Carnival time! Hallagulla and mauj masti
This new page will now be used to further the jokes and light hearted discussion on V-Talk 1.
#1 by JAVED A. KHAN on December 11, 2008 - 9:57 PM
Oh my God, this looks like a real BHUTNEE. I guess this is Brazil’s Carnival, is it? From light hearted its become a heavy bottom discussion. It seems like DRC is blushing upon reading non-veg jokes thats why we don’t see her too much on the v-talk page.
A husband goes to the vege market and finds cucumber, carrots and radish being sold at throw away prices, he brings home a few crates and his wife asks, “Are you going away for a month?”
#2 by JAVED A. KHAN on December 11, 2008 - 10:07 PM
An Arab-American family was considering putting their grandfather in a nursing home. All the Arab facilities were completely full so they had to put him in a Jewish home.
After a few weeks in the Jewish facility, they came to visit Grandpa. “How do you like it here?” asks the grandson.
“It’s wonderful!! Everyone here is so courteous and respectful,” says Grandpa.
“We’re so happy for you. We were worried that this was the wrong place for you.”
“Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the residents here,” Grandpa says with a big smile.
There’s a musician here he’s 85 years old. He hasn’t played the violin in 20 years and everyone still calls him ‘Maestro’.
And there’s a physician here 90 years old. He hasn’t been practicing medicine for 25 years and everyone still calls him Doctor!
Also a Federal Judge, retired for over 30 years, is still addressed as ‘Your Honor’.
And me, I haven’t had sex for 30 years and they still call me ‘the fucking Arab’!”
#3 by Sweetie on December 11, 2008 - 10:42 PM
loll@ u guys…
#4 by JAVED A. KHAN on December 12, 2008 - 12:26 AM
Other than sharing jokes on this V-talk page, if someone wants to post comments specifically on Mumbai Attack, please use the MUMBAI page, see above on the menu bar and post it there. Thanks.
#5 by Sweetie on December 12, 2008 - 1:27 AM
I hope this doesn’t offend any one. LOL
Q. Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A. Ask your mother.
Q. How do you embarrass an archeologist?
A. Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
Q. What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
A. Wiped his ass.
Q. What’s the difference between oral sex & anal sex?
A. Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
Q. What’s the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A. A whore sleeps with everybody at the party, and a bitch sleeps with everybody at the party except you.
Q. What’s the difference between love, true love, and showing off?
A. Spitting, swallowing and gargling
Q. What’s so good about an Ethiopian blow job?
A. You know she’ll swallow.
Q. What’s the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
A. A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.
Q. How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Two. The hard part is getting them in the light bulb.
Q. When is a pixie not a pixie?
A. When he’s got his head up a fairy’s skirt, then he’s a goblin.’
Q. What’s the definition of a Yankee?
A. Same thing as a “quickie,”only you do it yourself.
Q. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A. The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Q. What is the biggest problem for an atheist?
A. No one to talk to during orgasm.
Q. What do you call a smart blonde?
A. A golden retriever.
Q. What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse’s ass?
A. A mechanic!
Q. Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
A. The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.
Q. Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
A. She is the one who can eat the last donut!
Q. How can you tell which is the head nurse?
A. The one with the dirty knees.
Q. What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A. A battery has a positive side.
Q. A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade:Who has the biggest tits?
A. The blonde, because she’s 18.
Q. Why do men snore when they lay on their backs?
A. Because their balls fall over their asshole and they vapor lock.
Q. The three words most hated by men during sex?
A. “Are you In?” or “Is It In?”
Q. Three words women hate to hear when having sex
A. “Honey, I’m home!”
Q. Why do men take showers instead of baths?
A. Pissing in the bath is disgusting.
Q. Did you hear about the new paint called “Blonde” paint?
A. It’s not very bright, but it spreads easy.
Q. Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
A. When you take it off you wonder where her tits went..
Q. When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep.
A. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.
Q. How can you tell a macho women?
A. She rolls her own tampons.
Q: What’s the leading cause of death among lesbians?
A: Hair balls.
Q: What’s good on a pizza, but bad on a pussy?
Q: Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey?
A: Because Kermit loves sweet and sour pork
#6 by Awas on December 12, 2008 - 9:52 AM
Sweetie…these were filthy but hilarious…but why that thing is specific to an Ethiopian only?…Lol
#7 by Sweetie on December 12, 2008 - 2:46 PM
I dunno Awas.. may be u can tell me.hehe
Yeh i know they’re filthy, but i didn’t come up wit them. Just cut n paste, sharing is caring HAHAHA
#8 by Sweetie on December 12, 2008 - 2:47 PM
I was asked, why not post them on the blog? So … i did.
#9 by Awas on December 12, 2008 - 3:14 PM
“I was asked”…by who?
#10 by Sweetie on December 12, 2008 - 3:22 PM
ummmm someone i had emailed the joke to hehe
#11 by Awas on December 12, 2008 - 3:35 PM
When Theo returns, I will post good clean ones that he was asking. I found them. In the meantime:
“Like in the movies”
Paddy says, my wife wanted me to make love to her like in the movies.
So, I stuck it in her ass and came on her face.
She got mad.
I guess we don’t watch the same movies.
#12 by Sweetie on December 12, 2008 - 3:37 PM
#13 by Sweetie on December 12, 2008 - 4:44 PM
ahhhh Awas!! Al pacino..
#14 by Awas on December 12, 2008 - 4:48 PM
On popular demand, I had to show real me…I couldn’t bear my WG Grace turning in his grave 🙂
#15 by Sweetie on December 12, 2008 - 4:58 PM
Awas, this is so much better, besides i love this guy.
#16 by Awas on December 12, 2008 - 6:03 PM
Sweetie…now I am blushing and my heart is pumping…Lol
#17 by Sweetie on December 12, 2008 - 6:10 PM
lol, take it easy dude, don’t want ne thing happenin to ya! hehe
#18 by Awas on December 12, 2008 - 6:23 PM
Is that a threat Sweetie?
Do you want to step outside?
Or shall I say, what I once heard on Only Fools and Horses comedy’ “do you like hospital food”?
#19 by Sweetie on December 12, 2008 - 6:34 PM
That wasnt a threat, it was more like ..umm how shall i put it.. Hold on to ure heart dil ko sunbhaal ker rakho! loll
#20 by Sweetie on December 12, 2008 - 6:35 PM
only fools and horses.. tat was a good show. I remember Mind ure language, i used to watch it when i was a kid.
#21 by Sweetie on December 12, 2008 - 6:37 PM
The last time i was in the hosp, i didnt get ne food, just blood transfusion loll
#22 by Awas on December 12, 2008 - 6:42 PM
Thanks! Sweetie…I was just playing it along…and I know you got that 🙂
#23 by Sweetie on December 12, 2008 - 6:58 PM
I got wat?
#24 by Dimple Rosy Cheeks on December 12, 2008 - 9:09 PM
LOL Javed, I might have been blushing after reading the jokes, but I disappeared because I have been busy recently.
Got a splitting headache:(
#25 by Awas on December 12, 2008 - 11:02 PM
I mean when you said “Hold on to ure heart dil ko sunbhaal ker rakho”…I understood
#26 by Sweetie on December 12, 2008 - 11:31 PM
I hope u feel better DRC.
hehehe good that u got it Awas.
#27 by khansahab on December 13, 2008 - 1:22 AM
I recall the learned Awas mentioning the movie, “My Cousin Vinny” a few weeks ago. I just saw this movie, and it was a fantastic one. A complete entertainer!
I recommend it to everyone.
#28 by Sweetie on December 13, 2008 - 1:42 AM
It’s hilarious. Marrisa won an oscar.
#29 by Sweetie on December 13, 2008 - 4:32 AM
Ne one seen Rat race? I lmao!
#30 by Sweetie on December 13, 2008 - 5:47 AM
One night a man walks into a bar looking sad. The bartender asks the man what he wants.
The man says “Oh just a beer”.
The bartender asked the man “Whats wrong,why are you so down today?”.
The man said “My wife and i got into a fight,and she said she would’nt talk to me for a month”.
The bartender said “So whats wrong with that”?
The man siad “Well the month is up tonight”.
#31 by Sweetie on December 13, 2008 - 5:52 AM
Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so St. Peter had to tell the first one, “Heaven’s getting pretty close to full today, and I’ve been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what’s your story?”
The first man replies: “Well, for a while I’ve suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn’t reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn’t you know it, he wouldn’t fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn’t stand that for long, so he let go and fell-but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn’t stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge, and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balchoy.”
“That sounds like a pretty bad day to me,” said Peter, and let the man in.
The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story.
“It’s been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn’t hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I’m here.”
Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.
The third man came to the front of the line, and St. Peter asked for his story.
“Picture this,” says the third man, “I’m hiding naked inside a refrigerator…”
#32 by Abdul on December 13, 2008 - 12:12 PM
It has almost come to the end of an eventful year in Bollywood.
Who do u guys think was the movie of the year?
1) Tare Zameen Par
3) Jab We met
best song ?
1) Mauja Mauja
3) Bum Bum Bole
4) Desi girl
1) Difficlut to tell but I’d go with Saif
1) Kareena Kapoor made a repuatation for herself and features in many good blockbusters.
2) Katrina Kaif
I’ve seen 7 movies so far this year but for and my final one will be wacthed tonight called Rab Ne Bada Jodi ( God made a couple )
#33 by khansahab on December 13, 2008 - 12:38 PM
My best movie would be “Singh is Kinng”. Other than that some serious movies on communalism and terrorism were made like “Aamir” and “A Wednesday” which I liked.
Best song would be hard to say, I haven’t heard most of the ones you have mentioned. I liked the soundtrack of Singh is Kinng.
Best actor, if I was to go for mainstream actors I would go with Akshay Kumar.
Actress, yes you’re right it must be either Kareena or Katrina.
I get the feeling either Rab Ne Bana di Jodi or Ghajini (Aamir Khan) will break the box office records for this year.
Talking about English movies though, The Dark Knight is a winner all the way. It’s my favourite movie of all time, and easily in the top 10 movies of all time.
#34 by farrah, k.raja on December 13, 2008 - 2:19 PM
definitely Jab we met .
Kareena and Saif
how could you miss the song,
#35 by Sweetie on December 13, 2008 - 2:40 PM
B F, i loved Heath Ledgers’ role as the Joker in The Dark Knight. He really looked like a psycho! I was a little freaked out hehe
Indian movies i don’t know cuz i don’t watch them.
Omer, what’s up wit ure jhakki pan??? lol
#36 by khansahab on December 13, 2008 - 2:44 PM
Wow! I’m amazed being a young lady you’re not into Bollywood crap.
I only watch them with my family. Otherwise I can’t tolerate them. On the other hand my parents don’t like most Hollywood movies. So I watch them on my own mostly.
#37 by Sweetie on December 13, 2008 - 2:51 PM
hehehe B F @ young lady? I hate indian movies! The only one i watch, that too skipping most of it was Munna bhai MBBS. The ragging scene was really funny (when the new students were made to dance). lol
#38 by khansahab on December 13, 2008 - 2:54 PM
I thought calling you a “woman” or “relatively older” would be impolite.
Well, you are YOUNG and you are definitely a lady, are you not? You’re not OLD in the right sense of the word!?
#39 by Sweetie on December 13, 2008 - 2:58 PM
B F, how sweet of u. Hug*
No i am not old in the right sense of the word! U can ask my family HAHA
#40 by Sweetie on December 13, 2008 - 3:04 PM
What’s the height of revenge?
A bastard with a pin in a condom factory. lol
A woman set fire to her ex-boyfriend’s clothing at a self-storage center and caused more than $100,000 in damage, Indiana police said.
Donna J. Duell was arrested on suspicion of arson in connection with the fire Wednesday night. She was released from Madison County Jail after posting $20,000 bond Thursday.
which reminds me of a quote
“Heav’n hath no rage like love to hatred turned, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorned.”
#41 by khansahab on December 13, 2008 - 3:10 PM
Regarding comment no 45
Oh! Why did you mention your family…..
Keep the family out of our BF/GF relationship……….
Mujhey sharam aati hai…
#42 by Sweetie on December 13, 2008 - 3:29 PM
#43 by Awas on December 13, 2008 - 8:41 PM
Talking about Indian (or Pakistani) movies, count me out as well.
Its because, same story, same kahaani…hero, heroine, love, song, villain… That formula doesn’t work for me. Besides, not enough hours in the day for such things.
#44 by Sweetie on December 13, 2008 - 10:20 PM
Awas, i think even if i got plenty of hrs to spare, i still wouldn’t wanna watch indian movies.
A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman, “Give me six double vodka.”
The barman says, “Wow! you must have had one hell of a day.” “Yes, I’ve just found out my older brother is gay.”
The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks.
When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, “I’ve just found out that my younger brother is gay too!”
On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas.
The bartender said “Jesus! Doesn’t anybody in your family like women?”
“Yeah, my wife!”
#45 by Sweetie on December 13, 2008 - 11:13 PM
A guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, “Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?”
She yells, “No, I won’t sleep with you tonight!”
Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I’m a graduate student in psychology and I’m studying how people respond to embarrassing situations.”
To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, “What!$200?? Thats’ too much!”
#46 by Awas on December 13, 2008 - 11:18 PM
hahaha…that was a good one!
#47 by Awas on December 13, 2008 - 11:50 PM
Your last one reminds me of this joke:
Dave works hard at the plant and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym.
His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.
The doorman at the club greets them and says, “Hey, Dave! How ya doin?”
His wife is puzzled and asks if he’s been to this club before.
“Oh no,” says Dave. “He’s on my bowling team.”
When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he’d like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, “How did she know that you drink Budweiser?”
“She’s in the Ladies’ Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them.”
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, starts to rub herself all over him and says “Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?”
Dave’s wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. Dave tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book.
The cabby turns around and says, “Geez Dave, you picked up a real bitch this time”.
#48 by JAVED A. KHAN on December 14, 2008 - 4:03 AM
In a small town there was a priest and a moulvi and they used to make predictions. Unfortunately the priest’s predictions were always wrong and the moulvi’s were always right.
So, one day the priest comes to the moulvi and asks him, “how come your predictions are always right and mine are always wrong? And I want to learn this art from you, will you teach me?
The moulvi says: “In our country, a student when he wants to learn from his master he must brings some sweets, so you go and get some for me and I will teach you then.”
The priest comes back with a box of sweets and says, “OK, now tell me how to predict?”
The moulvi says, oh, no its not so simple, the student has to serve his master. So, first you message my feet and then my shoulders and make me relax and comfortable.
Reluctantly the priest agrees and first starts massaging moulvi’s feet and then when he starts massaging his shoulders, the moulvi said, “you don’t even know how to…. ummmm come on, lemme show it to you.”
The moulvi makes the priest lay on the sofa, to which he promptly responds and the moulvi starts massaging the priest’s shoulders. And then, he goes down towards his feet and lifts his robe up and slowly and gently he moves from from the feet upwards, towards his thighs and his a$$ and after a bit of foreplay he was getting ready and positioning himself to ……….
The priest was a bit surprised at the foreplay and reluctantly he asks him, “What are you going to do now?”
The moulvi, instead of replying asks him a question: “You tell me what I am going to do next?”
The priest says: “I think you are about to screw me!”
The moulvi replies: “See you are already beginning to predict correctly.” 🙂
#49 by sweetie on December 14, 2008 - 4:42 AM
Hehehe Good ones.
#50 by Mohammed Munir on December 14, 2008 - 10:36 AM
Wow … a lot have changed here since I wrote my last comments 😀
Great new look, nice numbering system, more pages/ topics, LS is sure getting better and cooler by the day 🙂
My belated Eid Mubaraks to all, and Best Wishes for whatever all other important occasions I missed.
I know a lot had happened during this time that I missed, but I will try to catch-up 8)
Absolutely great jokes all round, and some were real non-veg materials. I guess LS is a bit more liberal now 😉
I would like to restart through V-Talk pages, as some of the other topics are a bit too heavy for me to start with 😦
Here is one:
A woman who had been married twice and divorced twice was fed up. Her first husband beat her, and her second husband ran away with another woman. Plus, she couldn’t find a new lover who could satisfy her sexually.
So, she put an ad in the classified:
“WANTED: A GOOD LOOKING, SINGLE GUY WHO WON’T BEAT ME, WON’T LEAVE ME, AND IS GOOD IN BED.”
About a week later, her doorbell rings. She opens the door to find a man with no arms and no legs on her front porch.
“I’m here about your ad,” He says.
“You must be mistaken,” She Says.
“Let me explain,” He says. “I can’t beat you, as I don’t have any arms and I can’t run away, because I don’t have any legs.”
“But …” She asks, “How do I know you’re good in bed?”
He says, “I rang the doorbell, didn’t I ?” 😉
#51 by Awas on December 14, 2008 - 1:49 PM
Welcome back. Good to see you here.
Long break…so, where you been?
#52 by Dimple Rosy Cheeks on December 14, 2008 - 2:36 PM
Mein vi ik ‘picture’ apnay dabaay de vich lagaani a! LOL
(Punjabi version specially for Khansahab)
Hmm it would be nice to put up a random pic, not of myself mind you, just any picture. Will someone help me please? Thank you.
Another miserable day in England. Sorry I have no jokes for you people. As someone once said to me recently, ‘do you get paid to tell bad jokes’?!ahem. That says it all
#53 by Sweetie on December 14, 2008 - 2:37 PM
eekkk! God this name scares me.
#54 by khansahab on December 14, 2008 - 2:45 PM
Assi apni pic nai laga sakday BA-KAOUZ
“Meray GHARWALAY KAINDAY HAIN TERA MUKHRA CHANGAA NAI!!!”
This is the best Punjabi I can come up with.
#55 by Sweetie on December 14, 2008 - 2:47 PM
I must agree there wit ure family B F!!! lol
#56 by Dimple Rosy Cheeks on December 14, 2008 - 2:48 PM
#57 by Dimple Rosy Cheeks on December 14, 2008 - 2:50 PM
I am impressed Khanji:)
Meray mukharay ne tenu kaak vi nahi keya, jera tussi kehnday o ke mein pic nai laga saak di!!
#58 by Dimple Rosy Cheeks on December 14, 2008 - 2:52 PM
Ok I got confused……..LOL All that reading has frazzled my brain…
Taaday mukharay de ki kehneh.
#59 by Sweetie on December 14, 2008 - 2:53 PM
Lol Dimp, that comment was not for u. It was for B F.
#60 by khansahab on December 14, 2008 - 2:58 PM
Kudi mainu tadday mukharay ne vich kuch nai kainda
Assi misunderstanding jeri khatam honi chahiye
Tussi khushi khushi apni pic laga sakdi ho
Mai nai laga sakda BA-KOAUZ
“GHARWALEY KAINDAY MERA MUKHRA CHANGAA NAI!!”
(This last line is from the Punjabi version of Lord of the Rings….remember I was telling you about this yesterday?)
#61 by Dimple Rosy Cheeks on December 14, 2008 - 3:06 PM
hahaha Hun yaad ayaa…I can’t stop laughing now geek!
Sorry for the delayed reaction.
Yaaaay I can put a pic up!
#62 by Dimple Rosy Cheeks on December 14, 2008 - 3:07 PM
BF hmmm? Something you two aren’t telling me?!lol
#63 by khansahab on December 14, 2008 - 3:07 PM
That comment was uncalled for!
