recollected herself and stood up with the ambition,I am going to change my name for when ever
I tell clients ,my name is ,TONG TONG ,they think I am ringing the bell and asking them to guess?
Of course she is still Tong Tong.
I always say Farrah and people think,OH SARRAH that is a nice name.
Sweety Tiffany is not that expensive,but joke was good.
Check this out. It’s hilarious.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7jRcTYdrmb8&feature=related
loooooooooool @ sweetie 123.
Good one Sweetie!
Man he’s so gay! HAHA
I love David Letterman’s interviews.
Here’s another target of David’s. LOL … man he’s a bad a**!! HAHA
An example of responsible women making a change in Pakistani society:
Nargis Latif turns waste into wealth
Kamal Siddiqi, Hindustan Times
Email Author
Karachi, November 12, 2008
It started with a quarrel over burning garbage outside her apartment. Nargis Latif, now in her 50’s, fought and got the kachra kundi (garbage point) removed so that the burnings ended.
She told the garbage collectors that they should not burn the waste but recycle it. This meant unending arguments with men who did not know how to deal with this woman in a lab coat who would not take no for an answer. “I was much younger then, full of energy. Now I look back and wonder at the things I did,” she says.
It was in the 60’s that Latif advocated that garbage should not be burnt but recycled. People considered her to be mad. She set up a non-governmental organisation (NGO) called Gulbahao which focused on using garbage instead of simply discarding it. “I talked to hundreds of Kabarias (junk dealers) to bring me back paper, cardboard, shopping bags, plastic, glass and metal. I paid them good money and that is when the mentality changed. Till then, Kabarias were only interested in buying old home appliances like radios and clocks.”
That network of junk merchants serves her well. It has evolved into an industry of its own where almost
everything in Karachi is recycled — from paper to animal bones and even hair.
Latif’s NGO Gulbahao has moved on from collecting to creating. It now promotes all sorts of products made from ‘clean’ waste bought from the junk dealers. After the earthquake in Pakistan, Gulbahao supplied its ‘Wastic-blocks’, made from shopping bags, with which temporary shelters were built in remote areas.
The ‘Safai-Kamai’ bank buys dry waste products and pays good money for it. These products are then used to make a variety of items – from cushions to mobile toilets.
But Gulbahao also promotes other cheap and cost effective ways to improve the standards of living. They encourage people to make their own compost. To make their drinking water safe by using plastic bottles placed in the sunlight.
In all this, Nargis Latif, who moves around Karachi convincing people to take matters into their own hands, is the driving force. She says that only a fraction of the 800 tonnes of solid waste produced in Karachi is recycled. Despite this she has not lost hope. For her, it’s a cause worth dedicating her life to.
Lord! Karachi is like a garbage dump set on fire. Any where u go, it’s hard to breathe normal cuz ure taking in the fumes of the burning garbage. Urgh.. There’s so much smog that u can see it at a distance.
>>Lord! Karachi is like a garbage dump set on fire. Any where u go, it’s hard to breathe normal cuz ure taking in the fumes of the burning garbage. Urgh.. There’s so much smog that u can see it at a distance.
Gosh, sounds awful. Initially i used to hear things about Karachi which sounded v. western like how maaaadern it is, the clothes, women going around without bother from men etc. Yet when i ‘ve spoken to Pakistanis from Pakistan and my relatives i get negative views of Karachi, and the uncleanliness gets a mention too.
Still, i would like to visit it someday….not on my own of course
Sana, karachi is indeed very modern. The kinda clothes we wear here, u can expect more exposure there. But if u love food, u gotta go there! lol
BTW not all places are dump in khi.
Sweetie
Get me out of this bloody politics
Tell me have you seen Legally Blonde
Sweetie Watch this
early Friday for you
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0h2ffuLtY5Q
A clip from Brit comedy ,his show is extremely rude and funny ,Graham V Norton
Big Bling
kai daftar main zaroor paryaan houngi warna yeah kaam per janai wala nahein hai
Khansahab
this song is for you !
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vo1MykK4u8U
I will write on Kashmir tomorrow or Saturday maybe.
It is not an arguement it is to provide a background why Kashmir is important
Ms Raja
Am I your “sapnon ki raani”? All this while you have not been assuming I am a female, have you?
Of course not .I thought you were a single guy.Dreaming about soulmates.
I do not watch dreams ,I live my dreams….
my national anthem is this
Mujh ko yaqeen hai such kehti theen jo bhee Ammi kehtee theen
Jab meray buchpan kay din thay chand pay pariyaan rehtee theen
Ab tou yae Aalam hai daftar may bhee sao sao pariyan hoti hain
Log tou sirf naam kay Raja hain, hum tou dar-asal Raja Inder hain.
Kismet hamaray saath hai, pariyaan hamaray paas hain
voh log bohat bud kismat hain
jo ishq ko kaam samajhtay hain,
yaa kaam say ishq kartay hain,
Bakaoz kaam ishq kay aaray aatay hain
aur ishq say kaam ulajhtay hain,
phir log tung aaker na kaam kertay hain
aur na ishq kertay hain
aur dono ko adhoora chorr detay hain
Iss liyeh hum jeetay hain aur masroof hain
Na ishq kia, Na kaam kia,
Bus flirt kiya aur mazay kia
Raat ko mai pee
Subha ko taoba kee
Rindd kay rindd rehay
haath say Jannat bhee na gayee
Mr Big bling
Intellectual grudge is not good for my sleep
Tum nain kul meri neendh haram ki hai
aur aabh mughai chain ajaiga kiyunkai
I have thought of a name for you
wrapped in sweet caramel and honey cinamon
Raja Inder…..ji nahein
Karailai aur neem charhai
aab main sakun sai su sakti houn
aur politics ka page meri sahat kai liya sakhat muzir ha
J K whats rindd?
Farrah i saw the clips. Thanks the dances were funny.
Has ne of u ppl seen Russel brand? If not look him up on youtube. This guy is hilarious.
Check out this clip.
Sweetie
I saw Russel during Big Brother,I am sorry cannot stand him
Jk
“Mujh ko yaqeen hai such kehti theen jo bhee Ammi kehtee theen”
Like your comment though very sweet.
For JK
“Araam Araam Araam
Din raat karain Araam
Jab Araam sai thuk jaian
Khoob karain araam
araam ka hai naam
Javed Ali Khan”
(sing it in a DIAMOND SUPREME FOAM ADD) If you know that
Lol Farrah, i loveee his wicked sense of humor hehehe. But do check out the link ( u too J K) i posted last, it’s Jeff Dunham.
According to The American Heart Assoc., many american teenagers have the arteries of a middle aged person. Even worse , they have an ass of a teenage elephant. HAHA
(Jay Leno)
Where’d ure pic go Farrah?
Yippppyyyyyy! It’s the weekend, which means i can have a sleep in til 9 am and no alarm clock to wake me up
Hehehehehe! Had a tough rough week but it’s all good, all good, all good
Oh, i like the new blog look guys – it looks a bit more…how can i say it, “organised”?
Hope you’re all good
Sana
Why don’t you tell us a bit more about yourself?
LOL@ Khan sahab… How about u tell US about ureself for a change? HEHEHE
Yes Sana !
I have the same Friday ,Waoo feeling.
If I want to buy a thing from this world that is my time.
How was your trip to London.For the first time London is so quite ,we are not so enthusiastic about Christmas and my office is not overflowing with chocolates yet.My boss is freaking out .He has a sudden fit of meeting dead lines at 4:45 .He is always last minute dot com.
239;Sweetie
You are one wicked witch!
Laughed my head off on the wicked video you posted .I thought it was Russel.Oh you made my Friday
Suicide bombers seem to be just very greedy men ,to get 70 virgins they forget ,sex is
a body experience ,without body what are they going to do.
and if they just want to enjoy virgins in the spiritual minds they do not need to die.
Hello Moderator It is Friday wake up
haha.. Oh trust me, men can enjoy ne woman in their minds.. All they need is a wild imagination LOL
Farrah , ill take that as a compliment(239;Sweetie
You are one wicked witch!)
I already told u guys , im the wicked witch of the west HAHA
Hi Khansahab – whaddya wanna know? How about yourself? Javed says you are a Mancunian. Actually, a bit about myself is below.
Farrah – it’s been 6 weeks since i moved to Manchester after having lived in London for several years. I think i have adjusted pretty quickly as just the morning journeys on the Jubilee line for the few days i was down brought it all back, lol. But i am down regularly, at least once a month for work purposes so it’s all good
I brought myself a nice handbag and coat. I met with friends, went for Moroccan food, had a hair cut, went on my training course which was led by a desi female senior lawyer (how very refreshing!) and hung out with my former housemates.
Jublee line:
I hate that specific jouney because once a month I have to face board room and give my figures and put my formal business woman persona on and I am so out of place in this
job……well but i like challenges and come upto them.
Some times when I look back I say to myself what the hell Farrah and why?
the answer is I needed to prove something to myself and that something is ;been there done that.
so out of place in this job.I sound like a typical Brit.
Sweetie
i am learning so much from you,to relax and to laugh I need to learn that
good night guys!
Good morning JK
“Crunchy nut”(ceareal breakfast)
lagta hai aap criket ko piyarai hou chukai hai.
You are missed though,aur koi kabab parathai mughai bhe bahaij do
“kabhee hum main tum main Qarar tha
tumhain yaad ho kai na yaadh ho”
Good morning!!!!!!
watch this is my favourite!
Salam Farrah, and morning. What do you mean you need 2 prove something to yourself? Well, once you have done that, whatever it is, you can move on and do something else? Just earlier the thought of an MBA crossed my mind, lol. Not that i am of a business mindset or even got the money to do one, but i am sick of working for other people and working for myself sounds good. I am not a risk taker though so i’d fall at the first hurdle
May i ask what it is you do for a living in work? Tell me to get lost if you dont wanna.
hehehe.. Farrah, this link is for?? lol
Sana
I sent you an e-mail- please respond?
Thanks
Khansahab – how have you sent me an email? Do you have my email addy??!?!?!?!
Ok, get it – the email comes up on here but isn’t published. I’ve replied to your mail kid.
Sweetie
I am a bloody risk taker.I do pay the price for my mistakes,but I never regret and never look back.I did my masters in English Literature from Lahore.Taught Literature for a while.
Of course my mother wanted me to get married even before MA but somehow marriage was the last thing in my mind.
What will happen after marriage,children and home.I was not thinking about that at that time.My dad is a Bitish citizen so I packed my bags and headed for Britain.I have a huge family here.I hate steroe type life.the whole point of this journey was to see the world and to discover myself.Oh this journey was not easy and life was pretty tough.But not tougher than me.I refused all help from my family because with their help would come the wedding proposals and no I was not ready.
So got my nationality on my own.My job on my own and learnt to survive on my own.So my life is mine.Fell in love head over heals and of course with a wrong person and got divorced recently.
So darling I have lived my life as per my dreams
Looking back I just think why I had to do this.
But what I got out of this journey is my firm believe and faith and bonding with my Creator.My inner peace and humanity.This was a journey of faith.I had written a book on sufism and I said ,”Ok,God here I come,look after me.I am putting all my trust and faith in you.You are the Protector,you are the Provider.Provide for me. ”
And He did.I work in accounts,which I never thought I could do,but they say a womans potential is like a tea bag she does not know until she is in a hot water.
It is tough emotionally when one says this is the only way.
The only thing with decsion making is you cannot change them and have to live with them.
I have progressed well in my job.Live a comfertable life and my bosses think I am good at my work.and now I want to see the world.
looking back life could have been a lot easier if I would have married as per my parents and got settled ,yes that was a choice but I did not do that.Sometimes I wonder why on earth I needed to leave Luxury life of Pakistan?So I do not know what I have proved myself but this is how I lived.
266
is a response to Sana
I know how to make up for this ,come and stay with me next time you are in London.and yes you can get Jubilee line from here.
Khansahab if she ask kindly forward her my email.
farrah ji – after reading your comment 266 I would like to say a few words with due respect. To me it appears like you are one hell of a dukhiya woman who’s been through hell and even after falling in a ditch you don’t accept that u took a fall. It is good to have such an spirit but it makes me wonder how much is truth and how much you are exaggerating about yourself? I have been reading your comments for a few weeks by now and I don’t find any consistency in it except boasting, bragging and criticizing others. Apart from the fact that there is no substance in your material, the most obvious thing in your writings is, your horrible spellings, bad grammar and absolutely no syntax. But that doesn’t amazes me what amazes me is, you claim to have a Masters degree in English literature from Lahore? And on top of that you also claim to have taught literature at college level and also wrote a few books! In India, with your level of English I can assure you that you won’t even pass the high school exam. If you are an example of Pakistan’s educational standards then no wonder Pakistan is producing such great scholars like you. But, I doubt that the level of education in Pakistan is so bad that they have such Masters of English Literature with such pathetic standards. My request to you is please don’t ruin the image of Pakistan for the sake of your self projection with your own empty, shallow & pretentious bragging in such a cocky manner. I hope you will pay some heed to my request not just for your own image but for the sake of your home country Pakistan.
So! what shall I do 420 for the sake of my country stop being myself!
Thank you for the suggession.
also I would have appreciated your writing if it had some creativity and originality with all the brilliant spellings and grammar and yes some life experience.
Mr 420
Sorry if my comments and personality is an annoyance to you but have a dream and live it instead of envying the ones who are doing it.
for a star have a pot and sow something and grow with the shoots and feel happpy .Life is not a punctuation mark and people around are not full stops.Grow your wings and fly.
farrah ji by pointing out that deficiency which you consider it as a quality the objective was to draw your attention towards a point about how others see you or perceive you? If you have not read the essay, ‘seeing ourselves as others see us’ then read it. In my opinion your loneliness in life is the reason of your bragging and blabbing, some people are suffering from ADD but it seems you are a case of ADHD. Go see a shrink, blog is not a place to cure it. I won’t be saying anything more than this.
Hmm .. Im a little dazed n confused (i just woke up), & a little bit upset.. sigh** Let’s not get personal & refrain from being rude with others.
Here’s a chill pill for u all
http://www.veryfunnyads.com/
(just click on play all)
people you can draw your conclusions but in nutshell I have learnt from my life,the values of my society ,Pakistan are far better,the comfort,the unconditional love and the support is huge and that is all one needs to live life.
Reason for my sanity and happiness is I did not loose my sense of belonging and bonding with my family.In the absense of all limits and immense freedom one has to set limits for ones self and I made an easy choice for that religion.God is not our brother or father He is a Creator and he does not interfere with our choices.I try my best to follow Him and so I believe I must be shown the way.
I am not sad but yes I feel lonely sometimes
but that is how everyone is around me.
and woman is so incomplete without a man in her life and that man has to be the husband and yes woman cannot be complete without creating the master piece called child.
I may sound extremely modern but no I am extremely conservative and boring.
Thanks Farraha – your reply is interesting
I wish you continued success. It’s hard living a comfortable life in London, which is one of the reasons i moved back!
Farrah, we all need someone to whom we can hold on to. I see women who say oh i dont need a man in my life ( i just say i dont need a man in my life to make it more miserable) but the fact of the matter is we DO! Men, u can’t live wit them but DEFINITELY without them HAHAHA.
Values.. Ppl here don’t have ne values( very rare if at all any). But lemme correct u a wee bit here. It’s not our culture which teaches us values , it is our religion. The only thing we get out of our culture is a kick on our rear ends. Tat is why i call our culture VULTURE LOL
This is a MUST listen.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YxQrPXPSVhQ
Ok this one is HILARIOUS. I have no clue what the dubbing means,but i LMAO.
Ok this one is HILARIOUS. I have no clue what the dubbing means,but i LMAO.
NO SPEAKAH DE ENGLISH
A bus stops and 2 men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first but when she hears one of them saying the following:
‘Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once a more! Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee … Read Moretwice. Then I come one lasta time’
The lady can’t take this any more, ‘You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig’ she retorted indignantly. ‘In this country we don’t speak aloud in public places about our sex lives’
‘Hey, coola down lady’ said the man , ‘who talking abouta sex? I’m a justa telling my frienda how to spell Mississippi’.
Thanks Sana!
I love London despite my complaints I do not know where else in the world I will be so comfertable.The culture,the people,the food ,the art,the exhibitions,the indifference and who cares atitude,and the petetions and the charities I think all of this is me.
The civil liberties,human rights all the values which I cherish are here.
420
dear you have not got my point which is I do not want to see myself from others eyes ,I have my own.That is why I left my very loving family and very comfertable home to see what is life?
That is why I am comfertable in London because everyone around me does this as a norm.It is a part of growing up and not an exception.
420
I have not started bragging yet and you do not know me.If I were you I would not waiste my time thinking about someone else life .
“Mind your business is so boring isnt it so I would not give you this advice”
Instead I would say look accross your window:
Shri 420
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=awelkdyDTBc&feature=related
With loads of love
Take care
Sweetie
You are my dose of multi vitamins and must have regime of laughter therapy.
Your comment 275:
Yes I agree hundred percent.We do need men ,they define us and this companionship and bonding and togetherness is beautiful as we (man and woman )are inter dependent.
and yes I am going to marry soon.
Just because I ended up with one idiot it does not mean world is full of them.
Farrah – where abouts are you living in London? You dont need to be specific, but east / west / south / north, or 2 of these put together
I miss aspects of London but for me, being elsewhere for a year or two is key in order to build up on my experiences from London. I will ask khansahab to pass email details on!
Sweetie 276
That was so sweet.But most of the time I listen to Ricky Martin or West Life
277.of course laughed,tried to make out some sense,surprised I could catch some words,was it Pashto or Farsi.
I have seen Shreck so i could follow it
TALASH-E-GUMSHUDA
——————
One good looking guy with seductive pushto ,in Shalwar Qameez huge Shawl and Qainchi chappal with a bowl of cereal in his hand with nuts has been abducted by Paryaan though I believe Koh Kaaf CANADA sai buhat dour hai.
Puryoun kou itlah dee jatee hai kai iska damagh akhroot hai aur yeah blondes kai aseer hain inhain wapas bahigh diya jayee
Paryoun kai liyai aam maufee ka ailaan hai
kiyounkai Pakistani men are gorgeous and worth abduction.
Dear Sana
East, next to Stratford….straight on Central line.It would be a pleasure to have you around so you are welcome anytime.
lol @ seductive Pathan. I can tell by PAriyan, ure speaking of J K. I don’t think he’s pathan (are u J K?).
Is he single?
urghhh
where’d my last mess go???
Farrah, that was dubbed in Pushto. There’s this ad , it is so pathetic that it’s unimaginable. But when my friend showed me i just LMAO! oh lord i dunno if it’d be ok for me to post the link here. But if J K & Khan Sahab don’t wanna allow it , i guess they can remove the link. But if not DO WATCH IT!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Farrah, that was dubbed in Pushto. There’s this ad , it is so pathetic that it’s unimaginable. But when my friend showed me i just LMAO! oh lord i dunno if it’d be ok for me to post the link here. But if J K & Khan Sahab don’t wanna allow it , i guess they can remove the link. But if not DO WATCH IT!!!
Ok here’s the link
Sweetie
Hillarious.
