Archive for April, 2011


Basit Ali has become a renowned commentator but speaks very oddly at times

The saying is, “Like father, Like son” and recently Basit Ali affirmed this by calling Yuvraj Singh, “Yograj”. You might wonder who or what Yograj is. Yograj Singh is Yuvraj Singh’s father. Yograj played international cricket in 1981 when Basit Ali was 11 years old. Then, why would Basit call Yuvraj, “Yograj”? He did not do this once or twice, but a few times.

There is a streak of oddity, madness and uncouthness that runs through the minds of some Pakistani commentators. Commentary is the last job these people should do but unfortunately the media deems them fittest for this role.

What these commentators and their promoters don’t realise is that, there is an international audience that observes what they are saying. Their stupid and inappropriate comments and poor command of the English language brings much disgrace to the country.

Basit Ali seemingly has no sense of punctuation or pronunciation either. So, he says, “GROUNDman” instead of “groundSman” and FLATE instead of “flat”.

Another commentator who has disgraced the nation is Zaheer Abbas. Zaheer was relentness whenever we saw him in

Zaheer Abbas- dull, boring, lacklustre

the commentary box. On occasions he appeared to have said, “townty” instead of “twenty”. Zaheer also appear to lack any enthusiasm when he provides commentary. His tone is agonisingly dull and there is no substance in what he says. Zaheer also once called Younis and Yousuf, “the 2 Yoos” which led to Ian Bishop enquiring what it could mean. Zaheer looked confused and could not answer the question. If all this is not enough then Zaheer constantly criticises the PCB management and coach. Surely, he wants to become the PCB Chairman or the coach? Does he deserve that kind of post? It is also believed that Zaheer Abbas pronounced the word, “decision” as, “di ci yen”.

Wasim Akram- a disappointment in the commentary box

Wasim Akram is not just a voluntary coach for the Indian cricket team, bowling coach of Kolkota Knight Riders or Indian celebrity and showbiz star- he is also a commentator. Wasim’s voice is nasal and his grammar is substandard. Wasim can’t speak Urdu properly, let alone English. It is pathetic to see such a celebrated Pakistani cricketer disgracing the nation in the commentary box.

Finally, there is the big daddy of English commentary. It is difficult to attribute description to Waqar Younis’s English. Waqar seems to have created his own language. His accent is a mixture of Australian English, Pakistani English and Punjabi. Waqar’s problem is not just that his grammar or pronunciation is poor. Waqar has this uncanny habit for using wrong names for people. Why would he call Jayasuriya, “Mohammad Jayasuriya”? Why would he call Vettori, “Danish Vettori”? Why would he insert the letter “a” before everything to the extent that, Danish Kaneria is called, “a Danish” or the words, “room”, “grass” etc become “a room” and “a grass”? This is more than merely amusing. It is unfathomable, it is a condition, a psyche unknown to man. It is a state

Afridi likes to speak but needs to speak correctly

of mind that no science, rationality or logic can explain.

This strange use of the English language has filtered through to players as well. Shahid Afridi is the latest victim of his dangerous ailment. Afridi, when explaining how Abdul Qadir had assisted him with tips, said, “Qadir bhai help me and he gave me a good time”. Lately Afridi has learned some tricks from his coach because he said, “a moisture” and “a confidence”.

The objective of this thread is not to make fun of these people, but to raise awareness about how their poor English brings disgrace to the nation. Bangladeshi players speak better English than Pakistani players. Why is this? There is no point in speaking English- Pakistani commentators and players must speak Urdu or whatever language they are most comfortable in. As regards Pakistani senior cricketers and commentators, they need to stay away from commentary because their comments are absolutely unhelpful and devoid of substance. Pakistan and Pakistani cricket fans deserve better.

Not just the king of reverse swing, but also the king of commentary



sab kahaan kuchh laalaa-o-gul may numaayaan ho gayeen Khaak may kyaa suuratain hongii ki pinhaan ho gayeen

Sab kahaan kuchh laalaa-o-gul may numaayaan ho gayeen Khaak may kyaa suuratain hongii ki pinhaan ho gayeen

I am shocked, I am at loss of words today when I heard Moin Akhtar passed away, to me it was like someone from my family has passed away, someone we all loved him so much, not because he was a TV artiste or a comedian as some say but, Moin Akhtar was everybody.  He was everyone’s favourite, I never came across a single person who said, “I don’t like him,” they all said, he is great, we love him, there is no one comparable to him.  To say he was a TV artiste or a comedian is not a justice,  in my view he was an INDUSTRY within himself.