What happened to the “innocent and good looking face!”
#64 by khansahab on December 14, 2008 - 3:09 PM
What can I say DRC.
You know how girls are like.
She saw my pic and started calling me her boyfriend!!
#65 by Sweetie on December 14, 2008 - 3:17 PM
HUH? DRC, hes the one who calls me G F. hahaha
Which comment are u talkin about BF?
#66 by Dimple Rosy Cheeks on December 14, 2008 - 3:20 PM
Hawww hai.. aj kal di kurriyaan
#67 by Dimple Rosy Cheeks on December 14, 2008 - 3:22 PM
Hawwww hai…in thzt case…aj kal de mundey
#68 by khansahab on December 14, 2008 - 3:22 PM
HHmm, so I never sent you my pic and you didn’t offer a comment?
#69 by Dimple Rosy Cheeks on December 14, 2008 - 3:25 PM
You two..have your domestic in private hehehe.
Vah changa keyaa
#70 by Sweetie on December 14, 2008 - 3:49 PM
Oh Thattt comment. Ofcourse, why else would i be calling u B F?
#71 by Sweetie on December 14, 2008 - 3:52 PM
But i think u forgot why i started calling u B F.. hehehe
#72 by Abdul on December 14, 2008 - 4:14 PM
I saw Rab Ne Bana De Jodi yesterday and it was a cracking enterianing film and indeed package to watch on the whole. It had many excellent themes such as comedy,action,humour and romance which made it such an allround entertaining package to watch.
I’m sure this movie will be very successful and applauds go to Yash Raj film production , Srk Khan who proved why he’s such a high class proffesional and Amushkah who played a brilliant character and at 19 I’m sure she’ll feature in many movies in years to come. If I had one slight cricticsm it would probably be the storyline in the middle were it seems to get a little lost and daft.
But the best part from my opinion is when Raj took out Tani to celebrate his birthday.
Overall, a good film and great package for a weekend evening.
#73 by wasim on December 14, 2008 - 10:51 PM
Once somebody complained to the famous fiction write Ibne safi that why does he put just the pictures of girls on the cover page of his novels it’s discrimination against men.
Ibne Safi responded
” Mard zara soorat haram hotey hain iss liye Khawateen ki tasveer sey hi kaam chalana paerta hai”.
You look better than the Godfather so just do it.
#74 by sweetie on December 15, 2008 - 1:50 AM
All the good knights were leaving for the Crusades.
One knight told his best friend – “My bride is without doubt one of the most beautiful women in the world. It would be a terrible waste if no man could have her. Therefore, as my best and most trusted friend, I am leaving you the key to her chastity belt to use should I not return from the Crusade.”
The company of knights were only a mile or so out of town when they noticed a cloud of dust approaching.
Thinking it might be an important message from the town the column halted.
A horseman approached. It was the knight’s best friend.
He yells – “Hey, you gave me the wrong key!!”
#75 by sweetie on December 15, 2008 - 2:25 AM
As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas, we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel.
Under this plan, older employees will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future. Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the current fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately.
This program will be known as SLAP (Sever Late-Aged Personnel). Employees who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for jobs outside the company.
SLAPPED employees can request a review of their employment records before actual retirement takes place. This review phase of the program is called SCREW.
SCREW (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers). All employees who have been SLAPPED and SCREWED may file an appeal with upper management.
This appeal is called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority Following Termination).
Under the terms of the new policy, an employee may be SLAPPED once, SCREWED twice, but may be SHAFTED as many times as the company deems appropriate.
If an employee follows the above procedure, he/she will be entitled to get: HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel’s Early Severance) or CLAP (Combined Lump sum Assistance Payment).
As HERPES and CLAP are considered benefit plans, any employee who has received HERPES or CLAP will no longer be SLAPPED or SCREWED by the company.
Management wishes to assure the younger employees who remain on board that the company will continue its policy of training employees through our:
Special High Intensity Training (SHIT). We take pride in the amount of SHIT our employees receive. We have given our employees more SHIT than any company in this area. If any employee feels they do not receive enough SHIT on the job, see your immediate supervisor.
Your supervisor is specially trained to make sure you receive all the SHIT you can stand.
And, once again, thanks for all your years of service with us.
#76 by sweetie on December 15, 2008 - 4:40 AM
Questions asked to a drunkard.
Q. Do you have a drinking problem?
No i pretty much got it figured out.
Q.What’s ure favorite beer?
An open one.
Q. How do u know u’ve had too much?
When i run out.
Q. Have u ever been to an AA meeting?
No, AA is for quitters.
#77 by JAVED A. KHAN on December 15, 2008 - 12:03 PM
Munir came back to the blog after a long absence and “rang the door bell” in his own usual style. Welcome back.
#78 by Awas on December 15, 2008 - 1:40 PM
“Wrong key”…that was quite funny!
#79 by sweetie on December 15, 2008 - 2:16 PM
=) U seen Achmed the dead terrorist jingle bombs?
#80 by sweetie on December 15, 2008 - 2:39 PM
Guy walks into the bar, goes up to the bartender. Reaching into his pants pocket, he pulls out a hundred dollar bill. “Set up everybody in the place!” he shouts. The bartender obliges.
Suddenly, a little man jumps out of the guy’s pocket, runs down the bar, and kicks all of the drinks, smokes, change, etc on the floor. He runs back and jumps back into the guy’s pocket.
The Bartender asks what’s going on. The guy just reaches back into his pants pocket, pulls out another hundred, and says “just set everybody up again.” Bartender obliges once more, suspiciously watching the guy.
Once more the little man appears from the guy’s shirt pocket. Runs down the bar, breaks the glasses, pitchers the napkins into the air, etc. Runs back and jumps into the shirt pocket again. This time the guy buttons the pocket.
Bartender says “explain yourself, or leave.”
Guy says “Well….I was walking down the beach one day, and ran across a bottle in the sand. Turns out there is a Genie in the bottle. Gave me 3 wishes!
So my first wish was to never run out of cash again. Now every time I reach into my pants pocket there is a hundred dollar bill!
Second wish was to never be lonely again. Went back to my apartment and there waiting for me were 3 of the most beatuiful supermodels you have ever seen, all willing to do whatever I desired from them!”
“Third wish…I wished for a 6 inch prick, and THIS IS THE LITTLE BASTARD I GOT!!!”
#81 by Mohammed Munir on December 15, 2008 - 2:48 PM
Javed Khan …
I knew you would miss moi 😉
You are most welcome 😀
#82 by sweetie on December 15, 2008 - 3:10 PM
This joke reminded me of Theo (cuz of his love for hunting)
Frank was excited about his new rifle. So, he went bear hunting. He spotted a small brown bear and shot it. There was then a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear.
The black bear said: “You’ve got two choices.
I either maul you to death or we have rough sex.”
Frank decided to bend over. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip where he found the black bear and shot it.
There was another tap on his shoulder.
This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him. The grizzly says: “That was a huge mistake, Frank. You’ve got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have REALLY rough sex.”
Again, Frank thought it was better to comply. Although he survived, it would take several months before Frank finally recovered. Outraged he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the grizzly and shot it.
He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there.
The polar bear says:
“Admit it, Frank, you don’t come here for the hunting, do you?”
#83 by JAVED A. KHAN on December 15, 2008 - 3:15 PM
No Munir, I wasn’t missing you at all.
Aur bhee dukh hain zamanay may mohabat kay siva
Rahatain aur bhi hain wasal ki rahat kay siva
Based on the famous verse of Faiz, I vud say
Aur bhee lafday hain zindagi may blog kay siva
Mushghooliyaat aur bhee hain in jokes kay siva
Mujh say pehli see attention meray blogger na maang……
Actually a month ago when someone forwarded me that door bell joke, I thought it must be an Octopus in human disguise!
#84 by JAVED A. KHAN on December 15, 2008 - 3:25 PM
You mean to say that theo doesn’t go hunting to kill a deer? Dear, Oh dear, a female deer you have said so many things in that joke for theo … ahahahahahaha when he will read, he would be fuming @ you.
I read that joke many years ago in a desi version and Frank was Puppoo! 🙂
#85 by Awas on December 15, 2008 - 3:31 PM
Sweetie…that was hilarious…
Knowing the kind of Pathan he is, this must have hurt Theo. Now what would you do if he goes after you with his little gun…Lol
#86 by JAVED A. KHAN on December 15, 2008 - 3:34 PM
How do you know theo has a little gun?
Well, now you have insulted a pathan he will ignore sweetie and go after you. 🙂
#87 by Awas on December 15, 2008 - 3:36 PM
You are a naughty boy…for highlighting the best bit…Lol
#88 by Awas on December 15, 2008 - 3:42 PM
Don’t worry…I’ll talk to Don and set someone upon him.
#89 by sweetie on December 15, 2008 - 4:26 PM
HAHAHA @ u both!! Now it’s Awas, or me infront of Theo`s gun!
Btw i did mention ‘cuz the love he has for hunting’, not ne thing else! hehehe so i am safe & u guys in trouble cuz u brought up that point, esp u javed lol
#90 by Awas on December 15, 2008 - 4:38 PM
You know…I was just playing along. But Javed is so naughty, he completely changed the context of what I said…Lol. I am just a straight guy.
If Theo didn’t have a sense of humour, I would be shivering because of his pop gun 🙂
#91 by sweetie on December 15, 2008 - 4:49 PM
Lol @ Theo’s pop gun. U do know the guy goes to shooting range, so im sure he’s good at what he does! lol
#92 by Awas on December 15, 2008 - 5:01 PM
Where is Theo by the way. Good he has missed all that…otherwise one of us three would have been dead meat. But being a ladies man he would never hurt a lady…so you are okay Sweetie 🙂
#93 by sweetie on December 15, 2008 - 5:28 PM
woo hoo! But aren’t u Awas?
#94 by Awas on December 15, 2008 - 5:48 PM
Hummm…I have never hurt one of those either…other than me and my sister used to have fights when we were kids.
Does that make me a good boy?
#95 by sweetie on December 15, 2008 - 5:49 PM
I guess so.. lol I still fight with my sisters, not physically tho. hehe
#96 by JAVED A. KHAN on December 15, 2008 - 6:27 PM
There is no riddle about Paro. The Paro, sweetie is referring to is not Aishwariya Rai, but a real person. She is more interesting yet more mysterious and more intriguing than Aishwariya and the character Paro itself. That’s all I can say for now. 🙂
#97 by sweetie on December 15, 2008 - 6:36 PM
Javed, intriguing,noooo, crazy,screwed up yes! lol
#98 by Awas on December 15, 2008 - 6:44 PM
Hummm!!! Mystery deepens.
Sweetie, what was your phone number again? I’ll be very discrete…promise! Javed and khansahab can provide good references…ask them 🙂
#99 by JAVED A. KHAN on December 15, 2008 - 6:54 PM
LOL, ab tum uss say bhee jalti ho 🙂
The chemical analysis of women which starts with………
symbol = wo
physical properties: falani. falani
appearance: aisee waisee etc.
chemical reaction: turns pale when placed before a better looking specimen.
Yae ho ra tumharay sath avec Paro 🙂
#100 by Awas on December 15, 2008 - 6:56 PM
Can you please settle our argument here on what I and khansahab are saying on Aishwarya Rai on Politics 2?
#101 by sweetie on December 15, 2008 - 7:03 PM
Awas, here’s my # 4209211 hehehe
Javed, Paroo se mein kiun jalon gee? & i was talkin about her personality not her looks. & why are u DEFENDING HER? lolllllll Now the mystery REALLY deepens loll
Awas @ ure comment 107, sure
#102 by sweetie on December 15, 2008 - 7:09 PM
Javed, ishhhhhhhhhh @ ure comment(kill me if i ever say that in reality) lol
#103 by Awas on December 15, 2008 - 7:15 PM
Now even I can sus what this #420 means… 😦
I need my buddies to help me here…
#104 by khansahab on December 15, 2008 - 7:50 PM
So you’re happy to be GF?
Thanks, didn’t know you care!
#105 by sweetie on December 15, 2008 - 7:58 PM
Yeah B F, im good wth that hehe
#106 by sweetie on December 15, 2008 - 9:37 PM
A mechanical engineer died & went to heaven. Upon arrival Saint Peter checked “THE BOOK” and didn’t find his name, so he informed the engineer that he must get on the elevator and go DOWNSTAIRS.
Reluctantly the engineer boarded the elevator for the long trip DOWNSTAIRS and upon arrival in hell found that he was very uncomfortable due to the excessive heat. He asked to see the devil and was granted an interview, at which time he requested a large number of materials with which to build an air conditioner. The devil replied that he could have anything he wished, and what he couldn’t find, they would steal. So the engineer spent a month and a half building an air conditioner, which, when completed, cooled hell off only a few degrees.
Somewhat unsatisfied the engineer requested additional materials, with which he spent another month and a half building a sprinkler system to add to the cooling effect of his air conditioner. Hell was getting much cooler now and folks were beginning to almost enjoy it.
About a month later the red phone rang. The devil answered, and found that God was on the other end of the line.
“Remember that mechanical engineer we sent down about 4 months ago?” God queried.
“Hell yes, I remember!” Said the devil.
“Well, Saint Peter missed that man’s name on the last page of our book because the page was stuck to the one in front of it. So I want you to send the engineer back UPSTAIRS, as is our agreement. If they’re on THE BOOK, then they stay UPHERE and if not, they go DOWNSTAIRS.” God exclaimed!
“I’ll be damned if your going to get that engineer back. He’s put in an air conditioner and a sprinkler system down here and folks are almost happy to be here. I expect that when some folks hear about this they may begin to request to be sent DOWNSTAIRS!” said the devil.
“Now look here! We have an agreement! In the book—UPSTAIRS and not in the book—DOWNSTAIRS!! If you don’t send that engineer back right away I believe I’ll have to sue you!!!” shouted God.
The devil replies,”And just where do you think you’ll get an attorney?”
#107 by Mohammed Munir on December 16, 2008 - 4:52 AM
Javed Khan @ 90 … (my god this blog is more like a ‘chat site’ now, with so many one-liners).
Anyways, very well said … yes I surely would agree that:
Aur bhee dukh hain zamanay may mohabat kay siva
Rahatain aur bhi hain wasal ki rahat kay siva 😉
And it reminds me of another nice shaer, that too of Faiz:
Jo Rukay Tu Koh-e-Garaan Thay Hum, Jo Chalay Tu Jaan Sey Guzar Gaae
Raah-e-Yaar Hum Nain Kadam Kadam Tujhay Yaadgaar Bana Diya 8)
#108 by Mohammed Munir on December 16, 2008 - 5:29 AM
A Television Presenter (Lady) went to make an interview with a local farmer seeking the main reason that caused ‘Mad Cow disease’ in UK.
The Lady: Good evening Sir, we are here to collect some information about the reasons that causes ‘Mad Cow disease’. Do you have any idea what might be the reason ?
The Farmer, stared at the lady and said, Do you know that the Bull fcuks the Cow once a year ?
The Lady getting a bit embarrassed: Well Sir, that’s a new piece of information, but what’s the relation between this phenomena and Cow’s madness ?
The Farmer : Well Mam, do you know that we milk the Cow FOUR times a day.
The Lady : Sir this is really valuable information, but what about getting to the point !!
The Farmer : I am getting to the point Mam. Just imagine … if I am playing with your Tits Four Times a Day and Fcuking You Only Once a Year, won’t you get MAD ?
#109 by Mohammed Munir on December 16, 2008 - 7:56 AM
HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN
1. Compliment her.
2. Respect her.
3. Honor her.
4. Cuddle her.
5. Kiss her.
6. Caress her.
7. Love her.
8. Stroke her.
9. Tease her.
10. Comfort her.
11. Protect her.
12. Hug her.
13. Hold her.
14. Spend money on her.
15. Wine and dine her.
16. Listen to her.
17. Care for her.
18. Stand by her.
19. Support her.
20. Go to the ends of the Earth for her.
21. ….. and the list never ends.
HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN
1. Bring him Food.
2. Show up Naked. 😉
#110 by Dimple Rosy Cheeks on December 16, 2008 - 10:22 AM
You men are way too easily pleased if that is all you need lol
#111 by Dimple Rosy Cheeks on December 16, 2008 - 10:36 AM
Nothing about being demanding. Wouldn’t you want all those things?!Well actually you have just told me all you want is point 2.
Point 1 is sooooo much easier though
P.s. you besharam lol
#112 by Awas on December 16, 2008 - 10:36 AM
We are a simple species with one track mind…not complicated. Munir is so right…
#113 by Dimple Rosy Cheeks on December 16, 2008 - 10:37 AM
P.p.s I am willing to compromise, as a woman, on points 14,15,20,21:)
#114 by Dimple Rosy Cheeks on December 16, 2008 - 10:48 AM
Are you two being serious?!
This puts me off marriage even more. eeeeeeeeeeeeek!
#115 by Awas on December 16, 2008 - 10:48 AM
Not 14??? I really don’t believe you…
#116 by Dimple Rosy Cheeks on December 16, 2008 - 10:54 AM
Yes honest. I am not materialistic. If he can provide the other ‘key’ points, then that is one thing I can happily compromise.
#117 by Dimple Rosy Cheeks on December 16, 2008 - 11:01 AM
Khansahab…Thought better of you!lol
#118 by Mohammed Munir on December 16, 2008 - 11:29 AM
Khan Sahab …
Hahahaha … you have been hilarious with all your comments no. 118, 125 and 127.
I guess you have also been at your natural best, yes you are damn right, we men are all the same … Who needs food anyway 😉
Aap Bhee ? “Aap Tu Aisey Na Thay” 😉
We sure are simple species, well put.
Simple Rosy Chick … Oppss … I mean Dimple Rosy Ckeeks 😉
So all you want is then gold, diamonds, cars, new dresses, jewelry, etc. etc. well who needs cash anyway 😉
#119 by JAVED A. KHAN on December 16, 2008 - 1:13 PM
Haven’t you heard these songs?
1. The girl sings:
Mujh ko Chaand la kay dou
Mujh ko Taaray la kay dou
Mujh ko Saaray la kay dou
2. And the guy sings:
Na maangoon sona chaandi
Na maangoon hiray moti
Yae meray kis kaam kay?
Deti hai dil kay badlay may dil day
Pyaar may saodaa nahee!!
Only Zardari would say:
(Wine may Soda nahee)
See how simple and straightforward guys are?
#120 by Sweetie on December 16, 2008 - 1:58 PM
LOL @ you guys.
Javed, i can imagine one of u clad in heera mootee, or sona chandee, what a lovely sight! hehehe
Awas, U got that one right, indeed men have a one track mind, but i don’t blame u guys, its a factory default/ built in defect! ;p haha
#121 by Sweetie on December 16, 2008 - 2:05 PM
Awas, B F’s point # 14, that doesn’t apply to all women, only a few will choose money over love. Besides find me one man/ woman who wouldn’t wanna be pampered, or have a good life??