It is bloody half an hour education programme.
why do you have any doubts regarding sense of humour of JK and Khansahab
They put up with my comments and blogs,they can put up with any thing
Khansahab have an art with words wait till Theosa comes.
One of his comments starts with,”Guys I will call your names instead of calling you names”.this line is stuck in my head and I laugh at least two times in a day thinking about this line.
read on politics pg 1 371 and 376.
correction 295
not Khansahab but JFK.(JK)
There is a history behind this as well
Sweetie reponse to 289
I think he speaks pushto to Theosa that is why I assumed he is.Regarding his status I have no idea .
I am watching a hillarious comedy film
Boat trip,two men desperate for woman go on a cruise in persuit of beauties and find it is a gay boat.Rest you can imagine and than a whole platoone of blondes arrive for sun tanning on boat.
Who & where is Theossa ( a very weird name/nick i must say)?
Do not know about the name the gorgeous guy with a cig .He has gone to Pakistan.
I am missing dialogues b/w him and JK.
First I was really shocked am I reading what I am reading and than I recovered.
I enjoy my conversations with JK,I have a very conservative side to myself and maybe I have criticised him too much and his disappearence is not going down very well with me.
JK ,Theosa and you will have fantastic conversations for you have the wits to outwit them.
I saw this show ‘ The Blue planet’. This link is a part of the show. I was just awe struck.
Sweetie! Sweet
Where are you !!watched the clip!
Good.
I like more of mountains,snow ,forest
docuementries.
Two years ago I went to cruise,apart from luxury etc it was a strange experience.
I always feel a bit uncomfertable when I am not on earth means,sea and air.
Although i felt strange but I could never stop looking at the sea,from deck,from bedroom and I am not a good swimmer………
Sea has a whole world of its own.I do not know how people can just go in the middle of the sea and switch off the engine and stay there?
Imagine if we were fish …which one would you be?
Farrah i am here. I just loveee deep ocean documentaries. I wish i were an oceanographer =(.
Can u believe less than 10 % of the ocean has been explored. We know much more about the outer space/universe than the ocean.
Here’s a couple of links. These episodes were actually by discovery channel. There are 11 episodes which 5 yrs in the making & $ 1 million per episode. Enjoy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8okOMVhTmY&feature=related
Farrah, if i could be a fish, i`d a tropical colorful fish, but if i were given the choice to be an animal, i`d be a bird or most deifinitely a persian cat hehehe
Here’s one more b 4 u guys decide to kill me lol.. This one left me mesmerized…
Persion cat !!MIAON!!
I would be a turtle……how is that?
And Sweetie Sweet
David Attenborough and BBC and of course I have seen the whole series.
He did recent one on Indian Jungles and Nepal etc ,loved that.
The Lions,Cheetahs,Tigers,Elephants and Hiran.
Beautiful.
Sea is amazing ,its power ,its life ,I always feel so little and insignificant ,the vastness,life and species ,it is beyond my comprehension…
Oceanographer ;that is very adventureous.
So when are you going to take a dip with dolphins.
Sweetie
I love Christmas season,loads of choclate
Julia Roberts and Hugh Grant season on tv
and I watch same films every year and Ilove them.
There is somrthing about Julia & Hugh Grant films I love them all.
Farrah, are u sure it has nuthing to do with JUST Hugh grant? lol
I sooo wish i could take a dip with the dolphins… The great barrier Reef is where i would loveee to go.
Chocolates.. AHHHH i loveeee em.. Esp mars, which luckily we don’t get here( tats’ all i’d be eating hehe ).
…and where is great barrier Reef ,my geography is poor…
Hugh Grant I like the rules he plays good looks are so deceptive?????????
Poor Jemima have n’t understood the rule yet and ends up alone every six months.
She complaints the men she falls in love with Imran and Hugh both are shy of publicity.she is gorgeous…..I saw her in liberty Lahore errr….dont ask which year though??????
Farrah, the Great barrier reef is in Australia.
U’re right, looks are deceiving. In my case ‘get up’ is deceiving. hehehe
Your get up or someone else!!!
Farrah my get up ( how i dress). lol
Seriously ive been told that & i get these confused looks from ppl. hahaha i find it funny & always get a kick out of it.
Sweetie
Never care about that .You must dress up the way you feel comfertable.
When I look back at my teenage in Pakistan ,my mum used to hate my Q-lots.
and I prefer pair of jeans wash n go .I am not made to iron my clothes.
Personality should shine through doesnot matter what you are wearing.
Also in the same stance I hate to wear matching clothes somehow I always end up wearing contrast.
Farah, trust me i couldn’t care less for what any one thinks about me or the way i dress up. =)
This was aired yesterday. It’s a clip from Jeff Dunham’s christman special with Achmed the dead terrorist. DO watch it!
This is a clip from Jeff Dunham’s christman special with Achmed the dead terrorist. DO watch it!
Cat gives birth to freak feline with two faces
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/article5195172.ece
THIS IS FREAKY
Seen it.. Poor kitty
Everyone’s left.
I don’t have sympathy with this kitty, Sweetie; she really freaked me out.
Did anyone hear John Sargent’s decision to leave strictly come dancing. It was a hilarious story and a highly entertaining and charming persoanlity it’s got be said.
Abdul – i saw some of Seargents dancing on one of the bbc links, and boy oh boy, how embarassing! I would have left the show for that reason alone. The guy comes accross as so stiff and un-natural as a dancer. lol.
Strictly is entertaining. I watched some of the last series. Dancing is so enteratining to watch
Guys it’s gonna be a cold weekend in the Ju-K! Minus temps this weekend and they were throwing salt on the pavements in anticipation for snow.
The big question is – will i make it to the gym tommorow?! lol.
Where’s Farrah gone?!
Ab aap khush hain Javed?!
Dimps
Thanks for joining the blog but you are such a “can-juiice” can’t you write more than that? Anyways you are more than welcome to participate and express your thoughts, argue or defend whatever. The most active page is always the politics page so browse over there some other time. We keep updating the blog several times during the day.
Do you wish to introduce yourself by writing a little bit about youself? Or, you want me to do the honours?
Feel free don’t be shy.
Moi?! ‘can-juice’- why never!
Well seen as though you have known me for a while now, why don’t you do the honours with introducing me?
If need me I will correct you. Just please don’t disclose too much personal info. However, you can tell the world what a nice person Icam blah blah blah and I will pay you next time you are in the UK hehe.
DRC or Dimps
I think sana remembers you from the MB’s but she is under a mask here so you won’t know until she tells you who she is?
There is no doubt that Dimps is a very nice person ummmmm, aaa I dunno what else to say?
Why don’t you write something about yourself that you are …. I mean how old and where you are what you study or what you do etc.??
And you can just jump into the on going discussion on politics page (which is not the right page to discuss voluptuousness) and defend sweetie and sana and corner Omer and khanasahab…… or whatever, just to brief you how it started. Both Omer and Khansahab were discussing Monica Bellucci and her voluptuousness and you can browse a few comments to get the gist of it…. its on page called Politics 2.
see u there.
Ok…
Erm I am a final year student. Studying law and live in the Uk! I am a girl hehe!
That is enough from me
Javed I thought you would do a better job than that!
Dimple – did you ever post on the asian network messageboards? There was someone there with the same id name, lol.
Actually, just read Javeds last post.
Do you still post on the ALMB Dimple? I must say, in it’s earlier days it was a great place and i made some decent friends there….until i had a freak attack, lol. The level of “intellectual” debate dwindled as the older posters left.
No I do not tend to post there. Have not done so for quite a while. Don’t post on forums etc but Javed has been asking to join for a while now and voila here I am.
I am in contact with quite a few people though from ALMB. Sorry, I am unable to recall who you are?
No worries DRC
Is it just me or do the smilies on here look evi. This : for example looks evil, lol.
Dimple
Welcome to LS.
Sana, yeah smiley faces kinda do appear evil. Nice to agree on something, for once
I was watching Yousaf Raza Gillani’s speech today and I was shocked at his below average English. I never considered him as an expert in English but I never anticipated he would succumb to this level.
Upon considering his party’s Parliamentarians, he said, “We are totally agree….”
That is like saying, “I am agree”.
sana
yeah, this is the same DRC, same dimples, same rosy cheeks, I am sure she is blushing now. But, why don’t you tell her who you are before she finds out you are Aloo?
LOL.
Just kidding, Aloo, is Aloo she must still be there with her paraphernalia i.e., Gobi, Mooli, Palak, temater aur choqander.
khansahab
Yousuf Raza Gillani’s nose is very “Wallruptuous” I mean resembles like the nose of a Walrus aur peechay say he is more like a “HippoBottomus.” He should be speaking in Seraiki rather than English.
Now, Omer would say, “yae tou dushmani ki baat ho gayee, looks say CJ ka kya taluq?” LOL, don’t they say “your face is the mirror of your mind.” And, what did I write there that the CJ looks like, who?
Has anyone watched this video?
Astagh-ferullah…Bhai mei-ray…God blessed him with whatever nose he chose…bechara… Tut…tut. I hope he got his Esmeralda alright
Javed -
Awww Aloo man – a refreshing person on the MB. Got a bit whiney at some points, but it was nice to have another female throw a spanner in the works and directly say what she thought about the bad aspects of asian culture, and she never got defensive about herself which was good. S
Aloo RIP.
lol.
Awas
Reportedly his Esmeralda’s “Ekhlaaq aur Tamaddun” are very prominent and that is prolly bakaoz she is not a product of Dalda but, KHALAS GHEE. Now, you should say MashaAllah.
Javed, did they just make it up or this really happened? The mccain link i.e
sweetie
I have no clue, I just got it thru email and laughed at it and thought of sharing it here. Will let you know after finding more details. G2G
Ps.
Checked it out again and its definitely a FAKE. But, a good one.
This is unbelievable…. & there are millions dying of starvation…
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/27837195#27837195
I’ve been out all morning. The weather is so sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!!!
Sana
It sure is freezing here. I prefer heat over blizzard any day.
Here is a funny one to distract our readers:
Young Paddy moved to Roscommon and bought a Donkey from a farmer for €100. The farmer agreed to deliver the Donkey the next day. The next day he drove up and said, ‘Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died.’
Paddy replied, Well, then just give me my money back.’
The farmer said, ‘Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.’
Paddy said, ‘Ok, then, just bring me the dead donkey.’
The farmer asked, ‘What are ya gonna do with him?
Paddy said, ‘I’m going to raffle him off.’
The farmer said, ‘You can’t raffle off a dead donkey!’
Paddy said, ‘Sure I can. Watch me.. I just won’t tell anybody he’s dead.’
A month later, the farmer met up with Paddy and asked, ‘What happened with that dead donkey?’
Paddy said, ‘I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two euros a piece and made a profit of €998.’
The farmer said, ‘Didn’t anyone complain?’
Paddy said, ‘Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two euros back.’
Paddy now works for the Irish Government!!!!!!
Guys
Please don’t talk about the weather. Last night it was -8C and right now during the day when it is bright sunny the temp is -6C and this is November. We are getting used to this early winter chills, because in January and February we go into deep freeze, minus -40C and lotsa, lotsa snow. Considering what we get here you should count your blessings and cherish them.
I am planning to stay out in January / February but, Jain tou Jain Kahaan? Pakistan where I have my cousins and relatives is so full of trouble and politics, traffic and pollution, Dubai where I have friends is so artificial, phony and commercialized + traffic. USA, I don’t wanna go there. I better book a ski-resort and stay here its better to face it than escaping from the winter.
Awww Javed. I agree about what you said re. Dubai. The opening of that hotel recently was pretty sickening. Can anyone tell me why the desi fascination with Dubai? Never thought it were a great place from my travels.
So, you say your options for travel are limited. Well, you’ve missed the Ju-K out on your list of potential places to visit. You have friends here too!
I do feel for you though. I dont mind cool crisp days but minus temps are a killer. I remember Berlin being my absolutely coldest experience until I went to NY during a January month. Layers of clothing didn’t help
Tommorow they say that in the western parts of England it’s going to be gale force winds. Brrrrrrrrrrrrr!
I prefer when it’s cooler because I suffer from migraines. Although I get them in the winters too, they exacerbate during the summer.
So I like it nowadays
sana
well, I did not miss ju-K but, I’ve deliberately avoided it from my list ‘coz skatland is my second home and going in winter over there is not a good idea. Although temp wise they are like our spring season but its so dark, dull and gloomy out there that I might get depression, also ‘coz my mom is not there ne more (she passed away this April) so the good memories will haunt me. I will go there during summer.
I am not sure what I will do this winter as I have not yet planned. But, over here a lot of people go to FlaReeDa during the winter time. That’s because it is the nearest sun destination. The other option is Cuba and they offer a very good package only C$750 for a week, that includes air ticket, hotel and meals.
The lodging is pretty basic but thats fine, the food is the problem, I have to be on eggs, fish and shrimps and those who drink alcohol and leer @ women on the beach say they have a good time but, I am a teetotaler.
Besides, people say that they get sick quiet often and its not a place where you want to be sick. And, even one week is more than enough for Cuba, Havana. But, I am talking about a month to get a real break from the Jan/Feb winter.
I used to love winter but, winter here is so long and stretched that after living here for so long you really need a break. OR, you really need to go out skiing and stay in the mountains for at least 2 weeks. Then, when you come back you don’t really feel that bad.
Javed, im goin to kulfi land next month too loll
Sweetie – you never know what role Mother Nature will play this season, because so far we have not received any snow (expecting light snow from tomorrow onwards) whereas, all adjoining areas have experienced snow from last month. On October 29th just two hours drive from here they got almost 3 feet of snow. Take a look at the link below:
http://206.47.170.43/channels/images/maritimes-cold-453.jpg
Ya i know Indiana got dumped too.
As our ladies seem to have no interest in cricket, here is a short lesson which is necessary for the understanding of the game.
Rules of Cricket……..
You have two sides, one out in the field and one in. Each man that’s in goes out, and when he’s out he comes in and the next man goes in until he is out. When they are all out, the side that’s been out comes in and the side that’s been in goes out and tries to get those coming in, out. Sometimes you get men still in and not out.
When a man goes out to go in, the men who are out try to get him out, and when he is out, he goes in and the next man in goes out and goes in. There are two men called umpires who are all out all the time, and they decide when the men who are in are out. When both sides have been in and all the men have been out, and both sides have been out twice after all the men have been in, including those who are not out, that is the end of the game.
I hope you all understood what is in and what is out
No Awas, im kinda lost, could u plz go over it again? LOLL
Sweetie
At least you read it
I gather from the look of your face you liked it too!!!
what look? lol I swear i lost u some where loll
I mean that face below (even with fine details to the extent of that red lipstick) is surly yours…women do know how to look good
I still haven’t learned how to make different smilies…can someone teach me?
ummm that wasn’t really a smile. it was
: p together lol
Okay…if cricket was difficult…let’s try these then:
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced
enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is
produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that’s more like it!)
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to
squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.)
A pig’s orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to
death. (Creepy.)
(I’m still not over the pig.)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour.
(Don’t try this at home, maybe at work)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to
its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male’s head off.
(Honey, I’m home. What the…?!)
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It’s like a human jumping
the length of a football field.
(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life..quality over quantity)
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to do.)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm…..)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed
people.
(If you’re ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(Okay, so that would be a good thing)
A cat’s urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)
An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)
Starfish have no brains
(I know some people like that too.)
Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they’ll live a lot longer)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)
Sweetie
Oh…my God…my jaw just dropped!!!
What a pretty picture…mashaallah!!!
khansahab
Please transform me too…with your magic wand
Awas, the pig’s orgasm lasts tat long prolly for one reason only, it has NO clue what it’s doing lol haha
How do u see under black light? lolll is there a black light?
Thanks Awas. Looks are quite deceiving.hehehe
Black light?…I dunno… Paint the light bulb black and ‘turn it on’…I guess.
Whoever found out about the pigs, I wonder whether the person found out how do they get ‘turned on’…to last for 30 minutes!!!
A thought crosses my mind…
What is worse – a praying mantis or a black widow???
Awas, u need not worry, u wont marry either one of em! LOL (i hope not)
Phew!!!
Lol…I like to be reassured…thanks
But…at least the black widow let her guy do it first before he went to heavens…Don’t you feel sorry for the male praying mantis though
No i don’t. Since he doesn’t know what he’s missin out on LOL
Aaaah…that’s cruelty…
Why females find it difficult to have a soft spot for a male…they either eat them…or still devour them…
Hey guys, we got to round up together for each other…LOL
>>Rules of Cricket……..
Falls asleep….lol.
The kirkut is watched by some females in my family over the past weeks on one of the Zee channels, so i avoid it like i am doing now lol
In all honesty, kirkut isnt my thing. Football, on the other hand – on a champions league / world cup / euro cup – level is far more interesting. You actually SEE more of the players too
lol
lol Awas!!
Anyone know if Farrah is ok?!
Sana
I like the “beautiful game” too…but only World Cups when Brazil and Argentina play…as they make it look really beautiful.
:p
Awas
If the comment 362 above was your original version I would have said, YOU PIG, but alas! I cannot say that to you.
It is very interesting to know that a lot of experiments were done on pigs first and then on humans, like heart, kidney and liver transplants etc. Only 5 days ago I read on the BBC news that a Spanish woman got a windpipe transplant BUT, this one was made from her own stem cells. Here is the link:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/7735696.stm
The surgeon who performed the surgery said:
“I was very much afraid. Before this, we had been doing this work only on pigs. But as soon as the donor trachea came out of the bio-reactor it was a very positive surprise.”
Now, you can wait for the new experiment which is probably lying in the bio-reactor and guess what it could be? LOL… whoever guessed it right, I would say “you’ve got it right – you pig.”
Now, their miseries will be over soon and imagine the “Sildenafil Citrate” industry which is more popular as vaghaira, vaghaira would be filing bankruptcies and their French Joint Ventures would be cursing with “Cialis et Tabarnak.” And, probably the CEO’s of these industries would be going to the White House in their private jets asking for a $250 billion rescue plan to uplift the downfall of Sildenafil. ! LOL….
Have you heard that story of Chrysler, Ford and GM CEO’s who went to Washington in their private jets to Washington? (just like Zardari went in a pvt Boeing to KSA with his 250 people entourage for begging) and the congressmen and media made fun of them by saying:
1. Couldn’t you guys have DOWNGRADED yourself to FIRST CLASS?
2. Or,COULDN’T YOU GUYS HAVE JETPOOLED?
Reportedly, unko itni sharam aye kay second day they sold their jets and Zardari was bidding for ALL three, he considered it as an investment opportunity and he wanted to buy these 3 jets for his kids.
LOL Javed..
Javed
It’s Okay…if pigs really have more fun then in my next life I might opt out…and be a pig…LOL
Dimple Rosy Cheeks
Knock knock!!!
Poor u Awas, is it that bad? LOLLLLL
Sweetie dearest – how do you post your pic in? I had an email somewhere but deleted it amongst all other emails. Pls let me know. If it’s complicated for my little brain, i may pass lol
Hello everyone!
How do?
lol Sana.
U got to sign in ure account on wordpress.com. & my account tab, there’ll be edit profile tab, just click tat & im sure ull figure out the rest.
Sweetie
I sent Sana the same guide as I sent you (regarding how to upload a pic), which you found rather elementary.
