Saeed Ajmal you may be the best bowler in the world but, we CCI (generally mistaken by the Pakistanis that CCI means; Cricket Council Of India, actually we are the Cricket Clowns International) cannot give you the player of the year award because, you are a Pakistani …. ooops….. Please don’t quote that we are not saying its a mistake but, it is politically incorrect also, it is not official.
Ahemmm, let us discuss with the members of our Politburo and then we will release an official statement. In the mean time please delete that blabbering, it was nothing but a loud thinking. So, please wait while we get back to you.
Ummmmm OK, we have now discussed it with our comrades at the CCI Politburo and we would like to make an official press release especially for you: ” The PCB Guys and the Pakistani public who are making a big hue and cry for nothing.” And, you Mr. Ijaz Butt, you have lodged a baseless protest against us. In our opinion it is a diplomatic blasphemy on your part so it is about time that, you better amend your blasphemy laws in your PCB constitution.
For your kind information, the decision to nominate the player of the year award, especially the long list of players who were nominated for this award was decided by a panel of 32 independent jurors. Do you understand how many are 32? It means three tens and one + one.
And, before that, the longlist was prepared by not one man like Ijaz Butt, but a five-member very able Selection Panel headed by Clive Lloyd and it included Clare Connor (England), Tom Moody (Australia), Carl Hooper (West Indies) and Marvan Atapattu (Sri Lanka). See, there is no Indian in this panel, because they like to do the backseat mothering.
Now, also for your information, in that panel of 32 member INDEPENDENT jury, you have two of your very own ‘disabled & mistrusted’ people. One is a former test player and a former Chief Selector of the PCB Mr. Aamir Sohail and the other is your own journalist Mr. Majid Bhatti both were also the jurors of that panel. So, the mistake of not choosing Saeed Ajmal is not ours but, your own. Therefore, the next time if you lodge a protest Mr. Ijaz Butt, the Chairman of the PCB, you get your facts correct. Kapish?
You are saying that, Saeed Ajmal, took 72 Test wickets between August 4, 2011 and August 6, 2012 – the qualifying period for the award – including 24 wickets at an economy rate of 14.70, and Pakistan swept aside England, the then NUMERO UNO side in the world. And whitewashed them 3-0 in January 2012. Ajmal climbed to No. 3 rank in the ICC Test bowling rankings and is the highest ranked spinner. So, let us check our records before we correct this anomaly and we will get back to you as soon as possible.
Thursday Sept. 06, 2012: OK there you go, YES we have checked the records and somehow our records show that NOW a Pakistani bowler called “Shaheed AQHmal”, has become the top bowler in the ODI rankings. How is it possible? How can a Pakistani bowler and that too a spinner can be better than Graeme Swann of England? Let us check it again with the help our subsidiary “ICCB” (read reverse) and their top IT gurus.
Alright, something similar happened in the year 2010 when Swanny was not in the long list and our sister concern BCE (British Clowns of England) pointed out this error and we realized that was a genuine over-sight on our part. Because, Swanny is a great bowler. So, we had to include him in the nomination. That is another matter that he lost to Bhagwan Sri Sachin Tendulkar, because we don’t want to “diss-please” ICCB because they support us whenever we need them.
But, in Ajmal’s case there are a few hindrances and obstacles, like he did not play on the hard bouncy wickets of Australia and South Africa, so we don’t know whether he will be as effective as he is in the UAE? Besides, UAE is like an extended province of Pakistan. They even import the soil for the pitch from Pakistan and that is why their bowlers bowl well on those pitches and they keep on altering the pitch according to their needs. Fast track, slow track, medium track, bouncy, SurrSurri etc. etc.
Anyways, Mr. Ijaz Butt, the Chairman of the PCB must not give us threats of boycotting the ceremony because, they still have to come to Sri Lanka to play the T20 World Cup.
According to the official press release receieved from the PCB, Mr.Zaka Ashraf is the new Chairman of the PCB since January 2012. However, our (CCI) records indicate that Mr. Ijaz Butt is still the Chairman of the PCB. We will ask the ICCB techno savvy gurus to help us in amending our computer programming system.
Shaheed AHQmal has also violated the code of conduct laws by giving an statement to the media that the CCI is nominating player of the year award based on likes and dislikes and not on the basis of performance! How can he say that? Under the penal code no. 302 section 144 paragraph 3-4.7 clearly says that any player especially a Pakistani player IF he insults the CCI or CCIB directly or indirectly shall be banned for 7.382 years.
“After our discovering the error in our CCI computer system when we announced that Shaheed AQHmal is now the Numero Uno bowler in the world for ODI’s he is apparently over the moon.” The picture below was taken by The Curiosity Rover from MARS.
Writing is the only profession where no one considers you ridiculous if you earn no money. I write for free and for fun, and this piece is written in total zest to amuse cricket lovers not because its a funny story but, its a truth that a real good bowler ~ Saeed Ajmal, who performed better than everyone else in the world, is not being considered for an award by the ICC ~ And, that is a real shame.