#122 by Awas on December 16, 2008 - 2:09 PM
Tareef oos Khuda ki…jiss nay Jehan (Hamein) banaia…
Besides that, we can be smart, astute, philosophical, thinkers, inventive, funny…Lol. My comment and others on Mumbai is a good example 🙂
#123 by Awas on December 16, 2008 - 2:12 PM
I know one…
#124 by Sweetie on December 16, 2008 - 2:18 PM
Awas, (comment132) im not into politics, so don’t like reading / discussing about it.
But i suppose ure in directly saying, ure quite a catch! lollll
& u don’t know what B F means!! hehe
#125 by JAVED A. KHAN on December 16, 2008 - 2:19 PM
Mard ka Zaywar tou aurat hai, so why on earth will men wear sona, chaandi, heeray moti?
Har dil faraib cheez nazar ka ghubaar hai
Nazrain Haseen ho tou Khizaan bhee bahar hai
Btw, when men praise women they say something like this:
Yae chaand sa roshan chehraa
Zulfaon ka rang sunhehraa
Yae Jheel see neeli aankhain
Koi Raaz hai inn may gehraa
Tareef keroon kya uski jis nay tumhay banaya
Btw, Awas what you wrote about
Tareef uss Khuda ki jis nay humay banaya
Actually what I read was
Tareef uss Khuda ki jiss nay hamaree gaye banayee … 🙂
#126 by Sweetie on December 16, 2008 - 2:22 PM
Javed which gaey? lolll
#127 by JAVED A. KHAN on December 16, 2008 - 2:23 PM
Where is that guy who is displaying a symbolic virgin cigarette in his mouth?
#128 by JAVED A. KHAN on December 16, 2008 - 2:24 PM
Bail ka Mem Saab!
#129 by Sweetie on December 16, 2008 - 2:25 PM
U talkin about Theo?
#130 by Awas on December 16, 2008 - 2:34 PM
Naaah…not “directly”. It was indirect. 🙂
#131 by JAVED A. KHAN on December 16, 2008 - 2:38 PM
Sweetie, no I am not talking about theo, I am talking about Mustanssarr Hussain Tarrarr of Qusstuntuniya.
#132 by Sweetie on December 16, 2008 - 2:40 PM
Awassss, i did say indirectly.
#133 by Awas on December 16, 2008 - 3:06 PM
Sorry, Sweetie…I didn’t see the in before directly…I was “minding the gap”…a London Tube joke 🙂
#134 by JAVED A. KHAN on December 16, 2008 - 3:21 PM
Yes you did say that but you left a gap between in & directly check it out and awas took advantage of that, now calling it a London tube joke. 😉 Beard shave kerdi aur “Al Ka Pacino” ban gaya magar ustaadon ka ustaad hai yae.
#135 by JAVED A. KHAN on December 16, 2008 - 3:27 PM
JOOTA PHIKAI KI RASM OR A GAME?
People have made games now, check out this site and try to hit Bush’s face with a shoe. Here is the link:
#136 by Awas on December 16, 2008 - 3:38 PM
Yeah, Javed after the shave, I do feel the chill wind though…
#137 by Sweetie on December 16, 2008 - 3:38 PM
Yeah i just noticed!! It’s ok Awas, i got the point regardless 😛
Javed, i don’t think it was a joota phainkai rasam, but im sure it’ll be one from now onwards.lol
#138 by Sweetie on December 16, 2008 - 3:46 PM
Awas, it just wasn’t a shave, it was a MAKE OVER! ( a good one)
#139 by Sweetie on December 16, 2008 - 3:52 PM
Awas, it just wasn’t a shave, it was a MAKE OVER! lol
#140 by Sweetie on December 16, 2008 - 3:52 PM
whoopsie! Sorry i didn’t see the first comment go thru, u can delete the second one.
#141 by Awas on December 16, 2008 - 5:45 PM
You aint seen noffin yet…wait till I get lipoed and a couple of other jobs done…Lol
#142 by Awas on December 16, 2008 - 5:47 PM
Do men do that?
#143 by JAVED A. KHAN on December 16, 2008 - 5:57 PM
“Wait till I get lipoed…….” Hey don’t tell me your next picture would be of BEGUM NAWAZISH ALI? 🙂
#144 by Awas on December 16, 2008 - 6:04 PM
It looks as though your BF is in a serious mood today…he’s writing long thesis on everything…very commendable. I told you so…we get up to do other things too…sometimes! 🙂
Leme talk to him…
#145 by Sweetie on December 16, 2008 - 6:07 PM
Awas, u’ll be surprised to know what men do. hehe
Javed, Al Pachino can’t be begum nawazish ali. lol
#146 by Sweetie on December 16, 2008 - 6:08 PM
HAHAHA @ my B F. I dunno what hes writing else where. Do i have to worry about him? wink*wink*
#147 by Awas on December 16, 2008 - 6:15 PM
BEGUM NAWAZISH ALI…who?
Its my body…I do what I like…karlo jo karna-ai 🙂
Wow! Men do that…I’ll be dammed.
#148 by Sweetie on December 16, 2008 - 6:18 PM
Loll, yeah they do! ;p
#149 by Sweetie on December 16, 2008 - 6:24 PM
Seriously Awas, u don’t know what BNali is? He’s a transvestite, whos very popular in Pak. He is one GROSS sight!
#150 by Awas on December 16, 2008 - 6:31 PM
No I didn’t know who that was…Yuk!
I’ll get one over Javed some other time…Perhaps you can tell him “what men do”
#151 by Sweetie on December 16, 2008 - 6:35 PM
Awas, im pretty sure he knows what men do, he is one too right? hehe
He must be sittin there grinning lol
#152 by Sweetie on December 16, 2008 - 9:57 PM
Awas, did u talk to B F? lol Now u seem to be in a serious mood too.
#153 by Dimple Rosy Cheeks on December 16, 2008 - 10:20 PM
I’ve been busy all day and I came back to read the comments and you lot are so funny.
Khansahab, yeh thought you were different to the other guys but aab pataa chala:P
Munir….Those things are nice but I would rather have the other things on the list than pretty things. Ok
However, after interacting with you guys, there is no point in even getting married LOL. Thank you for educating me what men are really like everyone:)
Hahaha Javed, I have heard those songs and yeh I can see your point.
You’re all geeks:)
#154 by khansahab on December 16, 2008 - 10:23 PM
Do you also hate me now like DRC does?
#155 by Dimple Rosy Cheeks on December 16, 2008 - 10:25 PM
Who says I hate you:(
#156 by Sweetie on December 16, 2008 - 10:36 PM
lol B F. I never said i hate u. Awas was a bit concerned about u, that ure in a serious mood today. evidentally he was wrong hahaha
#157 by Dimple Rosy Cheeks on December 16, 2008 - 10:43 PM
So, ahem, what does B F stand for 😉
#158 by Sweetie on December 16, 2008 - 10:44 PM
yeah.. there’s a term for it too. Three some LOL
#159 by Sweetie on December 16, 2008 - 10:49 PM
LOL, why don’t u try n guess? If not u can always ask B F.
#160 by Dimple Rosy Cheeks on December 16, 2008 - 10:53 PM
Hmm you kept that VERY quiet Khanji
#161 by Sweetie on December 16, 2008 - 10:53 PM
#162 by Sweetie on December 16, 2008 - 10:55 PM
#163 by Awas on December 16, 2008 - 10:57 PM
Having had my head in Politics, I am back here…phew that was hard work!!!
What is this bi business? Is it something to do with biannual or bicentenary?
#164 by Dimple Rosy Cheeks on December 16, 2008 - 10:58 PM
Geek, I was on about the BF and GF business
#165 by Awas on December 16, 2008 - 11:01 PM
If not FC UK…what then? Gosh, this is heavier than politics…I better go there
#166 by Dimple Rosy Cheeks on December 16, 2008 - 11:02 PM
The ‘bi’ business is about ……….BICYCLES!
#167 by Sweetie on December 16, 2008 - 11:06 PM
LOL @ u guys. DRC & B F, lets get everything out in the open hehehe
#168 by khansahab on December 16, 2008 - 11:08 PM
Yeah come on DRC! Let’s come out and fight!!
Stop hiding in the corner like a girl 🙂
#169 by Sweetie on December 16, 2008 - 11:09 PM
Fight, who was talking about fighting? & over what if at all? hehe
#170 by Dimple Rosy Cheeks on December 16, 2008 - 11:11 PM
You want to fight me?!:(
P.s. I am sooooo confused hahahaha as to what you two are on about. All I asked was what is this GF/BF thing about
#171 by Sweetie on December 16, 2008 - 11:21 PM
awww DRC, its nuthin worth bustin ure head over. haha
B F what do u say??
#172 by khansahab on December 16, 2008 - 11:23 PM
I say you’re my GF
#173 by Dimple Rosy Cheeks on December 16, 2008 - 11:26 PM
awww happy for you
#174 by Sweetie on December 16, 2008 - 11:30 PM
awww B F … now u makin me blush hehehe
#175 by khansahab on December 16, 2008 - 11:32 PM
Unless you wana be called RC for Rosy Cheeks I suggest you stop blushing!
#176 by Dimple Rosy Cheeks on December 16, 2008 - 11:34 PM
ok…now you two lol
#177 by Sweetie on December 16, 2008 - 11:43 PM
HAHA, No B F, that’s for Dimp.
#178 by Dimple Rosy Cheeks on December 16, 2008 - 11:48 PM
Your BF is a geek lol
#179 by Sweetie on December 17, 2008 - 8:19 AM
Nah dimp, hes just B F! hehe
ahhh im gonna passout again..
#180 by Mohammed Munir on December 17, 2008 - 9:22 AM
Khan Sahab …
Yeh GF, GF Kiya, Yeh GF, GF ??
I guess ‘this GF’, does not stand for ‘that GF’, which you think it is/ it is not 😉
#181 by Sweetie on December 17, 2008 - 2:45 PM
Muneer, takhnoon pe zoor nai daloo. lol
#182 by Awas on December 17, 2008 - 2:53 PM
I think it’s…Good Friday!
#183 by Awas on December 17, 2008 - 2:59 PM
Sorry I meant Godfather…
#184 by Sweetie on December 17, 2008 - 3:06 PM
Awas, why would B f call me God father? he mnay call u that… but do i look like one? haha
#185 by Awas on December 17, 2008 - 3:15 PM
Damm…wrong again…okay…Girl Friday…even khansahab can’t deny that 🙂
I thought my Urdu was good…Laikin ye “takhnoon” kia hota hai?
#186 by Sweetie on December 17, 2008 - 3:32 PM
ankles i think. lol
#187 by Awas on December 17, 2008 - 3:37 PM
Okay, it should be BEST FRIEND as I know khansahab is the nicest of persons…what u say?
#188 by Sweetie on December 17, 2008 - 3:41 PM
B F, i need ure help here!!!
#189 by khansahab on December 17, 2008 - 3:41 PM
I have two choices, to be Sweetie’s BoyFriend or to be her Best Friend.
I choose the first option, BoyFriend.
#190 by Awas on December 17, 2008 - 3:47 PM
#191 by Sweetie on December 17, 2008 - 3:51 PM
hahaha, mystery solved!
#192 by Sweetie on December 17, 2008 - 4:47 PM
Look whos in a serious mood now!!
A guy breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he’s in there, the husband tells his wife: “Listen, this guy’s an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you.”
To which his wife responds: “He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!”
#193 by Awas on December 17, 2008 - 4:56 PM
Either Javed or khansahab have been forwarding you too those funny emails that I have often sent them…now you know who corrupted them…as though they were incorruptible 🙂
Hilarious though. It’s good to read these jokes again
#194 by Sweetie on December 17, 2008 - 5:13 PM
No they haven’t. Good to know we share a good sense of humor (not the wicked one tho ;p). hehe
#195 by Sweetie on December 17, 2008 - 5:14 PM
Here’s another one..
HER SIDE OF THE STORY
He was in an odd mood when I got to the bar, I thought it might have been my fault because I was a bit late but he didn`t say anything much about it.
The conversation was quite slow going so I thought we should go off somewhere more intimate so we could talk more privately. We went to this restaurant and he was STILL acting a bit funny. I tried to cheer him up and started to wonder whether it was me or something else. I asked him, and he said no. But I wasn`t really sure.
So anyway, in the cab on the way back to His house, I said that I love him and he just put His arm around me. I didn`t know what the hell that meant because you know he doesn`t say it back or anything. We finally got back to His place and I was wondering if he was going to dump me! So I tried to ask him about it but he just switched on the TV. Reluctantly, I said I was going to go to sleep. Then after about 10 minutes, he joined me and we had sex.
But, he still seemed really distracted, so afterwards I just wanted to leave but I just cried myself to sleep. I dunno, I just don`t know what he thinks anymore. I mean, do you think he`s met someone else??
HIS SIDE OF THE STORY
My team lost. Felt Kinda Tired. Got laid though.
#196 by Dimple Rosy Cheeks on December 17, 2008 - 5:24 PM
Wouldn’t ‘takhnoon’ be lid?
Ankles would be gityoon or something like…
Awww legslip has it’s very own couple. Ahem
#197 by Mohammed Munir on December 17, 2008 - 5:29 PM
So finally then, I guess it is:
G F = Good Friday
B F = Bad Friday 😉
#198 by Awas on December 17, 2008 - 5:37 PM
Good one and a new one for me…Lol.
Yeah, such funnies go round and round from all over from everyone. So, you do know some wicked type too 🙂
#199 by Sweetie on December 17, 2008 - 5:39 PM
hmmm.. Ure the second munir that i know who’s in denial! haha
Btw knees are ghutnay, ankles are thakhnay. Tats why i said, Thaknoun (plural) pe zoor nahi. hehe
#200 by Sweetie on December 17, 2008 - 5:41 PM
Awas, if ure talkin about knowing someone wit a wicked sense of humor, then i’ll introduce myself to u. If ure talkin about jokes, yes in tat case too! haha
#201 by Awas on December 17, 2008 - 5:47 PM
Yeah, please do. In the meantime I’ll sound out from your BF…he must know you, right?
#202 by Sweetie on December 17, 2008 - 6:01 PM
Awas, which one? jokes or my introduction. Ummm B F…. that one ull have to get from B F, how well he knows me =)
#203 by Awas on December 17, 2008 - 6:04 PM
#204 by Sweetie on December 17, 2008 - 6:06 PM
Sure Awas, u already got my # hehehe
#205 by Awas on December 17, 2008 - 6:11 PM
What…that 420 waalla? Don’t you trust me 😦
#206 by Sweetie on December 17, 2008 - 6:14 PM
hahaha yeah that one.
Do U trust me?
#207 by Awas on December 17, 2008 - 6:19 PM
Ummm! What can I say…?
Can I ‘ask a friend’? BF that is… 🙂
#208 by Sweetie on December 17, 2008 - 6:21 PM
lol no he wont be able to help u. But u can ask BM HAHAHA
#209 by theossa on December 17, 2008 - 6:24 PM
Dubbe mien dubba, dubbe mien cake
Ready or not, theossa is back
Beware Sweetie, Awas is snake
It’s time for V-Talk 3 page, and probably by end of next year, it would be V-Talk 333
#210 by Sweetie on December 17, 2008 - 6:26 PM
HAHAHAHA… welcome back Theo!!
#211 by Awas on December 17, 2008 - 6:28 PM
There you go…our long lost friend Theo is back…where u been?
Sweetie, don’t believe him. He is like that guy in that Sheep Joke 🙂
#212 by Awas on December 17, 2008 - 6:31 PM
Who is Burrey Miaan (BM) ?
#213 by theossa on December 17, 2008 - 6:33 PM
Sweetie don’t ditch your real BF Khansahab and don’t get trapped by this Ex-Nut Face charmer. You know how he looks in real life; you wouldn’t wanna kiss that face, would you? LOL.
I went camping and did fly fishing with my buds. I spent one of the most romantic times of this year, me and beautiful trout fish in the wild, and not to make you guys jealous but all of them were naked! I think the moment I arrived at the creek, all the virgin trout went crazy and so horny that they took their clothes off. What a week spent with those STD free beauties.
#214 by Sweetie on December 17, 2008 - 6:35 PM
Ok Awas & Theo, do i need to do eeni meeni miny moe? lol
#215 by Sweetie on December 17, 2008 - 6:35 PM
Awassss how’d u know B M? lol
#216 by Sweetie on December 17, 2008 - 6:40 PM
Theo, ‘ not to make you guys jealous but all of them were naked!’, who are u talkin about here, the fish or ure guys? hahaha
Hmmm @ B f & Awas… now u got me thinking.
#217 by Awas on December 17, 2008 - 6:40 PM
No one‘s talking about ditching BF. I guess after that luscious vacation you are still in that mode…imagining that is…Lol
#218 by Awas on December 17, 2008 - 6:45 PM
What…do you mean, I was right with my ‘wild card’ Burrey Miaan? See, I’m not all emty up there. I can decipher some codes. 007 is my middle name.
So, who is BM?
#219 by theossa on December 17, 2008 - 6:47 PM
@ Awas’, “No one‘s talking about ditching BF”. So are you suggesting that Sweetie should have both of you? LOL. What the heck is going on here? I should join Munir and smoke Ganja for rest of the day.
#220 by Awas on December 17, 2008 - 6:50 PM
I had meant to press delete button…so, I don’t know what happened there. Next time I’ll have to watch you.
#221 by Sweetie on December 17, 2008 - 6:51 PM
haha u guys are hilarious. Theo, don’t be smoking ganja wit munir, this name itself scares the bejesus outta me! & now u got awas thinkin! lol
Awas, use ure 007 source, u’ll find out who BM is hehehe i dont wanna sign my death certifcate! haha
#222 by Awas on December 17, 2008 - 6:56 PM
Don’t worry…remember 007…your protection is guaranteed.
This is my last request…after that I am lodging a complain with JAK
#223 by Sweetie on December 17, 2008 - 6:59 PM
Last request for? who B M is?
#224 by Sweetie on December 17, 2008 - 7:00 PM
ooooo im scared Awas lol… I didnt say JAK scares the bejesus outta me, i said the name munir does lol
#225 by Awas on December 17, 2008 - 7:03 PM
If next minute, I get run over under a bus…do you really want me to die in suspense? 😦
#226 by theossa on December 17, 2008 - 7:04 PM
Suchchai hide nahin sukti delete button dabane se
Sweetie putt nahin sukti Awas ke teer chalane se
My guess is BM stands “Munir Bhai”, her 6’-5” football linebacker.
#227 by JAVED A. KHAN on December 17, 2008 - 7:06 PM
There is no BM without a BB and my guess is as good as yours, she is referring to WG. Isn’t that right Sweetie?
Theo, when you described the fishing scene talked about ‘all naked’ and STD free etc., between the lines you also mentioned that you did fly fishing with your buds. It sounded more like open fly fishing with nuts! Man you fishing with nuts? Whats wrong with your fishing rod ? Anyways, good to see you coming out of the Dubba!
#228 by theossa on December 17, 2008 - 7:12 PM
I knew a smart guy like you would get it decrypted, when there are naked fish, you use your rod AND nuts. So if you plan to do the same don’t leave your nuts -:)
#229 by Sweetie on December 17, 2008 - 7:13 PM
lol@ Javed.. Not necessarily, @ BB. & no i wasn’t refering to WG either.