But either Sana ignored my e-mail or she couldn’t understand its intricacies!
Sweetie
Bad!!! What can I say…the whole public is watching here…so, later…LOL. But I have more sympathy for the poor male praying mantis. He never found out what life was all about…:-(
Sana
To get what you wish for you got to be really nice to khansahab…he usually melts with a smile and a fluttering of eyelashes. Otherwise, if that doesn’t work, I can twist his arm and leg.
Thanks Schveetie – will try what you said when i’m feeling a lil better
khansahab 386
Its not a matter of elementary or intricacy in case of sana she only looked at the legal aspect of it, but now she realized why not join the bandwagon? Sana Barbie, its EZ WeZee so let the kiddo do the job for you.
DRC
Are you going to say something or keep that sweet Russ Gulla in your mouth and keep showing us your cute dimples? Speak up and say what you have to say.
Sana Barbie? lol. I like that name. It gives me an air of dizziness.
Javed, reply to my email man.
What am I supposed to say Javed?!You smell hehe!
I am ill and I have mashed potato for brains today!
Awas, nice pic dude. U look so hoottttt hehe
P.s what is this log in function? Is it a necessary requirement?
Dimple Rosy Cheeks
Hey, kiddo…don’t worry about the log in complications…you are just doing fine except to talk a bit more. Tell us a little about yourself… for starters…
Sweetie
That’s just real me
Thanks!
(next time, I’ll send you my album…)
Sweety good picture,you are a wicked witch or gorgeous witch?
Both!!!!
Sana
I am extremely busy untill end of Feb.I am perfect and yes ! the invitation for you to drop in any time is valid
Take care
Lol .. Awas plz spare me! LOL pehlay yeh tou hazaam kar lon hehehe
Hmm.
I am 21 years old. A girl. I am from up Norf’ (UK) and I am in my final year at University.
I feel a bit shy. Don’t know what to say *blushes*
Sweetie- Mashallah you are very pretty
Thank u Farrah. I am the wicked witch of the west! hehehe. U still around eh!
Awww thanks DRC.
Dimple Rosy Cheeks
Thanks for that…some progress!!!
I am down South…not deep deep…just London. I have lived ‘up north’ for a year or so….couldn’t understand Geordie to begin with…still find it very difficult…I guess you sussed it which city I am talking about.
Aaaah Uni…those were the good days…now I just make ends meet…such is life.
Have fun!
I said the same about Sweetie…but she humbly retorted “Looks are quite deceiving”
With a name like Dimple Rosy Cheeks…I had no doubt you were not a “girl”
DRC – where abouts up north? Grim north east or the lovely north west?
Javed@348, one suggestion come to Europa this Winter?You are fond of Winter Sports and there is no shortage of such places here!!Personally, after my stint in Kashmir I don’t like to be near the Snow that much!!
Awas @362….LOL really amazing facts there…What is the PIG doing for half an hour?
Varun
LOL @ the pig…yeah doesn’t that make you wonder.
(I still feel sorry for that praying mantis…poor sod)
Sana,
You gotta visit Dubai, its a cool place. When I visited the place like 10 years ago, and when I came to the US, this cell phone culture of every1 having 1 and holding one around the ears had already started in Dubai. In America it hadnt started then. Its like a supercool place with ski resorts in the desert and hotels in the sea.
Awaz & Varun, the pig obviously is having an orgasm which lasts 30 mins … THAT’s wat he’s doing!!
My question is, who the hell was timing the pig? hahahaha
Hi Omer,
I went on bijiness trip back in 1999. Got wined and dined (not literally) and did some sightseeing with those hosting. It didnt take my fancy then, and i doubt it would now. Too commercialised for my liking, which maybe one reason a lot of desis like it cos we tend to like shopping, lol.
Personally didnt like the place, and definitely not into the 40 plus degree C temperatures. Scorchio!
hmmm ok Sana I suppose you like more natural places then, such as Canada where its icy cold and very less commercialized? Haha and its great to hear that you are not much into shopping, defeating such a typical stereotype, women and shopping
Sweetie
****My question is, who the hell was timing the pig? hahahaha****
LOL, a good one. The probable answer is:
“must be another PIG in the Lab.”
What DUBAI used to be and what DUBAI is now is beyond the imagination of many people. Especially those who have not seen it before, they cannot imagine how it used to be.
As a commoner we used to do so many things in Dubai which are now either commercialized or people have no access to that. For e.g.,
We used to go in the sand dunes in 4×4 and wadi bashing. Night camping and swimming in the Hatta Mountain Pools in pure, clean, sweet water. I believe there are tour operators now like Arabian Adventures etc. and charge hell of a lot of money to take you to the desert but, if you don’t drive there is no fun.
On shore fishing and off-shore trawling for big fish. Which is not possible now because there aren’t any shores left, there are just buildings and islands with Villas. No off-shore fishing because of the “dredging and land reclaiming jobs” for making more buildings. Good fish like Grouper, Sherry, Red Snapper, Sultan Ebrahimi, Gaindh, etc. all have disappeared even the shrimps. They go fishing in Omani waters to catch fish.
Catching the fish on shore and cooking it right there on spot, sitting around on the beach making a bonfire, singing, playing music and having fun all night.
You simply cannot do any of those things anymore. There are people everywhere and there are buildings and malls everywhere. That skiing in that gigantic tube, you call it skiing is actually skiing kay naam per Kaling Ka Tika. Its like murdering the skiing environment.
I have a lot of friends in Dubai, if I go there it will only be for them and not for the sake of enjoyment in the emirate which is not the emirate where I grew up and spent some real quality time of my life.
Javed, that’s exactly what i was thinking too lolll..
Dubai.. Everything there is excessive.. I wouldn’t wanna live there. Im not the shopping kind either ( much to Omer’s surprise or dismay perhaps lol). Weather, if u can live in KHi during summer, dubai is heaven.
Javed.. ISHHHH LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL I just remembered that lollllllllllllllllllllllll
>>hmmm ok Sana I suppose you like more natural places then
A mix is always good, but for me, too much bijiness can drag you down over time.
Having said the above, and having left London after years of career building (and stress!), i really think ones quality of life improves away from the hum drum of commercialisation. Not to say other cities in the UK arent catching up! Anyone who has been to Leeds / Mancs / Bham, can tell you each city is a mini-me of London with commercialisation galore (particularly the shopping and tall buildings), but at least it isnt in your face as much.
Anyway, it’s an age thing too i reckon. The older you get, the less tolerant you are of busier places perhaps?
You read and watch programmes of stressed out city workers (“city” being London) giving it all up and moving to some eastern country/city and becoming buddhist or volunteers or vegetable growers lol, and then saying “oooooh our life quality has improved”. It’s a shame they had to move thousands of miles away to realise something so basic.
CHINESE JEWELS: How good is your Chinese ?
English phrase interpretation in Chinese:
Are you harboring a fugitive? = Hu Yu Hai Ding?
See me A.S.A.P. = Kum Hia Nao
Stupid Man = Stupid Gai
Small Horse = Tai Ni Po Ni
Your price is too high! = No Bai Dam Ding
Did you go to the beach? = Wai Yu So Tan?
I bumped into a coffee table = Ai Bang Mai Ni
I think you need a facelift =Chin Tu Fat
It’s very dark in here = Wai So Dim?
Has your flight been delayed?=Hao Long Wei Ting?
That was an unauthorized execution =Lin Ching
I thought you were on a diet = Wai Yu Mun Ching?
This is a tow away zone = No Pha King
Do you know the lyrics to the Macarena? = Wai Yu Sing Dum Song?
You are not very bright. = Yu So Dum
I got this for free = Ai No Pei
I am not guilty = Wai Hang Mi?
Please, stay a while longer =<b Wai Go Nao?
Our meeting was scheduled for next week = Wai Yu Kum Nao?
They have arrived =Hia Dei Kum
Stay out of sight = Lei Lo
He’s cleaning his automobile =Wa Shing Ka
Your body odor is offensive =Yu stin ki pu
This one is the best.
Pew! Does this bathroom stink!=Hu Flung Dung? ahahahahaha.
Javed that Chinese Jewels is an old one but its fun reading again. Here is one of my fav’s. I am sure most peeps have already read it still I wud like to share it again.
Okhil Babu’s letter to the Railway Department:
“I am arrive by passenger train Ahmedpur station and my belly is too much swelling with jackfruit. I am therefore went to privy. Just I doing the nuisance that guard making whistle blow for train to go off and I am running with lotah in one hand and dhoti in the next when I am fall over and expose all my shocking to man and female women on plateform. I am got leaved at Ahmedpur station. This too much bad, if passenger go to make dung that dam guard not wait train five minutes for him. I am therefore pray your honour to make big fine on that guard for public sake. Otherwise I am making big report to papers.”
Okhil Chandra Sen wrote this letter to the Sahibganj divisional railway office in 1909. It is on display at the Railway Museum in New Delhi. It was also reproduced under the caption “Travelers’ Tales” in the Far Eastern Economic Review. Any guesses why this letter was of historic value? It apparently led to introduction of TOILETS in trains!!!!!
Don’t believe it? Check out this link:
http://world-amazing-facts.blogspot.com/2005/12/okhil-babus-letter-to-railway.html
One more fact Awas, an ostrich’s egg is bigger than its head too lol
sweetie………then you must read the comment number 1 on this V-talk page. Then comment.
Wat does that joke have to do with the fact i stated? By ostrich’s head , i did mean head.. lol
Javed, wouldn’t it be lot easier if this part was on the top? We wouldn’t have to scroll down all the time .. lol
Thats because the wordpress guys have their brains down there. We are helpless.
Lol @ ure baychargee Javed
This is true & was on a news paper.
A research shows that male fertility can be passed on. Here’es my question HOW? LOL
sweetie
Its done through ‘assisted reproduction’ method.
Gosh i ruined it. it was, ‘A research shows that male INfertility can be passed on’.
remove the post , & fix it & then put it lol
Ummmm don’t get wrong ides from my one liner to your question. There is a scientific method to treat such males with low sperm counts or poor quality sperm to father children and the assisted method is called, ICSI for short and Intracytoplasmic sperm injection is the full form.
It is a well known method which is being practiced by doctors, unless you are referring to ED cases, are you? And the research you are talking about, the subject was discussed in various Urology conferences and the main issue was not about producing children from such patients through assisted reproduction but, it was about preventing the children born through ICSI who can inherit the genetic cause of the father’s infertility. Hope this is clear?
Sweetie #426
No you did not ruin it, “male infertility can be passed on…….” I have explained that the research is being done to prevent the genetic defects from the child inheriting from the father.
JAVEDDDD .. couldn’t u just let it be LOL
Let it be what? OK!
XEROX CORPORATION manufactures photocopying machine it is also known as XEROX machine, which sounds very much like a Greek God’s name. But it is not. However you can call it:
XEROX – THE GOD OF REPRODUCTION.
It was for general public man. Most of the ppl can barely afford health care, infertility treatment, not many ppl can afford it. So thats why my question was How..
Yeah…”let it be”…we all know Javed gets serious with his discussions
I know ‘nofin’ about gynaecology but….going back to:
>>>…joke…by ostrich’s head , i did mean head<<<
I am a bit lost here…is the “head” same as in reference to the size of the men’s feet???
Sweetie 432
Now pls. don’t sugar coat your comment bakaoz sweetie doesn’t need to suga coat ‘em. I know you and the way you asked, but the question is HOW? with a big LOL… there is no need to use blush, mascara and gloss.
What??? I don’t wear mascara first of all , blush yeh sometimes but very light , gloss yeh that too LOL but not right now :p
Awas, an ostrich’s egg is bigger than its’ head. It was just a FACT !!!!
Sweetie
So what significance does it have of mentioning it? Most birds eggs are bigger than their heads…I am confused now!!!
Lord!!! nevermind…
But im enjoying the fact that i keep confusing u lol lemme think of something else
“enjoying” by teasing….Ahhhh…such cruelty…women
nahhhh i said CONFUSING not teasing hehehe
But I get teased with Confusing…same difference
woo hoo then lol
Okay…let’s try another joke:
A sophisticated looking Indian lady walks into a tattoo shop and sits down. The owner, amazed at seeing such a sophisticated lady in his shop, runs over immediately and asks if he could help her.
To his shock and utter delight, she lifts up her silk sari and points to her right inner thigh – very high up. ‘Right here,’ she says, ‘I want you to tattoo a claylamp and underneath it I want the word Diwali.’
Then she points to her left thigh just as high up and says, ‘On this side, I want you to tattoo an evergreen tree with lights and tinsel and an angel on top and underneath it I want the word Christmas.’
The owner looks at her. ‘Ooh, lady, it’s none of my business, but that is probably the most unusual request I’ve ever heard. Why in the world do you want to do that?’
‘Well,’ the lady said, ‘I’m sick and tired of my husband always complaining that there’s never anything good to enjoy between Diwali and Christmas.’
HAHAHAHA
Sweetie, this is even funnier:
When Grandma Goes To Court
Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know me?’ She responded,
‘Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were
a boy, and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them
behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you’ll never amount to anything more than a two-bit
paper pusher. Yes, I know you.’
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know the defence attorney?’
She again replied, ‘Why yes, I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He’s lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.’
The defence attorney nearly died. The judge asked both counsellors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, ‘If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I’ll send you both to the electric chair.’
HAHA lolllllll
Thanks. i needed the laugh!
I needed the laugh too…instead of working, I am just looking for some light-hearted moments. (yeah I work late
I wish goodness happiness for us all…
Amen to that.
=)
On that joke…it just shows you though what lawyers and judges really get up to…
khansahab are you listening
Okay…time to get back to my hutch…and have din din…
Tomorrow, I am at a seminar…YAWN…
Cheerio…
No cheerio, i like golden grahams lol jk!
Have a goodnite
Awas
Good ones! I came back from work and read your jokes and laughed too. Do you wanna hear action replay? hahaha!
Sana
I am in the North East and it is not grim! It’s quite nice, green and pleasant. The North West is not bad lol
Awas
Does that place start with an ‘N’ by any chance?!hehe.
Uni days are fun and it’s hectic at the moment what with it being my final year but I would rather be here than working!
Sweetie
golden grahams…never heard of them in the UK (at least I haven’t). Is that some North American goodie?
Dimple Rosy Cheeks
You were near enough right…it begins with an ‘S’….got it?
Uni…yeah quite right…enjoy as much as you can (not forgetting studies though)…life becomes a big chore after that…
I was just wondering…does this Dimple appear only with a smile or is it a permanent feature? Would it be apt to picture you like a Deepika…but I guess you would say even better than her
Awas, It’s by General Mills. I think u guys have ‘cinnamon grahams’ or curiously cinnamon’, which i suppose is cinnamon flavored.Golden grahams have a hint of honey flavor, but not cinnamon (thats why i like em lol). U dont know what ure missin out on hehehe
Yes it is Awas. U guys have something like that, only it’s ciinnamon flavored i think, ‘cinnamon grahams’ or curiously cinnamon’.
U dunno what u’re missin out on hehe
Oh yeah, Nestle golden grahams too. LOL
How ridiculous is the story and setting of the latest Karan Johar’s Bollywood Blockbuster production DOOSTANA. I’m not going to watch it as it’s based on a homosexual theme.
However , the music if the film is good and I like the song Desi Girl as it’s a catchy tune !
Sweetie, what are u studying at uni and how did u do in your GCSE’S ?
Abdul
What, you like Sweetie or something?
By the way, it’s “DOSTANA”, not DOOSTANA.
Lol@ Khan Sahab..
Abdul, i don’t reside in UK, i live in USA, & we have GED here.
Abdul
How did you make it out that sweetie is at Uni? I couldn’t…you are one hell of a Jasooss
I could only suss out that girl with a Dimple was at Uni as she mentioned it…
Aren’t you gonna ask her about her A levels as well?
khansahab
Did you mean he has a sweet tooth or something else
>>I’m not going to watch it as it’s based on a homosexual theme.
One of the best movies i have seen in the last few years is Brokeback Mountain – a homosexual film. Quite a tear jerking film for me.
I highly recommend it Abdul
Brokeback mountain….??
EEEwwww
Maybe if it had 2 females in the lead, I would have an incentive.
hahaha Khan Sahab, I know for sure who’d be ure first choice!!
Having said that, my movie watching at the skinema has drastically reduced with age and work commitments. The last movie i saw at the skinema was “Sex in the City” (also good)…which i think was back in April/May time, and i havent seen owt since. Nothing good out there to watch. Hmmmm.
For fudge sake – The Bill isnt even on tonight! That’s two weeks in a row man. Even came home early from the gym for this
Just for you Khansahab – in light of your comment above, lol.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1089614/Pink-makes-love-double-steamy-slightly-weird-new-video.html
Sana
You’re very considerate but I don’t like Pink. She’s disgusting!
Well, imagine it’s Monica Belluci, lol
Sana, now that’s torture for him Lol
Not really, i’d imagine he’d quite enjoy it Sweetie
Anyone know about Caterina Murino? She’s an Italian like Bellucci and is often compared with Bellucci.
She played Solange in Casino Royale.
http://z.about.com/d/movies/1/0/q/o/8/casinoroyalepubh.jpg
http://bp1.blogger.com/_5qEgcuxTMLg/SFy57pctaCI/AAAAAAAADIQ/C2rEV515dtE/s400/caterina+murino.jpg
lol Khan Sahab, u got it all figured out @ ure comment’ Maybe if it had 2 females in the lead, I would have an incentive’. hehehe
Never heard of her KS.
You know, i was holidaying in Naples a couple of months ago, and we really struggled to see a good looking italian – male or female (of course good looking in my subjective view).
And if you think the english have chavs, then…i saw lots of italian chavs too
Mind you, Naples is the south and unlike Rome/Milan where the men and women are well groomed.
Khansahab
How you discover these goddesses? With this Caterina, it looks as though you took the pictures yourself when out sightseeing with her.
HHmmm
That’s quite surprising isn’t it; Italians are known for their good looks!
So are Greeks.
Awas
Let’s just say I have a “good eye” for discovering beauty in its purest, rawest and truest form.
We all have our talents
Khan Sahab, do u also have a ‘good eye’ for seeing thru ppl? If so plz lemme know, i could use ure help! lol
Sweetie
I am a reasonably good judge of character but the best judge of character I know is Javed A Khan.
I don’t have x-ray vision although I wish I did! By the way does anyone know it was indicated in some Superman comic that Superman sometimes uses his x-ray vision to see through women’s clothes?
no i didn’t. I don’t like superman hehehe
By the way, please don’t assume I wanted x-ray vision so I could look through anyone’s clothes!!!
I’m not that perverted. That comment just came out for no reason!
Did i imply tat? or did i seem to? I know u jus said it. =)
Sweetie
Sorry, I wasn’t necessarily referring to you only. I was addressing everyone.
Some people here DO suffer from manic paranoia.
Hehe, sorry that’s a joke!
LOL u seem to wanna get ureself into trouble!!
Awas
Oooo I have finally figured out what place you are talking about.
P.s. Dimples only appear when I smile *smiles*
How is everyone?
You’re a good judge of character KS? hehehe.
I’m good DRC. How’s your final year of law degree going?
Sana
I’m a good judge of character as well as appearance.
