ching chee

ching chee

The Auto Rickshaw crashed and it is not a ‘John Doe’ because, it has a name, an identity and it is called Ching Chee. There are plenty of casualties in that Sardine packed Ching Chee. A postmortem revealed the names of those who did not survive thetop of the list name is Rambo Shoaib Akhtar. He was DOA in Lahore, in fact his condition was beyond recognition, perhaps it is the result of being left out to burn up. At no stage he was showing any positive signs of recovery. His own retirement announcement was premature, he should have waited till the end of the tournament. But, it was a deliberate ruse from him to get empathy which in turn could get him a place in the playing XI. Instead it ensured a permanent parking spot at the Rawalpindi Railway Station, which they will ultimately move it to the museum.  The Pindiites are building, a monument in “Choor Chowk” Rawalpindi to commemorate the once upon a time “The Rawlapindi Express.” Now, known as Maal Gaadi.

The other victim came out from the Ching Chee is identified as a, blocker, sweeper, the so-called fighter “the son of the soil from where the famous General, Paper Tiger Niazi hails and this sweeper is from MianWali Miss Baah.

The famous General, Paper Tiger Khan Niazi, when asked about surrendering against the Indian Army in 1971 proudly said: “Over my dead body.” And, the next thing he did was surrendered in front of the Indian Lt. Gen. Jagjit Singh Arora. An army of 90,000 infantry, tank battalion, armored car battalion and a dozen fighter jets under his command and he surrendered. Never before in the history an incident of such magnitude and such large army surrendered.  So, no wonder if Misbah ul Haq hails from the same town of Mianwali and also from the same warrior race of NIAZI…. Imran Khan Niazi, who is struggling to be a leader since the last 19 years, is also from Mianwali.

Coming back to the semi-final, as if that was not enough, another court-jester who cannot stop smiling even after dropping a simple catch or getting out cheaply is a Pathan. Perhaps his motto is, “Jio tou Aisay Jio, Jaisay Khusshall Khattak Khan nay Jia” no matter whatever happens he says, don’t worry be happy. In order to remain happy in his own paradise he declined to lead the team’s captaincy thrice then pinched himself to make sure he is not dreaming and is alive also he is not a dummy captain! So, as long as he is alive he cannot be the captain of the Pakistan team perhaps he is on the GT road on way to his hometown to set up his “Chai Ka Dhaaba”.

Kamran Akmal may not have a future behind the wickets but he has a bright future ahead of him. He can be a sabziwala, fruitwala or, a Nayee where he can sit with his gloves on, and drop tomatoes, potatoes and oranges under his table and no one will notice how many he dropped? The only time Kamran’s mouth is shut when he is playing a shot, this is not a joke, watch him on a video.

Umar Akmal will be Kamran’s Chotta and won’t let his Bhaiyya remain alone, he will join him wherever he may go. Be it Farzana Davakhana or Baluchi ka Chai Khana. My advise is, both of them should go to Peshawar at least once.

Abdul Razzaq should make a golden handshake with Ijaz Butt and create history by announcing the retirement of both of them at the same time. I can offer one million dollar Canadian Tire Money to Ijaz Butt. But, the time is limited, he has to accept it on April 1st 2011 and not after that.

Time to rebuild the Pakistani Ching Chee or, the auto-rickshaw but definitely not like the Indian BMW.  To me that Indian BMW had a very bumpy ride on the streets of Mohali. The problem was not with the speedometer alone but it was in the wheels, the chassis and the steering wheel. The 0-60 acceleration was good but, then everything collapsed, the linear torque was pathetic, yet they won the race because the Lahori Ching Chee was overloaded with overweight passengers, in other words there was too much drag.

Eventually one can say that India won or the better team won but, by any standards India played badly, especially Tendulkar he is lucky but, he played ugly.  And, Pakistan played the worst game of the tournament and deserved to lose the match. You cannot drop 6 catches, 4 of them of their ace player and you cannot afford to offer a dead bat to every single ball that was bowled. Only the Mianwali Paper Tigers can do that and the irony is such paper tigers will remain in the team because of the jingoistic decision makers sitting at the top.  To sum up, enjoy the auto-rickshaw ride like these girls

Enjoy the Ching Chee ride like them


  1. #1 by JAVED A. KHAN on April 1, 2011 - 3:29 AM

    We have a new thread for a day or two, we will cover the INDIA – SRI LANKA FINAL …………. LIVE.