No Awas, i wouldn’t want u to die at all. =)
#230 by Sweetie on December 17, 2008 - 7:14 PM
My hands are tied Awas. I can’t .. he keeel me! lol
#231 by Awas on December 17, 2008 - 7:14 PM
I found the ones you wanted. A good example of how some clean jokes can be hilarious.
Subject: Love The Irish
Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn’t find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, ‘Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Massevery Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!’
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Paddy looked up again and said, ‘Never mind, I found one.’
Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he
meets, ‘Do you want to go to heaven?’
The man said, ‘I do, Father.’
The priest said, ‘Then stands over there against the wall.’
Then the priest asked the second man, ‘Do you want to go to heaven?’
‘Certainly, Father,’ was the man’s reply.
‘Then stand over there against the wall,’ said the priest.
Then Father Murphy walked up to O’Toole and said, ‘Do you want to go to heaven?’
O’Toole said, ‘No, I don’t Father.’
The priest said, ‘I don’t believe this. You mean to tell me that when
you die you don’t want to go to heaven?’
O’Toole said, ‘Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group
together to go right now.’
Paddy was in New York
He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street
crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, ‘Okay,
pedestrians.’ Then he’d allow the traffic to pass.
He’d done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.
After the cop had shouted, ‘Pedestrians!’ for the tenth time, Paddy went
over to him and said, ‘Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?’
Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney.
‘Did you see the paper?’ asked Gallagher. ‘They say I died!!’
‘Yes, I saw it!’ replied Finney. ‘Where are ye callin’ from?’
An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding
in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest’s breath
and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.
He says, ‘Sir, have you been drinking?’
‘Just water,’ says the priest.
The trooper says, ‘Then why do I smell wine?’
The priest looks at the bottle and says, ‘Good Lord! He’s done it again!’
Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, ‘Pour me a
stiff one – just had another fight with the little woman.’
‘Oh yeah?’ said Charlie, ‘And how did this one end?’
‘When it was over,’ Mike replied, ‘She came to me on her hands and knees.
‘Really,’ said Charles, ‘Now that’s a switch! What did she say?’
She said, ‘Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.’
Flynn staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking
buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Mary.
He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their
upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step as he caught himself by
grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.
Managing not to yell, Flynn sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.
He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed. In the morning, Flynn woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Mary staring at him from across the room.
She said, ‘You were drunk again last night weren’t you?’
Flynn said, ‘Why you say such a mean thing?’
‘Well,’ Mary said, ‘it could be the open front door, it could be the broken
glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing
through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly…..it’s
all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.
#232 by Awas on December 17, 2008 - 7:25 PM
I think Javed has but my mind at rest by saying “There is no BM without a BB”. Hummm!!!
#233 by theossa on December 17, 2008 - 7:27 PM
Hahaha, that priest one is unbeatable. Thanks Awas, since you have posted my request I should tell Sweetie that her BF Khansahab is no use and it’s Awas time. He is Godfather Part-I and Awas is Godfather Part-II, literally, just look at the pictures. So I say to Sweetie, ditch that witch.
#234 by JAVED A. KHAN on December 17, 2008 - 7:34 PM
Like you I am a Pathan but my experience with animals is restricted to hunting only. And I never thought when you descale a fish you consider it as naked? What about the shiny mackerel or the tuna? I would prefer tina over tuna 😉 Anyways, keep your secrets to yourself like Omar Ibne Khattab said:
He who keeps his secrets – controls his affairs.
Ahem not those affairs 😉
#235 by Sweetie on December 17, 2008 - 7:35 PM
#236 by Sweetie on December 17, 2008 - 7:37 PM
Theo, who did u call ‘the witch’? lol
#237 by JAVED A. KHAN on December 17, 2008 - 7:41 PM
Sweetie just responded to my email by saying BM stands for BadMash. Sweetie BadMash is not such a bad word, so why worry? 🙂
#238 by Sweetie on December 17, 2008 - 7:43 PM
Hmmm did i? Ok then .. lol
#239 by JAVED A. KHAN on December 17, 2008 - 7:44 PM
witch always confuses people, I prefer the Urdu equivalent of it.
“Churail” kitna accha lagta? Especially when you call someone you know O’Churail Chup ker ja ! 🙂
#240 by Sweetie on December 17, 2008 - 7:49 PM
HAHAHA Yeah… It does sound nice, esp when it’s coming from a Jinn HAHAHA 😛
#241 by JAVED A. KHAN on December 17, 2008 - 7:55 PM
Bubba always used to go out with his two friends and whenever people saw them together they used to say: “here comes Bubba with his two assholes.”
Bubba died in a car crash and his face was burnt beyond recognition, his two cronies were called to identify the body and confirm it was Bubba.
The first one came and asked the guy to turn over Bubba’s body, looked at his ass and said, nope this is not Bubba.
The second one comes and did the same.
The mortuary guy and the police got confused and asked them whats with turning Bubba body and looking at his ass?
They both replied. “Bubba had two assholes” ask anyone and they will confirm to you.
#242 by JAVED A. KHAN on December 17, 2008 - 7:58 PM
Sweetie do you want me to tell Gene or Jinn jokes? OK, I will but right now I had to go.
#243 by Sweetie on December 17, 2008 - 9:47 PM
Awas, this joke brought u in my mind.
A Mafia Godfather finds out that one of his underlings has screwed him out of ten million bucks. This underling happens to be deaf, so the Godfather brings along his attorney, who knows sign language.
The Godfather asks the underling, “Where is the 10 million bucks you embezzled from me?”
The attorney, using sign language, asks the underling where the 10 million dollars is hidden.
The underling signs back, “I don’t know what you are talking about.”
The attorney tells the Godfather, “He says he doesn’t know what you’re talking about.”
That’s when the Godfather pulls out a 9 mm pistol, puts it to the underling’s temple, cocks it and says, “Ask him again!”
The attorney signs to the underling, “He’ll kill you for sure if you don’t tell him!”
The underling signs back: “OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo’s backyard in Queens!”
The Godfather asks the attorney, “Well, what’d he say?” The attorney replies, “He says you don’t have the guts to pull the trigger.”
#244 by Sweetie on December 17, 2008 - 9:52 PM
Brought ure thought rather, to my mind lol & just the God father part. hehe
#245 by Sweetie on December 17, 2008 - 11:40 PM
Difference Between Men and Women
1. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t want.
2. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
3. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
4. To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot & love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all.
5. Married men live longer than single men – but married men are a lot more willing to die.
6. Any married man should forget his mistakes – there’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.
7. Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
8. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change & she does.
9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
10. There are 2 times when a man doesn’t understand a woman – before marriage & after marriage.
#246 by Mohammed Munir on December 18, 2008 - 5:46 AM
Breaking News : Shoes Have Been Traced Out, Pakistani Links Found !! 😉
The pair of shoes which was thrown at Mr. Bush in Iraq has links to Pakistan, said a statement from Pentagon. They have the following proofs, with some help from the very reliable sources:
– The Iraqi journalist along had visited Pakistan earlier this year. There he was inspired by the shoe-throwing at former CM Arbab Ghulam Rahim and Sher Afghan Niazi.
– He received his training of throwing shoes by a Pakistan based Jihadi organization.
– The DNA sample of leather has revealed that the animal whose skin was used for manufacturing the shoe had traces of grass which is grown in North of Pakistan and this skin was collected by a Jihadi organization on Eid-ul-Adha this month.
Hearing this, President Asif Ali Zardari and Prime Minister Yousaf Raza Gilani have decided to ban the Jihadi organization and have launched a country wide crackdown against all the cobblers in Pakistan.
#247 by Mohammed Munir on December 18, 2008 - 9:32 AM
LAMO @ 224, ‘Smoking Ganja’, 243, and Awas’s Snake 😉
Tu Kiya Khaa Ker Aaya Hai Meray Bhai ?
Nice to see you after a long time, we missed you on LS 😉
LOL @ ‘takhnoon pe zoor’ … Good one.
Normally, Hamari Desi Larkion Mein Itna Sense of Humour Hota Tu Nahin Hai ? 😉
Anyway, whoever that other ‘Muneer’ is and whatever he has done to scare you off, please do not mix me ‘Munir’ with him 🙂
Awas Sahab …
Nice to see you getting so ‘active’ on V-Taaaaaaaaaaaaalk 😀
BTW, on your suggestion, I saw the movie “My Cousin Vinney”, you are absolutely right, it was Hilarious, and Joe Pesci was great playing that amature lawyer.
Nice jokes … keep ‘em coming 😉
#248 by Awas on December 18, 2008 - 10:41 AM
258 was good one Sweetie…
For me, it wasn’t Godfather…what it reminded me of was that gun slinging, smoke puffing Theo 🙂
#249 by Awas on December 18, 2008 - 10:42 AM
I am glad somebody listened and saw My Cousin Vinney. If I ever want to chill out, I can see it again as its hilarious. It’s not a type of movie that after having seen once it’s enough. The good thing about Joe Pesci was that you only visualize him as a Badmaah but here he was excellent in this role.
#250 by theossa on December 18, 2008 - 1:30 PM
Munir Khana, Pakhair Bacha -:) The following joke is dedicated to you and you’ll understand it better than the rest.
A Bajawar Pathan was sipping tea in a small Chai Hotel with his friend and he notices someone. He says to his friend, “I really hate that guy sitting on the corner table”. His friend replies, “Gulab Khan, which one? There are four guys sitting on that table”. Gulab Khan says, “I’m talking about the one with a turban”. His freind, “All of them are wearing turban”. Gulab Khan gets frustrated and says, “The one with vest on”. His friend says, “But Gulab Khan, all four of them are having vests as well”. Gulab Khan stands up, takes out his 45 bore pistol and fires multiple shots at the corner table and says, “Look at the one left I really hate him”.
Sweetie adding # 11 to your comment no. 260
#11 quoting from some wise guy, “Men are devil by habits and women are devil by nature”
Yeah, that movie was funny. I also dig dumb comedies like Old School, Herald and Kumar, Rush Hour. I don’t really watch too many Indian movies but I do watch movies made by Amir Khan, I think Dil Chahta Hai was pretty good movie. But my all time favorites are Clint Eastwood movies, he was the best. I also like Star Wars, Aliens, Predator, and most of the Science Fiction movies. Anything with gore and blood makes me happy -:)
#251 by Awas on December 18, 2008 - 2:08 PM
Aaaah…Clint Eastwood movies…tell me about them. They are my all time favourites.
#252 by Sweetie on December 18, 2008 - 2:26 PM
SMack smack ** @ Theo!! lol (sorry i don’t own a pop gun ( according to Awas), else i wouldve used tat HEHE
Awas, Ure so right, I’ve seen My cousin Vinny like a hundred times & it’s funny each time i see it.
Here’s a joke
A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train.
After the initial embarrassment they both go to sleep, the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.
In the middle of the night the woman leans over, wakes the man and says, “I’m sorry to bother you, but I’m awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly get me another blanket.”
The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, “I’ve got a better idea… just for tonight, let’s pretend we’re married.”
The woman thinks for a moment. “Why not,” she giggles.
“Great,” he replies, “Get your own damn blanket!”
#253 by Awas on December 18, 2008 - 3:00 PM
Nice one, Sweetie and the one from Theo.
Here is another one for the Gunslinger:
An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up…
The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said ,’Things are great and I’ve never felt better.’
I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child.
‘So what do you think about that Doc ?’
The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story.
‘I have an older friend , much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season.’
One day he was setting off to go hunting.
In a bit of a hurry , he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun.’
‘As he neared a lake , he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water’s edge.
He realized he’d left his gun at home and so he couldn’t shoot the magnificent creature.
Out of habit he raised his cane , aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went ‘bang, bang’.’
‘Miraculously , two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead.
Now, what do you think of that ?’ asked the doctor.
The 86-year-old said ,
‘Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver.’
The doctor replied , ‘My point exactly.’
#254 by Sweetie on December 18, 2008 - 3:09 PM
hahaha Good one! wait till Theo comes after u!
Munir, u typical desi male chauvanist! Says who desi women don’t have a good sense of humor? lol I am an exception, cuz i have a WICKED one!! HAHA
#255 by Mohammed Munir on December 18, 2008 - 3:16 PM
Thanks a lot, you simply made my day !!
That last joke was the best I have read in a long long time. I laughed loudly and not only understood it very well, but I could literally relate it with the culture back home 😉
#256 by Awas on December 18, 2008 - 3:21 PM
Oh, heck…you got me worried now Sweetie 😦
Let the Gunslinger stay there in Politcs…
#257 by Mohammed Munir on December 18, 2008 - 3:22 PM
I know now you are talking that other ‘Muneer’ friend of yours 😉
#258 by Sweetie on December 18, 2008 - 3:34 PM
Hmmm @ friend… First of all Muneer is NOT my friend. & no, that was for u M, the commebt i.e .
Awas what u scared of? U are the God father, u can always whoop his a$$! LOL
#259 by Awas on December 18, 2008 - 3:42 PM
Yeah…but…sometimes its better ‘to make an offer that he can’t refuse’…and that was politics offer. I hate when The Family is associated with violence…its all propaganda 🙂
Hey, why don’t you two kiss and make up. This Munir is a good guy.
#260 by Sweetie on December 18, 2008 - 3:44 PM
Plz find Theo & ask him to shoot me in the head!
#261 by theossa on December 18, 2008 - 3:49 PM
LOL at Awas and Sweetie, good jokes there
I tend to agree with Munir, you do have a better and bold sense of humor than most desi chicks. Now not to take sides with Awas BUT why your BF is IGNORING you? Is he jealous of the cute little relationship you and Awas the Snake are building? Awas you’ve done the damage -:)
Hey, I just go to politics page every now and then and provide food for those wolves up there. LOL.
I’m glad you liked it. I guess your head gets heavy with the discussion on Politics page as well. I try to avoid anything that dampers my positive soul. Politics is certainly a B*tch.
Where is my Dead Deer Ghost DRC?
#262 by Mohammed Munir on December 18, 2008 - 3:52 PM
Thanks Awas … but she is not my type 😉
#263 by Awas on December 18, 2008 - 3:59 PM
Don’t worry…Its just that BF is a busy bee with his exams…I am just looking after his interests…It’s The Family…remember!
#264 by Sweetie on December 18, 2008 - 4:08 PM
loll u guys are crazy haha
Munir, iam of aware the fact that i am not ure type. Thank God for tat!! hehe
#265 by theossa on December 18, 2008 - 4:14 PM
No man, I don’t think being busy in exam is the case for Khansahab, he is all over Politics page. What do you mean by “family business”? I should just smoke my Ganja now -:)
#266 by Awas on December 18, 2008 - 4:19 PM
Oh, Mannn! You got to see Godfather over and over….’THE FAMILY’!!!
What ‘bijnus’ is in your mind… 🙂
#267 by Mohammed Munir on December 18, 2008 - 4:22 PM
Here is my contribution on jokes:
A couple was in a terrible accident where the woman’s face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn’t graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.
The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman’s new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!
One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice.
She said, “Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you.”
“My darling,” he replied, “think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.” 😉
#268 by Mohammed Munir on December 18, 2008 - 4:26 PM
Here one more :
A little guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink for half an hour when this big trouble-making biker steps next to him, grabs his drink, gulps it down in one swig and then turns to the guy with a menacing stare as if to say, ‘What’cha gonna do about it?’
The poor little guy starts crying.
‘Come on man I was just giving you a hard time,’ the biker says. ‘I didn’t think you’d CRY.’ ‘I can’t stand to see a man crying.
“This is the worst day of my life,” says the little guy between sobs. “I can’t do anything right.” “I overslept and was late to an important meeting, so my boss fired me.”
When I went to the parking lot, I found my car was stolen and I don’t have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife in bed with the gardener and my dog bit me.
So I came to this bar trying to work up the courage to put an end to my life, and then you show up and drink the damn poison.
#269 by Mohammed Munir on December 18, 2008 - 4:32 PM
I liked it best:
A sweet old lady telephoned St. Joseph’s Hospital. She timidly asked, “Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?” The operator said, “I can, what’s the name and room number?”
The old laday in her weak voice said, “Norma Findlay, Room 302.”
The operator replied, “Let me place you on hold while I check with her nurse.”
After a few minutes the operator returned to the phone and said, “Oh, I have good news, her nurse just told me that Norma is doing very well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back as normal and her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged on Tuesday.”
The old lady said, “Thank you. That’s wonderful! I was so worried! God bless you!”
The operator replied, “You’re more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?”
The old lady said, “No, I’m Norma Findlay in 302. No one tells me shit.”
#270 by theossa on December 18, 2008 - 4:42 PM
LOL Munir at the ass on face joke. Wasn’t his ass skin hairy or something? How did he manage to kiss her? Did her face stink? Was she puking food instead of eating it? I have such a fascinating imagination!
I don’t know Awas the snake what the heck you’re doing but remember Old man Khansahab has 1000 eyes. Last “Family guy” who tried to take his girl end up in a Waste Bin -:)
#271 by Mohammed Munir on December 18, 2008 - 4:43 PM
Women Oh Women …
What they say and what they actually ‘mean’ 😉
“Yes” = No
“No” = Yes
“Maybe” = No
“I’m sorry” = You’ll be sorry
“We need” = I want
“It’s your decision” = The correct decision should be obvious by now
“Sure… go ahead” = I don’t want you to
“I’m not upset” = Of course I’m upset, you moron!
“We need to talk” = I need to complain
“You’re certainly attentive tonight” = Is sex all you ever think about?
“Be romantic, turn out the lights” = I have flabby thighs
“This kitchen is so inconvenient” = I want a new house
“I want new curtains” = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper…
“I heard a noise” = I noticed you were almost asleep
“Do you love me?” = I’m going to ask for something expensive
“How much do you love me?” = I did something today you’re really not going to like
“I’ll be ready in a minute” = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.
“Is my butt fat?” = Lie to me
“You have to learn to communicate” = Just agree with me
“Are you listening to me!?” = [Too late, you’re dead]
“Do what you want.” = You’ll pay for this later
#272 by theossa on December 18, 2008 - 4:55 PM
Hahaha, Great Stuff Munir! Best of the day.
#273 by Awas on December 18, 2008 - 5:03 PM
Theo, don’t worry…it won’t be like Fredo. Pap was very upset the last time…still turning in his grave.
Good ones 🙂
#274 by Sweetie on December 18, 2008 - 5:05 PM
haha Munir, i have the MALE part of it!! hehe
Translation of Male responses:
It’s a guy thing.
— There is no rationale or logic, and I don’t feel like trying to come up with any.
“Uh huh,” “Sure, honey,” or “Yes, dear.”
— I’m conditioned to agree, but it doesn’t mean I’m listening.
“That’s interesting, dear.”
— I acknowledge that you’re STILL talking.
“Honey, we don’t need material things to prove our love.”
— I forgot our anniversary again.
“You know how bad my memory is.”
— I remember the theme song to ‘F Troop,’ the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I’ve ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.
“Hey, I’ve got my reasons for what I’m doing.”
— It’s a guy thing. (see above)
“What did I do this time?”
— I hope you haven’t been checking my e-mail.
“I heard you.”
— I heard words coming out of your mouth, and now you can stop talking.
“I don’t need to read the instructions.”
— It’s my right to do this my way and screw it up on my own
Theo, u makin B F sound like a dangerous guy…
#275 by Mohammed Munir on December 18, 2008 - 5:07 PM
Try to answer this one …
Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.