Today, he is no more with us, but he will remain in our hearts and minds as long as we live and beyond that, because even the new generation liked him, appreciated him and applauded at his works. When he played the role of a Memon, Bengali, Pathan, a Hyderabadi or,  when he played the role of a female Indian Cultural Minister or whoever, it was not Moin Akhtar, Moin Akhtar became that character.  No one could say it was Moin Akhtar, he looked like a Pathan, talked like a Pathan, looked like a Bengali, talked like one, it was impossible to say that someone is acting, there was a natural flow of words, humour, creativity that made us laugh and enjoy his art or should I say the natural talent he had to blend in a role that was given to him by his producers, partners?

His partnership with Anwar Maqsood was symbiotic, they both depended on each others success and thrived on the partnership which was extraordinary and above the trivial and cheap entertainment that we see sometimes on the TV by other comedians, the standard of the jokes and humour of Maqsood and Akhtar was sophisticated and yet very simple. He never crossed the boundaries of decency whereas, there are others in this field who always take the assistance of cheap humour and they could target only one segment of the viewers. Whereas, Moin Akhtar shows were for everyone. And, going to Moin Akhtar’s live shows with families was never an embarrassment, in fact it was pure entertainment and that too a memorable one. I remember being there in his live shows in Dubai several times.

The program “Loose Talk,” was never a real loose talk, it was a gem of the gems and now it will remain as a collectors item only.  I reckon his roles as a Pakistani Hyderabadi in one of the Loose Talk Shows along with Indian Hyderabadi role played by Javed Jafferi was superb. And in the same DVD there is one in which he is a Bengali who was interviewed by Anwar Maqsood is another gem, followed by a role of a Pathan and in another one he dressed like a female and played the role of an Indian Cultural Minister who is visiting Pakistan and Anwar Maqsood interviewed him/her.

I have always admired him as a person with such great talents, his creativity and improvisation of the situational comedy was incomparable, even the greatest of the greats like Yousuf Bhai (Dilip Kumar) acknowledged his talents and spoke so high of him.  Today, Pakistan has lost a son and a brother, the country is plagued with so many problems and Moin Akhtar used to divert the attention of millions and used to bring smiles on their faces.

Moin Akhtar shows were not just for entertainment of the masses only but:

He was the host of the show in which King Husain of Jordan was invited.
He was the host of the show in which the Prime minister of Gambia, Dawoodi-Al-Joza, was invited.
He was the host of the show in which President Zia-ul-Haq was invited.
He was the host of the show in which Prime Minister Zulfiqar Ali Bhutto was invited.
He was the host of the show in which President General Yahya Khan was invited.
He was the host of the show in which President Ghulam Ishaq Khan was invited.

His accomplishments are many but, he did not live with us for many years. To die at an age of 61 years means nothing in today’s world.  But, Allah has numbered everything in numbers and this was his destiny that HE has taken him away from us. May Allah bless his soul and grant him a place in Paradise and may the people of Pakistan and even in India and his followers in the rest of the world where he performed numerous shows pray for his Maghfirat.  AMEEN.


i-BUTT vs. c-BUTTS

Clyde Butts

Clyde Butts

IJAZ BUTT says: Whatever D-C-YEN I take is the best D-C-YEN

IJAZ BUTT says: Whatever D-C-YEN I take is the best D-C-YEN

Ijaz Butt vs. Clyde Butts.  One is the Chairman of the Pakistan Cricket Board or the PCB and the other is the Chairman of Selectors for the West Indies cricket team.   Both Chairmen have tried to jettison the drag by dropping their seniors for the forthcoming cricket series in the Caribbean.

Pakistan has dropped its senior players, Umar Gul, Younus Khan, Kamran Akmal (and the unmentionable Goods Train from Rawalpindi) from this tour.  I don’t  understand in which category Misbah ul Haq fits? Is he a senior player or, a senior citizen who is accompanying the squad for T20 and the ODI series?