For instance, I bet DRC has dimpled and rosy cheeks. Call it a hunch.
Doin quite ok.
Khan sahab, she just mentioned that lol
Can you give me a synopsis of my character then? I know you provided one on email…something along the lines of wierd and paranoid. Is it still the same? lol.
HHMmmm
Sana, you’re an enigmatic individual who seeks content in life. You are on a mission to find something; something disturbs you and you’re not pleased.
You don’t trust people easily. This could be because of exposure to certain incidents in your personal or work life, or both. However, once an individual wins your trust, you are very likely to be a trustworthy and true friend.
God knows what you do for a living.
You find it much easier to trust women as opposed to gentlemen.
End of synopsis.
And yeah, you’re weird and paranoid.
Sana- It is going ok a bit tedious and tiresome at the moment. Too much reading to do. Are you still working?
Khansahab- Why don’t you do a synopsis on us all?
Sweetie- Glad you are ok
These attacks that are breaking news at the moment, in Mumbai are awful:(
Let me add something else to Sana’s character synopsis:
You hate it when 20 somethings talk like 40 somethings. Or at least think they can do so.
Now my turn Khan sahab!! hehe
Im serious!
Sweetie
Erm may we exchange a few e-mails before I do my synopsis?
(Giggles nervously)
I may need some “background info” hehe.
>>You find it much easier to trust women as opposed to gentlemen.
Deffos wrong there.
>>God knows what you do for a living.
Breathe in and out
>>You are on a mission to find something; something disturbs you and you’re not pleased.
Am on a mission to find you KS – watch out!!!
lolll sure!
Am on a mission to find you KS – watch out!!!
You can find me very easily. I’m in the same city as you and there are many coffee shops in town
>>Sana- It is going ok a bit tedious and tiresome at the moment. Too much reading to do. Are you still working?
Tedious? You picked non-interesting options DRC?
Still working, lol.
>>You can find me very easily. I’m in the same city as you and there are many coffee shops in town
So, let me get this right, you hang out daily at coffee shops?
Sana
If I tell you what I do daily, I’m afraid I’d have to kill you
See I have a top secret daily occupation and I don’t like telling strangers what I do in coffee shops
>>I don’t like telling strangers what I do in coffee shops
Dont worry, i have a good idea
Would you like to share that idea with us?
Sana
The topics are really interesting, just some lecturers can be likened to wet lettuces!So boring!
You enjoying work?
Khan sahab is a geek
Khan sahab is a geek
and DRC has dimple and rosy cheeks
Oh no, i dont like to spoil things KS
Good night y’all – be good tommorow.
I’ve got to stop calling everyone a geek!
Ahem shouldn’t you be doing work????????!!
>>Sana
The topics are really interesting, just some lecturers can be likened to wet lettuces!So boring!
lol @ wet lettuces.
>>You enjoying work?
Yep – 2nd best work i’ve done so far
I’ve got to stop talking about cheeks!
Yeah I’m working and blogging too. hehe.
Actually I’m going now. Had too much fun
Takecare and look after yourself.
I got to do seminar work too
I am off too
Shabba khair
Men are being encouraged to grow moustaches throughout November to raise awareness of prostate cancer.
Now with stars such as Brad Pitt and Jude Law sporting hair on their top lips, the ‘tache seems to be enjoying a renaissance.
GIRLS – what’s your take on this…do you like men with or without?
Awas, here’s wat i gotta say ‘EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW’!! LOL
Someone with a BUSHY BEARD is asking a question: “GIRLS – what’s your take on this…do you like men with or without?”
And, obviously someone clean shaved is up against the Bushy Beard guy
woo hooo @ Javed hehehe
Hairy men get a thumbs up. A moustache on it’s own is naff. Got to come with a beard…like this…and preferrably on this guy
http://www.screensavers-tlc.com/thumbs2/oded2.jpg
(oded fehr from the movie The Mummy – an israeli jew who is lurrrrveeellllyyy and looks a bit like Salman Ahmed from junoon with the hairy face).
Sana his name is Oded Fahr. He’s a heart throb! lol So is Vego Mortensen in Lords of the ring. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Oh sowwie sana, i didn’t notice u had the name .
Me only liked him in the Mummy sweetie. Without the facial hair, he’s not all that. Same with Tarkan (Turkish pop singer), who looks lovely with longer hair and facial hair.
http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b191/StarsDome/Tarkan.jpg
Yuck that Salman Ahmed lookalike is ugly!
Has anyone seen Viggo Mortensen’s A History of Violence?
Superb movie….
No, but i find the dude ………… lol
Sana, i’ve also seen him in only mummy. hehe
Me too Sweetie – he looks nice in there
Virgo Mortensen minus the beard isn’t so nice imo.
Here’s another nice chap fronting a beard – keanu reeves:
http://www.mtv.com/content/ontv/movieawards/images/2003/flipbook/2045866.jpg
Salman Ahmed and The Mummy guy both look like Malaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaangs lol
yeh i know , thats why i said he looks like…. in lords of the bling! hehe
The scruffyy look suits him!
I have a heart throb of my own hehehe not him tho!
What’s a malang DRC?
>>> What’s a malang DRC?<<<
It’s like the one in…Dumma-Dumm Must Kalandhar…get it…dhoh
Javed
Even though every picture tells a different story…you definitely look picture perfect…Wow!!!
LOl Awas, lets find out k yeh pic konsi sadee ki hei!! HEHEHE just kiddin Javed.
Hey…sugar pot, I kida lost it there “konsi sadee ki hei”…can you translate it please???
>>It’s like the one in…Dumma-Dumm Must Kalandhar…get it…dhoh
Am afraid not…dont get it?
Awas, ‘konsi sadee ki hei’(which means which century ) i was refering to his (javed) pic,on ure comment ‘Even though every picture tells a different story…you definitely look picture perfect…Wow!!! lol
Sana, I think awas was talkin about Nusrat fateh ali’s qawali dum mast qalandar. & get it dhoh i dunno myself .. maybe he meant duh
hehe
Sweetie;
Tum julti ho mujh say bus, aur kuch nahee!!
LOL You WISH!!!!! Hehehe
I don’t know how to describe a malaang, but thank you Awas, the description of a malaang is encapsulated by that qawaali!Hope you are well
Sweetie- So who is you hearthrob?
I love the Huale Haule song from Rab ne banadi jodi
hehe some i know DRC. Not some filmi hero lol
LOL@Javed Khan I have noticed that too. Rehardless, there is some emotion here
btw where is theossa.
Seems like Khansahab has forgotten that 1 day in the week is dedicated especially to Belluci.
Oh plzz not again!! @ Bellucci.
So you don’t like Bellucci, then who do you like to discuss, Pathan, Punjabi, Sindhi or a Mohajir?
Sweetie 537 “hehe some i know DRC. Not some filmi hero lol”
You should have said this with a iiiisssshhhhh
Javed, am i supposed to like her? She’s beautiful no doubt. Pathan, sindi blah blah, same diff.
LOL@ ishhh & yuck @ Paro!
UffffO
U ought to have (Kapil)Devdas’s eyes to appreciate Paro’s beauty.
Ps.
Guys this is not Aishwariya we are talking about
neither Suchitra Sen
hehe Javed, why’d u tell them? lol u shouldve let them dream about paro, & when she would come in their dreams, isshhhhing i.e, they would run for it!! ishhhhh
No country on earth takes toilets quite so seriously as Japan. The Japanese take pride in their toilets with glowing heated seats, with automatic sensors which sends a tiny electrical charge through the user’s buttocks to check their body-fat ratio to provide the right kinda comfort.
The average Japanese person is so busy spending life indoors and their corporate culture keeps them tied up indoors most of the time and, they hardly have any time or the means to spare and enjoy the warmth of life that nature has provided. Not all can afford to play golf in real environment. So they are happy playing virtual golf on computers, ipods and iphones while they are on the throne with a surround sound system.
A man reportedly mourned that: “The only warmth in my life is the toilet seat.” The Japanese are happy to think of a toilet as their comfort and their friend. A friend in need is a friend indeed, who lends out a hand under their Butt to clean it after they have been there and done that and even sprays some “Butt de Cologne” to perk up their backside.
In Japan, there are TV ads even on a commuter train which goes like this: “A young girl slowly walked towards a loo, which automatically raised its lid to greet her. The toilet then appeared to give a welcoming robotic smile and its seat began to glow an inviting orange colour as it heated up, ready for action. The girl who walks in there with a glum, poker face starts to smile appreciatively…..” AWAS the ad ends there!
But these “Butt comforters, morale boosters, tension relievers, spirit enhancers and a friend in need,” is not easy to get, they aren’t cheap. The whole shebang costs about $3000.
I wonder if Mirza Ghalib was born in Japan during this age, what would have he said about these toilets?
Rahiye ab aisi jaga chal kar jahan koi na ho
humsukhan koi na ho aur humzuban koi na ho
Bay dar-o-deevar saa ek ghar bana chaahiye
koi hamasaya na ho aur paasabaan koi na ho
Mai hoon, Mae ho, aur koi jaldi na ho
aur haath may koi low-taa bhee na ho
Re. 546 – definitely sounds like a sad society to live in. I recently came accross the term “shovers” – these are titles of employed people in Japan whose job it is to literally shove people onto trains in order to make sure everyone gets on. Who the hell wants to live in such a depressive society!
Sana
According to 2002 census Japan’s population is about 127 million with 99% Japanese and one percent is spread over among Chinese, Korean, Malay, Filipinos, Brazilians, Indians and Pakistanis. If they open up immigration then, I think Indians, Pakistanis, Bangladeshis and Sri Lankans would become majority very soon.
Although women are in a majority but its a male dominated society with females getting the least amount of respect. Although they say that this phenomenon existed before the world war 2 but, it is very obvious that the women are not seen in the top management of any major corporation.
It is very interesting to know that prehistorically, Japanese women were of high status. Due to a period of cultural borrowings from China, beginning in the 6th century, Japan became a patriarchal society for over 1000 years. It would be interesting to know how it happened?
hehe.. Javed ure Japanese toilet info reminded me one this news which made the headlines. In wichita Kansas, a man called 911 to report that his girl friend was stuck on the toilet seat & he couln’t get her off. The help came & the guy told them, she hadn’t left the commode in over 2 months! (wonder what the hell she was doing? loll i don’t wanna know). They had to cut her out of it & she had to get some sort of surgery done, cuz they had to remove it along with her skin! EWWW
Javed – is it in China or Japan where corporate employees literally take a snooze standing up, say during a commute at work, and then at their desk…apparently makes them more “productive”. Sounds like a soul-less society. I’m even finding England a bit less work life balanced. We work and commute the longest hours in Europe. Germany comes second. When i lived on the continent, the locals wouldnt ever dream of commuting more than 30 mins for work, or working long hours. Quality of life!!!
Sweetie – recently on the news here i saw a story of a guy whose friends played a prank on him by putting superglue on the toilet seat. Poor thing had the emergency services out preening him off the toilet seat.
Hmm thanks for the idea Sana! ];)
hehehe
Song – Dheeray Dheeray…
Movie – Veer Zaara
{Male}
dheeray dheeray
dheeray dheeray
aakhon mein cha rahey ho
tum pass aa rahey ho
{FeMale}
chupke chupke
chupke chupke
dil mein sama rahien ho
tum pass aa rahey ho
{Male}
dheeray dheeray
{FeMale}
chupke chupke
{Male}
Zukti huin yeh palke
Khultay huen yeh kesu
yeh sharmagi adayen
woh shokhiyon ka jaadu
{FeMale}
kaise kaise
kaise kaise
sapney dikha rahey ho
tum pass aa rahey ho
{Male}
dheeray dheeray
{FeMale}
chupke chupke
{FeMale}
phoolon bharey nazarey
yeh khushboon ke deray
lagtey hai khwab jaisay
yeh shaam yeh savere
{Male}
holay holay
holay holay
aramaan jagaa rahen ho
tum pass aa rahey ho
{FeMale}
chupke chupke
{Male}
dheere dheere
aankhon mein cha rahey ho
{FeMale}
tum pass aa rahey ho
Link:
Saawan ka maeehan Pawan karay soar
Jiyaraha jhoome re aisay jaisay banma naachay moar
Yar Pawan MALE / FEMALE kay bajai Hero / Heroine hee likh detay!
I remember seeing a beautiful song on u tube, its quite famous as well, can’t remember the lyrics, its in perfect night settings. Yaad aye tou likh dena.
Ps. its also from Veer Zara.
I like the REMIX of OLD INDIAN SONGS for example some of them are very good like, Mera Naam Chin Chin Chu Baba Chin Chin Chu in REMIX
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=du-6rYmJSmo&feature=related
This is any time better than the older version.
Even that Ek Pardesi Mera Dil lay gaya REMIX is good.
lol Javed, these are the songs my dad used to listen… hehe
LOL sweetie, even my dad used to listen to these songs. But, I guess both, your dad and my dad never gotta chance to see the you tube video (above) which I am talking about. The REMIX of the same old songs with Hot Chics and DHIN-CHICK, DHIN-CHICK music has made a lot of difference and you ought to see them first and then you’ll agree avec moi.
The point that I am trying to make is, the lyrics of the old songs, the melody and the flow is much better than today’s new Hindi songs. Somehow this new REMIX business has rekindled the old flames so, not only dads but others also enjoy it.
I don’t like the slow numbers, bakaoz for that you need to be in a sad mood to listen alone to enjoy. I am not a “sulkoo” type of person to listen to sad songs alone and add more miseries to your worries. I don’t mind the old eena meena deeka or the new remix. In fact I love it.
Javed, i hadn’t seen the link until earlier today, else i would’ve said, my dad used to listen to these songs but not this kinda video lol
Sweetie, thank you for changing your statement. But, did you actually see those remix videos? Aren’t those 3 girls on the stage singing chin chin choo fabulous?
Changin my statement? I seriously hadn’t seen the video until after i had posted the earlier message & then saw ures. & no i didn’t see the chin chin song, i saw ‘ek pardesi’.
Well by changing your statement I meant changing your views after seeing the video. And, you must see the other one too. Anyways, there are so many on the Internet but, one can only enjoy them if one has heard the old version before.
I’ve heard em both, & i’ve seen that chin chin old video.
Sugar Pot
Thank you for translating ‘sadee’ and ‘duh’. See…I get easily confused!!! I hope Sana got it now with DRC’s obvious reference with Nusrat fateh ali
You have conveniently avoided mentioning your hearthrob???…just trying to confuse us more, I guess.
Hey, Dimples
I am well…(ish)…been busy with some personal probs…’heart of the matter…matter of the heart in fact’
Thank you! Not so much fun in this freezing cold though…aye. How is there ‘up norf’?
I hope you gals don’t mind me ruining your names…no offence was intended.
No Awas, i don’t mind u givin me a nick. Sugar pot is better than crack pot!
Sighhh**@ my hearthrob… what do u wanna know about him?
LOL…I am sure you are a good pot…pot!!!…now we would be heading in different direction
“Sighhh**” … Tell me…tell me…
I’m Just being nosy
well, hes tall, broad, Veryyyyy goodlooking/ handsome ahhhhhhhhhhhh & he’s really cute (hurkaton wise) hehehe
But i haven’t seen him in a while now.
=(
Sweetie
Are you describing me in comment 565?
Don’t say you haven’t seen me in a while, cos you just saw my pic today!
Khan sahab how tall are u? what makes u think ure my heart throb? hehehe
Hehe
Hmm the way you were going on about “good looks” made me think maybe it was me!
As for how tall I am, well, not very.
Awas
It is freezing here too and it is soooo tempting to taking a blanket to lectures.
Wonder if it will be a White Christmas this year?
Hope your personal problems resolve very soon.
Hope everyone else is keeping warm too
It’s snoooooooooooooooowing!
Hey, Dimples
Enjoy the snow while it lasts…I doubt if it will be a White Christmas…weather changes towards then. I hardly remember any white Xmas.
Lol @ taking blankets…why not a Pashmina instead
Thank you for the good wishes…the only warmth here is in the hearts.
Sweetie @ 565
The attributes you describe here are usually in dreams only…how can someone have all of that in as one package? You are making us guys very jealous
It would be very difficult for such a perfection to be faithful though…just being philosophical here.
I have no doubt…one or two here pass your tough test…Javed and khansahab are not too far off…
Sorry, I had to shoot off last night again…tummy was playing cat and mouse again
Awas
I normally have a scarf/pashmina but it is even colder than that
Sweetie
Awww your heartthrob sounds nice. Does he have a twin lol?
I haven’t met anyone like that so far. Although Javed and Khansahab are quite close to it, as Awas said hehe. Can’t speak for the rest.
Snow’s melting
Awas, he’s not a dream, hallucination or what ever u may wanna call it. He is VERY much alive hehehe. He is a heartthrob i said & wat ever i mentioned, theres not a single word of exaggeration in it! SIGH***
There is no test. Looks don’t matter to me one bit, its what lies within that matters. ( height a little bit, to be honest hehehe )
No Dimp, he doesn’t.. wouldn’t that be just great?
Post for you ladies on here –
I was slipping and sliding in my wedge shoes WITH some grip this morning. However, i saw a few ladies wearing stiletto shoes….in 4-5 inch snow in Manchester City Centre. Lordy!!!!
Oh, and my shoes managed to get wet on the inside from the snow. Apparently more snow is forecast for Thursday
Yeah, lets talk about shoes
lolll Sana i slipped yesterday in snow but it wasn’t bad, i managed to pull myself up.
Yeh lets talk about shoes, we’re bored out of our wits!!! haha
1. When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it? (to be given a thought)
2. If the “black box” flight recorder is never damaged during a plane
Crash, why isn’t the whole airplane made out of that stuff? (very good thinking)
3. Who copyrighted the copyright symbol? (who knows)
4. Can you cry under water? (let me try)
5. Why do people say, “you’ve been working like adog” when dogs just
Sitaround all day? (I think they meant something else)
6. Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed? (God knows)
7. Do fish ever get thirsty? (let me ask and tell)
8. Can you get cornered in a round room? (by oneseyes)
9. Why do birds not fall out of trees when they sleep? (tonight I will
Stayand watch)
10. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oilis made from
Vegetables,then what is baby oil made from? (No comments)
11. What should one call a male ladybird? (Nocomments)
12. If a person suffered from amnesia and then was cured would they
Remember that they forgot? (can somebody help )
13. Can you blow a balloon up under water? (yes u can)
14. Why is it called a “building” when it is already built? (strange isn’t it)
15. If you were traveling at the speed of sound and you turned on your
Radio would you be ! Able to hear it? (got to think scientifically)
16. If you’re traveling at the speed of light and you turn your
Headlights
On, what happens?
17. Why is it called a TV set when theres only one? (very nice)
18. Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when
You
Legally can’t go that fast on any road?
19. If drink & drive is not allowed why the hell they have parking in
Bars?
Good one A! The speedometer one, i had thought of it myself.whyyyyyyyyyyy hehe
Awas, I can only answer your question number 2 of your last post. Black Box is made of very hard, very heavy, and high density material. If an airplane is made of that material, plane will become too heavy requiring large engines and huge amount of fuel. Tickets cost perhaps will go to the next galaxy. So we should compromise for the aluminum now -:)
Theossa
Damn! It’s good to have you back!!