Michael J. Fox has a small one.
Madonna doesn’t have one.
The Pope has one but doesn’t use it.
Clinton uses his all the time.
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.
Liberace never used his on women.
Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his.
Cher claims that she took on 3.
We never saw Lucy use Desi’s.
What is it?
The answer is: “A Last Name.” 😉
What were YOU thinking ? 🙂
#276 by Sweetie on December 18, 2008 - 5:08 PM
Element Name: WOMAN
Atomic Weight: (don’t even go there!)
Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well.
Chemical properties: Very active. Often unstable. Possesses strong affinity for gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen.
Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.
Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.
Element Name: MAN
Atomic Weight: (180 +/- 50)
Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples.
Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with Kd (Element: Child) for prolonged period of time. Neutralize by dousing with alcohol.
Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good samples are able to produce large quantities on command.
Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.
#277 by Mohammed Munir on December 18, 2008 - 5:30 PM
Ok guys … these are my last two for the night…… promise 😉
Have a good weekend y’all, because mine has just started 😀
One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him, “My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor.”
“Listen, you don’t have to spend that kind of money, ” Mike replies. “There’s a diagnostic computer at the drugstore at the corner. Just give it a urine sample and the computer’ll tell you what’s wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars…a hell of a lot cheaper than a doctor.”
So Jack deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to the drugstore. He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.
Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks.
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and masturbated into the mixture for good measure.
Jack hurries back to the drugstore, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.
The computer prints the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. 2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. 3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab. 4. Your wife is pregnant…twin girls. They aren’t yours. Get a lawyer. 5. If you don’t stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.
“Don’t laugh!” said the patient, Ed.
“Of course I won’t laugh,” the doctor said. “I’m a professional. In over twenty years I’ve never laughed at a patient.”
“Okay then,” Ed said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest ‘hoo-ha’ the doctor had ever seen in his entire life. It could not have been bigger than the size of an AAA battery.
Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling, and then fell laughing to the floor.
Two minutes later, he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure. “I’m so sorry,” said the doctor. “I really am. I do not know what came over me. On my honor as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it will not happen again. Now what seems to be the problem?”
“It’s swollen,” Ed replied…
#278 by Sweetie on December 18, 2008 - 5:57 PM
#279 by theossa on December 18, 2008 - 6:46 PM
LOL at Munir’s jokes: I just want to add some spice to this men/women discussion here:
According to the science of Biology, by nature men are polygamists not monogamists so they have a natural instinct and desire of spreading their seed in more than one woman ( I see Khansahab, Awas, and the whole men kind is nodding in affirmative). Don’t hate us for something we are born with, blame God -:) However, according to biologists a woman can live happily with one husband, home, and kids. So when men cheat it’s because of the natural urge we have but why women cheat? It’s against her nature. Centuries old dispute, LOL.
#280 by JAVED A. KHAN on December 18, 2008 - 7:05 PM
The minister’s sermon went on and on about how important it was to forgive people and reach out to them so as not to make enemies.
“Is there anyone in this church who can honestly say they have no enemies?” asked the minister.
Not a hand went up. But a few moments later, a very elderly lady in the back row raised her frail little hand.
“Please, come up and tell us what you have done over all these years that you can be so confident you have no enemies,” asked the minister.
Dutifully the old woman limped up to the front of the church where she explained, “I outlived ’em all.”
#281 by JAVED A. KHAN on December 18, 2008 - 7:13 PM
MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE
A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:
“Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.”
After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender.”
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.
Unfortunately, most of this part is the Truth.!!!!
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card
holder, and place card into the slot provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.
#282 by theossa on December 18, 2008 - 7:26 PM
LOL Javed, totally sexist and totally hilarious.
#283 by Dimple Rosy Cheeks on December 18, 2008 - 9:29 PM
I am very much alive Theo 🙂
#284 by Sweetie on December 18, 2008 - 10:13 PM
Hmmmm @ Javed. Now thats what u call exaggeration! Find me one woman who does that??
#285 by Sweetie on December 18, 2008 - 10:15 PM
I think ive started this men vs women trend here! Smack smack** all u guys!! hahaha
#286 by farrah, k.raja on December 19, 2008 - 9:36 AM
In Kabhee Kabhee Amitabh says ,”Bichari Larkiyaan,Tukyai kai neechai tasweer kisi aur ki,Khawab kisi aur kai aur shadi kisi aur sai”
I think it is extremely verstile dimension of woman.
I say Becharai aadmi ,”her koi aachee lagtee hai sawai biwi kai”
usi ko dekh ker jeetai hain jis kafir pai dum niklai
Buhaat nikle merai armaan magar phir bee kum nuklai
#287 by farrah, k.raja on December 19, 2008 - 10:18 AM
Ultimate Fairy Tale
Once upon a time
In a land far away
Happened upon a frog as she sat
Contemplating ecological issues
On the shores of an unpolluated pond
In a verdant meadow near her castle
The frog hopped into the princess lap
and said,”Elegant Lady”
I was once a handsome prince,
Untill an evil witch cast a spell upon me
One kiss from you ,however
and I will turn back
into the dapper,young prince that I am
And then my sweet ,we can marry
And setup housekeeping in your castle
With my mother
Where you can prepare my meals
Clean my clothes ,bear my children
And forever feel,
Grateful and happy doing so
As the princess dined sumptuously
On lightly saute’ed frog legs
Seasoned in a white wine
And onion cream sauce
She chuckled and thought to herself
I do not f*** think so
#288 by Sweetie on December 19, 2008 - 3:12 PM
lol Farrah.. The thing is that was a frog. How do u saute’ a real man? lollll
Im not at allll good @ shair shayeiri. It goes over my head like a missed bullet! lol
#289 by Sweetie on December 19, 2008 - 4:11 PM
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle; I’m still a virgin.
“What?” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve been married ten times?
“Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn’t get the system up.
Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an Engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from Finance and Administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychiatrist; all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynaecologist; all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was … God, I miss him!
But now that I’ve married you, I’m really excited!”
“Good,” said the husband, “but, why?”
“Duh; you’re a LAWYER. This time I KNOW I’m gonna get screwed!”
#290 by Sweetie on December 19, 2008 - 4:19 PM
A 75 year old man went to his doctor’s office for a sperm count test. The doctor gave the man a jar, told him to take it home and return the next day with a sample.
The next day, the 75 year old man reappeared at the doctor’s office and gave the doctor the jar, which was as clean and empty as on previous day. The doctor asked what happened.
“Well, doc, it’s like this: First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then with my left… still nothing. Then, I asked my wife for help. She tried her right hand… but nothing. Then her left… still nothing. She even tried with her month, both with and without her teeth… and still nothing. We even called the lady next door and she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but still nothing.”
The doctor was shocked. “You asked your neighbor?”
The old man replied, “Yep, but no matter what we tried we couldn’t get the damn jar open!”
#291 by Awas on December 19, 2008 - 4:27 PM
Lol @ the above two…
Are you trying to hint something at BF? Spare him for now…would you? He is really busy with his exams 🙂
#292 by Awas on December 19, 2008 - 4:29 PM
…and he is not a lawyer yet…soon to be!
#293 by theossa on December 19, 2008 - 5:15 PM
Sweetie @ comment# 304, since lawyer is busy studying for exams:
Husband# 5: It’s been 3 years now, where is she? I got all kind of tricks for her.
#294 by Awas on December 19, 2008 - 5:25 PM
Hey, Theo…go check your inbox…seen what I sent you earlier?
#295 by theossa on December 19, 2008 - 5:28 PM
#296 by Sweetie on December 19, 2008 - 10:03 PM
Tsk tsk Awas..What do u think im hinting at (to BF)?loll
Theo. how would i know where she is? U should’ve kept her on a leash! lollll
#297 by JAVED A. KHAN on December 20, 2008 - 3:38 AM
I am sure you will like the 12 days of Christmas song using the link below and I am sure you will say the tailEeee-Markeeeting one is the best, but our cricket lovers would like the 12th one. Have a look:
#298 by Sweetie on December 20, 2008 - 4:12 AM
Javed, no i didn’t like it. It annoyed the hell outta me & my ears are ringing AGAIN!
The best one was the one i sent ya.
#299 by Wasim on December 20, 2008 - 8:05 AM
10 Husbands, Still a Virgin
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.”
“What?” said the puzzled groom.
“How can that be if you’ve been married ten times?”
“Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn’t get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was… God! I miss him! But now that I’ve married you, I’m really excited!”
“Good,” said the new husband, “but, why?”
“You’re a lawyer. This time I know I’m gonna get screwed!”
#300 by Wasim on December 20, 2008 - 8:09 AM
Farting All The Time
Doctor, “What seems to be the problem?”
Patient, “Doc, I’ve got the farts. I mean I fart all the time,”
The Doctor nods, “Hmm.”
Patient, “My farts do not stink and you can’t hear them. It’s just that I fart all the time. Look, we’ve been talking here for about 10 minutes and I’ve farted five times. You didn’t hear them and you don’t smell them, do you?”
“Hmm,” says the Doctor,
He picks up his pad and writes out a prescription.
The patient is thrilled “Great doc. This prescription, will it really clear up my farts?”
“No,” sighs the Doctor, “The prescription is to clear your sinuses. Next week I want you back here for a hearing test.”
#301 by Wasim on December 20, 2008 - 8:14 AM
There once was an old couple who had been married for thirty years.
Every morning the old boy would wake up and give off an enormous fart, much to his long suffering wife’s annoyance.
“You’ll fart your guts out one of these days,” she always complained.
After a particularly bad week the wife decided to have her revenge and got up early, placing some turkey giblets in the bed next to the old boy’s arse.
While making breakfast downstairs she heard his usual morning fart reverberate through the floorboards followed by a scream.
Twenty minutes later a rather shaken man came downstairs.
“You was right all along Missus,” the old man says, “I finally did fart my guts out, but by the grace of God, and these two fingers, I managed to push ’em back in!”
#302 by Wasim on December 20, 2008 - 8:32 AM
An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels.
Some monkeys are climbing up, some down.
The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces.
The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.
#303 by Wasim on December 20, 2008 - 8:51 AM
One day when the teacher walked to the black board, she noticed someone had
written the word ‘penis’ in tiny small letters. She turned around, scanned the
class looking for the guilty face. Finding none, she quickly erased it, and
began her class.
The next day she went into the room and she saw, in larger letters, the word
‘penis’ again on the black board. Again, she looked around in vain for the
culprit, but found none, so she proceeded with the day’s lesson.
Every morning, for about a week, she went into the classroom and found the
same word written on the board, and each day it was written in larger letters.
Finally, one day, she walked in, expecting to be greeted by the same word on
the board, but instead, found the words, “The more you rub it, the bigger it
#304 by Mohammed Munir on December 20, 2008 - 5:42 PM
Men O Men …
Haven’t I seen you before? = Nice ass
I’m a Romantic = I’m poor
I need you” = My hand is tired
I am different from all the other guys = I am not circumcised
I want a commitment = I’m sick of masturbation
You’re the only girl I’ve ever cared about = You are the only girl who hasn’t rejected me
I really want to get to know you better = So I can tell my friends about it
It’s just orange juice, try it = 3 more shots, and she’ll have her legs around my head
She’s kinda cute = I want to have sex with her till I am blue
I don’t know if I like her = She won’t sleep with me
I miss you so much = I am so horny that my male-roommate is starting to look good
Was it good for you? = I’m insecure about my manhood
How do I compare with all your other boyfriends? = Is my penis really that small
I had a wonderful time last night = Who the hell are you
Do you love me? = I’ve done something stupid and you might find out
Do you ‘really’ love me? = I’ve done something stupid and you’re going to find out sooner or later
How much do you love me? = I’ve done something really stupid and someone’s on his/her way to tell you about it now
I have something to tell you = Get tested
I’ll give you a call = I’d rather have my nipples torn off by wild dogs than see you again
I’ve been thinking a lot = You’re not as attractive as when I was drunk
I think we should just be friends = You’re ugly
I’ve learned a lot from you = Next
#305 by Sweetie on December 20, 2008 - 11:20 PM
#306 by Sweetie on December 20, 2008 - 11:22 PM
A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, “Ribbit.9 Iron”
The man looks around and doesn’t see anyone. “Ribbit. 9 Iron.” He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts his other club away, and grabs a 9 iron. Boom! he hits it 10 inches from the cup.
He is shocked. He says to the frog, “Wow that’s amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?” The frog replies “Ribbit. Lucky frog.” The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole. “What do you think frog?” the man asks. “Ribbit. 3 wood.” The guy takes out a 3 wood and Boom! Hole in one.
The man is befuddled and doesn’t know what to say. By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, “OK where to next?” The frog reply, “Ribbit. Las Vegas.” They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, “OK frog, now what?” The frog says, “Ribbit. Roulette.” Upon approaching the roulette table, the man asks,”What do you think I should bet?” The frog replies, “Ribbit.$3000, black 6.” Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game, the man figures what the heck. Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table.
The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says, “Frog, I don’t know how to repay you. You’ve won me all this money and I am forever grateful.” The frog replies, “Ribbit, Kiss Me.” He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him he deserves it. With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl.
“And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room.”
#307 by Mohammed Munir on December 21, 2008 - 10:57 AM
Men’s Logic 😉
A man and his wife were in a court, fighting over their divorce case. The problem was who should get custody of the couple’s child.
The wife, in her usual womanly manner, Screamed and Jumped up and said loudly: “Your Honor, I brought this child into the world with all the pains and labor. This child should be in my custody, I am The Mother.”
The Judge turned to the husband and said: “What do you have to say in your defense ?”
The man sat calmly for a while contemplating … then slowly rose and said, “Your Honor … If I put a dollar in a Pepsi Vending Machine and a Pepsi comes out … Whose Pepsi is it … the machine’s or mine ?”
#308 by Sweetie on December 21, 2008 - 3:59 PM
Munir, already posted that one!!
A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine-year-old son in the closet.
One day the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet, as well.
Inside the closet, the little boy says, “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?”
“Yes it is,” the man replies.
“You wanna buy a baseball?” the little boy asks.
“No thanks,” the man replies.
“I think you do want to buy a baseball,” the little extortionist continues.
“OK. How much?” the man replies after considering the position he is in.
“Twenty-five dollars,” the little boy replies. “TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!” the man repeats incredulously, but complies to protect his hidden position.
The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway and, again, places her lover in the closet with her little boy.
“It’s dark in here, isn’t it?” the boy starts off.
“Yes it is,” replies the man.
“Wanna buy a baseball glove?” the little boy asks.
“OK. How much?” the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his disadvantage.
“Fifty dollars,” the boy replies and the transaction is completed.
The next weekend, the little boy’s father says “Hey, son. Go get your ball and glove and we’ll play some catch.”
“I can’t. I sold them,” replies the little boy.
“How much did you get for them?” asks the father, expecting to hear the profit in terms of lizards and candy.
“Seventy-five dollars,” the little boy says.
“SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! That’s thievery! I’m taking you to the church right now. You must
confess your sin and ask for forgiveness”, the father explains as he hauls the child away.
At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?”
“Don’t you start that in here,” the priest says.
#309 by Mohammed Munir on December 21, 2008 - 4:50 PM
Oh I see …. sorry for repost, I guess I missed it last time around (it would have been dark in here) 😉
#310 by Sweetie on December 21, 2008 - 5:42 PM
It’s ok. But im sure u can see in the dark too, if u can type in the dark =)
#311 by JAVED A. KHAN on December 21, 2008 - 6:23 PM
Sweetie are you implying that Munir is a nocturnal? Btw, was it John Milton who said, “Oh God illumine my inner eyes so that I can see thou?” or something like that i.e., when he got blind and wrote Paradise Lost and Paradise regained.
#312 by Sweetie on December 21, 2008 - 7:28 PM
I dunno about him being nocturnal, but it def seems like hes a super being, since he can type in the dark & not see in the dark lol (no offense Munir, just joking).
#313 by Sweetie on December 21, 2008 - 10:16 PM
Not sure if this one is a repeat.
On the same day, the Pope and Bill Clinton died. There was a major screw up. By accident, Bill Clinton was sent to heaven, while the Pope was sent to hell.
The Pope: Excuse me Satan, there must be a great deal of confusion. I have lived my life as a servant of the Lord. There must be a slight misunderstanding. I should be in heaven with God.
Satan: I can’t believe they messed up again. There’s no way you belong here. I’ll contact heaven, but it’s going to take 24 hours before we can fix it.
The Pope: Worry not, my son.
24 hours later:
Satan: Once again, we’re sorry. You can leave now. Just make sure you tell Clinton to come here.
The Pope: Sure thing.
On the way to heaven, the Pope meets up with Clinton, half-way.
The Pope: There was a mix up. You have to meet with your destiny. I, being highly religious, would take the fall for you. But my final dream is to meet the Virgin Mary.
Bill Clinton: Thanks for the sympathy, but you’re a day late.
#314 by Awas on December 21, 2008 - 10:35 PM
So, basically Clinton is getting up there exactly what he got here. I wonder what Monica gets 🙂
#315 by Sweetie on December 21, 2008 - 11:13 PM
She gets Muneer LOLLLLL
#316 by Mohammed Munir on December 22, 2008 - 5:01 AM
LOL @ Sweetie, Javed and Awas ….
There is a difference between Munir (that’s me) and Muneer (the other one) 😉
Plus the name (Munir) itself means (light / illumination) and it comes from the Arabic word ‘Noor’ same like ‘Munawer’ meaning the enlightened one.
So that’s my reason of being able to type in dark 😀
#317 by JAVED A. KHAN on December 22, 2008 - 12:16 PM
Munir thanks for enlightening people on the blog with the meaning of your name, “aDuniya Munawar al-hain.” The desi version of Munir is Jugnoo. And, do you know where the Hyeson‘s light bulb is placed in Jugnoo’s anatomy? 🙂
Hyeson’s Philips Putti Fitting Tube Light Walay!
Sweetie will not be here for a while to enjoy those comments, she is prolly traveling.
#318 by Sweetie on December 22, 2008 - 2:11 PM
hehe not yet Javed!! I shall be leaving in 30 mins. Iam done packing n stuff so here i am…
Munir, It’s so ironic that the meaning of ure name is illumination… It’s anything BUT that! God the horror!! loll
#319 by Sweetie on December 22, 2008 - 2:12 PM
& im not going to paindostan (it kinda is, but they have Dsl lol). So ill be bugging u once i reach there. =)
#320 by Sweetie on December 22, 2008 - 2:13 PM
No Paindustan would be in Pak,. This is Paindooville!
#321 by Awas on December 22, 2008 - 2:43 PM
Noor Din (aka Munir)
Good to see your sense of humour.
#322 by Awas on December 22, 2008 - 2:44 PM
Ye kahan ki Hijrat ho rahi hai?
God Speed…wherever you go!
#323 by Mohammed Munir on December 22, 2008 - 5:01 PM
Javed and Awas …
LOL @ “Jujnoo and Noor Din”.
I know you guys would say something like that 😉
I swear I was double-minded on wirting that last comment I wrote.
Naam Ya Taweel-ul-Umer (Javed), aDuniya Tabaan Munawar Al-Heen. Fidait Kalaamik Al-Hiloo Ya Hiloo Anta.