Especially since Missy Baba was the main culprit who handed the WC semifinal match on a silver platter to India. He was handicapped to the extent that he was on a wheel chair on the ground, blocking 40 balls and scoring no runs?  That is a crime and his punishment is, he is not only the test team captain – announced already without the test teams announcement – but he is also a playing member of the shorter version of the game in which he is a Total Mis-Fit-ul-Haq.

Similarly the West Indian Butts colliding with another so-called Earnest Hilaire, CEO have also dropped their three senior players in Chris Gayle, Shivnaraine Chanderpaul and Ramesh Sarwan and even the tall lanky spinner Sulaiman Ben Ladin. Initially the reason provided was different from the one that is being told now.  Whatever it is, these two teams are similar in many ways i.e., in terms of the ad hoc management of the boards and in decision making as well as the style of the players from both teams. They lack in consistency and on their day they can beat any team in the world, with Pakistan slightly having an edge because, the West Indian players are more vulnerable than Pakistani players in terms of getting selected.  The dangling of the sword of performance is the key for their inconsistency.

Therefore, in my opinion the matches will be evenly poised, although the expectations of Pakistani fans is, they should whitewash the West Indies team with an ALL-ZERO in ALL FORMATS.  That is against the odds of betting and against the principles of Pakistan. They have to do the unexpected and that is what is expected from the Pakistanis.

First the AC (Akhroat Captain) Afridi didn’t take a breath before announcing his unavailability for the Caribbean Tour.  Then the next thing we hear from him was about his big heartiness and good nature to forgive and forget. He forgot that he announced his unavailability for the tour, hence in the next breath he said “CMLA” cancel my last announcement.  I am going to the Caribbean Cruise  BAKAOZ, my DAD says:  Nation first, family second.

When there was more pressure on him from the infamous group of Pakistan cricket ex-greats that he should captain the test side too, he was hinting that as long as the nation could bear him, he is ready to play for the country.  But, The Big Butt shattered his hopes by announcing Missy Baba to lead the test team.  This time Ijaz Butt did the opposite of what he did before the world cup.  He announced the team for the world cup but, delayed announcing the name of the captain till the 11th hour.  And, this time he woke up from the wrong side of his BUTT and announced the name of the Captain for the test team and, the rest of the test team should be announced when the other side of his BUTT will tell him to do so.

I think we have never heard so much about BUTTS since we have talked about the famous and the most heavily insured BUTTS of Jennifer Lopez, reportedly each side of her BUTT is insured for $500 million or a total one billion for a pair of Butts. Ijaz may not have insured his Butts but, his seat as the Chairman of the PCB is definitely insured because of his brother in law who is a minister in Zardari’s government.  Lets not delve deeper into these Butts because there is a pile of sh*t there.

We need to focus on the youth and both teams have a bunch of them.  The West Indies have a Bichoo and a Roach in their battery of bowlers and both have played in the recent WC whereas, Pakistan’s “youngsters” like, Junaid Khan and Hammad Azam have the experience of touring with the team like spectators or players on a vacation. I hope this time they don’t get to tour the Caribbean in a cruiser but, play for the team and get some recognition so that the nation can forget the Goods Train which seldom delivers its good. Also let us forget Popyee The Sailor Man …… Poo Poo….. Abdul Razzaq the spinach eater.

The Pakistan team is blessed this time by the absence of their Ace Catch Dropper, the grasshopper (Tidda) or, the butter fingered wicketkeeper,  the ugly side of Cameron Diaz,  aka Tidda Akmal.  The Pakistani team should thank Butt god for this act of kindness but, they should not be doing it on the grass this time. I dunno much about the replacement wicketkeeper but, once again thanks to Butt Saheb for not selecting one of the Khatmals or, the tiny wicketkeeper Sarfaraz Ahmad who cannot hold an adult cricket bat.

Being a Pakistani cricket fan I also want the Pakistan team to whitewash the West Indies team in all formats but, that is a racist remark. I wonder why the English used this word against the black people? They proudly name their children as Cameron White, Eva Green, Murphy Brown but, never a John Black or a Peter Black.  In any case I wish the YOUNG West Indies player the best of luck because, if they play like the WC quarterfinal then there will be no competition, no fun.