Hey, Mr T, good to see you. How was your long break?
Black box – now why didn’t I think of that…damn! It had to be an engineer to enlighten us
I’ll talk about my trip tomorrow, gotta leave and gotta party with Natalie. Khuday Pa Amaan.
Sod off then… Natalie…huh…haven’t you seen lovely girls here!!!
Awas – there’s only 2 females who seem to post on this blog so we gotta talk about shoes cos no one else will
Sweetie – glad you didnt fall all the way to the floor! lol. Imagine doing that with rush hour traffic passing you by. I was glad i made it in one piece to work today after moving 500 yards in my car in 30 minutes in the snow!!!
Sana
Actually we have four active female commentators on this blog and there have been more in the past.
Diet pills anyone? Do they work? I’ve gained about 5 pounds since moving cities and now having 4 starbucks within a 5 minute walk of my offices.
Sweetie
Is your one a bit like Mr T? Just look at him
Sana
Lol…you are right…shoes or whatever…talk about anything you like…we like you gals chatting.
Umm…what is your favourite chat up line?
hehe Sana, i slipped by my ( house)front door! I have never slipped (thank god) wearing heels but yesterday it was UGGS LOL
Starbucks!!
Now I know where to find you!
Thanks for making my job easier
Awas,mr T? NAHIII not even him! ;P
‘Diet pills’ sound like a good one to begin with…what else
LOLLL @ Khan sahab, u’re askin for it!!
Sana i don’t think diet pills work. They might make u all shaky or hyper.
Come on girls!
Stop wearing heels!!!
Why do you wear them? They’re a nuisance.
I often feel sorry for the pretty girls wearing heels, their pretty feet must hurt!
I mean we know women don’t grow as tall as men normally. So why hide that fact and wear heels?
Women are so complicated to understand!
Khan sahab, would it be ok if i call u O? lol
Heels!! I feel like im missing something, it makes us feel good about ourselves & it looks cool too. Don’t deny it,but u guys see a girl wearing high heels u just flip!
Sweetie
You are tough to please…Gosh!
Sweetie
You may only call me “Khansahab” and nothing else
I hope I’m entitled to keep my name secret!
When guys see a girl with heels they flip
But when girls wear heels, they slip!!
And that makes gents like me upset!
U got it wrong awas. I was just telling u the truth, & i most certainly wasn’t implying tht Mr T isn’t good lookin. My HT is much better thats all hehehe
>>‘Diet pills’ sound like a good one to begin with…what else
lol Awas.
Sweetie – thank God it was outside your house!
Some women wear heels to accentuate their legs, particularly their calves. Heels look really good when wearing boot leg trousers/jeans. Flats just dont work. Oh, and of course, some of us wear them to give us height
No, that was my point i slipped wearing UGGS & never have wearing heels. I’ll BF ok?
Ufff.. I’ll CALL u BF.
Now, i am not a shoe person (as in i dont own tonnes of pairs like some women), but are uggs them boots worn over skinny jeans? If so, cant believe you fell in them
What’s all this BF business?
Boyfriend?
Sweetie, you’re calling Sana your boyfriend?
Had to buy boots today as heels are no good in this weather. I need to make sure I wear them as much as I can because flat shows tend to be lost at the back of the cupboard.
Sweetie
Shame he does not have twin.
yeh sana those are the ones. Uggs, theyre kinda flat.
Khan sahab, go check ure email.
Khan sahab i called u BF. Do i seem the type to u ? (@ Sweetie, you’re calling Sana your boyfriend?)
Hmph!!
BF!!
And there I was dancing, getting excited like a little girl thinking that you calling me a “BF” would somehow mean I can call you a “GF”.
hehe B F, it’s all good
Lol BF, im still laughin @ what u said in the email about older.. haha
Ok stop blushing now…..
Hey Guys!
“Slumdog Millionaire” is the must watch film of the season.First twenty minutes are highly abusive ,meaning strictly disturing but rest is extremely cool.And guess what after the whole weak of tension b/w India & Pak we (mix of india pakistan friends)went to watch this ,not knowing what it is about ten min into film and I said to Sameer.Why whenever I decide to watch film with Indian friends it is about muslim and Hindu Fasad ,and Sameer replied,yar Bombay main inko slum hi mila hai dekhanai ko.
But we all stepped laughing.
Love story,no songs,tension and suspense.
Hey Farrah , u’re back!
B F, u blushing or me? hehe
huh? What did i say Farrah?
Javed
How are you?It has been a while
Hope everyone else is well too
As Mr T has managed to change a serious discussion into making some of us Lol…here is a little polygamy conundrum
Omer Admani and Varun Suri, please join in.
A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of their first stops was the breeding bull exhibit. They went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said, “This bull mated 50 times last year.”
The wife playfully nudged her husband in the ribs and said, “See he
mated 50 times last year…once-a-week.” They walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said, “This bull mated 120 times last year.” The wife gave her husband a healthy jab and said, “That’s more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him.”
They walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters, “This bull mated 365 times last year.” The wife, so excited that her elbow nearly broke her husband’s ribs, said, “That’s once-a-DAY. You could REALLY learn something from this one.”
The husband looked at her and said, “Go over and ask him if it was with the same cow.”
LOL@ Awas hilarious.
Awas, LOL, Totally Hilarious Man! I got to admit, you have the best taste when it comes to telling jokes. Hey, please re-post your priest, Scottish, and parking jokes you once posted.
Yeah…you are right…some were pretty good…I recall the priest one…I’ll try and find them sometime.
I hope the gals were not offended…It wasn’t meant to.
Awas, don’t worry, to please the gals I’ll post a chick flick joke.
A man suspected that his beloved wife is losing hearing. He did not want to tell her personally so he went up to the doctor and asked for help. Doctor said he needs to know how much hearing capability she has lost so to make matters simple he asked the man to do a hearing test. The doctor wanted to know exactly the distance from which she can’t hear anymore. So one day when his wife was making him a dinner and he was watching TV in the living room he asked the wife aloud, “Honey, what you are making for the dinner?” No answer. So he gets 10 feet closer and asked again, “Honey, what you are making for the dinner?” No answer again. So he gets to the kitchen and asked again, this time wife replies, “For the third time honey, it is baked chicken”.
lol Awas, good one! Keep em comin
gee Sharkukh Khan is predicted high blood pressure and heart attack according to experts.
At the moment the Bollywood king is follwoing a hectic schedule and is associated with many industires. this on going stress is a concern.
That’s called ‘selective hearing’ T. lol
Ewwww Awas!
lol@Theossa’s joking. That’s just men
I meant Theossa’s joke. Doh!
I knew chicks will dig this joke and men will ignore it. That how it goes -:)
BUT, aren’t Dimple Rosy Cheeks and Sweetie the same person? I mean Sweetie’s picture certainly says so.
Catch you guys tomorrow.
I am meeeeeeeee and Sweetie is sweetie.
We are two different people.
No. We ARE the same person. why are u confusing Theo DRC? LOLLL
U guys ‘ll find this one quite amusing.
A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, “Look, buddy, I’ll bring ya’ martinis all night long – but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill.” The customer replies, “I’m peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it’s time to go home.”
lol OMG how could I forget that me and Sweetie are the same person!doh!
I forget sometimes and need to start eating badams hehe.
Awas@616 LOL, ROTFL, e.t.c
One of the best ones I have heard recently, sorry for readin it too late! I missed your call to come here!
theossa@620 and sweetie@629 LOL to you also!
D.R.C :- Apologies for wrongly referring to you as Cheeky instead of Cheeks on my post on the other page!
hahahahahahaAwas
thats a real good one, Shaikh Rashid would have decorated you with a medal for that joke. I have been busy lately so I missed all the jokes.
Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is “they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits.”
After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint in the nude. In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door.
“Who is it?” calls one of the nuns.
“Blind man,” replies a voice from the other side of the door.
The two nuns look at each other and shrug, and, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, they
open the door.
“Nice tits,” says the man, “where do you want these blinds?”
Javed, jokes aren’t the only things u missed!! Hint hint** ;p
Good joke tho.
LOL at Sweetie and Javed, good ones there!
Should we start putting rated “E (for everyone)” or “PG13” before jokes? Kids like Abdul might get overly excited -:) Where is my Gemini mate Munir btw? For him “Urz kia hai”:
Ae dost faramosh tera hosh kahan hai
Itna bhe na poocha ke Gemini mate kahan hai
Here is a rated “E” cheap ass joke:
On a hot summer noon a teenager and an old man were going through woods and all the sudden they encountered a lion. There was no escape. Lion said he has the appetite for only one of them and he would like to drink the blood of the old man and let the young man go. Old man was surprised and said, “why not the warm fresh blood of the young man?” Lion said, “It’s too hot in here and I would like to have a cold drink!”
hehe theo (hope u dont mind me callin u that).
A blonde and a brunette are driving down the highway in a convertible. The brunette knows that she’s speeding so she asks the blonde if there’s a cop behind them. The blonde looks behind her and sees a cop and tells the brunette. The brunette then asks if his he’s got his lights on. The blonde replies “Yes…No…Yes…No…Yes…No”
Sweetie #633
For that I ‘ve to offer 2 rakaat shukrana!
2 rakaat, reminded me of a joke:
A group of Tableeghis come to the house of a Chaudhary and ask him if he says his prayers? The Chaudhary said, aNO I don’t.
They give him a long lecture that Allah will double your income and triple your assets etc., etc., to get rid of them he agrees and says his prayers, the next morning when he wakes up, his servants tell him that half of his cattle is dead. He gets very upset and when the Tableegis come the second day and ask him, he said, just because of praying half of my animals have died, what do you have to say now?
They say, Oh, no Allah is testing you and Inshallah everything will be fine just continue your prayers. Once again the next morning he finds the rest of the cattle had died, except for one baby goat. As he continues to pray he lost his other assets too and had to sell the entire furniture of his house and servants were fired etc., etc.
The Chaudhary stopped saying his prayers.
One day when the Chaudhary was having dinner while sitting on the floor (because all the furniture had gone) the baby goat comes near the food and started sniffing at it and the Chaudhary pushed him back, the baby goat was in a playful mood and thought that the master is pushing him to play, so he comes back at him again but a bit aggressively and in the process the goat trips on the bowl full of curry and spills on the floor.
The chaudhary got very upset and he stands up yelling at the baby goat by saying: “Parhoon Namaaz? Abay, tu tou 2 rakaat ka bhee nahee hai.”
theossa
its not a Gemini mating season yet, right? Your mate went after you to Peshawar assuming you have gone there and since then he is, “talaash-e-gum shuda” (missing).
Aye dost faramosh par yaad aya ek Urdu ka fiqra that befits him:
Aqal na hosh, daor lagai khargosh
I have written “daor lagai” the real one is X rated. So, you can use your imagination and laugh out loudly.
LOL at Javed’s “Gemini mating” and yet another good blonde joke by sweetie, Haha.
Here is another rated “E” joke:
A 70 year old man was driving at 100 mph and was soon followed by a police cruiser. After like 10 minutes of pursuit the 70 year old man finally stopped. Cop realizing his age asked him, “If you tell me a very good reason why you were driving that fast and why you didn’t stop, I’ll let you go” Old man replied, “Well, 30 years ago my wife ran away with a cop like you, I thought you were bringing her back”
theossa
This is amazing, you must watch this. The picture quality is not that good but its a real shot and I know you would like it, watch it till the end.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LU8DDYz68kM
The second one is also amazing, watch this one too, see how intelligent the Zebra is.
theossa 637
LOL
But, our BallChino Awas has already posted this one before on this blog. Its somewhere in the archives. You can’t beat the old man with a googly.
Javed, I will, I can’t access youtube from my office computer, we have this damn surf control!
theossa
I understand the office controls……. but don’t miss it because you are a hunter, punter and you like wild life, so you will enjoy it, especially the way the wild Buffalo gang up against the lions and fought bravely, its such a human touch (crowd behaviour) in their action. And those guys who filmed it were amateurs and themselves were surprised at the whole action that took place.
Btw, did you go hunting in Pak? I wish I could go there during Jan/Feb next year but I am not sure of my work and also about the situation there.
Javed, if you are going to visit Pak you better take a lot of cash because inflation is sky rocketed there. I can’t believe! It was much less just 2 years ago when the last time I went there. I didn’t go hunting in Pak this time. By our village there are lots of wild bores but I didn’t get a chance this time because I went to Thailand, Singapore, and Malaysia just after a week in Pak. Last year we had a couple of them. The Doe season starts here in Pittsburgh tomorrow but I missed the Buck hunting week. I’ll probably just go for a day hunting trip and try my luck. I have this co-worker who went Canada the first week of November and got like a 6 point Buck there.
theossa
advice taken and noted i.e., if I go, I will.
And my dear friend for wild boar hunting you don’t go to villages or jungles, you go to Aiwaan-e-Sadar and you find them there.
Zardari, a Wild Boar? LOL
theossa
Haven’t you heard the news on BBC? I think you were in Pak when it happened, the headlines on BBC were, Zardari’s cousins went to see him at the President’s house and were shot dead by the security. Here is the link.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/7697485.stm
LOL at Zardari’s cousins. Why didn’t you tell me this before? I could have made some extra money killing Boars to offset the inflation in Pak.
A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. So she went to a playground, grabbed a kid, and took him behind a tree. “I’ve kidnapped you!”, said the blonde and then proceeded to write a note saying, “I’ve kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and place it under the pecan tree next to the playground. Signed, A Blonde.” The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid’s shirt and sent him home to show his parents.
The next morning the blonde checked under the tree and surely enough, a paper bad was sitting there. The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, “How could you do this to a fellow blonde?”
Sweetie
“How could you do this to a fellow blonde?”
Preetu: Pratab Singh, will you marry me?
Pratab: NO, we don’t marry outsiders.
My grandfather married my grandmother
My father married my mother
My uncle married my auntie
My brother married my sister-in-law…. so its all within the family.
I heard something really silly today, that the earthquake that had happened in Pakistan a few months ago, was a result of two gays getting married.
doh!how silly can you get?!
Theossa..it’s me sweetie lol
Theossa.. no it’s me DRC hehe
A brunette & a blonde are walkin in a park & the brunette says, “look, a dead bird”. The blonde looks up & goes ‘Where?’
SUCCESS:
At age 4 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 16 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 20 success is . . . going all the way.
At age 35 success is . . . having money.
At age 50 success is . . . having money.
At age 60 success is . . . going all the way.
At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
SIMILARLY:
THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don’t believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.
Javed, which stage are u at? hehehe & age group too lol
Sweetie
I am in the stage of ‘not peeing in your pants.’ It means, I am still peeing in someone else’s pants! And, I don’t believe in Santa Claus. Are you happy now?
Sweetie…s
Good jokes and blond ones too. For popular choice sake, here is another ‘Bloond’ “E” joke…”U” in UK though…
Theossa – If you want a ‘naughty’ one we have to have a vote first…I don’t wish to upset our ladies.
A blonde was on vacation and driving through Darwin. She desperately wanted to take home a pair of genuine crocodile shoes but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the “no haggle on prices” attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted. “Well then, maybe I’ll just go out and catch my own crocodile, so I can get a pair of shoes for free”
The shopkeeper said with a sly, knowing smile, “Little lady, just go and give it a try”!
The blonde headed out toward the river, determined to catch a crocodile!
Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he pulls over to the side of the bank where he spots the same young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand.
Just then, he spots a huge 3 metre croc swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning speed, she takes aim, kills the creature and hauls it onto the slimy banks of the river. Lying nearby were 7 more of the dead creatures, all lying on their backs. The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement. The blonde struggled and flipped the Croc onto its back.
Rolling her eyes heavenward and screaming in great frustration, she shouts out…….
“SH!T, SH!T, SH!T, THIS ONE’S BAREFOOT, TOO”!
LOL at Sweetie, oh I mean DRC, no Sweetie, haha. She must have something against the poor blondes and “Big Balled Chin (BBC)” added more spice to it.
And Miss DRC, yeah it was silly to blame gay marriage for earthquake in Pak; if it was true then there would be earth quakes every day in San Francisco (Gay Capital of the World).
My final assessment is Sweetie and DRC are result of a Bi-Polar Personality, LOL.
Javed that was a good one for measuring “Success” but your comment# 653 was off colored.
Mr T…I do not suffer from split personality disorder but I think Sweetie does:)
Oh I did not know San Francisco was known as ‘the Gay Capital of the World’. I’ve been there and there were no earthquakes whilst I was visiting hehe.
Awas…my innocent ears do not want to hear your dirty jokes lol
DRC-Sweetie (whoever), look at Awas’ face, he does look very fertile!
Here is rated “E” sweet little story for you:
One day a guy asked a pretty girl, “Would you marry me?” The girl said, “NO”. The guy lived happy afterwards and went hunting, fishing, and traveling for the rest of his life.
LOL that is a sweet story..
Just to finish your story off..
…and the pretty girl lived happily and went shopping, picked flowers, went to her friends houses and baked cakes for the rest of her life.
P.s. Theossa….if you scroll up and read a little, you will realise me and Sweetie are different people silly!
My story is the best one:
A guy married a pretty and voluptuous girl.
And then he found the pretty and voluptuous girl had a pretty and voluptuous female lover.
And they all lived happily ever after.
Khanji…
That sounds like something ou would say LOL!
theossa
Your comment #657 sounds more like “AapBeeti” never knew guys could dump their wives for Natalie? btw, hunter did you see those you-tube videos?
DRC
Chirping today haan? Is it because its Friday and you are off to your parents for Eid? Anyways, its good to see you mingling.
khansahab
the guy in your joke seems like the only “middle man” you should sympathize with him rather than feeling jealous.
Awas
Your jokes are crackers. This crocodile wala, you have sent me earlier via email, but I forgot the punchline and that’s the best part.
OK, here is an E rated for you… (I am not sure if I have sent this one to you thru email?) Anyways its for everyone else:
There once was a powerful Japanese emperor who needed a new chief samurai so, he sent out a declaration throughout the entire known world that he was searching for a chief.
A year passed, and only three people applied for the very demanding position:
a Chinese samurai, a Japanese samurai, and a Jewish samurai.
The emperor asked the Chinese samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be the chief samurai? The Chinese samurai opened a matchbox and out popped a bumblebee. Whoosh went his sword. The bumblebee dropped dead, chopped in half. The emperor exclaimed, “That is very impressive!”
The emperor then issued the same challenge to the Japanese samurai, to come in and demonstrate why he should be chosen? The Japanese samurai also opened a matchbox and out buzzed a fly. Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh! The fly dropped dead, chopped into four small pieces. The emperor exclaimed, “That is very impressive!”
Now the emperor turned to the Jewish samurai, and asked him to demonstrate why he should be the chief samurai? The Jewish Samurai opened a matchbox, and out flew a gnat. His flashing sword went Whoosh! But the gnat was still alive and flying around.
The emperor, obviously disappointed, said, “Very ambitious, but why is that gnat not dead?”
The Jewish Samurai just smiled and said, “Circumcision is not meant to kill.”
LOL, at DRC a.k.a Sweetie. That was witty! Look baby I’m a simple Pathan and I believe if it sounds like a duck, talks like a duck, and walks like a duck, it’s definitely a duck. Since your name is Dimple Rosy Cheeks and Sweetie does have Dimples plus rosy cheeks so you two are result of a Bi-Polar personality.