  2. #2 by JAVED A. KHAN on April 1, 2011 - 2:53 PM

    India v Pakistan, 2nd semi-final, World Cup 2011
    Ajmal still baffled by Tendulkar lbw reversal

    Pakistan off spinner Saeed Ajmal has said that he is still not sure how the Decision Review System (DRS) overturned on-field umpire Ian Gould’s lbw ruling against Sachin Tendulkar during the World Cup semi-final against India in Mohali. Gould ruled Tendulkar lbw off Ajmal in the 11th over, but the batsman reviewed the decision. Replays showed that the ball pitched in line but according to Hawk Eye the ball was missing leg stump and the decision was overturned.

    “I don’t know how the television replays showed my delivery turning towards the leg side because I had bowled an arm ball and it went straight,” Ajmal told AFP on the team’s arrival in Lahore. “I was 110% confident when the referral was made that the batsman was out.” Tendulkar was on 23 at that point, and survived four dropped chances before he was dismissed after making a crucial 85 that earned him the Man of the Match award.

    Ajmal picked up two wickets and said that he was happy with his bowling performance but disappointed that Pakistan lost the high-voltage clash to India by 29 runs. “All of us were very disappointed at losing the match because there was so much interest and hype attached to it. But in cricket one team has to lose and one has to win,” he said.

    The pick of the Pakistan bowlers in that game was left-arm seamer Wahab Riaz who picked up his first five-wicket haul in ODIs and had India in trouble at 205 for 6 before Suresh Raina’s cameo. “The wickets of [Virender] Sehwag and Yuvraj [Singh] were most memorable for me as they are very dangerous players of pace and spin,” Riaz said. Riaz had Sehwag lbw for 38 and accounted for Yuvraj Singh for a duck with a swinging, dipping full toss.

    Pakistan were warmly welcomed by their fans when they arrived in Lahore and captain Shahid Afridi, who landed in Karachi, was mobbed by joyous fans on the way to his house. Opening batsman Mohammad Hafeez, who made a quick-fire 43, urged the Pakistan fans to have faith in the team. “This team has a lot of capability and will get better results in the future,” he said.

  3. #3 by JAVED A. KHAN on April 1, 2011 - 3:03 PM

    Whatever Ajmal may say now, it is history. The only way to improve is to learn from your mistakes, Pakistan has never learnt and probably will never learn from their past mistakes. The decision may have been reversed but, Tendulkar was under so much pressure at that time that, he was nearly stumped on the next ball and then, he gave away 4 chances, one after the other. Had they held those catches, they wouldn’t have been lamenting over the past. Catches win matches and Pakistan will never improve their fielding.

    Misbah is highly over rated as a good fielder by Ramiz Raja, who always says “Misbah has bucket like hands and he cannot drop catches” Misbah dropped in the previous match too. And Raja not only praises Umar Akmal’s fielding but, he calls him as the best fielder of the team. They both dropped simple catches. And, the less you talk about Kamran Akmal’s ‘droppings’ the better it is. And, to rub salt on the wounds of Afridi, Younus Khan dropped a catch of Tendulkar. What could have Afridi done? Finally it was he who took Tendulkar’s catch when he was dropped twice of his bowling by Misbah and Younus Khan. He kept his promise that he will not let Sachin score his 100th international 100.

  4. #4 by JAVED A. KHAN on April 1, 2011 - 3:09 PM

    KARACHI: The Pakistan cricket team was accorded a warm welcome by its fans as they returned home early Friday.

    After returning to heroes’ welcome, captain Shahid Afridi said he wanted to thank the nation for giving the team unwavering support during the World Cup 2011.

    Afridi, Younis Khan and Asad Shafiq touched down in Karachi, while the rest of the players and officials flew to Lahore where the Punjab chief minister Shahbaz Sharif and the Pakistan Cricket Board (PCB) Chairman were present to welcome them.

    The team left Mumbai late Thursday, and arrived in Karachi in the early hours of Friday via Dubai.

    Despite losing to arch-rivals India in the semi-finals, Afridi was greeted at the airport by a large number of hollering fans who chanted “Boom Boom Afridi we love you” and cries of “Pakistan team has done us proud,” and waved the Pakistani flag.

    However, after all their exploits in the tournament, Afridi wanted a break. (FROM WEST INDIES TOUR)

    Batting needs improvement “To lose the semi-final was disappointing but I think now the time has come for senior players to be rested and new players to be tried out,” he said.

