There is creative reading as well as creative writing. But this is neither creative, nor artistic — I am talking about reading 🙂 So, please be more attentive while reading.
Through “most deniable“ resources I have come to know that a deal has been made between “IFs & Butts” that Mr. Shoaib Malik is “the most logical and deserving choice” to be appointed as Captain of the Pakistan team for the forthcoming T20WC tournament to be played in Sri Lanka in Sept. 2012.
Although Butt Sahab ka kehna hai kay, “Misbah noo hatanay di koi zaroorat nai — laikin — firr V agar hatta-nai hai tou, Malak noo laao, whore koi nai!” In fact half of his statement is definitely coming from the horses mouth called Ijaz Butt because, it is in the newspapers. The other half is Khayaas Aaraiyan, meaning speculation.
Lets see the need for this “logical choice” and dissect it like the toad Rana Tigrina or what was its generic or species name, Hoplobatrachus tigerinus? The one we used to dissect it in the biology class. The worst part was not in cutting it apart but, to pith it and that too, IF Chloroform (CHCl3) or trichloromethane was not available to anesthetize, then we used to stuff a spoon full of BABA ZARDA in the poor Toads mouth to create that anesthetic effect.
I wonder how many of you have done these dissections in high school or at College level? It is something that I will never forget. But, I was so good at it, that I used to help my friends who were scared to even touch it. The cockroach and earthworm dissections were a joke but, toad’s were serious.
NOW, I am ready with my imaginary tools such as the scalpel, a pair of scissors, eyedropper and a pointer and lets lay the toad in a tray full of wax and pin it up first. 🙂 Oh poor toad, may be you are not just a toad, but a prince in disguise, may be you re waiting for a princess to come and suck the Baba Zarda outta your mouth? No, no this is very cruel to do all this. Yes, I have done it when I was a student but, now my heart is soft and tender hence, I must change my mind, instead of dissection I must do some analysis.
The word analysis rings the bell and takes me back in to the Chemistry class and it reminds me of those experiments we used to do in the lab i.e., separation of a substance into its constituent elements to determine either their nature, the qualitative analysis or, their proportions — quantitative analysis. Perhaps wee will discuss the nature and leave the rest for the bloggers to go out of proportions and out pants, which some of them are good at it.
I am not sure if we do the quantitative and qualitative analysis or go for the simple mathematical analyis involving differential and integral calculus, sequences, and series and concerned with limits and convergence? To be very honest I hate calculus and higher mathematics, I am basically a 2+2=5 kinda person. And, that’s the reason I ended up in finance and banking. You may have noticed that I am good in addition and bad in subtraction or deduction.
In Mathematics, they say that, “the method of proof in which a known truth is sought as a consequence of a series of deductions from that which is the thing to be proved.” And, I don’t think I can prove anything substantial using any mathematical formula, especially which is not my domain.
So, to sum it up, I cannot dissect because its too cruel, I cannot analyse chemically or, mathematically ‘coz its too complicated so, do I have to deal logic with logic? I guess so. The Urdu expression, “Loha Lohay Ko kaat ta hai.” But, the logic that Butt Sahab has ‘arted can only be caught with a fishing net.
Besides, I am not Aristotle to define logic as ‘a system of reasoning.’ Because, there is no reasoning here, this is just a “obiter dictum”. Jaisay Baadshah Salamat ka Farmaan Nazil hoa, “Hum nay Kaha ho jao, ho gaya!” Its just like Butt’s Fairy God Mother with her magic wand has influence over ZAKs.
Its seems like ZAKs has no opinion of his own, he is easily convinced with magic words such as Abracadabra, Hocus Pocus, Shazam etc. Not only him but, the selectors also get complacent in team selection as long as one of their blue-eyed boy creeps into the squad. And, this is happening since ages. And, it is called cronyism in cricket and parchee ka wasta, telephone ka zore, Zardari ki pukaar all this have more weight in team selection rather than going by the merit.
In your comments you are more than welcome to not only choose your captain but, also your playing XI with reasoning and justification.
After this irrelevant, boring, blabbering, braggadocio of mine which must be very hard for some pseudo-intellectuals to understand my dry sense of humour. Therefore, let me finish off this thread on a lighter note i.e., why someone can qualify to be a captain and —- not qualify to be a captain?
Q. Misbah, people are not happy with your tuk tuk style of batting and they are saying, you should not be leading the T20 team in the forthcoming world cup? In fact they say you should not be in the team.
A. Peepal who say this have not played cricket so they don’t have the right to comment! And that is ground reality. P.E.R.I.O.D. After all Butt Sahab is still sporting me, he has V-yen and he must have seen some kwalty in me, right hai kay rang? And, I have to claim my Rayal-Tea with this Tuc Tuc Biscuit walay because they have copied my name without my permission.
Q. Shoaib Malik, there is a big rumour that you will be made captain of the Pakistan T20 team, do you have to say anything about it?
A. You see my middle name is rumour, people have created so many rumours about me in the past, even in my personal life they have interfered and mujhe unhon nay ‘baal boy’ tak kaha. Laikin, but I told them give me a chance and I will prove. And, I proved it in FBT20 that I am the best all-rounder and best captain of the domestic team and domestic tournaments. Internationally tou sab he fail hotay hain kon fail nai hoa? Aur insaan agar ghar may accha hota hai tou bahar bhee acha hee hota hai. Ask my wife I am very good at home. So, the choice is obvious — no one is better than me! This is called self-proclamation.
Q. Shahid Afridi, You are looking very tired today, what is the matter? Are you injured? Or, are you not happy that they are not making you a captain of the Pakistani cricket team?
A. Yar, I was doing Gym in for 2 hours and then Gym out for 2 hours. So, I am vary tired and also I am vary hungry. Hafeez, Gullay koi sabe, kayla, shayla hai? Nai, Shaid Bhai nai hai. OK gimme the ball, Khuch, Khuch, Khuch….. array, array, array????? Yar chup reho sabhi khaatay hain!
So, the real choice was very difficult, but the logical choice is very easy. The middle name creates rumour and the rumour does not have wings, but it still fly like the French says, it goes from mouth to mouth. 🙂