Khansahab LOL, I loved your story, there is something you like about lesbians don’t you? LOL.
As we still haven’t had a consensus on a level of decency, after a good one from Javed, here is one of my favourites:
Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the pope offered a deal.
He would have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community. If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy. If the Pope won, they would have to convert or leave.
The Jewish people picked an aged & wise Rabbi to represent them in the debate. However, as the Rabbi spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Yiddish, they agreed that it would be a ‘silent’ debate.
On the chosen day the Pope and Rabbi sat opposite each other. The Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.
The Rabbi looked back and raised one finger.
Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head.
The Rabbi pointed to the ground where he sat.
The Pope brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine.
The Rabbi pulled out an apple.
With that the Pope stood up and declared that he was beaten, and that the Rabbi was too clever. The Jews could stay in Italy.
Later the Cardinals met with the Pope and asked him what had happened
The Pope said, ‘First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me there is still only one God common to both our beliefs. Then, I waived my finger around my head to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground to show that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and water, to show that God absolves us of all our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of the original sin. He had beaten me at every move and I could not continue.
Meanwhile, the Jewish community gathered to ask the Rabbi, how he had won?
I haven’t a clue’ said the Rabbi. First he said to me that we had three days to get out of Italy, so I gave him the finger. Then he tells me that the whole country would be cleared of Jews and I said to him that we were staying right here.
And then what?’ asked a woman.
Who knows?’ said the Rabbi.
‘He took out his lunch so I took out mine’!
Theossa
You said you also like lesbians!
LOL at Javed, hat was a good one. No sir I didn’t get a chance to watch that youtube video. My other half demands attention as I left her for a month so I didn’t get much time to go online. Btw I never watch youtube or any other political news just Football and Ice Hockey updates.
Awas, you are maintaining your high standards in telling jokes, please find that Pope Joke, I believe it was rated “E” so no one will be offended.
Khansahab, toba toba, kasie gundee batien kertien hian aap. Mien bhala kion Lesbians ko like keronga? Mien to unke ishq mien mubtala hon. I Hope DRC-Sweetie Hybrid can’t understand it -:) Oh I forgot Khansahab can’t understand it either, LOL.
Theossa
Thanks!
The jokes I post are for ‘mature audiences’…they are not like “why did chicken cross the road” or out of Xmas crackers
Anyways, here is one out of a Xmas cracker:
What do you call a man with a spade on this head?
‘
‘
‘
“Doug”
PS. I’ll keep looking for that Pope one.
Awas, I didn’t get this one -:( Please elaborate.
You ‘dig’ with a spade and the name of the guy is ‘Doug’…a Scottish name…doh…
Theossa
Thori bohot Urdu mai guftugu hum bhi kar saktey hain……
U guys are on a roll today! lol
Theo, its split personality disorder or multiple personality. I’ll let u figure out whos who.
The jokes, keep em comin. Im sure sense of humor comes b 4 censorship hehe
Theo, what should DRC & I not understand?
Sweetie, that’s no brainer! Since you have your picture posted, you are the real one and Dimple Rosy Cheeks is your split personality. BUT why did you mention multiple personality? Hmmm.. sounds fishy..who is the third one?…let me scratch my head…Oh, your third personality is definitely Khansahab since you guys have this BF and GF stuff going on..Haha see how smart I am..last time I checked I scored 138 IQ on Tickle.com -:)
Here is a crude joke:
After judgment day a noble guy like Awas was sent to heaven. He could not sleep all night in the anticipation of the delicious food he’s going to taste next day as promised in holy books. Well, an angel showed up in the morning and brought him a muffin and cup of tea for breakfast. A little disappointed he thought he’ll get the goodies in lunch. Lunch came and he was given the same muffin and cup of tea again. He got a little frustrated but thought dinner will definitely bring some good food. Anyways, he looked outside the window to see how the people in hell are doing and to his surprise there was a big buffet full of exotic food and people were having plates full of them. He got really angry and waited for the angel. To add fuel to the fire the angel brings the muffin and cup of tea again for the dinner. He asked the angel, “Why am I given this muffin and cup of tea three times a day while people in hell are having a buffet?” Angel replied, “Why would I make buffet for the only person in heaven?”
Theossa
Your joke reminds me of a saying from John Milton’s works:
“Better to reign in Hell, than serve in Heaven.”
lolll@ theo. Don’t sit there scratchin ure head, u’ll go bald.
I heard the desi version of this joke. Eik admi marta hai aur woh jannat mein jata hei. Rastey mein woh jahanam deikhta hai jahan per biryani ki deigh paak ri thi. Jannat mein phunch kar us ko chai aur papey(rusks)serve kartey hien. woh bara pareshan hota hai k dhozakhee logon ko biryani aur jannati ko chai papey? Farishta kehta hai, ” Abh 4 admi k liyeh deigh tu paknay se rahee’.
B F isn’t my 3rd personality, Hes just B F hehehe
And you are my GF, GF…………..
See Theossa, you’re not the only ladies man around here!
B F, this one is by Al Capone.’
“You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.’
Awww B F.. =)
Sweetie Says:
December 5, 2008 at 7:15 pm e
Awww B F.. =)
————————-
Are you jealous yet, Theossa?
Hey Theo, Have u seen Richard simmons on David letterman? I posted the link when u werent here. If u haven’t u should watch it!
If u haven’t then…..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PeA-YwASs10&feature=related
Khansahab, I retired 3 years ago when I got married, mission accomplished, LOL. Even if I was single I couldn’t beat a wickedly skilled player like you! Girls call you, “Chick Magnet” for nothing -:)
Sweetie, beware of the spell of this magician, you won’t find a cure. One time Awas tried to snatch his girl and he turned him into “Balled Chin” LOL.
I am just me….I happen to have rosy cheeks and dimples too lol.
Javed..yeh happy to be going home. University is too silly at the moment.My flatmates are ganging up on me:( but I am not going to let them get to me.
Sweetie…how are you?
Nooo! some more youtube links, They’re piling up. Well, when I get a chance I’ll watch them all. Javed proposed some also.
In comedy I like John Stewart Show, Office, and yes South Park.
Hah..How ironic! DRC is asking herself, “How are you Sweetie”? I’m going nuts!
LOL Theo.. U have to let go of awas’s balled chin LOLL.
Save the links & watch them later.
Im good DRC, ureself?
Theossa
Wait until you try and find out about the one called Sana.
She is classified information.
hehe theo, & im replyin to myself too ,..
Theossa I told you to scroll up and read a little then you will understand who I am. I introduced myself
B F, wait till she reads what u said… U really want ure ass kicked dont u? loll
Hmm…very shady…the other three posters here are: Sweetie, DRC, and Khanshab. When I said they are 3 in 1 personality or in Urdu “teen jaan eik qaalib” no one believes me. But let the viewers decide.
Khanji
Kya haal hai aap ka?
Theossa if you had not goe away, you would not be this confused LOL
Theo, ok i’ll make it easy for u theo, b4 u start losing it. Im Sweetie & i reside in the US. Wats’ qaalib btw?
And I am DRC and I am from the UK.
I am well Sweetie thanks for asking
Wow, I could just read till Nov. 13 posts and they’re far too many. To that point Sana, Farah, and Sweetie had given entries and I did not meet Cheeks-Roses-Dimples yet. Where are Sana and Farah btw? Did they go shopping with Munir?
T
hanks for introducing yourself. Let me introduce myself I’m the man with an un-lit cigarette and looking for a lighter? Anyone?
Wow, I could just read till Nov. 13 posts and they’re far too many. To that point Sana, Farah, and Sweetie had given entries and I did not meet Cheeks-Roses-Dimples yet. Where are Sana and Farah btw? Did they go shopping with Munir?
Thanks for introducing yourself. Let me introduce myself I’m the man with an un-lit cigarette and looking for a lighter? Anyone?
DRC
Meray haalath bohot achchey hain. Allah ka shukar.
Aap kaisi hain
I can’t help you sorry. I do not smoke. However I can light your cigarette from the cooker (choola).
Hey guys gotta go and buy some warm clothes and gear for hunting. Pray that I get a deer tomorrow; I’ll send you guys some deer jerky. Have a nice weekend.
Khanji
Hum teek hain Allah ka shukar hai. Kaam karney ki koshish kar rahi hoon. Phir mein Eid araam se guzaar sakti hoon.
You looking forward to the weekend? Kaam kar liya?
Awas
Here’s a joke for you.
A guy breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he’s in there, the husband tells his wife: “Listen, this guy’s an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you.”
To which his wife responds: “He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!”
U gonna kill a deer?.. =(
hahahaha Wasim Good one!!
theossa has not gone just for the day but, for the week-end. Poor chap, his UmreeCun wife keeps him busy during the week-end, its not what you must be thinking. She makes him do chores, first the groceries, then the cooking for the entire week and then cleaning and dusting aiksutra, aiksutra which does not include etc. That unlit cigarette is a symbol of chastity :p and a message about how he is being treated by his wife. The frustration he takes out in Natalie’s room confirms it. LOL…
Now, when he comes back and read this comment he will say “Javeddddddddd you Kuttayyyyyyy!!!!” 
btw, theo sounds better without “ssa” (thanks sweetie for the new nicko) it makes him sound like a “theologist” aur wo bhee “shat faam may.” thats why he is clean shaved and not a Darhee Wala Mulla like our BallChino Bhai who has a Darhee but no Mullapun from inside.
OK theo, don’t take my comments seriously & that “unlit sigrit” makes you look like “Indian Jame Bands” who walks out of the airport building with a unlit cigarette and goes to a suspicious looking guy called “Raw-Butt” (Robert) and he asks him “Do you have a lighter? And he says, no “maatchiss” and says ….. faallow me.
And, theo don’t be so disappointed, DRC has offered her “Choola” to lit your unlit sirgit. 
Dheeraj Babu, Dheeraj rekho.
Btw, “RAW-BUTT” must be a good name for the chief of Indian spy agency RAW, right?
Varun no pun intended and no offense taken from your comments either (to tell you the truth I haven’t read them yet) 
and I have to attend a dinner tonight, tomorrow is a brunch and again a dinner on Saturday night. Only Sunday is a free day for me and Monday is Eid. Hopefully, if I get a chance to read it late night tonight, I’ll reply.
Good to know ure alive Javed! It’s Rabert & his monaa dareling , some silly indian movie… I cant recall the name
Quick visit… Want to wish you all Eid Mubarak. Non Muslims too.
Eid Mubarak to u too & the rest =)
What happened to the V-Talk page? It looks dead. It’s all because of Javed who doesn’t spoil a chance to stab me in the back while I’m not around. Ways to go my Pathan brother! A poet correctly said:
Humien to upno ne loota, ghairon mien kahan dum tha
Meri kushte wahan doobee jahan paani kum tha
Well, for the sake of my ego let me clarify that I just know how to make tea and other than that I don’t do jack at home and that doesn’t matter that my spouse is local American. The wise theossa says, “Women are all the same, only their shopping habits take them apart”. Guys visit the Bawarchi Khana page and make a guess who cooks at home -:)
I shot a deer and the result was Dimple Rosy Cheeks!
During hunting on Saturday I shot a Doe with an errant bullet shot from 150 yards. What happened was instead of hitting the vital organs which are located just above the deer front legs, my shot hit her jaws. The result was a Big Dimple by a bullet wound and the resulting Bloody Rosy Cheeks (actually half of the cheeks were not there after the shot).
Answering Sweetie’s question, “U gonna kill a deer?” :
Yes I did but don’t we all eat meat that comes from some sort of killed animal or bird? Only this time I killed it and Sweetie it was fun -:) Matter of fact it was kind of romantic, I looked at the deer with interest from rifle’s scope, she ignored me, then I send her a love note concealed in a bullet and she jumped out of excitement and become all mine!
theo
good to see you back with a deer on your lap! My dear bro let me clarify on your sarcasm with reference to Bavarchi Khana. My culinary cooking skills is a rare species of ability only to be found among the most pedigreed, skillful, talented and exceptional breed of chefs
to which not only “ALL women”, but a lot of men also envy. I cook for fun, for pleasure, for friends and for relatives and not as week-end chores.
I cook when I feel like, for me cooking is one of the sweetest pleasures in life that releases stress and then what more do you want? You get to eat something you love it, and what good is that deer for you if you don’t know how to cook it? Wanna eat like a caveman or stuff it and decorate it like a trophy which most Americans do?
Back home when I shot a deer I cooked it in whole like, a “Sajji” and stuffed partridges and grouses (teetar – batair) and eggs in it and for that you need skills. So, I take pride in my cooking.
By describing how you shot that deer you must have put off DRC as well as Sweetie but, to me you have confirmed that you are not a good shot, you wobbled and thats because:
“Kaheen pay Nigaahain – Kaheen pay Nishana”
”
Maaray Na Zalim – nee nee nee naa naa
LOL… I don’t remember the lyrics.
Ps. “Jeenay dou Zalim banao na nishana” (got it from you tube)
magar tumhara tou nishana hee kharab hai
Hehehe Theo.. U mean psycho romantic? Bad man theoo!!
Quoting from Javed, “cooking is one of the sweetest pleasures in life that releases stress and then what more do you want?” I disagree and most men will -:) BUT I will leave your “cooking ways” alone; I did not know you were that sensitive about it, LOL.
Never heard of that “teetar-batair-eggs” Sajji before but sounds good.
Hey, what you can do when a moving deer stops the moment you pull the trigger? You shoot her cheeks -:) Besides I’m going to the shooting range today to sight in my rifle to make sure it doesn’t happen again. Next time I’ll “break the deer heart”, I promise. Gotta go to the range and catch u guys later.
On popular demand…from Theo…here is the Pope one and a few more for good luck!
They were all on a same ‘fwd email’. It will be good to know which one made you laugh the most. All please indicate your pick.
The new Pope was having a shower. Although he is very strict about the celibacy rules, he occasionally felt the need to exercise the right wrist, and this was one of these occasions. Just as he reached the Papal climax he saw a photographer taking a picture of the holy
seed flying through the air. “Hold on a minute” said the Pope. “You
can’t do that. You’ll destroy the reputation of the Catholic Church”.
“This picture is my lottery win” said the photographer. “I’ll be financially secure for life.”
So, the Pope offered to buy the camera off the photographer, and after lots of negotiation, they eventually arrived at a figure of two million quid. The Pope then dried himself off, and headed off with his new camera.
He met his housekeeper, who spotted the camera. “That looks like a really good camera,” she said, “how much did it cost you?” “Two million quid” replied the Pope.
“TWO MILLION QUID!” said the housekeeper…………. “They must have seen you coming!”
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Bryan met Sharon in a nightclub.
They enjoyed each other’s company very much and at the end of the evening Sharon invited Bryan to her place, where they quickly got involved in a very passionate and energetic session in bed together.
Finally, tired and satisfied, they both lay back in the bed and snuggled up close to each other. After a short while, Sharon began tenderly stroking Bryan’s manhood.
Surprised but appreciative, Bryan comments, “Surely you can’t be ready for more already”?
Sharon replies, “No, but every now and then I get a bit nostalgic, and I miss the days when I had mine.”
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
The perfect husband
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk.
Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: “Hello”
WOMAN: “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”
MAN: “Yes”
WOMAN: “I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat.
It’s only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?”
MAN: “Sure, ..go ahead if you like it that much.”
WOMAN: “I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005 models. I saw one I really liked”
MAN: “How much?”
WOMAN: “$90,000″
MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”
WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one more thing … The house I wanted last
year is back on the market. They’re asking $950,000″
MAN: “Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of $900,000. They
will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. If it’s really a pretty good price.”
WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much!!”
MAN: “Bye! I love you, too.”
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him
in astonishment, mouths agape…..He smiles and asks: “Anyone know who this phone belongs to?….”
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
An English ventriloquist visiting Wales walks into a small village and sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog.
He figures he’ll have some fun, so he says to the Welshman
“Can I talk to your dog?”
Villager: “The dog doesn’t talk, you stupid git”
Ventriloquist: “Hello dog, how’s it going mate?
Dog: “Doin’ alright”
Villager: (Look of extreme shock)
Ventriloquist: “Is this villager your owner?” (Pointing at the villager)
Dog: “Yep”
Ventriloquist: “How does he treat you?”
Dog: “Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play”
Villager: (Look of disbelief)
Ventriloquist: “Mind if I talk to your horse?”
Villager: “Uh, the horse doesn’t talk either. I think”
Ventriloquist: “Hey horse, how’s it going?”
Horse: “Cool”
Villager: (Absolutely dumfounded)
Ventriloquist: “Is this your owner?” (Pointing to the villager)
Horse: “Yep”
Ventriloquist: “How does he treat you?”
Horse: “Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements”
Villager: (Total look of amazement)
Ventriloquist: “Mind if I talk to your sheep?”
Villager: (In a panic) “The sheep’s a liar”
Haaaaaaaaaaaallllo
How is everyone?
Rosy O’ Dimple
Is that ALL you have to say? Never mind.
Awas
That transvesto and golf club jokes were hilarious. Keep on posting.
theo
No man, I am not sensitive about cooking, I simply enjoy it, because I can’t stand bad food served by others.
And, for moving targets you have to aim a little ahead, haven’t you ever heard of the wind factor? For a sitting target i.e., when it is windy you calculate the distance mentally and then you calculate the wind factor and aim accordingly. You do the same for a moving target. And, the same principle applies when you are shooting a flying duck or a flying partridge. Although the trajectory is different in both cases because the ducks are moving sideways whereas the partridge keeps going away from you so the speed doubles…. As regards target shooting, I seldom miss bulls-eye even when it is windy. I am talking of open air 100 to 500 yards shooting ranges and not the indoor ones.
The only shooting ranges we have here are the oepn air clay pigeon and skeet / trap shooting ranges and I feel a bit alien using their shotguns because, I don’t have any!
Using your own shotgun or a rifle is different from someone else’s. I don’t think I will buy any here because there is no one to give me company.
I am keen to buy Nikon’s D-90, over here for some strange reason its for C$1950 plus 15% taxes whereas in the US it is for $900 even with the exchange rate differential it should not cost me for more than C$1100. So, may be I will get one from there, or may be from Dubai, which is always cheaper than here.
D-90 is the digital one and in my collection of cameras I have the conventional Nikon F-3 with a 1.2 lens, and a 35~105 zoom and a 180 telephoto lens plus, plus. I do have sony digital which is more like a toy although it has Karl Ziess lens still I am not happy with it. I dunno if you are into photography?
Too good Awas, specially the ventriloquist one. Here is one dedicated to Javed and his love for food. Hope u guys haven’t heard this.
———————-
A Gujrati, a Madrasi and a sardaar were doing construction work on
scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.
They were having lunch and Gujju said, “Dhokla! If I get dhokla one more
time for lunch, I’m going to jump off this building.”
The Madrasi opened his lunch box and exclaimed, “Idli Sambhar again! If I
get idli sambhar one more time I’m going to jump off too.”
The sardaar opened his lunch and said, “Parontha again! If I get a parontha
one more time, I’m jumping too.”