    With two Pakistani bowlers in tournament’s highest wicket takers’ list, and Afridi as the leading wicket taker so far, the all-rounder praised his team’s bowlers but said the batting needed improvement. He underlined the need of a batting coach for the team, none of whose batsmen feature in the top ten run-getters’ list despite reaching the semi-finals.

    However, Afridi refused to blame Misbah-ul-Haq, who came under heavy criticism from all quarters, for the 29-run loss.

    “Misbah wanted to take the game closer to the end and then go for the big shots, which wasn’t a wrong strategy,” the captain said of his deputy.

    United we fall

    Members of the Pakistan squad, according to the captain, remains very supportive of each other and the defeat did not damage the unity.

    “The great support shown by the nation has really held us together after the loss,” Afridi told reporters.

    Interior minister’s statement mistimed Afridi said he was disappointed to hear Interior Minister Rehman Malik’s statement on match-fixing, which was ‘mistimed’ and ‘inappropriate’ given the pressure the team was under.

    “The interior minister called me a few times before the match and I ensured him that the team is wholly committed to the cause of winning.”

    Lahori love

    Emotional scenes were also witnessed at Lahore airport where dozens of fans mobbed the players while others danced around.

    “The team has done the nation proud by defeating stronger rivals to reach this semi-final. I hope they continue to perform like this and bring more laurels for the country,” Sharif said.

    He announced a grand reception for the players on April 5 to celebrate their performance in the World Cup.

  5. #5 by Pawan on April 1, 2011 - 3:19 PM

    Lol at your million dollar offer on April fools day Javed to Butt!
    Nice thread. Very funny indeed.
    I wonder if you would want us to write something similar after tomorrow’s match, lol.

    Regarding Auto-rickshaw/BMW debate, lol, poor Atul Wassan is a loser and all he can do is blab.
    So I won’t take him seriously, he celebrates April 1 every day.

  6. #6 by Pawan on April 1, 2011 - 3:22 PM

    Thank the Lord Nehra is injured.
    Just pray now that khujli wala bandar Sreesanth doesn’t get selected instead of Ashwin.
    We already have Munafa to give away enough runs.
    I am still wondering why Pak team didn’t hit out at Nehra and Munafa.

    Meanwhile Dhoni has said that they weren’t given their first meal of the day just before the toss at Mohali, lol.
    Kaam kaam kaam jeena haraam.
    Mohali is a small place and hence not many hotels in there thats what Dhoni said.

  7. #7 by Pawan on April 1, 2011 - 3:28 PM

    Between where is Rana Nayee? I mean Rana Naveed?
    You suggested Nayee as a possible job prospect for K.Akmal, so just remembered the ‘original’ nayee in Pak team.
    If I am not wrong, you had coined that name to Naveed.

    Although he has now grown hair and how much!
    Where was he? Still in county/KFC Big Bash?
    I thought he was a decent all rounder and would have been a handy bat.

  8. #8 by Sagaat on April 1, 2011 - 4:24 PM

    I also think the DRS should be tested again for that decision if possible. I don’t know, maybe the technology can be tampered with.

  9. #9 by Sagaat on April 1, 2011 - 4:31 PM

    Fortune is smiling on India as player after Sri Lankan player gets injured before the final.

  10. #10 by Sagaat on April 1, 2011 - 4:53 PM

    “Warne Likens Clarke to Taylor”

    I think what Warne is suggesting is that Clarke shouldn’t be like Ponting or isn’t like Ponting as captain. Warne was also present in that Ashes series that Australia lost to England in England. His big, fat ego speaks speaks for itself. It is one thing to criticize after the fact, but when you are on the field, inevitably some mistakes will be made as captain. I have seen Ponting captain against Pakistan and he was by far the best captain I have seen.

    Warne averages around 50 in India. He is the most overated, exagerrated cricketer the game has ever seen. His pomposity is unbearable at times. Another myth that surrounds him is that, if he were the captain, he could have moved the earth like Galleleo. But it is one thing to say something, another for it to happen. He doesn’t come across as a very shrewd man off the field, is basically an attention-seeker, and makes statements to increase his worth. He barely says it the way he see’s it. He says it the way others would rather see it, especially the Indians. How can this man who openly submits to money and India ever captain the Australian team against India and hold his head high on the field?