I will wait for my term 😉
#324 by Sweetie on December 23, 2008 - 1:53 AM
Not Hijrating, just visiting, that too paroos mein (Canada). hehe
#325 by Sweetie on December 23, 2008 - 2:01 AM
Thanks tho =)
#326 by Dimple Rosy Cheeks on December 23, 2008 - 11:50 PM
In the world of romance, one single rule applies to the men: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don’t get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that’s the way the game is played.
>>Here is a guide to the point system:
>You make the bed (+1)
>You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
>You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
>You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) In the rain (+8) But return with something for yourself (-5)
>You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
>You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
>You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
>You pummel it with>iron rod (+10)>It’s her pet (-10)>>
>You stay by her side the entire party (0)
>You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy >(-2)
>Named Tina (-4)>Tina is a dancer (-6)>Tina has silicon implants (-80)>
>You take her out to dinner (0)
>You take her out to dinner and it’s not a sports bar (+1)
>Okay, it’s a sports bar (-2)
>And it’s all-you-can-eat night (-3)
>It’s a sports bar, it’s all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the>colours of your favourite team (-10)
>>A NIGHT OUT
>You take her to a movie (+2)
>You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
>You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
>You take her to a movie you like (-2)
>It’s called ‘DeathCop’ (-3)
>You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)>
>You develop a>noticeable potbelly (-15)
>You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
>You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
>You say, “It doesn’t matter, you have one too.” (-8000)
>>ENJOY THE ‘BIG’ QUESTION
>She asks, “Do I look fat?” (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT]
>You hesitate in responding (-10)
>You reply, “Where?” (-35)
>Any other response (-20)>
>When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen, displaying what looks>like a concerned expression (0)
>You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
>You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
>She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)
*I wonder how the men on Legslip would fare according to this ‘little’ checklist hehe
#327 by Awas on December 24, 2008 - 12:26 AM
I’m sorry to say, but I guess I’ll fail your test miserably 😦
#328 by Dimple Rosy Cheeks on December 24, 2008 - 12:43 AM
Lol it is not my test. Someone else devised it. I thought I would see how you guys fare.
If I was a guy, I would fail miserably too hehe. So don’t worry, ‘fikar not’.
#329 by JAVED A. KHAN on December 24, 2008 - 12:51 AM
A Sardar, his wife and son were returning to Punjab in a train after a trip to South India. The Sardar took the lower berth, his wife the middle berth and the son on the top berth. At the next station the son asks his father: “Can we go out to buy some goodies, will you come along with me?” The Sardar says OK and goes with him.
When they return to the train compartment, they find a man on the top berth where his son had been sleeping. They asked him to move out and the man refused and the argument started, in the meantime the TC comes in and asks whats going on? Sardar tried to explain in Punjabi/Hindi and the South Indian TC says: Sorry I don’t understand Punjabi or Hindi either speak in Malayalam or English. Then Sardarji tried to explain in English like this:
“The man sleeping over my wife, refuses to give birth to my son.”
#330 by Sweetie on December 24, 2008 - 5:24 AM
DRC, I’d fail this test being a woman! HAHA
#331 by Sweetie on December 24, 2008 - 5:52 AM
Here’s the entertainer of the yr (make it 8 yrs).
#332 by JAVED A. KHAN on December 24, 2008 - 5:52 AM
I have read this checklist b4, as its been circulating on the web since ages. But, what I don’t understand is – no one is making one is making one for women, mais pour quoi?
I guess men are more tolerant than women hence they don’t want to rate women on a point system.
#333 by Sweetie on December 24, 2008 - 6:11 AM
A blonde and a lawyer sit next to each other on a plane. The lawyer asks her to play a game. If he asked her a question that she didn’t know the answer to, she would have to pay him five dollars; And every time the blonde asked the lawyer a question that he didn’t know the answer to, the lawyer had to pay the blonde 50 dollars. So the lawyer asked the blonde his first question, “What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?” Without a word the blonde pays the lawyer five dollars. The blonde then asks him, “What goes up a hill with four legs and down a hill with three?” The lawyer thinks about it, but finally gives up and pays the blonde 50 dollars. Then the lawyer asked her what the answer was and without a word the blonde gave the lawyer five dollars.
#334 by JAVED A. KHAN on December 24, 2008 - 6:16 AM
Yae wala mai nay sunaya thaa ….. 🙂 I think its on the initial V-talk page. Never mind I like the blonde she is more like that Legally Blonde Kuri.
#335 by Sweetie on December 24, 2008 - 6:20 AM
A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened.
Well, it was like this, said the man. I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows.
We went to look for it, and while I was rooting around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was my wife’s golf ball … stuck right in the middle of the cow’s butt. That’s when I made my mistake.
“What did you do?” asks the doctor.
Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife,
“Hey, this looks like yours!”
#336 by Sweetie on December 24, 2008 - 6:24 AM
Oh! I dunno as i joined V-talk much later.
#337 by JAVED A. KHAN on December 24, 2008 - 6:42 AM
haha haha haha good one!
#338 by Abdul on December 24, 2008 - 10:32 AM
Best movies according to themes in the 21st century…..
Romance – Veer Zarah or Kank
Entertainment- Kal Ho na Ho
Moral – Tare Zameen Par and kudha kay liye
Anyway talking of Kudha kay liye what a movie and production from the Pakistan film industry and lets hope we many more entertianing and influential productions in years to come.
#339 by theossa on December 24, 2008 - 1:06 PM
@ DRC’s comment# 341
From the likes of this test it is certain that women don’t want a real man but rather a girlfriend with a p*nis.
#340 by khansahab on December 24, 2008 - 1:08 PM
Rang de Basanti had no action in it! What action are you talking about? Comedy movies have more action than RDB!
Are you going to watch Ghajini? It is a copy of Memento.
#341 by JAVED A. KHAN on December 24, 2008 - 1:12 PM
Shudddduppp theo don’t make the little girl blush with your bluntness! 🙂
#342 by theossa on December 24, 2008 - 1:13 PM
Heck with all those movies, there is nothing more exciting than playing Gears of War-2 on Xbox 360 on a 42” 1080p LCD screen.
#343 by khansahab on December 24, 2008 - 1:14 PM
Not all of us are so rich to afford that kinda stuff
#344 by JAVED A. KHAN on December 24, 2008 - 1:27 PM
It is strange that Pakistanis are discussing Indian movies and actresses and some like abdul are obsessed. Whereas, in India, a lot of the Indians in many Indian cities have openly burnt the CD’s of Ghulam Ali and other Pakistani singers on the streets after 26/11. Adnan Sami was forced to leave India and is now hiding in Dubai (which he deserves in any case) because he knows that if he goes back to Pakistan a lot of the people would use his face like a ugaaldaan.
#345 by theossa on December 24, 2008 - 1:33 PM
LOL Khansahab, you aint poor Bud, don’t play with me. Last time I heard you were talking about some fancy sport car you drive.
Agreed with Javed, but this is very unfortunate.
#346 by JAVED A. KHAN on December 24, 2008 - 1:39 PM
theo – he was talking about his dream cars and dream gals and that too on a blog it doesn’t mean he is rich. He is still a student and works hard as an intern so don’t pull his leg.
#347 by theossa on December 24, 2008 - 2:14 PM
Come on Javed, you spoiled an opportunity for Khansahab to get a chick on this blog. I was just boosting his case, you know how girls go for nice cars, and you know it coz you’ve got one.
#348 by Awas on December 24, 2008 - 2:50 PM
Its alright…leg is for pulling…what else can one pull? Mind you Sweetie, DRC might have different ideas 🙂
I sent you a funny email at two different addresses. I guess it hasn’t reached you yet. I am now sending it at another one of your addresses that Javed gave me.
#349 by Awas on December 24, 2008 - 2:52 PM
He is got one what?
If you are thinking what I am thinking then he’s got more than one 🙂
#350 by theossa on December 24, 2008 - 3:23 PM
LOL Awas, that’s a good video. I’ll make a ‘constructive’ use of it. The previous address you sent to is the wrong address, the one you just sent on mu yahoo id is the correct address.
What you meant by Javed having more than one? Cars, Gals, or Balls? Be specific please -:)
#351 by Awas on December 24, 2008 - 3:40 PM
Which yahoo one? I thought that was the wrong one. You mean ‘live’ one!
Don’t confuse me matey…just press the reply button, so I know…
#352 by Awas on December 24, 2008 - 3:43 PM
“Be specific”??? You posed the question remember???
#353 by theossa on December 24, 2008 - 3:49 PM
Awas, you’ve got an email Bud, and also a picture of me and the area where I live.
#354 by Dimple Rosy Cheeks on December 24, 2008 - 4:22 PM
Yeh Sweetie even as a woman I would fail the test hehe
And theo, I want a man, not a confused girl!chi!:(
I went to watch Rab ne banadi Jodi today….awwwww it was cute!
#355 by Sweetie on December 24, 2008 - 4:34 PM
Theo’s back! Had u gone off ‘poor deer’ hunting again?
#356 by Dimple Rosy Cheeks on December 24, 2008 - 4:47 PM
leg pulling is all good and well. Any toher pulling you guys have in mind, do so in private LOL
#357 by theossa on December 24, 2008 - 5:29 PM
Nope, I’m done deer hunting for the season; it’s time for fly fishing. And in desi:
Jub muchli tadupti hai to mera dil machulta hai
Deer Resurrected Chick (DRC)
I like when gals pull each other’s hair, its’ fun to watch a cat fight -:)
#358 by JAVED A. KHAN on December 24, 2008 - 5:53 PM
theo : “I like when gals pull each other’s hair, its’ fun to watch a cat fight 🙂 ”
Then you ask Sweetie to post you the link. Its all Pushto www 🙂
#359 by khansahab on December 24, 2008 - 6:01 PM
LOL Javed A Khan and Theossa
Please don’t mock my poverty anymore!
I am a student who does not work anywhere, not even as an intern. Simply a student 😦
This poverty has taught me the tribulations of the aam aadmi in UK and Pakistan and hence I like discussing politics.
“Zinda hai Musharraf asli mai zinda hai”………….. 🙂
#360 by theossa on December 24, 2008 - 6:04 PM
What is the Infamous link Javed is talking about to watch some good shit like a cat brawl?
Bravo at Khansahab!
DRC, now that’s how ‘Real Men’ react to these damn chick flicks. Now recommend him something like “Departed” and he is all happy again. We men just love violence so when you chicks will understand that there will be enduring peace at domestic level.
#361 by JAVED A. KHAN on December 24, 2008 - 6:06 PM
T’was the Street before Christmas, and everything sucked.
Most bankers were hurting; some totally hmmmm f***ked
Lehman was dead and Merrill acquired
Thain asked for ten million as thousands were fired.
TARP funds flooded every bank on the Street,
and GM and Chrysler waited to suckle the teat.
Bernie Madoff was safely under house arrest
while SCORES laid off girls with artificial breasts.
As bad as things are, they’ll get good again
and you’ll be glad you hung in there with all the real men.
When you’re in bed with a model and getting a hummer
you can lay back and think,
“Thank God I’m not Joe the plumber!”
#362 by theossa on December 24, 2008 - 6:29 PM
LOL at Javed, that’s some optimism.
Fellas, gotta leave so have a happy holiday.
#363 by Cookie Monster on December 24, 2008 - 6:33 PM
Theo, here’s the link, but sorry for breakin it to u, its YOU TUBE LOLLLL
I have to tell u, it’s really pathetic, but its hilarious. & I WASNT the one who found it. My sis showed it to me & ive seen only a few secs. & that was enuff for me!!! haha enjoy!
#364 by Cookie Monster on December 24, 2008 - 6:36 PM
Hey B F, How are u feeling?
#365 by JAVED A. KHAN on December 24, 2008 - 6:39 PM
transformation from sweetie or candy to cookie? In either case you are a little monster! 🙂
#366 by JAVED A. KHAN on December 24, 2008 - 6:42 PM
Uss ki tou awaaz hee nahee nikal rehi hai – moonh may dahee jum gaya! – feelings kya bataiga bechara ! 🙂
Lunch time ……. tata bata.
#367 by Cookie Monster on December 24, 2008 - 6:53 PM
lol Javed!! U call me a monster …. Now ill call u B M ( Big Monster) hehehe
Awas there u go! BM= Big Monster= Javed hehe
#368 by Cookie Monster on December 24, 2008 - 6:56 PM
& im not little btw!! Not age wise nor height wise. hehe
#369 by Dimple Rosy Cheeks on December 24, 2008 - 7:34 PM
I enjoyed it. It was a typical chick flick, but hey I am a girl, so I would like it. I knew you would react like that.
You should have taken your sister and mum to see it. They would have enjoyed it. I took my mum and sister and we had a very good time. Plus I don’t get to spend that much time with them normally.
Khan sahab stop being all 😦 and be 🙂
LOL you and khan sahab can go watch your own
version of ‘chick flicks’.I will stick with Rab ne banadi jodi:) It was a cute film:)
p.s. I am not a deer:(
#370 by Awas on December 24, 2008 - 8:03 PM
Damm! So, all this time I have been pondering…what the hell it was? So, BM=Big Monster…why couldn’t anyone tell me earlier 🙂
I like your new pseudonym…I guess this suits you more!!!
I could kill some of those cookies right now…I gota eat something…starving!!!
#371 by Cookie Monster on December 24, 2008 - 8:16 PM
lol Awas… Me loveee cookie!!
U think i look like a monster? or just cookie monster hehehe.. me like it too!
#372 by Sana on December 24, 2008 - 8:44 PM
Nah…still cant find anything to say.
#373 by Sana on December 24, 2008 - 8:47 PM
I need to lose 8 pounds (around4KG) that i’ve gained in the last 10 weeks since moving to shitty Manchester. Any tips welcome guys! I’ve started skipping breakfast and trying to get my brain to only eat when i’m hungry.
Gosh, it’s so true what they say about weight gain once you hit your 30’s! Even working out at the gym 4 times a week isnt’ helping 😦
#374 by Cookie Monster on December 24, 2008 - 9:35 PM
Sana, Good to see u back. Ummmm here’s a tip. DONT skip breakfast, thats the biggest mistake ure making as ure slowing down ure metabolism by doing so. Eat in small portions thru out the day (and by small i do mean small lol), & dont eat after 8 pm. =)
#375 by Sana on December 24, 2008 - 10:31 PM
For anyone who’s been following this story – a classic case of beauty and the beast (i.e. looks exchanged for money), deception, and a “religious” girl, lol.
I know, i know, it’s sad, but it encompasses everything so asian – a warped sense of marriage and a warped sense of being “religious”.
#376 by Sana on December 24, 2008 - 10:35 PM
Money but no dress sense – i mean the magenta coloured tie!
#377 by Sana on December 24, 2008 - 10:41 PM
Oh man, checking out the middle pic with his 2nd wife…he looks like a proper import job with a lego head helmet hair do!
#378 by Dimple Rosy Cheeks on December 24, 2008 - 11:10 PM
That is such a sad story:(
Forget what they all look like, how can someone think they are God’s gift to women and hurt so many people in the process.
#379 by Sana on December 24, 2008 - 11:19 PM
>>Forget what they all look like
Thing is, i cant – the guy looks like the back end of a bus!
>> how can someone think they are God’s gift to women and hurt so many people in the process.
Easy – they dont have a moral conscience. And for women to fall at such “characters” feet says something….
#380 by Sana on December 24, 2008 - 11:21 PM
I think Winslet looked nicer in her in between stage. I’m sure she wasnt that fuller figure in Titanic. I do find her v. hypocritical about her weight issues though.
#381 by khansahab on December 24, 2008 - 11:32 PM
You are very kind.
How can I repay you? You’ve made a very ill person very pleased.
#382 by Awas on December 24, 2008 - 11:36 PM
You took words out of my mouth (I mean…not about you 🙂 …It was the worst tie I had ever seen…in that magenta….yuk! What a paindoo!!!
Was she really a miss Asia or did she win a booby prize in a bottom up beauty contest? In that black leather jacket, she looked quite ugly in fact. Without her make-up, I would never even give her a second glance. Even your Monica is a bit better than her 🙂 and she wasn’t even miss anything.
#383 by Cookie Monster on December 24, 2008 - 11:38 PM
Hey BF!! Ure feeling better !! lol
#384 by Awas on December 24, 2008 - 11:41 PM
Yeah, BF has got the right dosage this time from Sana…Lol. Nice one!
#385 by khansahab on December 24, 2008 - 11:45 PM
Yeah I’m feeling better but when I talk or get exposed to cold, I become very ill 😦
Still, gettin there!!
Just throw some more links at me (like those Kate Winslet ones) and I’ll be fit as a fiddle!
#386 by Dimple Rosy Cheeks on December 24, 2008 - 11:47 PM
Still doesn’t matter what he looks like IMO. It’s a shame this woman got sucked, and all the other women got sucked into the web of deceit this guy spun.
Awas…you are looking a lot younger these days hehe.
Khan sahab..LOL feeling better now are we?!
#387 by Dimple Rosy Cheeks on December 24, 2008 - 11:48 PM
Khan sahab…you should rest. Is your voice back yet?
#388 by khansahab on December 24, 2008 - 11:50 PM
Monica? As in, Monica Bellucci?!
She may not me a Miss anything, but she is a Mrs!
And yeah I can marry 3 more
#389 by Cookie Monster on December 24, 2008 - 11:51 PM
Tsk tsk BF!! U talkin of other gals infront of me! =( Im officially dumping u!! lol
#390 by Dimple Rosy Cheeks on December 24, 2008 - 11:55 PM
Khan sahab..congrats 🙂
Can I say something? That pic, at the top of this page is SCARY. She looks like a khusra who would eat someone. eeeek!!
#391 by khansahab on December 24, 2008 - 11:55 PM
By the way
I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before or not but there was a rumour Krispy Kreme Doughnuts are Haram.
However that is untrue, they are Halal and they are made using vegetable and soya ingredients.
They are pricey but every once in a while they are not bad, they are very American in taste and design and they are delicious.
Unfortunately I think they are only available at present in Manchester and London.
#392 by Awas on December 25, 2008 - 12:11 AM
Yeah, I had a kind of a make over…this is real me though…like it? 🙂
About that picture, at the top of the page, you must know that was Javed’s pick and his pick is one of a kind 🙂
#393 by Awas on December 25, 2008 - 12:14 AM
#394 by Awas on December 25, 2008 - 1:05 AM
1. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
2. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
3. If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
4. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
5. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
6. Why the man who invests all your money called a broker?
7. If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to Make terrible?
8. Why is it called building when it is already built?
9. If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success?
10. If you’re not supposed to drink and drive, then why do Bars have parking lots?
11. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around Several times, does he become disoriented?
12. If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?? Human ???
13. If working hours are meant for working, then why are you reading this???
#395 by Mohammed Munir on December 25, 2008 - 6:17 AM
Khan Sahab @ Comment No. 409 (Krispy Kreme Doughnuts).
I just wish and pray that you are true on Krispy being Halal. I just loved them, however, since I received an email which said they are “Haram”, I totally stopped eating them. Before Krispy, I used to eat Dunkin Doughnuts but since Krispy came here, I completely shifted to Krispy. But after this Haram news, I did stop all doughnuts 😦
Actually, there is a correspondence of 2/ 3 emails, where someone has asked Kripy Kreme peoples what ingredients they use? And then if all their stores, even in Muslims countries have same ingredients?