The next day, the Gujju opened his lunch box, saw dhokla, and jumped to his
death.
The Madrasi opened his lunch, saw idli sambhar, and jumped, too.
The sardaar opened his lunch, saw the parontha and jumped to his death as
well.
At the funeral, Gujju’s wife was weeping. She said, “If I’d known how
really tired he was of dhokla, I never would have given it to him again!”
The Madrasi’s wife also wept and said, “I could have given him dossa! I
didn’t realize he hated idli sambhar so much.”
Everyone turned and stared at the sardaar’s wife.
..
.
..
.
.
..
.
..
.
.
..
The sardaar’s wife said,
“Don’t look at me.
He makes his own lunch.”
————-
Hmm I will also say that Eid was good and I have a lot of work to do now that I am back.
Hope everyone had a good Eid.
Theo claimed to have shot me but I am still alive lol:)
I like the Carl Zeiss lens/camera and my new phone has a Carl Zeiss lens and I am quite happy with it. You cannot tell the pics I take are from a mobile.
Awas…chi!
Khair Mubs Sweetie xox
Pope…Trava..Sheep..Ventriloquist…
Laughed so much after a long time that i actually forgot what i had to say in Legslip!!
keep ém coming….thanks awas!!
Following are 2 from my collection…
In times of World Recession and increasing Unemployment.A guy goes to the employment exchange to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, ‘Have you been in any dedicated services?
‘Yes’ he says. ‘I was in the Army for three years.’
The interviewer says, ‘That will give you extra points toward employment’. The interviewer then asks, ‘Are you disabled in any way’?
The guy says, ‘Yes 100%…while fighting of the terrorists, a mortar round exploded near me and blew my testicles off’.
The interviewer tells the guy, ‘O K. That should not be a problem, I can hire you right now. You can work here. The hours are from 8:00 A. M. to 4:00 P. M. You can start tomorrow. Come in at 10:00 A. M.
The guy is puzzled and says, ‘If the hours are from 8:00 A. M. to 4:00P.M, why do you want me to come in at 10:00 A.M.’
‘This is a government job,’ the interviewer says. ‘For the first two hours, we sit around scratching our balls……. no point in your coming in for that!’
……………………………………..
The only seat available on the train was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged French woman and the seat was being used by her dog.
One weary traveler asked, “Ma’am, please move your dog. I need that seat.” The French woman looked down her nose at the American, sniffed and said, You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can’t you see my little FiFi is using that seat?”
The American walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog. Again he asked, “Please, lady. May I sit there?”. I’m very tired.” The French woman wrinkled her nose and snorted “You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant….Imagine!”
The American didn’t say anything else. He leaned over, picked up the dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat. The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her honor and chastise the American.
An English man sitting across the aisle spoke up indignantly “You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, Sir, you’ve thrown the wrong bitch out the window.”
……………………………………..
Awas, The perfect Husband is the best one.
Amit, Varun, Javed
Thanks! Yeah, Ventriloquist one was my favorite too…lol.
I had heard the other two before but not the ‘wrong bitch one’…good one!
Varun heard the american joke. How rude! LOL
Hey Gals…were they too bad for you?
Sweetie
Thanks! I guess men like different type…but I agree that was quite good. You seem to be the only gal with sense of humour…Oh Lord I am in trouble now with the others!!!
LOL Awas. I have what i call a wicked sense of humor.
Sweetie
Is that right? I like that.
Wait what I post tomorrow…real Desi stuff
Hmmmm i wonder….
*blushes* Awas your jokes were a bit but hmm I guess they are funny
Here’s one.
Ek Aadmi ne apni wife ko khat likha ‘Is mahine salary ke badle 100 kiss bhej raha hoon’.
Wife ne jawab diya Aap key salary ke badle 100 kiss milay:
Hisaab bhej rahi hoon –
Doodh wala 2 kiss mein maan gaya,
Teacher ko 7 deni padi.
Subjiwala 7 mein nahin mana is liye 9 deni padi.
Kiraewala sirf kiss se nahin mana : -(
Makaan malik to roj 6 -7 ley jata hai.
Aap chinta mat karna, mere paas abhi lagbhag 35 aur hai.
Mahina aaram se kat jayega.
haha I like the Sardar joke
Well, this one goes out to all of you……..
<b FRANCOPHONES!
Awas, maybe you were refering to this one?
THE BUNNY and THE SNAKE
Once upon a time (allegedly) in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. By a surprising coincidence, both were blind from birth.
One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down. This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit. “Oh, my,” said the bunny, “I’m terribly sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’ve been blind since birth, so, I can’t see where I’m going. In fact, since I’m also an orphan, I don’t even know what I am.” “It’s quite OK,” replied the snake. “Actually, my story is much the same as yours. I, too, have been blind since birth, and also never knew my mother.
Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and work out what you are, so at least you’ll have that going for you.” “Oh, that would be wonderful” replied the bunny. So the snake slithered all over the bunny, and said, “Well, you’re covered with soft fur; you have really long ears; your nose twitches; and you have a soft cottony tail. I’d say that you must be a bunny rabbit.”
“Oh, thank you! Thank you,” cried the bunny, in great excitement. The bunny suggested to the snake, “Maybe I could feel you all over with my paw, and help you the same way that you’ve helped me.” So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked,
“Well, you’re smooth and slippery, and you have a forked tongue, no backbone or no balls. I’d say you must be French.”
Sorry for the missing , fir reh gaya!
hahahaha
lotsa, lotsa jokes and good ones too. Amit on construction site jokes here is one 4 U:
In Dubai, there is so much construction going on that they have started interviewing the labourers just like the white collar guys. So, at one of the employment agencies they were interviewing the labourers and there was a common question for all and it was, “how many buckets of sands can you carry from one place to another in one go??”
The first one was Sri Lankan, then a Sardar and then a Bengali and finally a Pathan.
“how many buckets of sands can you carry from one place to another in one go??”
Sri Lankan: One at a time!
No, good, sorry you are out.
Sardarji: Two,
How?
One in one hand the other in the other hand.
OK, reasonable, stay there.
Bengali: Three…
How?
One in one hand, the other in another hand and one on my head.
Very good, stay on the side.
Pathan: SIX
How?
One in one hand, the other in the other hand, one on my head and……………
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Bengali ko mai “iss pay” bithai gee!
Two kids Tom & John aged 7 were talking:
John: Hey Tom last night I found a condom in the veranda.
Tom: Cooooooooool, which brand is it?
John: The ususal … Durex.
Tom: Coooooooooool, btw whats a veranda?
Awas – I dunno if you have heard this one b4.
A man reads an ad in the newspaper “Talking Dog” for sale for $10
No one paid any attention to the ad assuming it a hoax. But this man was a bit curious and he called the owner takes the address and goes to the dog owner’s house.
The dog owner was sitting on a couch reading newspapers and puffing cigarettes. The man inquires from the dog owner ‘whether the dog really talks?’ The owner says yep he does. Then he asks, ‘are you really selling it for $10?’ The owner says yep, I am.
So, the man insists that he wants to see the dog. The owner raises his hand and points his finger at the corner of the room where a dog was lying on a rag.
The man goes to the dog and asks him. Do you really talk? The dog replies, oh yeah I do. The man was shocked. Then he asks him how he learnt to talk like humans? The dog replied, actually I was created by the scientists so that the FBI and CIA could use me as a spy and I used to go and listen to what the enemies used to talk and come back and reveal their secrets.
The man was very impressed and he asks more questions and the tells more stories that he went to Iraq and Afghanistan on spy missions and helped the US army by unfolding several terrorist plots ….. and many more things… the man was completely sold out, he goes back to the owner and asks him again, are you sure you wanna sell the dog for $10? ‘Yep’ says the owner.
The man wanted to be more honest and was willing to give more money to the owner for such a rare dog and tells the owner, you see the dog told me everything about how he was created and who created him and he went to Iraq and Afghanistan etc… the owner interrupted the man …. ” Iraq, Afghanistan? This MF dog has never been out of this house and he is a bloody liar, and that’s why I am selling him for $10.”
Loll Javed… this reminds me of a lying dog too (one that i know ) HAHA
Yeah…some funny ones from Varun, Javed…Lol…I get a lot of funny fwds but many have been deleted…some cannot be posted.
Sweetie
Do I sense a hint of bitter sarcasm in your comment…I share that sentiment but not “a lying dog”…but the opposite of that
Dimples
You are right. Some jokes are crude and rude but men’s sense of humour is like that. By the way, the last joke I posted was emailed around the office by one of our secretaries…some women can be brash (and some wicked…Lol).
Awas, i didn’t call you ‘a lying dog’. I was infact someone that, who i know verryy well (wish i didn’t)! ( I think our sentiments are mutual, only for different genders, unless ure gay LOL just kidding).
Yeah Awas, wicked & proud of it ;p hehe
Katrina more popular in Pakistan than in India
If Google India is to be believed, film star Katrina Kaif is far more popular in Pakistan than in India. Citing their surfing records, Google India’s country head, Vinay Goel said, “Katrina Kaif is not only the most searched for Bollywood celebrity, she is also the fastest rising search item across all the categories in India. She is more popular in Pakistan than In India. So if she’s ended up in the Top Ten list in India, she’s in the top two or three list in Pakistan.”
Katrina Kaif is not only the reigning queen of Bollywood, she recently graced the cover of Vogue magazine.
This has been a wonderful year for the reigning bollywood queen. Her films Singh is Kinng and Welcome did well at box office and she got rave reviews for her looks as well as her acting talent. The actress was also adjudged the sexiest Asian woman in the world in 2008 by a UK-based weekly earlier.
Katrina Kaif, who was last seen in Subhash Ghai’s Yuvvraaj is the only actress in Bollywood in recent years who has given six consecutive hits.
Sweetie
I realised you didn’t call me a lying dog…so you didn’t have to clarify…but thank you nevertheless.
Yeah “sentiments are mutual”…lets leave it at that…and sigh
Anyways, are you ready for the Desi ones!!! Where is that Theo guy gone now…
He went to some range. Prolly shot himself in the foot lol.. Poor deer ki bad dua!
Yeah bring em on! I posted a desi one last nite, i dunno if u noticed.
Varun, Amit, Javed, Theo, Wasim, Sweetie and the Co will appreciate these more…i.e. all Hindi/Urdu speakers. Good
…but I am not going to translate for the others…it won’t be the same…agree?
Sabziwala: Madam ye 500 ka note blouse se nikla hai kya?
Madam: haan par apko kaise pata chala?
Sabziwala: Gandhi ji ka mu abhi bhi khula hua hai!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
A boy 2 a dark girl: Tum kitni kali ho!
The girl replies: Tere baap ka kya jata hai?
Boy: Agar mere baap ka jata to aaj kali na hoti.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Sardarni: kal chor aaya aur mere saath S ** karke chala gaya.
Sardar: tumne use roka nahi?
Sardarni: bahut kaha rukne ke liye, bola kal phir aunga.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Sardar asks CALL GIRL: How much?
she says 50 on bed, 20 on sofa, 10 on grass.
Sardar give her 50.
she says wow on bed?
Sardar: No, 5 times on grass.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Girl: Maa bajuwale ladke ko dhek ke meri BRA tight ho jati hai.
Maa: beti ek baar bina BRA ke kameej pehen ke ja, uski pant tight ho
jayegi.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
2 girls returning 4m movie,
1st: Mera purse chori ho gaya.
2nd: Per tu to bra mein rakhti thi.
1st: Mujhe kya pata saala chori kar raha hai.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
A man jumps into bed n starts making love.
Woman in bed says: Jijaji mein aapki biwi nahi aapki saali Radha hoon.
Man: Ab kahe ki Radha jab ghus gayaAadha.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
kelewala: kele le lo kele
Madam: Are bhaiya kele to pilpile hai kadak aur lambe do
kelewala: Are madam kabhi to khane ke liye liya karo.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
A hair cutting saloon shifted from grd floor to 1st floor.
A board was put by him “Neeche ke bal katane ki dukan upar hai”
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Ewwwwwwwwww @ the last one. Awas, theyre funny, but are u feeling ok? hehehe
“feeling ok?”…Not really. Why do you think I am behaving like this?
LOL I dunno man.. u tell me HAHAHA
Awas
Man, in you first post those Transvestite and golf club jokes were the best. The recent x-rated desi jokes were sick and hilarious, LOL. Hey, I still remember you had posted some great jokes about Scott drinking and one was the best in which a priest goes to Scott bar to save people. If you have those please re-post.
Varun Suri
Your jokes made me howling for a while, that French bitch, scratching balls, and bunny and snake were outrageous.
Amit and Javed
Poor Sardars and Pathans, they get picked on a lot, don’t they, LOL.
Sweetie @727
Ouch!! That was some re-distribution of wealth of kisses, haha.
DRC
Reseruction? Awagon Chukker? or this is ghost of you? You scare me girl.
Sana @ 717
You wrote, “xox to Sweetie”, I say Hmmmm!!!!
Khansahab
Who is Katrina Kaif? Some new Bollywood cat? Whoever she is, can’t match my Natalie, even your wrinkled Queen met her to appreciate her acting.
Javed, that’s exactly what I did. Deer was like “jogging” and I aimed at the neck area and the moment I pulled the trigger the deer stopped, result was a blown jaw. In woods and hills of Pennsylvania we don’t have much air or distance problem and we usually get a deer within 100 yards of the sight. The drawback is; we have to be very quite while hunting as the noise from crushing dry bushes and branches spook the deer. Well, if you can shoot the bulls eye from 500 yards then hats off to you but what kind of rifle or gun you use for that sort of distance?
We have an open range for both rifle/shot gun and hand guns. It just have a range of 150 yards but it’s very close to home and free for public so I like it there.
I don’t have much interest in photography; all I have is $250 Sony Cybershot and another Sony waterproof camera to take picture of fish under water. If life and wife permit, I’ll go hunting in Africa for big cats and wild buffalo, I’ll certainly then borrow your expensive cameras, I’m sure you’ll be cool with that, right? -:)
Yeah man that price and 15% tax in Canada is outrageous, we have 6% sales tax in our county and our state Pennsylvania do not have any tax on food and clothes. Guns and ammo are very cheap and folks in our area love to exercise the 2nd amendment right to bear arms.
I have like this $1800 Carl Zeiss rifle scope which I got very cheap from a Bud of mine but I did not mount it yet. I still use an inexpensive Tasco 3×9-40 scope on my Marlin 336-SS 30-30 rifle. This rifle is good for a range up to 250 yards and that’s more than enough for our area. I’m going to get my first Mossberg shot gun (best in U.S.) next fall to take on Turkey. I’m also going to try archery hunting next year and that’s a tough one. Btw you were made for U.S. what the hell are you doing in Canada?
Anyone watches football (NFL)? Go Pittsburgh Steelers.
Theossa
You are straight and yet you don’t know who Katrina Kaif is?
Please see her on the following link. While observing her, please pay attention to “detail”.
http://legslip.com/hot-cars-gals/katrinakaif/
khansahab
I wonder what you meant by “attention to detail”?
Yeah, I have counted those little beads on her…neck. In case you wanted to test us…Lol.
Awas
Yes I was obviously referring to the necklace…
I mean, what else could I be referring to?
LOL Khansahab, you horn dog, I know what you mean by looking at the details. I like pretty eyes and smile so she won’t get a good rating from me; I give her 6 out of 10. My comment on her “details” is; “Good for her kids, they will sleep with full stomach”.
Theossa
See, lawyers have to pay LOTS OF attention to detail which is why I can’t give this beautiful specimen 6 out of 10.
I give her 9.75 out of 10.
I am sure businessmen/bankers who believe in “size does matter”, “the more, the merrier” and “bigger is better” will rate her very highly too
Awas, I wonder how accountants would rate her? I suppose accountants have to “account” for somethings, don’t they?
B F, tsk tsk tsk..
Well, Khansahab, I remember you gave Awas’s “Face with nuts in fur” picture 9/10 so I can’t grasp your rating criteria. Since I explained mine why not you elaborate on your rating system? That way rest of us can be educated. Thanks in advance.
Theossa
I don’t know what you mean by “Good for her kids, they will sleep with full stomach”.
Khansahab & Theo
I hear many actresses following in the footsteps of Angelina Jolie are looking to adopt than bear a child. I hear Katrina prefers mature ones and like good mothers, thinks breast feeding is a good idea. I can put you malnutrition guys on her wanted list
Theossa
My rating system is basically, “Size does matter”.
Awas
Milk and other dairy products are very expensive now in the UK, so I guess I’ll head off to Bollywood to “try my luck”…..
Awas
Yes please, could you also check if Scarlett Johansson would be interested in adopting kids? Since Khansahab is undernourished he asked if Keira Knightley would adopt him, if not he’ll go for Shoaib Malik.
What about you though? An Elephant trunk will certainly adopt you. I’ll send your picture from LS.
Scarlett Johansson? Naaah…she loves to get ticked with beards…
Awas u meant tickled or ticked? If tickled, then i can assure u, u got it SOOOO wrong! lol
You are all geeks!lol
DRC, geeks or freaks? hehehe
….led…sorry, typo
Geeks lol. Don’t know but that is the strongest ‘cuss’ I use. Cannot bring myself to swear. Silly haina
Awas, that certainly is not a beard in your picture! The un-dirtiest I can think of is; you got Coconuts on your face. LOL.
lollllllllllllllllllll
It looks like a beard with a hairnet or a very weirdly shaped beard hehe -Awas’s pic that is.
DIMPLES
Geek…isn’t that Bill Gates. Now this reminds me of this joke:
Tomato Story
A Jobless man applied for the position of ‘office boy’ at Microsoft.
The HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as a test.
‘You are employed ‘ he said. Give me your e-mail address and I’ll send you the application to fill in, as well as date when you may start.
The man replied ‘ But I don’t have a computer, neither an email ‘.
‘ I ‘ m sorry ‘ , said the HR manager. If you don ‘ t have an email, that means you do not exist. And who doesn’t ‘ t exist, cannot have the job. ‘
The man left with no hope at all. He didn’t know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10Kg tomato crate.
He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round.. In less than two hours,
He succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the operation three times,
And returned home with $60.
The man realized that he can survive by this way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return late. Thus, his money doubled or tripled everyday.
Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, and then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles.
5 years later, the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US
He started to plan his family ‘ s future, and decided to have a life insurance.
He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan.
When the conversation was concluded the broker asked him his email.
The man replied, ‘ I don’t have an email. ‘
The broker answered curiously, ‘ You don’t have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an e mail?!!’ The man thought for a while and replied,’ Yes, I’d be an office boy at Microsoft!’
DRC, LOL
No shit! I can’t f*ck**g “cuss” either? What about rest of you guys?
Hey Gals…My hero WG Grace would be turning in is grave…tut tut!
Bill Gates is a geek and so is everyone else lol.
I’ve also got to stop calling people ‘gay’. Another favourite cuss. Gosh I am so silly thinking about it but it’s become a habit:)
Awas, LOL, tut tut is close to what I would call you in desi.
Gotta go guys, catch u guys tomorrow. Have a wonderful day.
haha bad boy Theo!!
Awas, seriously, have u given any thought to changing ure pic?
A Christmas Story for people having a bad day:
When four of Santa’s elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.
Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.
Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.
Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully, ‘Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn’t this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?’