    Ponting was the best captain that Australia could have had. Australia always played to their potential under Ponting. Personally, I didn’t like their attitude of coercing the umpires, threatening the opposition, and like…but nevertheless, as a tactician and player developer, Ponting has barely any equal.

  11. #11 by Sagaat on April 1, 2011 - 6:22 PM

    I have seen Tendulkar’s dismissal again. All I can think of is, a crafty programmer changed the predicted path of the ball.

    Go to 8 minutes and 9 seconds in this video:

    Pause the picture exactly at 8 minutes and 9 seconds and hit full screen.

    Now the moment the blue line, or the predicted path begins, it is all fine. As soon as it hits the leg, the ball suddenly makes a slight deviation on the right. Now that is after the predicted path has made the initial prediction on the line of the ball, that is, there is sudden deviation in the predicted path itself. In other words, clearly there is something untoward happening there.

    I know this sounds like a conspiracy theory, but anything can happen for Tendulkar. It was his 100th century and the occassion was right for some tampering or doctoring to be done.

    As far as I am concerned, the precited path itself is showing that the ball is going to clip the leg stump, but eventually there is a sudden deviation in the predicted path.

  12. #12 by amir on April 1, 2011 - 7:40 PM

    sagaat i agree with u it was a very clever work of som1 who wanted sachan to score his hundred and pakistan to loose match. Ball never pitched close to his pad infect there was distance between the pitch of ball and hitting the pad and there was no turn at all so how can it turn after hitting the pad. But its all history now we cnt do anything about it. What surprisd me is that none of the commentaters mentioned this.

  13. #13 by amir on April 1, 2011 - 7:47 PM

    afridi has asked pcb to hire a batting coach cause our main weakness is batting. I think it is reasonable demand and pcb should apoint someone who could possibly change the mantality of our whole batting lineup.

  14. #14 by Sagaat on April 1, 2011 - 7:54 PM

    In my opinion Waqar should go. He doesn’ bring any tactical aspect to the game. He has his favorites is Kamran Akmal and Misbah and he influences Afridi to select them and not criticize them.

  15. #15 by Sagaat on April 1, 2011 - 8:00 PM

    Here’s my post-mortem of the world cup:

    A lot of people in Pakistan consider this campaign as a big achievement.

    But the tournament was designed such that all the major teams qualified to the quarter-finals. This is where Pakistan met West Indies. West Indies had no chance to win on a pitch that spun square. The one match that counted, the semi final, was lost comprehensively to India. Yes, we lost comprehensively. We were never in the game. It was a one-sided match.

    It is time to ask the right questions. This notion of team unity should, first of all, be consigned to the dustbin of history. Team unity is not something etherial such that it needs to be harnessed with all the powers that be. Team unity should be there regardless. It is a blessing that Mohammad Aamir, Asif, and Salman Butt– people above the game– are gone. We have killed our greatest egos. That doesn’t mean, however, that we should always cling on to this notion of team unity as a guard against possible failure. There are certainly more things to be looked at. This team needs to be resurrected from the heap of ruins it has tethered in the last decade.

    We have cleansed Pakistan cricket of the supposed stardom. It is time to rebuild and rebuild hard. Our players fold under pressure. Our public expects the same. It is time to harden the team. It is time that mental toughness is imbued within the team. We should not only criticize our players; we should also expect them to be axed, dropped, or at least improve as time progresses. It is time the sword falls on the players, with the betterment of cricket in our minds.

    Thus I would make the following suggestions:

    Kamran Akmal should be axed from all forms of the game. He is not a wicketkeeper, period. He is not Donald Bradman, either. He is not only expendable, but a genuine liability.

    Misbah and Younis Khan should retire from one day cricket. They are simply not made for limited overs cricket. This point doesn’t need much reflection.

    Waqar should be allowed to go back to Australia. He doesn’t have any thinking ability. When the captain brings in unity, the coach must have a tactical side to him. Someone in the vain of Kirsten would do a great good to Pakistan cricket.

    The players should be educated. A programme needs to be designed so that they are taught how to think logically. They should be presented with different scenarios, hypothetical scenarios, and be made to reason what would the best decision in those imaginary circumstances. On occassions there are no right answers, but the ability to reason goes a long way towards betterment and improvement. This is a necessity for Pakistan cricket. Unfortunately, College doesn’t bring thinking ability in Pakistan. Therefore, merely an educated captain will not fill the void. Cricketing smartness, and the ability to think logically, lies totally outside the domain of college. A special programme needs to be started to get some cricketing nous going.