What they say is that Krispy uses some “alcohol based ingredients” for aroma, flavoring and essence of different variety of doughnuts, plus they also use “lard” for frying all their doughnuts and their ingredients are same allover the world.
I will send you the email; however, please can you recheck this for me?
#396 by Mohammed Munir on December 25, 2008 - 7:50 AM
Thought for the Day:
If more than one Mouse is Mice,
Then more then one Spouse is “Spice” 😉
#397 by Mohammed Munir on December 25, 2008 - 9:36 AM
Confusing English … 😉
People in non-English speaking countries sometimes go out of their way to communicate with their English-speaking tourists. Here is a list of signs seen in non-English countries, with some interesting instructions for their English speaking guests:
– Cocktail lounge, Norway: LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.
– At a Budapest zoo: PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.
– Information booklet about using a hotel air-conditioner, Japan: COOLES AND HEATES: IF YOU WANT CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF.
– In a Nairobi restaurant: CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE, OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.
– On the grounds of a Nairobi private school: NO TRESPASSING, WITHOUT PERMISSION.
– In a Mumbai restaurant: OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, AND WEEKENDS TOO.
– In a Japanese cemetery: PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY, BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.
– In a Tokyo bar: SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.
– A Hotel, Japan: YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
– In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.
– A Hotel, Zurich: BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.
– A laundry in Rome: LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.
– Tourist agency, Czechoslovakia: TAKE ONE OF OUR HORSE-DRIVEN CITY TOURS. WE GUARANTEE NO MISCARRIAGES.
– Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand: WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS ?
– The box of a clock-work toy made in Hong Kong: GUARANTEED TO WORK THROUGHOUT ITS USEFUL LIFE.
– Airline ticket office, Copenhagen: WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.
And my favorite one is…
– Doctor’s office, Rome: SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.
#398 by Cookie Monster on December 25, 2008 - 10:54 AM
Munir, the ‘alcohol based ingredient’ these idiots are talking about, is supposedly in the Glaze. Glaze is just 2 parts sugar, one part water, & nothing more. I know it cuz iam myself a baker. What a bunch of morons!
So go out buy ureself all the donuts uve missed out on, & let them idiots screw themselves! hehee
#399 by khansahab on December 25, 2008 - 12:05 PM
This info is from the Krispy Kreme website:
We use 100% vegetable shortening (blend of palm and hydrogenated rape) in our doughnuts. Over the last 18 months have reduced our use of hydrogenated shortening to the minimum levels necessary to deliver the high quality doughnut our customers expect. The level of trans fat in our doughnuts is now less than 0.5%. We continue to work on improving our product quality with a view to removing hydrogenated shortening completely.
Doughnuts contain: wheat, egg, milk. Doughnuts may contain: sulphur dioxide, antioxidants, colours, flavourings & preservatives. We do not knowingly add nuts to our doughnuts, however we cannot guarantee a 100% nut free environment.
All of our ingredients are Kosher but our premises in the UK are not yet certified as Kosher.
All monoglycerides, diglycerides and enzymes are vegetable based. The lecithin we use is soy based…..
I’ve checked their USA and Australia websites, and yes they use the same ingredients and DO NOT use alcohol or animal fat. I remember having Dunkin Donuts in America and I also had them in Pakistan, they were the most delicious thing I ever had. We don’t have them in the UK, sadly!
I think sometimes Muslims get too concerned with what they are eating and consuming. I get all kinda of e-mails and texts to say that McDonald’s use pig fat, you can’t have cheese, can’t have Coke or any Cola etc etc. So what are we supposed to have?
If they paid so much attention to issues that are leaving them behind in the world today, such as, lack of unity and lack of education, I am sure they would be better off.
When I mentioned some time ago that we pay so much attention to things like whether our feet are in a vertical, semi vertical,slanted or curved position etc. while praying, that is what I meant. What good is the position of your feet if you are not benefiting from the true purpose of praying? Which is to seek discipline in your life, thank God and gain an understanding of right and wrong?
#400 by Sana on December 25, 2008 - 12:11 PM
>>Still doesn’t matter what he looks like IMO.
It does – cos if he wasnt well off, would such a beautiful girl have even thought of marrying a dork who is ten years older? Or is it that “love is blind” (puke).
>> It’s a shame this woman got sucked, and all the other women got sucked into the web of deceit this guy spun.
“Money talks, money talks, dirty cash wants you, dirty cash needs you”….(a line from an old song) 😉
#401 by Awas on December 25, 2008 - 12:28 PM
We have some hidden talents here. DRC & CM will make a good partnership. One a chef, the other a baker. We guys will be queuing up 🙂
As khansahab says, it’s really kosher then go for those goodies. Any Kosher stuff is covered by very stringent rules. The Baker girl has clarified the situation too.
#402 by Sana on December 25, 2008 - 12:31 PM
Just stop eating donuts….or else you’ll all be fatsos like me! Now that’s a scary thought 😉
#403 by khansahab on December 25, 2008 - 1:23 PM
Got so much to study and no time, but I’m still wasting it!!
We’re gona have some kinda Xmas lunch which I will prepare.
I don’t know what it’s gonna be, but something tasty and fattening 🙂
Got 2 types of cheese yesterday, one is standard EXTRA MATURE cheddar and this other is vintage cheese which has been nurtured in a very slow and painstakingly long process, to achieve the right taste.
I will try my best NOT to use Lasagne sauce, cos I don’t want this to be like Lasagne.
What I am trying to make, is something that has the following vegetables:
And the standard fattening white sauce:
I’m gonna add Nando’s (TM) Garlic & Herb sauce to this white sauce, I want this dish to have some kinda Garlic and “a bit desi” touch 🙂
Oh by the way, this whole thing will be in pasta
So it’s gonna be baked pasta, with vegetables, loads of cheese and my special sauce 🙂 Yeah and salt and pepper for seasoning 🙂
#404 by JAVED A. KHAN on December 25, 2008 - 2:04 PM
KRISPY KREME ……….
The Chef Speaks……… ecoutez bien svp or……..
ALL you guys please listen very carefully, there is NO haram ingredient in Krispy Kreme, period !
Sometime back we had a long debate in our family & cousins and exchanged dozens of emails on the subject and it was a waste of time and thats because I am not a KK fan.
One of my cousins wrote to Krispy Kreme and they sent a 21 page PDF document and I don’t have the time to read it all. I only went through the list of ingredients and there is nothing in it which you can call it as haram.
The only 2 things in bakery items that I look for are: Whether they use vegetable Oil or animal fat? And the second is whether it is Gelatin Free? Because, animal fat even if it is not lard is not advisable to eat i.e., if it is not halal. And Gelatin also is prepared from animal bones, if the animal is not slaughtered as per Islamic way then it is not advisable to eat.
And CM is right about the glaze and there is no alcohol in it.
For the last 6-7 years there is a big change in the food industry especially in North America and more than 95% of the food manufacturers use vegetable oil and NO lard. Also a lot of the items are Gelatin free. Not only Muslims, but non-muslims also don’t want to eat lard among them are Hindus, Jews and a big majority of Christians have also given up on lard. All major food chains use vege oil.
Most Chinese Restaurants still use lard for frying but they eat almost everything from ratsass to monkey brain so for them its nothing. But, the fast food type Chinese outlets are switching over to vege oil because it is 4-5 times cheaper than lard. So, its the cost effectiveness that is forcing them to use vege oil and not anything else.
Awas CM’s specialty is baking and you can order a Tiramisu – I hope you know what it is? Btw, CM I made it a few times but sans coffee, (because I don’t like coffee) instead I used orange juice and different fruit layers and not just strawberry but kept the rest of the ingredients same as the original recipe. And, it turned out quite good.
#405 by Sana on December 25, 2008 - 3:09 PM
I was at a luncheon last weekend where the main course was either meat or fish. Of course i choose the fish option, but i noticed it had bits of bacon off the edges….obviously having been cooked in the same frikin oil as the meat or that mornings great british fry-up.
I know a couple of my muslim friends will go further than confirming whether something was made in veggie oil, to whether that same veggie oil was used to cook haraam foodstuffs. Eating out gradually becomes more of a pain!
#406 by Mohammed Munir on December 25, 2008 - 3:34 PM
A Big Thanks to Khan Sahab, Cookie Monster (what’s in a name) 😉 , Awas and Javed Khan.
My Krispy Kreme days are back 😀
I agree with you, at times, we Muslims are a bit too fussy about the trivial things, but I guess taking risks with Haram foods/ ingredients is a bit serious, or so I think.
In case of emergency, Islam permits us to eat anything to survive, but eating KK was like more of a ‘want’ and not a ‘need’, so I stopped eating it (as the alternative was available) plus my life did not depend on KK.
We have Dunkin Donuts as well as Krispy Kreme here, but given a choice, I prefer KK on DD 😀
Good going with your X’Mas dish 😉
#407 by JAVED A. KHAN on December 25, 2008 - 4:31 PM
I agree with you that eating out could become more of a pain, but only in some situations. However, over the years more and more halal restaurants have opened in North America and even in the UK. Also, more and more restaurants are taking this into consideration that vegetable oil is better and cheaper than lard.
Yes, they use the same oil and same pans, knives, chopping boards etc., on which they use, cut pork meat etc. Its the same for a lot of Hindus or vegetarians that we chop meat and veges on the same chopping board using same knives. When we go to Pizza Hut or any Pizza place we ask them not to cut the pizza and we will cut it ourselves, because there is no point in ordering a vege pizza and then they use same chopping board and cutter.
But, there are places which are pork free for instance Jewish Restaurants don’t use any pork. Therefore, compared to what our parents or a generation before us had to deal with or go through when eating out, we are much better off now.
I was told that in French Restaurants during the early seventies if you ask for a bottle of water (instead of wine) the waiters used to stare at you as if you are from the planet Mars. Today, they ask Evian? Perrier? And some advise us that drinking water is actually very good for our health! There will be a time when they will advise us that washing your Butt with water is better than wiping it off with just a toilet paper. 🙂
#408 by JAVED A. KHAN on December 25, 2008 - 5:06 PM
Talking about restaurants, I have always preferred to go to a small (well known) restaurant rather than eating at a restaurant in a five star hotel. For example:
In Dubai: Delhi & Daily Restaurant for Nihari and Bihari Kebab, Pathan Restaurant at Al-Awir Road for chapli kebab and namkeen gosh. Five Rivers near Al Ghuriar city etc.
In Sharjah: Lucknow Kebab House (Al-Afadhil Restaurant) for Kebab Paratha; for fish Mamay Di Macchi; for Falooda a Malabari eatery at the corner of a gas station on Boat Round about.
In Abu Dhabi: Abu Shakra (Egyptian) Restaurant for Lamb Chops,
In Karachi: Sabri and Javed Ki Nihari, Burns road kay gola kebab and Rabree, Hollywood Cinema Bahadurabad may Bihari Kebab and paratha. Patel Para ka Karhai gosh; Nazimabad Chowrangi kay Al Mulla walay Chicken Tikkay. BBQ tonite and Lal Qila are also OK but they are too commercialized and big. Tung Nan Chinese off Tariq Road, Cafe De Khan for Paya and silver spoon for donut kebab.
In Lahore: Cuckoo’s Den, especially in winter on roof top with marble table tops and a gas heater under the table nice view of the Badshahi Mosque and Lahore Fort and their TAWWA Chicken and Handiya Daal with garma garam Tandoori Naan. The food street did not impress me a lot, as there are too many people walking around and leering at women and its very crowded place. Don’t know much about other restaurants of Lahore.
Peshawar Kho Pekhawar: The link below will say a lot, take a look:
Chapli Kebabs and Putthay Tikkay are the best in Qissa Khawani Bazaar also the Chainak Chai and dry fruits, in short I love the whole ambiance. Theo might be able to say more since he has been there recently (sans Natali) he thought that Natali would be singing this for him:
laad sha pekhor ta khamis tor mala roda
taza taza gulu na dray salor mala roda
Meray chaman kay mali na ana hath khali
Ankhaon may basnay walay meray chaman kay mali
Meray chaman kay mali mujh ko na bhool jana
meray wastay sanam khoobaan ki sar zameen say
jora zaree ka lana saja kay doli meray chaman kay mali
Whereas; she was having a good time here 🙂
#409 by Mohammed Munir on December 25, 2008 - 5:18 PM
Great stuff, just great 8)
Mmmmmmmmmmm … 😀
#410 by Sana on December 25, 2008 - 5:19 PM
There’s been controversy over the term “halaal” in the UK for sometime where some abbatoirs have confessed to playing a tape before slaughtering an animal (some say that aint right), and furthermore, some abbatoirs even saying animals arent slaughtered islamically but stunned before doing so. In which case is the meat halaal? I think statistics were flying around that 90% of the meat isnt even “halaal” in the UK.
#411 by Cookie Monster on December 25, 2008 - 5:21 PM
Lol Javed, ure a ‘chalta phir’ guide / list of desi restaurants.
I come across this crap a lot. Cant eat dorritos, can’t eat anything with whey(90% of dairy prods have whey as an ingredient), & the list goes on & on. Cakes & icecreams all have Vanilla extract(its a MUST ingredient in most baking), ive never heard ne one say no to cake or icecream. Why? well cuz it has alcohol in it!! Ask how many of these ppl pray even once in a day, see how many of them even dress up appropriately. Urghhh this stuff pisses me off. Smack** @ all the idiots! lol
#412 by Sana on December 25, 2008 - 5:23 PM
>>I was told that in French Restaurants during the early seventies if you ask for a bottle of water (instead of wine) the waiters used to stare at you as if you are from the planet Mars. Today, they ask Evian? Perrier? And some advise us that drinking water is actually very good for our health!
lol. When i was living in the Netherlands, they would make you pay for tap water in some places which really was amusing. Skanks.
>>There will be a time when they will advise us that washing your Butt with water is better than wiping it off with just a toilet paper.
I cant understand how anyone thinks using loo roll to remove the crap from one section of the butt off to another section is actually hygeinic!
There was an excerpt on radio 5 the other day about some professor in Classical Studies at Cambridge who was debunking the concrete view many westerners have held of the greeks/romans being hygienic. She was saying it was never the case. I mean, how can anyone call having a bath lying in water containing your own filth!
#413 by Sana on December 25, 2008 - 5:25 PM
PS: that pic of the brazillian lady above really makes me nauseous.
#414 by JAVED A. KHAN on December 25, 2008 - 5:42 PM
“chalta phirta guide” Nahee CM, I am basically a CHATORA and a sucker of good food. The reason I learnt cooking is at most places you don’t get the kinda food that you want besides there was a gourmet food culture at my parents house so we all were thoroughly spoiled and out of all my brothers its only me who can cook. And, out of 3 of my sisters only two can cook good. I agree with you about the fussy jeepers among them its not just Muslims but there is another breed called the vegans! They go for soya milk, soya meat, soya shite etc. etc.
#415 by JAVED A. KHAN on December 25, 2008 - 5:52 PM
Haven’t you heard about the whole of the British family washes their face from the same sink/wash basin using the same warm water by splashing it on their face and then cleaning with a towel? Similarly the whole family takes a bath in turns from the same bath tub. A few years ago I was at a camping site in Scotland and in our camper (caravan) there wasn’t any shower but the camping site had common toilets and showers and I used to go and take shower daily by using coins for hot water.
There was a Scottish guy, a fat old man and he used to come there too, but he used to bring a big piece of sponge, fill up the wash basin or sink with hot water and used to take a sponge bath. I asked him why he doesn’t take a proper hot shower? He said, its too lavish!!!! LOL. Taking a shower everyday is too lavish?
#416 by Sana on December 25, 2008 - 5:59 PM
I hope the sister who you claim cant cook good doesnt read this blog. Poor mite!
#417 by Cookie Monster on December 25, 2008 - 6:58 PM
BM, How bout i pay u a visit & try out ure talent & love for good food? lol
We’re planning a trip to ure hometown! 😛
#418 by khansahab on December 25, 2008 - 8:53 PM
Yes I agree regard must be had to ensure one is not consuming anything that is haram. I mean, whenever I buy anything off the supermarket I check to see if it has any gelatine and whether it is alcohol-free.
Of all the various products I have tried, I have only ever found a handful of products containing animal fat. Only on one occasion did I find something that had pork gelatine, and on only a few occasions have I found anything containing animal fat.
In fact major supermarkets are now very conscious of branding everything in big and bold letters to say “Vegetarian friendly” or something similar.
When I said Muslims are too concerned sometimes, it’s when I receive these strange e-mails where they say certain ice creams have pig fat (why one would put that in a dairy product, I just don’t know) or Coke contains alcohol.
Some guy went at length arguing that the “gas” used to create the “fizz” in Coke has some alcohol essence. It was like o.001% or something. My question is, if you suspect something has alcohol, but such an insignificant amount that you will neither taste it, nor get addicted to it (you need to consume a certain amount for this “addiction” or “temptation” drive to kick in), should you worry about consuming it?
In Manchester town there are a few major breweries and you can smell them for miles. There is one near our house, too. If you are smelling that stuff, you are probably “consuming” more than 0.001% or whatever the minuscule percentage is. Is it really worth the hassle?
#419 by Sana on December 25, 2008 - 9:47 PM
Halaal Marshmallows are never as good as Haraam ones.
#420 by Sana on December 25, 2008 - 11:09 PM
A thought before i hit the sack – your stats on this blog about the number of views…does that include a statistic everytime i refresh the page to see if some “bigwig” has approved my post, or if someone has responded to my ramblings? If so, it’s a tad mis-leading 😉
#421 by JAVED A. KHAN on December 26, 2008 - 4:44 AM
aNO the stats don’t change if you refresh the page. Secondly the admin hits are also not included as hits. But, you will be surprised that there are so many people who simply read and comment very rarely. About my sisters, read my comments again I wrote out of three, only two can cook good. The one who doesn’t cook that good is still a good cook, I mean better than a lot of people I know. Secondly, the reason for her not being so good is because she’s a doc and she spent a lot of time studying and graduating, post-graduating and working, practicing etc. And, yes they don’t read this blog but there was another food blog where I used to write, they have read it.
Sweetie, gate crashing? Haven’t you heard of storm warnings in Canada? You will be better off staying home 🙂
#422 by farrah, k.raja on December 26, 2008 - 11:47 AM
Sweetie at this festive,warm,sharing and charitable occassion of Christmass you do not have to inform people before comming .
That is what Pakistani community and desi people are about….
My step mum is ofetn annoyed of me visiting dad so that is what I do ,Hi ! Can I speak to dad,
Hi dad ,open the door I am outside .Was missing you.
#423 by Dimple Rosy Cheeks on December 26, 2008 - 5:01 PM
I don’t know if it is deviant behaviour, either that of Khansahab likes the scary look hehe. It is a disturbing picture, yes I may be harsh calling her a khusra but she is freeeeeeeeeeeaky.
Is that you in the pic? I thought it looked like an old Hollywood star of something?
And errr yeh my cooking isn’t bad if I say so myself!
Do you have your own bakery or do you work for someone else?That is such a cool job!