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
theo #749
You say: “My comment on her “details” is; Good for her kids, they will sleep with full stomach”.
Man, it all depends on her hubby, if he leaves any for the kids ! Take care!
theo BMW 745
“Well, if you can shoot the bulls eye from 500 yards then hats off to you but what kind of rifle or gun you use for that sort of distance?”
I think I wrote earlier about my father’s collection, a 375 Magnum, Mauser’s 320 and Wesley Richards 32~40 bore rifles and a Holland & Holland shotgun. One of my dad’s friends was in the army and we had access to the shooting range and I used his guns. The 500 yards target was a 6′x6′ screen with a 22 inches bulls eye. With the wind its not easy but once you get a handle its easy. And, its also not the hunting style where you have to be on your own anywhere but it was lying position and barrel resting on a sandbag. I dunno if you ever tried that.
I enjoy shotgun flying shots at ducks and partridges its fun. In case of a partridge you have to be very quick. It can fly in any direction and if you are late by a second you’ve missed it. The trick is to wait when the bird straightens its flight path i.e., initially it goes from 0 to 45 angle and then straightens and continues, you have to shoot then or else you miss it.
Khansahab:
If you feel it’s a bit more vulgar feel free to censor it.
A train hits a bus load of Catholic school girls and they all perish. They are all in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates past St Peter.
St Peter asks first girl, “Rebecca, have you ever had any contact with a p***s?”
She giggles and shyly replies, “Well I once touched the head of One with the tip of my finger.”
St Peter says, “OK, dip the tip of your finger in The Holy Water And pass through the gate.”
St Peter asks the next girl the same question, “Meg have you ever Had any contact with a p***s?”
The girl is a little reluctant but replies “Well once I fondled and stroked one.”
St Peter says “OK, dip your whole hand in The Holy Water and pass through the gate.”
All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls,
One girl is pushing her way to the front of the line.
When she reaches the front of the line St Peter says “Amy! What seems to be the rush?”
The girl replies “If I’m going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to do it before Jenny sticks her arse in it”
Eik Sardar shehr sey “manji” charpai khareed ker wapis gaoon aata hey, charpai uss ney sar per utha rakhi hoti hey.
Raastey mein usay eik dost milta hey aur poochta hey sardarji manji kitney ki mili?
Sardar! Rs 1000
Dost! Bohat mehngi hey. 500 ki her jaga milti hey.
Sardar kuch dor jata hey tu eik aur dost milta hey aur wohi sawal karta hey.
Dost! Sardar Manji kitney ki mili?
Sardar! jhoot bolta hey aur kehta hey 500 ki.
Dost! Yaar Shehr janney ki kiya zaroorat thi yahaan per 250 mein milti hey.
Sardar ghusay mein agay chal perta hey.
Thori dor usay eik aur dost milta hey aur poochta hey sardar kahan sey aa rahey ho.
Saradar: Yaar shehr Gaya tha yeh manji khareedney.
Dost: kitney mein mili?
Saradar: Puray yakeen sey jhoot boolta hey 250 ki.
Dost: Yaar bohat bewaqouf ho yeh tu 100 ki milti hey.
Sardar bohat ghusay mein apnay ghar ki taraf chal deta hey.
Ghar key darwazay per ussay eik aur dost milta hey aur wohi sawal poochta hey.
Sardar Kahan say aa rahey ho?
Sardar: ghusay aur jhilahat say kehta hey
B**D merwa key aa raha hoon.
Dost: Manji saath ley ker gai thay.
Jaata hey wapsi per usay uss ko eik dost milta hey
Plz ignore the last line.Typo error.
A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, told him that he would now need to enter a password.
Something he will use to log on.
The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife’s attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in…
P…..
E…..
N…..
I…..
S…..
His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:
PASSWORD DENIED – NOT LONG ENOUGH
Each Sunday, Mr and Mrs Jones go to their local church for a service, but recently, Mr Jones has been falling alseep and snoring throughout. So, after one particularly embarrassing day, Mrs Jones went to see the vicar.
Mrs Jones: Vicar, can you help me? My husband keeps falling asleep during your services and it’s really embarrassing.
Vicar: Okay, take this hat-pin and when I see him fall asleep, I’ll nod to you and you stick it in his leg.
So Mrs Jones thanks him, wakes her husband in the pews and they go home.
Next Sunday, ten minutes into his sermon, the vicar spots Mr Jones alseep. So he says,
Vicar: And who is our Saviour?
And he nods purposefully at her. So Mrs Jones stick the pin in his leg and he wakes up and shouts,
Mr Jones: Jesus!
Vicar: Yes, Jesus is our Saviour.
Five minutes later, Mr Jones falls asleep again, so the vicar spots this and says to the congregation,
Vicar: And who is our Forgiver?
And again he nods purposefully at Mrs Jones who sticks the pin in her husband’s leg, who shouts,
Mr Jones: God!
Vicar: Yes, God is our Forgiver.
So then, during his long service, the vicar begins to really get into what he’s saying, so he starts to nod accidentally. Therefore, Mr Jones is getting poked in the leg for no reason. Right at the end of ther service, the vicar is really getting going and he says,
Vicar: And what did Eve say to Adam when she bore his 99th child?
And he accidentally nods, so Mrs Jones sticks the pin in her husband’s leg and he says,
Mr Jones: If you stick that in me one more time, I’ll turn it around and shove it up your arse!
Congregation: Amen!
A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a 5-Iron golf club wrapped tightly around his throat.
Naturally, the Doctor asked him, “What happened to you?”
“Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a cow pasture.
We went to look for them while I was looking around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end.”
“I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife’s monogram on it – stuck right in the middle of the cow’s arse.
Still holding the cow’s tail up, I yelled to my wife, ‘Hey, this looks like yours!’”
“I don’t remember much after that .”
Wasim
Pretty good ones…Lol. Some I had heard before some I hadn’t. Even so, good to read them again.
Well, I think it’s high time we should change the title of this Page from V(Veg)-Talk to N(on)V(eg)-Talk!!!
Anyways…Wasim your 6 jokes came with the same variety of an over of Wasim Akram now ‘Chakram’, Everyone, keep posting such jokes. It’s good to read ‘em if you are having a Bad Day!!
Varun
On your Veg & Non-Veg suggestion, you should advise Indian government after Mr. Chidambaram said, “India will BEEF UP their security…” Why is he not saying: “We will Baingan Up the security or Bhindi Up the security?”
Three Texas surgeons were having lunch together and discussing surgeries they had performed. One of them said, “I’m the best surgeon in Texas. A concert pianist lost 7 fingers in an accident, I reattached them and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England.”
One of the others said. “That’s nothing. A young man lost both arms and legs in a terrible accident, I reattached them and 2 years later he won 2 gold medals in field events in the Olympics.
“The third surgeon said, “You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a guy who was high on cocaine and alcohol rode a horse head on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the horse’s ass and a cowboy hat. He’s now President of the Unites States of America.”
Hum nahee kehtay zamana kehta hai!
Ta raa raa, raa ra rooo!
lol@ our dumbass pres! Good one Javed.. Guys keep em comin. I really need some laugh..
Hung Chow calls in to work and says, “Hey, Boss, I not come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache and my legs hurt. I no come whork.”
Boss says, “You know, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. It makes everything better and I can go to work. You should try that.”
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again:” Hey Boss I do what you say and feel great. I be at whork soon. You got nice house Boss!”
MEN COULD BE CRUEL.
A married couple is lying in bed one night. The wife is curled up, ready to go to sleep, and the husband turns his bed lamp on to read a book. As he’s reading, he periodically reaches over to his wife and fondles her special area.
He does this a few times, but only for a very short interval before returning to read his book. The wife gradually becomes more and more aroused assuming that her husband is seeking some encouragement she gets up and starts stripping in front of him.
The husband gets confused and asks, “Why are you taking off your clothes?” His wife replies, “You were rubbing me downtown. I thought it was foreplay,” The husband says, “No, not at all.” His wife asks angrily, “Well, what the hell were you doing then?” I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages in my book.
This really made me laugh! These are Live TV quotes on sporting events:
Michael Burke on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male
astronomer for warmth during BBC1′s Total Eclipse coverage remarked:
“They seem cold out there, they’re rubbing each other and he’s only come in his shorts.”
Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny
Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open:
“Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself.”
Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports:
“Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis’s misses every chance he gets.”
Jack Burnicle was talking about Colin Edwards’ tyre choice on World
Superbike racing:
“Colin had a hard on in practice earlier, and I bet he wished he had a hard on now.”
Chris Tarrant discussing the first Millionaire winner Judith Keppel on
This Morning:
“She was practising fastest finger first by herself in bed last night.”
‘Winning Post’s’ S! tewart Machin commentating on jockey Tony McCoy’s formidable lead:
“Tony has a quick look between his legs and likes what
he sees.”
Ross King discussing relays with champion runner Phil Redmond:
“Well Phil, tell us about your amazing third leg.”
Cricketer Neil Fairbrother hit a single during a Durham v Lancashire
match, inspiring Bobby Simpson to observe:
“With his lovely soft hands he just tossed it off.”
Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said:
“There’s nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this.”
James Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a Grand Prix, asked:
“What does it feel like being rammed up the backside by Barrichello?”
Steve Ryder covering the US Masters:
“Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69.”
The new stand at Doncaster racecourse took Brough Scott’s breath
away…
“My word,” he said. “Look at that magnificent erection.”
Willie Carson was telling Claire Balding how jockeys prepare for a big
race when he said:
“They usually have four or five dreams a night about coming from different positions.”
Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on Time Team Live said:
“You’d eat beaver if you could get it.”
A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn’t, turned to the weatherman and asked,
“So Bob, where’s that eight inches you promised me last night?”
Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!
US PGA Commentator -
“One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them … Oh my god!!!!! What have I just said?!!!!”
Metro Radio -
“Julian Dicks is every! where. It’s like they’ve got eleven Dicks on the field.”
Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 -
“Ah, isn’t that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew.”
Ted Walsh – Horse Racing Commentator -
“This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother.”
New Zealand Rugby Commentator -
“Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him.”
Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator -
“And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria, I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!”
This one is for “theo”
What’s the difference between female at the ages of 8, 18, 28, 38,
48 and 58.
08—You take her to bed and tell her a story,
18—You tell her a story and take her to bed,
28—You don’t need to tell her any story and take her to bed,
38—She tells you a story and takes you to bed,
48—You tell her a story to avoid going to bed,
58—You stay in bed all day to avoid her story.-
A person reviewing people in looney bin walks around and is pleased with what he sees. He starts to review patients to see what they will do when they get out.
He walks up to the first guy and sees him throwing a football around. He automatically knows that he wants to be a football player.
He walks up to another guy and sees him throwing a baseball around. He could automatically tell that he wanted to be a baseball player.
He walks to the next cell and sees a man with his dick in a bowl of peanuts. He flips out and asks what he is doing. The man replies “I’m fucking nuts, I’m never getting out of here!”
Awas – this one is for you with ref. to that Rodeo OX.
A woman has had serious headaches for several years and has tried everything; been to several doctors and nothing has worked until one day she was having lunch with a friend who referred her to a hypnotist who, according to her friend “works wonders on anything”.
The woman comes home from the hypnotist and tells her husband, “remember those headaches I have been having all of these years? Well, they are gone”. “No more headaches?!?” the husband asks, “What happened?” His wife replies, “Margie referred me to a hypnotist.
He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat ‘I do not have a headache, I DO NOT have a headache. I DO NOT have a headache.” Believe it or not, it worked! The headaches are all gone”.
The husband replies, “Well, that is wonderful.” His wife then says, “You know, you haven’t been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last several years. Why don’t you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?” The husband is unsure he wants to do that, but agrees to try it.
Following his appointment with the hypnotist, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom. He rips off her clothes, puts her on the bed and says, “Don’t move. I’ll be right back.”
He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps on the bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before. His wife says, “Boy that was wonderful!”
The husband says, “Don’t move! I will be right back”. He goes back into the bathroom comes back a few minutes later for round 2 with his wife–even better than the first time. The wife sits up and her head is spinning. “This is really great!”
Her husband again says, “Don’t move, I’ll be right back.” With that he goes back in the bathroom.
This time his wife follows and sees him through the open crack in the door standing at the mirror and saying, “She’s not my wife. She’s not my wife. She’s NOT my wife!”
hahaha… MEN!!
Women!!!
LOL Awas. I guess u & i both ended up wit the bad kind!
You got that right…got to laugh though. Sweets!
Sometime after Sidney died, his widow, Tillie, was finally able to speak about what a thoughtful and wonderful man her late husband had been.
“Sidney thought of everything,” she told them. “Just before he died, Sidney called me to his bedside. He handed me three envelopes. ‘Tillie,’ he told me, ‘I have put all my last wishes in these three envelopes. After I am dead, please open them and do exactly as I have instructed. Then, I can rest in peace’.”
“What was in the envelopes?” her friends asked.
“The first envelope contained $5,000 with a note, ‘Please use this money to buy a nice casket.’ So I bought a beautiful mahogany casket with such a comfortable lining that I know Sidney is resting very comfortably.”
“The second envelope contained $10,000 with a note, ‘Please use this for a nice funeral ‘I arranged Sidney a very dignified funeral and bought all his favorite foods for everyone attending.”
“And the third envelope?” asked her friends.
“The third envelope contained $25,000 with a note, ‘Please use this to buy a nice stone.’”
Holding her hand in the air, Tillie said…
“So, do you like my stone?” showing off her 10 carat diamond ring.
Lol @ “nice stone”
A man went into a store and began looking around. He saw a washer and dryer, but there was no price listed on them. He asked the sales person “How much are the washer and dryer?”
“Five dollars for both of them,” the salesman said.
“Yeah right, you’ve got to be kidding me!” the man replied sarcastically.
“No, that’s the price,” the salesman said, “Do you want to buy them or not?”
“Yeah, I’ll take them!” the customer responded.
He continued to look around and saw a car stereo system with a detachable face cassette player, a CD changer, amplifier, speakers, and subwoofers. “How much?” he asked.
“Five dollars for the system,” the salesman answered.
“Is it stolen?” the guy asks.
“No,” said the salesman, “It’s brand new, do you want it or not?”
“Sure,” the customer replied. He looked around some more.
Next he found a top of the line computer with printer and monitor. “How much?”
“Five dollars,” was the familiar response.
“I’ll take that too!” the man said.
As the salesperson is ringing up the purchases, the man asked him,
“Why are your prices so cheap?”
The salesman said, “Well, the owner of the store is at my house right now with my wife.
What he’s doing to her, I’m doing to his business!”
A man and his young wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a problem.
The mother leaped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.
The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his justification.
After a long silence, the man slowly rose from his chair and replied…
“Your Honor, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or the machine?”
……
This man walks into the kitchen, looks at his wife and says “My God, your ass is getting as big as a barbeque”. That night they are in bed and he is getting frisky. She turns to him and says “If you think that I am going to fire up the barbeque for one little wiener, then you’re crazy”.
Hahaha….
Very quiet here today…no Theo, no Dimples & Co…
Lagta hai sardee may jum gaye…
There was a small boy who was put to bed by his parents. The boy had a nightmare, and got out of bed to go to his parents room.
When he got there, he saw mommy bouncing up and down on daddy. When his dad noticed him in the doorway, the kid ran away.
The mother got off and got dressed quickly, and went to the boy’s room. He was in his bed, and he asked, “Mommy, what were you doing to daddy?”
The mother replied, “Well, your father has noticed his belly getting bigger, and I was just trying to flatten his tummy for him by bouncing on it.”
“Oh, that’s what you were doing. But you’re wasting your time mommy.” The boy said.
“Oh, and why is that?” The mom asked.
“Because everyday when you leave for work, the neighbor lady comes over, gets on her knees and blows it right back up again.
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl tells him that after dinner, she would like to have sex with him for the first time.
The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacy to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about half an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he’d like to buy a 3-pack, 10-pack or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. “Oh, I’m so excited for you to meet my parents! Come on in!”
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl’s parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, “I had no idea you were this religious.”
The boy turns, and whispers back, “I had no idea your father was a pharmacist!”
lol@ wasim..
Awas, this is slow man. May be this should be a chat site instead hehehe
Here’s another one
A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.
While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing
God she asked “Is my time up?”
God said, “No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live.”
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a
face lift, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in
and change her hair colour. Since she had so much more time to live,
she figured she might as well make the most of it. After her last
operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her
way home she was killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, “I thought you said I had
another 40 years? Why didn’t you pull me from out of the path of the
ambulance?”
.
.
.
.
.
God replied, “I didn’t recognise you.”
My laptop keeps on freezing this thread has become to bloated. I would suggest that V talk and politics pages should be renewed weekly and the old page should be sent to archives.
A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said, “MAN, That is the ugliest baby I’ve EVER seen!”
In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. She fumed for a few stops and started getting really worked up.
The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.
“The bus driver insulted me!” she fumed.
The man sympathized and said, “Hey! He’s a public servant and he shouldn’t say things to insult the passengers.”
“You’re right!” she said. “I think I’ll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind.”
“That’s a good idea,” the man said. “Here, let me hold your monkey!”
Sweetie/Wasim
Good ones…Lol
‘monkey’…clean ones can be so funny too. More of those tomorrow.
Teacher to a student: “Ess line ki english banao- Usne apna kaam kiya or karta hi gaya.
Student – He done his work and done-dana-dan done-dana-dan.
==============================================
Bhikhari: Saab 1 rupaya de do.
Saheb: Kal aana.
Bhikhari: Saala is kal-kal ke chakkar mein is colony mein mere lakhon rupaye fase huye hain.
===============================================
Boss: Where were you born ?
Sardarji: Oye Punjab.
Boss: Which part?
Sardarji: Oye, Kya which part? Whole body born in Punjab.
=============================================
Dear visitors
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DEAR SIR,
I want to live. My name is Md. Abdur Rahaman (age 28). My Father’s name: (Late) Md. Kawser Ali. Address: Po: Kullagacha. Thana: Court-chadpur. Dist.: Jinaidah. Country: Bangladesh. My two valves of hart have been damaged. Now I’m admitted in National Institute of Cardio-Vascular Diseases, Sher-E-Bangla Nagar hospital. Dr. S.A.M. Abdus Sabur (Cardio-vascular and Thoracic Surgeon .Assoc, Professor, Cardio-Vascular Surgery) is my doctor. I am suffering in this problem since long. I expend all my saving. I was working in a company as a security guard positions. I have nobody without my cute son (age 7 month) & my wife. I have no assets now from that I can get money for my treatment. For continue the treatment I required huge amount. I have no relatives who can help me to over come the situation. Please I want to live for my son. Please help me and send your donate for the following account.
Shekh Md. Faisal,
Dutch-Bangla Bank Limited,
Shantinagar Branch,
Dhaka, Bangladesh,
Account No: 108.101.158457.
Contact: +8801917162751. +8801740950131.
E-mail address: rahaman825@gmail.com.
Impotent: – If any one wants to required all valid doctor dos & as well as all the reports please feel free to ask
Dear Sir,
I bag to state u that I don’t know who help me & what the right place for my problem solution. Please published my massage of the people for helps me & if u has any people how help me then please know him of me. Please request u to help me please………………….