    Indians didn’t win because they were more skillfull, they won because they were smarter and made the best of the available resources. They bowled wicket to wicket, fielded well, brought in the field, applied pressure, worked on batsmen’s weaknesses, and stalled momentum. Yes, they completely understood that Pakistan is a hot-headed momentum team. There goal was to stall that momentum. They held prolonged talks after every ball, which were more pronounced and exagerrated whenever a momentum shift towards Pakistan was sensed. In a pressure situation, the batsman was left to contemplate, and thus he made mistakes.

    Therefore, the urgent need is not only to understand the opposition, but also to understand the self, and work to tactically maximize potential.

    The loss was bitter, as it should be. It leaves us bleeding, but why shouldn’t it? What would be criminal, however, is more love for the undeserving players defeat after defeat. They are representing the country and are liable and subject to people’s scrutiny. We ought remove the underdogs tag. We ought to remove the unpredictably tag. We must strive to be consistent, and win much more than lose. That is brings a team respect, not the underdogs tag. We have to fight these ideas that have settled in the average cricket fan’s mind, and are flaunted no end. It is the wrong way to think, for the team, and for the people, and it must be addressed. We will create a new team, the best team in the world, a flawless team, should we be able to improve.

  16. #16 by JAVED A. KHAN on April 1, 2011 - 8:18 PM


    I saw the match live and when the umpire gave the decision, I thought he was right. While watching the DRS replay up to the point of impact which was ON LINE, I was saying YES he is OUT, but then the third window appeared and what we read and what we saw was unbelievable that the ball went down the leg side.

    Now, from your link above I have seen it once again and paused it at 8 minutes and9 seconds as you have said, it appears that the ball was hitting the middle stump.

    There are two more things that needs to be noted.

    1. Look at Tendulkar’s head, it is straight down right and his bat dead straight. If the ball was going down the leg side, his head would have been slightly bent towards the leg side also, his bat would have been a little angular and not dead straight.

    2. Look at Kamran Akmal’s head it is slightly on his right and his body is also tilted right, if the ball was going down the leg side, then his head and his body should have been tilting on his left which is the leg side.

    The best thing would be after pausing the video at 8 minutes and 9 seconds, print a screen shot and see.

    I am going to write more in the second comment as I don’t want this one to be too big.

  17. #17 by Sagaat on April 1, 2011 - 8:57 PM

    Javed Khan,

    I printed a screen shot earlier but I am not sure how to post it here. However, if you notice, when the ball hits the pad, it suddenly deviates towards the right. I think this is where the magic of the programmer comes in. Surely, Hawk-eye can be used again for that dismissal to clarify our doubts?

  18. #18 by JAVED A. KHAN on April 1, 2011 - 9:28 PM


    Good analysis or good postmortem I must say. I agree with you on most of the points that you have mentioned in your comments. On team unity, there is a lot of talk going on that the team was united and I was thinking about the same thing which you have mentioned that “The team unity must be there regardless” of whatever the situation is whoever the captain is.

    The reason I was also thinking the same is BAKAOZ, when I was in the bank I was doing staff evaluation and it was done in person along with their achievements. One of the staff members,knew that his professional skills were not that great yet he wanted to be evaluated higher because, he thought he was very honest and he was repeating the same line again and again by saying. “Sir, I am a very honest person.”

    So, I had to tell him, “In any commercial organization especially in a bank being honest is a prerequisite so please don’t emphasize this point that you are very honest. If you are not honest then you are not in the bank.”

    Likewise, if there is no unity in the team then you are SHOAIB MALIKICKED. 😀

  19. #19 by JAVED A. KHAN on April 1, 2011 - 9:30 PM

    Sagaat, you may ask khansahab to help you in posting the screen shot. I am sure after seeing the video clipping and after reading these comments he will do it.

  20. #20 by khansahab on April 1, 2011 - 9:43 PM

    new thread

  21. #21 by mehmudah on April 2, 2011 - 2:45 AM

    Sigh.. really cant say about the tendulkar wicket… his dismissal was jinxed wasnt it!

  22. #22 by mehmudah on April 2, 2011 - 2:47 AM

    good satire in the post though, enjoyed reading it!

  23. #23 by Prince Muzamil on June 19, 2012 - 3:06 AM

    Assalam O Alaikum
    plz friendship with me only for Mianwali Girl
    i m student and my age is 17 year
    i m so sweet and so handsome

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