Don’t skip breakfast. That makes you hungry later on. Have small meals throughout the day, drink 8 glasses of water and incorporate brisk walks into your daily routine.
I am impressed with your pasta creation. I made roast chicken, roast veg and potatoes yesterday. It was yummmm.
I want to move to Miami 😦
#424 by theossa on December 26, 2008 - 5:38 PM
Come on DRC the picture up top is interesting to me, In fact I and Khansahab can have some adventures with her, don’t believe me ask him -:)
#425 by Sana on December 26, 2008 - 5:48 PM
I just had my body fat tested at the gym! Oh LORDY! Serious dieting to be done.
#426 by theossa on December 26, 2008 - 5:57 PM
Natalie never asked for that stuff. She asked for ‘Green Naswar for her brother Javed on LS’. Thanks again for taking good care of her -:)
I would add to your list of food havens:
In Frontier: Chapli Kababs of ‘Tukhtbai’ area and trout fish from Jahangira
In Lahore: Wind Mill as a variety cuisine and Phujjay de Pai
In Karachi: Noorani Kabab in Bahaderabad, fried fish in Keamari where you purchase live fish and they’ll fry it for you, fish to buy is Kokkar (chiecken), Dhotar, and Paplet. Student Biryani in Saddar is ok. I did not like Lal Qila and I think Village has more variety and is better tasting.
#427 by Cookie Monster on December 26, 2008 - 6:33 PM
Farrah, umm i dunno about step moms, but i don’t think i can do this to any one. I just don’t have it in me…
#428 by farrah, k.raja on December 26, 2008 - 6:36 PM
Somethings are meant as a joke ,we do not mean to implement them:)
#429 by theossa on December 26, 2008 - 6:54 PM
Oh yeah Omar, Jack is the way to go -:) You forgot a key ingredient of Kata kat, the goat testicles. Sounds like something horny women and gay would eat but good stuff anyway.
Don’t be afraid, she won’t rape you, LOL.
#430 by theossa on December 26, 2008 - 7:17 PM
Are you a Geek, Nerd, or Dork?
Geeks can be defined as folks having high intellects, embracing technology, getting excited about things in the future especially, particularly fiction, having a science viewpoint and being steeped in the geek culture of science fiction and fantasy.
A geek is someone who has the knowledge of the geeky type stuff and has social graces.
A nerd is someone who has the geeky knowledge but not the social graces.
A dork is someone who has neither.
Geeks have wives. That’s one of the things that separates them from nerds and dorks.
#431 by khansahab on December 26, 2008 - 7:45 PM
Have a break…..have a…..KATa KAT..
#432 by Awas on December 26, 2008 - 10:43 PM
What do you mean old Hollywood star?
Its real me…you ain’t seen noffin yet!
Lol @ your nudging to khansahab
By the way, kata-kut is goorday, kapooray & maghaz. Yummy! How could you forget the word for the horny stuff?
I just had paa-ye for supper. Another yummy dish!
#433 by Dimple Rosy Cheeks on December 27, 2008 - 12:32 AM
I didn’t mean old in the respect of your ages, I meant old as in a hollywood movie star of the 60’s or something.
Awww so that is really you?!
Anything other than chicken and lamb gives me the heebie jeebies
P.s. that ‘lady’ above would scare any one of us if we were to encounter her in some dark alley way.eeeeeeeek!
#434 by JAVED A. KHAN on December 27, 2008 - 3:44 AM
DRC where is my Christmas cake? Btw, I liked the way Sana greeted me Christmas. Sana Sank You for Zat.
Awas, you may do whatever you like DRC won’t make anything for you. She is a Big Time Can Juice.
#435 by JAVED A. KHAN on December 27, 2008 - 3:57 AM
“the idea of brains chopped with kidneys and livers gross but I loved that kata kat.”
Do you love the Kata kat or Karishma and Karina? Thats a nick name for Gurday and Kapooray!
#436 by Dimple Rosy Cheeks on December 27, 2008 - 3:38 PM
Whenever you are in the UK, I will make you a cake.
I am not a ‘can juice’ 😦
#437 by Wicked Witch of the West on December 27, 2008 - 5:05 PM
Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww *puke* @ kat a kat
#438 by Awas on December 27, 2008 - 5:54 PM
Hummmm! Yum Yum @ kata-kat 🙂
#439 by Wicked Witch of the West on December 27, 2008 - 9:06 PM
Awasssss! It’s a guy food. Just the thought makes me sick.
Put up a new pic of ures. hehehe
#440 by Awas on December 27, 2008 - 9:26 PM
Ha-ha…so now we know what to remind you of when you make us envy with your baking 🙂 You gals are all woozies!!!
What about sheep’s trotters?…another delicacy and nothing beats ojery…Lolll
#441 by Wicked Witch of the West on December 27, 2008 - 9:32 PM
I happen to love paee (Beef only). hehe!
I hate mutton/lamb/goat.
I know the word ojery, but i dunno what it is. My Bajo loves this stuff.
Makin u envious of my baking… no im not!
Just want u to think of alll the goodies hehehe I am a berry good baker. 😛
#442 by Awas on December 27, 2008 - 9:49 PM
That’s interesting! Usually many people dislike the sticky stuff. By the way, did you know how they make glue?
Please don’t ask your sis what ojery is…you will be even more sick 🙂
Aaah, that berry good baking and all this is making me want to eat something…its well past my din-din time.
#443 by Wicked Witch of the West on December 28, 2008 - 3:47 AM
Awas, LOL.. I dont wanna know!
#444 by khansahab on December 29, 2008 - 12:58 AM
Just saw Ghajini by Aamir Khan.
Waste of 3 hours, AVOID this movie.
Only saw it because family wanted to watch it with me……it’s a poor copy of Memento but they have obviously “Indianised” it by adding a stupid love story that doesn’t make any sense.
In fact this movie is a lot like Pakistani movies, they don’t make sense and people just want to spend money on something without thinking how it will appear to the sensible viewer.
#445 by JAVED A. KHAN on December 29, 2008 - 3:04 AM
What is the meaning of Ghajini? Is it the Hindi spelling of Ghazni? And, you discovered today that Indian movies are a copy of some foreign movie? There is always a bit of this and a bit of that and then they cook a “Khichiri.” Is it the same movie in which Jia Khan has made her debut?
#446 by Wasim on December 29, 2008 - 6:58 AM
What a coincidence I saw Memento last night, it was a good movie.
#447 by farrah, k.raja on December 29, 2008 - 8:17 AM
All I gotta say is that people tend to write with fake proxies and make fake profiles (which I believe Farrah’s is). I recommend you to be careful of any files you open, because this happened to me that someone gave me a keylogger through a file.
When was it that I provided a link to a corrupted web???
That is a proper website,the picture is fake but it is on word press programme.
I do not have to prove my identity or myself to anyone. I do not care how others percieve me.
#448 by Mohammed Munir on December 29, 2008 - 9:13 AM
My god … whenever I am away from LS for even a short while, it’s a very big catch-up work I have to do by reading ‘millions’ of comments and trying to update myself of the latest subject.
Anyway, let me start with my most sincere Best Wishes for a Blessed New Islamic Year 1430 A.H.
For all other issues, I will write later 😉
#449 by Dimple Rosy Cheeks on December 29, 2008 - 2:06 PM
You should have watched Rab ne banadi jodi instead hehe
Likewise, I would also like to wis everyone the best for the upcoming new Islamic year. May you all be content and happy with what life has to offer.
seriously?! ojeri/magaaz/pa’aee….how can you eat such stuff?!
Makes me shudder
#450 by JAVED A. KHAN on December 29, 2008 - 2:11 PM
Ojeree, kapooray NO
But, paya and maghaz OK.
Do you eat fish brain DRC? 🙂
#451 by khansahab on December 29, 2008 - 2:16 PM
Javed A Khan
Ghajini is the name of the villain in the movie- they just wanted to appear different to conventional movies so they came up with this idea of naming a movie after the villain. This is quite strange because the villain barely appears in 5 scenes in the movie.
Every Indian movie I watch is a copy of an English movie. There is this guy who writes for Hindustantimes- Khalid Mohammad, and he is a very shrewd writer. He rips every Indian movie to shreds because he has seen almost every English movie ever made and he can identify which Indian movies have been copied from Hollywood movies.
Memento should be watched by every person who can understand English. It is a classic, a completely true and original idea, imitated by many, mastered by none. It was made by Christoper Nolan who is a genius director, the same guy who made the groundbreaking “The Dark Knight”, which came out this year.
This was a very poor attempt by Aamir Khan. It’s strange because he has acted very well in Ghajini (I never liked his acting before) but I am just shocked at how everyone is hailing this movie as one of finest to come out of Bollywood.
I’ve seen Rang De Banasti 3 times, it is a wonderful movie. It’s an original idea, the story is magnificent and the acting is also top class. It discusses patriotism, Hindu-Muslim relations, and corruption of politicians but it’s a very sincere attempt and very genuine. Bollywood is overhyped and overrated, but more movies like Rang De Basanti can rescue Bollywood in my opinion.
#452 by JAVED A. KHAN on December 29, 2008 - 2:21 PM
I understand its the name of the villain but, I was asking whether it is same as Ghazni?
Like Mahmood Ghazni or some call him Mahmood Ghaznavi. And he is considered as a villain who attacked Gujrat and the famous Somnath ka Mandir several times. So, this villain is also named after him but in a Hindi accent, Ghajini?
And the reason I was inquiring this is because, in almost all the kids cartoons the bad character or the baddy without naming him, is hinted as a man of Middle Eastern Origin. Just look at the noses of the villains in cartoons, the colour of their skin and features, they are never blond or white male Caucasians but browns or blacks and predominantly the nose and ears similar to that of the Middle Easters. Also, sometimes their English accent as well is similar to the way the Arabs or the Middle Eastern people speak.
#453 by JAVED A. KHAN on December 29, 2008 - 2:31 PM
Telugu or Tamil may have names like Rajini or Raagni, Malini, Padmini, these are names of Hindu Goddess but, Ghajini? Never heard. Besides, in Hindi Ghazal is pronounced as Gajal. And, I have heard from some Gujrati Memons …….. they cannot pronounce Ghazni they always said, Mahmood Ghajini.
#454 by khansahab on December 29, 2008 - 2:35 PM
I also never heard of “Ghajini” before, but I think there will be many Indian names that I don’t know of.
There is a city in India which is called “Trivandopurapatnam” or something like that, my God I can’t even spell it!
#455 by farrah, k.raja on December 29, 2008 - 3:29 PM
Mahmood Ghaznavi!not Ghazni
#456 by JAVED A. KHAN on December 29, 2008 - 8:06 PM
Trivandrum is the capital of Kerala State and now it is called “Thiruvananthapuram” It is a very old city and there is a story that 1000 BC King Solomon or Hz. Sulaiman landed there with his ships. I don’t know why you are referring to that? Just to say its a difficult name? Well, in Pakistan there is “Cheen Choon Ki Maliyaan”
Mahmud of Ghazni a native of the the City of Ghazni, his full name is, Yamin al-Dawlah Abd al-Qaṣim Maḥmud Ibn Sebuktegin or son of Abu Mansur Sebuktigin is known as Mahmud of Ghazni in all the international history books written in English and other languages, barring Urdu. Ghazni is a Persian word and the City was earlier in Persia (Iran) now Ghazni is in Afghanistan. It is in Urdu that people call the inhabitants of the City of Ghazni as Ghaznawi. Like, Lucknow’s – as Lucknawi. Dehli as Dehelwi or Gujrat as Gujrati, Punjab as Punjabi there is no province called Punjabi but there is a province of Punjab. Hence Sher-e-Punjab but, not Sher-e-Punjabi.
Ask an Indian Gujrati to pronounce Ghazni he would say Ghajini. Like, a Bengali would say Punzabi or Jafar for Zafar and, Zunaid for Junaid, but that doesn’t change the real name.
#457 by Dimple Rosy Cheeks on December 29, 2008 - 11:20 PM
Yeh I have noticed a lot of Indian’s substitute ‘z’ with ‘ji’ e.g people saying sabji instead of sabzi.
P.s Nope I do not eat fish brain. Ewwwwwwwwwww!
#458 by Awas on December 30, 2008 - 12:04 AM
Sabji…You talkin about food again!!!
Its like Maja Aa gia…not Maza 🙂
#459 by Dimple Rosy Cheeks on December 30, 2008 - 12:07 AM
I don’t do it intentionally hehe
#460 by khansahab on December 30, 2008 - 12:24 PM
You mentioned Sher-e-Punjab in comment no 484….is that a reference to Nawaz Sharif? (just asking because NS is known as Sher e Punjab)?
#461 by JAVED A. KHAN on December 30, 2008 - 12:48 PM
It was a by the way comment and I am not aware if Nawaz Sharif has got the Sher e Punjab title. In the past such titles were awarded to soldiers on acts of bravery and, even to wrestlers who were champions of their regions. Why NS got this title? Was Abbajee a soldier? I don’t think so, I guess it could be owing to NS connections with Gama Pahelwan family? His wife Kulsoom Nawaz is reportedly the granddaughter of Gama Pahelwan. If that is the consideration then, she should have got that title and not him. IF Nawaz claims he is a real Sher da puttar, then we don’t know if in Abbajee’s absence the Sher sneaked into his house or Umme Sharif went to the jungle? But, some say ” Yae haadsa tou Chirya Ghar (zoo) may hoa tha!” 🙂
#462 by Sweetie on December 30, 2008 - 4:14 PM
Lol Javed. Sher da puttar? A sher da puttar can also be a wuss ass (atleast in this case its a comfirmed thing). & ye haadsa ho sakta hai zoo mein nahi but in a looney bin for the looney animals mein hoa ho, ya phir jungle mein lol….
#463 by khansahab on December 30, 2008 - 6:18 PM
Ghani Khan (1914-1996) is widely considered as one of the best Pashto language poets of the 20th century, along with Ameer Hamza Shinwari. He stands on a par with Khushal Khan Khattak and Rahman Baba. He was also a respected writer and artist. He was son of Khan Abdul Ghaffar Khan and older brother of Khan Abdul Wali Khan.
Ghani Khan’s love for nature and the local habitat of the Pashtun people is visible in his work. He wrote
* “Pashtun is not merely a race but, in fact, a state of mind; there is a Pashtun lying inside every man, who at times wakes up and overpowers him.”
* “The Pashtuns are a rain-sown wheat: they all came up on the same day; they are all the same. But the chief reason why I love a Pashtuns is that he will wash his face and oil his beard and perfume his locks and put on his best pair of clothes when he goes out to fight and die.”
* As a progressive and intellectual writer, he wrote, “I want to see my people educated and enlightened. A people with a vision and a strong sense of justice, who can carve out a future for themselves in harmony with nature.”
#464 by theossa on December 30, 2008 - 6:54 PM
Khansahab, you wrote a great piece on Ghani Khan! When most of our politicians joined the dictator Zia-ul-Haq, Ghani Khan and Wali Khan spent a lot of time in jail for opposing him. That’s when Ghani Khan produced one of his best poetry. Thank you for reintroducing that great philosopher, intellectual, theologian, and poet to us.
Look at some of his translated work:
It is the measure of man’s eye –
The black and the white;
My god has made this
Colorful wine from water;
For some a sea of wine
Is a droplet of zamzam;
For some a sea of zamzam
Is a glum evening of sorrow;
To some a small white candle
Stands bright as the moon;
Some hear the message of Gabriel
From the red lips of the beloved.
One found it on the cross;
The other on a red silken pillow;
Some discover, like Moses,
In a lifeless idol the face of the beloved –
One turns it into dread and tears,
The other into beauty and spirit.
Lord! Lord! My lord!
I’m maddened by reflections –
How can I curse and tyrannize
The spring and crimson flowers.
How upon your grace and light
Can I cast the veil of ugliness!
Turn the white morning of laughter
To a dark eve and tomb?
Turn man’s despair to
The red joy of afterlife?
From the fakir’s intrepidity
Create a king’s drunkenness?
From the fire and might of hell
Delineate your grace?
How can I believe you made
This world and the skies for this –
When Khayyam is driven by force
To the pilgrimage of ka’aba?
This heart so full of spirits was
Made just to harbor doubts?
Were beauty and love spun out
As a tale of retribution?
How can I sink in a dark well
The secret of enamored eyes?
How can I submerge a beautiful world
In a single drop of night;
How can I turn the glow
Of candlelight to ashes!
Lord! Lord! My lord!
I’m maddened by reflections
How can I curse and tyrannize
The spring and crimson flowers!
From Khanpur Jail
#465 by khansahab on December 30, 2008 - 7:01 PM
I feel really pleased for your wisdom and intellect, by the grace of the Almighty.
But I still can’t get over the fact that if someone would see your photo, they would think you should be in movies, rather than writing about politics, poetry and intellectual stuff.
We get to see all sorts! 🙂
#466 by theossa on December 30, 2008 - 7:27 PM
LOL Khansahab, I’m no movie material. I’m just another face in the crowd and just an average looking guy. This is probably a better looking picture of mine. When it comes to wisdom and intellect most of you on LS can beat me quite comfortably. Hey, I gotta go and catch some trout on a fly fishing project and that’s what I’m good at, catching fish -:) Have a nice day.
#467 by Andheeke on December 30, 2008 - 11:34 PM
……wat to write?…..erm hello?…so how r we all? Be nice im new and in alien territory.!.. Mind blank afta scrollin thro da hundreds of posts! Man u love da phrase its gud to talk! Wel suppose wat else is there to do here duh me.!.p.s i love krispy kremes too!..they sell em in my local tescos…hmm they always say eat me..doughnuts talkin i mus b mad lock me up …not…x
#468 by Sweetie on December 30, 2008 - 11:38 PM
Theo, do u catch ure trout from one of those trout farms? hehehe
#469 by Awas on December 31, 2008 - 12:09 AM
Naaah, the cowboy just shoots then dead in no man’s land… 🙂
Wow! We have an enterance. Welcome!
I didn’t catch the name though!!!
Yeah, its good to talk…but no one can beat women species 🙂
Tell us a little about you…
#470 by JAVED A. KHAN on December 31, 2008 - 12:24 AM
LOL Sweetie you are challenging theo by asking that question. Well, there are trout farms and one of the fish’s name is Natalie Portman and he keeps angling at her and each time he throws the bait she refuses to get hooked up. Farm ki Machlion ka kuch aisa hee hisaab hai.
#471 by JAVED A. KHAN on December 31, 2008 - 12:27 AM
Andhee ke, welcome to the blog, your friend DRC is here and she will be pleased to see you. Btw, where is Fasana? I mean Afsana.
I dunno why gals always talk about Krispy Kreme doughnuts? I think it has something to do with their hormones and testosterone levels!
#472 by JAVED A. KHAN on December 31, 2008 - 12:29 AM
Sweetie: Theo says: “I gotta go and catch some trout on a fly fishing project …” whenever he is going to that farm he talks about his Fly and this is a Fishful Sinking on his part to catch a trout called Natalie.
#473 by Sweetie on December 31, 2008 - 2:05 AM
Lol Javed. Im not challenging Theo. I was just curious thats all lolll
Natalie… b 4 he throws a line for her, a hand is gonna grab his neck & choke him!! lol
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